How Indifference Can Help Even The Most Difficult Woman To Be Nice & Submit To You

How to use indifference with difficult or cranky women to make them nice & submissive.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who asks about his friends with benefits relationship with his ex wife and baby momma. He says she fits the definition of a narcissist and is extremely difficult at times and uses his love for his children to manipulate him. He asks how he can minimize her difficult behavior. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How Indifference Can Help Even The Most Difficult Woman To Be Nice & Submit To You”.

So this particular email is from a guy who asks about his friends with benefits, with his ex wife and baby mama. He says that she fits the definition of a narcissist and is extremely difficult at times, and she uses his love for his children to manipulate him. And he’s wondering because again, they have like a friends with benefits kind of relationship, what can he do to minimize her difficult behavior. And so part of, because I’ve been through his email, what’s making things difficult is, number one, it’s like most guys are not going to want to sleep with their ex-wife and baby mama.

But guys like this that do, for whatever reason, you can kind of tell that he’s still a little hooked on her, and he cares a little too much. And so something you got to remember in a situation like this, whoever cares the least has all the power. And so, ideally, you may have heard me talking about indifference and the power of indifference and how it makes a man incredibly attractive to women. Because a man who is focused on his mission, his purpose in life, he does what he wants, when he wants, and with who he wants.

And he’s indifferent to whether or not the woman cares or protests or has an attitude about it. He’s going about his life in his way, the way he wants to. If the woman would like to join him and come on his Fun Bus, he’s happy to have her. If she’s got an attitude or she’s difficult, he’s just going to continue on without her and not lose a moment of sleep over it. But once you start caring and you’re bothered by it, you get perturbed, then she can use that as a manipulation.

Like in this case, she can basically withhold sex and intimacy in order to get him to cave and be compliant with what it is that she wants him to do. And so really, what he needs to have is a take it or leave it kind of attitude, where he’s cool with hooking up with her, but if she’s got an attitude or she’s kind of cranky and grouchy, she’s being mean to him. He’s just not going to stick around. He’ll happily go without it and just get it from somebody else.

Because again, whoever cares the least has all of the leverage, and who cares the most is in the weakest part of leverage. And so what this guy needs to do is get to the point where he can’t be manipulated if she withholds sex or cancels a date, or says she doesn’t want him coming over tonight, or she’s got a headache or whatever. Hey. No problem. Hit me up when you feel better. Whatever. And he’s not bothered by it. He’s going to go out and spend his time with somebody else. And so part of his problem, like I was saying a minute ago, is he cares too much.

He cares to the point where she realizes that he cares and she uses that against him and all his questions are like, “how do I minimize this?” In other words, “how do I minimize her power over me?” Well, number one, you got to stop giving it away. It’s very powerful when a woman’s sex appeal in her body no longer has its effect on you. In other words, you’re happy to have it. But if you don’t get it, you’re okay with not getting it, because you’ll just get it somewhere else.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I’m a fan of your work, and listen to you regularly. I have a question about my previous relationship with my ex-wife. I dated my ex for a year before getting married, I saw a couple of red flags I didn’t like, she was stingy with money, and broke up with me at some point when I lost my job. I thought I can live with that considering no one is perfect. Later on she came, apologized, and she gave her word to stick for us no matter what. Years passed and we got married, she cheated once.

Whatever you tolerate, you invite more of. So if she’s cheated on you one time and you took her back and married her anyways, well, that’s on you, dude. And so what you do is when you behave that way, you teach her that there’s no consequences for her actions. But, I mean, obviously at that point, it’s water under the bridge. But if you’re another guy watching this and not the emailer, once a cheater, always a cheater.

So this woman is just clearly a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, that’s it. Not somebody you have an exclusive relationship with. Certainly not somebody you marry. But if you like the sex and you want to keep hooking up with her. You can’t give your power away and let her manipulate you with her body and her sex appeal.

She cheated once, we had a rift, and she got pregnant again during that time from me.

So I don’t know if that means that she has kids with somebody else? Or you had multiple kids with her, I’m not really sure about that. Does that mean that when she cheated, she got pregnant with that guy? Not really sure. He doesn’t clarify.

I didn’t know what to do as we had one child at the time, and I had too much pride to share with anyone. So I had zero advice on best course of action. She fits the narcissist definition to the T, and I just don’t know how to deal with her since we’re divorced. She’s always on my case, and sometimes she comes over for sex.

Well, you can’t let her get under your skin. You can’t let her get perturbed. It’s always better to have a better, more playful comeback, especially when she’s insulting you. And as I talk about in 3% Man, if she treats you good and she’s nice to you, and easygoing, easy to get along with, she gets a gift of your time. If she’s giving you a hard time and being an ass to you, then you’re just going to go do something else. If she’s wanting to come over for sex but she’s copping an attitude about something, say, “you know what? I don’t like your attitude until you apologize. I’m not down to hook up. You’ve got to be nice to me.”

