How Most Guys Friend Zone Themselves Without Realizing It

How most guys friend-zone themselves without realizing it & how to avoid their mistakes.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl in church he liked. He talked to her several times before working up the nerve to ask for her phone number. After he got it he kept talking and talking eventually talked her right out of liking him and she said friends only.

He asks if it’s recoverable. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this is a pretty good email because you’ll see this guy doing a bunch of mistakes that a lot of guys make, that when they come across a girl that seems to have some interest, they keep running their mouth and they start doing and saying things that basically talk the woman out of liking them.

So this guy meets a girl in church. They talk several times before he worked up the nerve to ask for her phone number. You may have heard me say, I even did a video a Members Only newsletter the other day, If You Hesitate, You Will Masturbate. It’s true. If you’re constantly going up to and talking to a woman on a weekly basis at church or at work, and she can tell you like her, but you never ask her out, then it takes three or four of those approaches before you finally work up the nerve, she might have been down to go out the first time you approached her, but the third or fourth time, then it takes you until then to finally ask her out, if her interest isn’t super high, she might just reject you. So it’s important to pull the trigger because women love confidence more than anything.

The number one characteristic that they love in men is guys that have confidence. So when you approach a woman and then you wilt like a lily, each time she starts to realize that you just don’t have the confidence, she can tell you like her because you’re coming up and talking to her, but then you walk away deflated each time because you’re too scared to ask her out or ask for her number. So he eventually kept talking and talking to her. Then once he finally did get the number, he kept talking and started drooling all over her. Then she said, “friends only,” and he was like, “no.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

I met a lady at my local church when she approached a group of us talking and we seemed to have immediate chemistry.

Well, that’s when you should have said, “You had a great personality. We should get together for drinks sometime,” or, “Hey, we should get together for dinner sometime. Let me get your number.” I mean, if she’s approaching you and your group, typically that’s what women do when they like you, is they just put themselves into your orbit.

A few weeks later, I approached her and said I really liked talking with her and want to get to know her more, and once again we held eye contact almost the entire conversation and she helped finish some of my sentences and was very easy to talk with.

So now you’re walking up to her and you’re telling her, “Hey, I really like talking with you, and I want to get to know you,” and then you walk away and you don’t ask for the number, that’s making it obvious you didn’t have the guts to really go for it.

Today I approached her again and mentioned I was off overseas and when returning I want to have lunch with her, she just looked acceptingly at me and I said, “Give me your number and I’ll call you when I get back.” She gave me her number.

So when you say, “I want to have lunch with you,” that’s a guy that instead of saying, “Hey, we should get together for dinner,” or “We should get together for drinks sometime,” now you’re suggesting something that could be a platonic thing, like going to lunch.

So if you’re interested in sex and romance, you’re gonna invite her to do something in the evening, but again, he was too scared to do that. So he says, “Hey, let’s go to lunch. I’m really just kind of a friend here…”

As we talked, I mentioned moving into a new apartment and she said she loves architecture and wants to come and have a look when I move in. We also discovered we both really enjoy bush walking with photography and café afterward.

Well, I don’t know what bushwalking is with photography, but OK. Maybe he’s from the Land Down Under or something.

As she was leaving, I said I felt a bit distracted as I was looking at her instead of listening to the sermon because I found her very pretty. She blushed and thanked me.

So that’s kind of being dopey. I don’t know if he’d actually read my book at that point, but the fact that he’s doing that is like he’s just already kind of becoming dopey and cooing like a dove or something.

Then when leaving (And I wish I could just suck the words back into my mouth), I say, “You are beautiful.”

So he tells her again. He just told her that she was pretty and now he’s like, “Oh, you’re so beautiful, Your Highness. I hope I can drool all over you someday.”

She replied oh that she was only interested in being friends. So I said, “That is fine. I’ll take it as it comes.”

So you just confirmed her, “Oh yes, I’m a beta male, and I’m OK with being your gay male girlfriend, and you know what? I’m happy to volunteer to be your Harry Honda and I can do favors for you. Maybe, hopefully someday you’ll like me and we could go out on a date.” Dude…

I suspect my action started to look like I was moving too fast…

No, you looked like a dopey guy that had never been out of date or never kissed a girl before, and you looked like you had no game and no confidence. It’s like you got the phone number and right away you’re starting to go, “I love you. I like you so much. You’re so pretty. Girls like you never like me. I can’t believe I got your number,” and she’s like, “Friends only.” Bad way to go, dude.

So again, if a woman is saying she’s only interested in being friends, then say, “Well, that’s not what I’m looking for. I’m interested in romance,” and she says, “Well, that’s all I can offer you,” I would be like, “Well, I’ll text you my number, and if you ever change your mind, hit me up. I got enough friends. I’m not looking for anything platonic.”

“I suspect my actions started to look like I was moving too fast.” No, you just looked like a beta male that had no game.

…And I hope that this is her way of saying she wants to take it slow and not that I am not 100% in the friend-zone for life?

Well, she friend-zoned you because you kept acting like a beta male. I don’t think you actually read the book. Doesn’t sound like it. Did he even mention that he read the book? No. So I assume he’s new. So your approach just sucks. You should have pulled the trigger that first time she came over to you. That’s when you should say, “Hey, you seem pretty cool. We should get together for a drink sometime,” or “Hey, you’re pretty cool. We should get together for dinner sometime. Let me get your phone number,” or you could say, “We should get together for dinner sometime. What’s your schedule like this week?” And make a date on the spot right there. I mean, if you know her from church, you’ll see her again if you go every week. Shouldn’t be that big a deal.

This is what typically guys will do. You get the number and you couldn’t handle it and you’re just was like, “Oh, I gotta tell her how much I like her,” because probably that’s what women have told you to tell women. Tell them how much you like them and keep telling them. Women don’t give a shit about how much you like them. They only care about how they feel about you. The more you act the way you act, the more you act like a beta male, the higher the likelihood is that you’re going to turn her off and she’s going to lose interest in you. That’s exactly what happened.

So she came over to you initially. Probably we would have to assume, because she was either interested in you or maybe some other dude in the group, but it looks like you were talking to her for a bit, but you didn’t pull the trigger. Then weeks later, you go up and you talk to her again, you tell her how much you really like talking to her, and then you don’t ask for the number. Then the third time you ask for the number and you just start acting dopey, over-complimenting her and you just communicated you’re like a beta male that didn’t know what you were doing, he didn’t have any game.

Women like confidence, and she could tell you didn’t have any. You presented yourself like most guys do that have no experience with women. Women want a guy that knows what to do. They don’t want to teach you how to be a man. When they offer you friendship, you don’t go, “Oh yeah, I’ll take it as it comes.”

What is your advice? Do you think that I can across as too invested and blew my chances…

Yeah. Pretty much.

…Or this is recoverable?

Bob

Well at this point, you agreed to being friends, so I wouldn’t approach her at all. I would go talk to other women at church, and if she comes over and says, “Hey you! You obviously been thinking about me.” It’s like, “Well, I’m not really interested in friends. I know I said I’d be down for that or I’ll take it as it comes last time, but I’m really interested in romance. Why don’t we get together for dinner sometime and just see what happens?” If she goes, “Well, let’s be friends first,” you’d be like, “Nah, I don’t want to do friends first. I got enough friends. I’m interested in you romantically. Let’s go to dinner, you and I.” She says, “Well, I really want to be friends.” It’s like, “Well, you got my number. So if you change your mind, hit me up,” but it looks like you may have screwed the pooch on this one, and the chances of it being recoverable are doubtful.

I mean, you told her you’re OK with being friends. So read the book, dude. It’s free to read in the Members Area of my website. Just subscribe to the email newsletter and it will open up right in your web browser. You got to clean up your game. It’s great that you had the guts to ask her out, but it took three conversations before you got around to doing that, and you’re just saying and doing things that just, quite frankly, make you look like a bitch to a woman. You’re supposed to be the confident, strong one. Instead you act like a little girl that has a crush on somebody for the first time in life. You just can’t do that. Women want a guy that knows what they’re doing, and you acted like you had no clue what you were doing.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.