And if she won’t do it, then she gets the gift of missing you. And then you got to have the a strong enough. What’s the word? Testicular fortitude, if you will, to borrow something from Richard Marcinko, the founder of Seal Team Six. “You’ve got to have enough testicular fortitude where you can just walk away and not spend time with her when she’s being an ass.” So in other words, she’ll learn if she’s nice to you, she gets the gift of your time and she gets your meat missile. But if she doesn’t appreciate you, and she’s mean to you, and she’s nasty and she’s condescends, and she doesn’t treat you good, well, then you’re just going to go do something with somebody else.

And you’ll call her back. You’ll text her back, maybe a few hours later or the next morning when it’s convenient for you. So she treats you good, you’re responsive, you’re happy to hang out and have fun and hook up. But as soon as she cops an attitude, you got to be willing to go without it and stick to your guns until she apologizes and admits she was out of line. Because what happens is when you allow her to intimidate you, get you to explain yourself, or rationalize your actions, makes you apologize for something that she did and screwed up, you’re giving your power away. You’re enabling her behavior.

We’ve been divorced now for four years now and we have two kids between us. We live in the same town as I am very close to my kids. She uses my relationship with them to her advantage, and you know the system is in her favor if I’m being honest.

It’s like we all know, dude, that’s the way it is. If you’re gonna involve the state in your marriage, you’ve got to understand that from a leverage perspective, you’re just always going to be in the weakest position, typically. Especially if you make a lot more money than she does and you live in a blue state.

Is there any way I can minimize her narcissist side in my life?

Thank you for your feedback in advance and thank you for everything you do.

Kind regards,

Bob

Well, you’ve got to call her out immediately when she’s being rude or trying to gaslight you or lie to you, whatever it is that she happens to do. We know she’s a liar and a cheater, so clearly she doesn’t have any integrity. And so if she doesn’t deal with you fairly and honestly and treat you nicely, then she’s going to get the gift of missing you. You can’t allow your desire for sex, and the fact that you’re kind of thirsty to cause you to be a dancing seal, a dancing monkey and perform for her and jump through your butt in order to please her so you can get back in her pants.

You have to just be willing to not hang out with her and go do other things when she’s mean to you, and you’ve got to tell her you got to call her out. “You can’t talk to me this way. You’re being abusive. It’s not very loving. It’s not very nice.” And another thing you should do is have all of your arrangements with your children handled ahead of time. So you have no reason to call her or text her, or have to reach out to her first for any reason. And the other thing is, I would have some other choices and some other options with the ladies, and I wouldn’t tell her anything about it because it’s quite frankly, none of her business.

And at the end of the day, she cheated on you anyway. But you know, you stayed with her and forgave it. And the fact that you’re still hooking up, she obviously must like having sex with you. But I would definitely be wearing a raincoat so you don’t slip one past the goalie again, and then you get stuck paying additional child support for another kid with somebody who, as you say, is a narcissist. And so the difference that makes a difference with women is indifference. If you see her, great. If you don’t, it doesn’t bother you. You’re not missing out. You’re totally indifferent to it. If she’s nice to you, you’re happy to spend time with her.

If she’s an ass, then you’re just going to limit your contact with her and your interactions, and you’re going to let her know that what she did or what she said was out of line. And she needs to apologize to you, which is hard for a narcissist because they don’t like to apologize. So that’s, you know, it’s like risk and reward. You treat me good, you get my time, if you don’t you get the gift of missing me. Pretty simple. And you should just live by that. And if she’s being mean to you, always have a better, more playful comeback. That just shows that whatever she said, whatever she did doesn’t really bother you.

You’re not married to her anymore. You don’t really owe her anything. And if she’s just going to come over More occasionally and get her pelvis beat up by you, again, she can come over when she’s nice. If she’s being a bitch, well, then she can come over and you guys can fuck each other like you hate each other. But for the most part, don’t let it get under your skin. And don’t let her manipulate you. Don’t let her see you being really thirsty and desperate to get in her pants. Because if she knows you’re desperate to get into her pants, she can use that against you to manipulate you. It’s just have a take it or leave it kind of attitude.

If she’s got a good attitude, you’re happy to hang out, have fun and hook up. And if her attitude sucks, well, you’re just going to go spend time with somebody else. Plain and simple. She’s rude to you on the phone and she won’t apologize. And you’re going to leave the conversation as quickly and as cordially as possible, and let her know that the reason why you’re leaving the conversation is she’s just being rude and mean, and you don’t want to put up with it. Life’s too short. You train how other people treat you. If every time she’s abusive and mean and nasty to you, she gets the gift of missing you and you take longer to reply to her messages.

You’re not in a rush to do things that she wants. She’s going to learn. If she treats you nice, you’re going to be nice back. And if she doesn’t, she’s going to get the gift of missing you. That’s what I would do if I were you, my man. Because a big part of the problem that guys struggle with attraction is just they care too much. And it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. They like you way more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them. When they feel and know that you could take it or leave it.

And if they decide to cut you off, no more access to the box. Your attitude is just like, “eh I’ll get somebody else. I’ll call one of my other girlfriends. Not a big deal. I’m going to go hang out with somebody that’s excited to see me, and who’s nice to me, and who’s sweet to me, because I want a good attitude. I want a stress free life. My life is a drama free zone. And if you’re creating drama, I’m not going to have anything to do with you until you’re apologetic and you knock the shit off.” Plain and simple.

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