How Much Contact Is Too Much?

Aug 11, 2015 by Coach Corey Wayne

social media touchHow much you should contact someone you want to date, to communicate your romantic interest so they know your intentions, and how to know how much contact is too much, so you don’t scare them off.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is moving back to LA after living elsewhere for the past four years. She says she is a very successful multi-millionaire, alpha female. She initially met this guy in LA four years ago, and he was interested in her, but she shot him down because he was her good friend’s boss and she is very loyal to her friends. Now that she is moving back, she has sent an email to both of his email addresses.

She asks my opinion on how much contact is too much so she doesn’t overdo it. She is also considering sending him a Facebook message since they are Facebook friends as well. It’s a good email to discuss since both men and women are sometimes guilty of overdoing things and coming off as being creepy and stalkerish. She says she has a bodyguard because she has four stalkers herself. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.

Hi Corey,

I am a self-made multi-millionaire, alpha female. I have a hot body, as I’m a former model. I left Hollywood four years ago. Now in 2015, I’m building my dream home in the Hollywood Hills this October. I met an alpha male back 2011, while in college, through my classmate. She was his intern. I was at the same trade show, and she texted me to go see her booth at the show. I went, and she then introduced me to her boss. The attraction was obvious. Attractive Real Estate Agent Woman He asked me out for drinks that same day, and also we ran into each other in Hollywood nearly five times after that. (He acted like an alpha male. He saw what he liked, and he went for it without hesitation. There was definitely something there that was mutual, but you were holding back because of your girlfriend.) Then, he added me on Facebook. I didn’t say yes to him back then, because that would put me in a drama ordeal with my friend, as I am loyal. Now four years later, I am wealthy and self-employed, moving back, and I feel I can actually see him as lover/boyfriend material for the first time since my college years. (This is why, as a guy, you should never burn a bridge.) If I were moving to London, I’d never email him, but since I miss LA badly, I thought, what do I have to lose? (What’s the worst he could say? He was into you before.) I’m wealthy, career driven, a lover of life, and HE would be missing out if he passed ME up. I am the type of woman you bring home to mom.

I just thought about contacting him two days ago. I sent him two emails this morning, saying I am moving back in October. I have been following him on Facebook, and he has no wedding ring on his finger, so I sent him an email saying I want him, no friend-zone. I was specific! Since I don’t know him at all, I went to his website and found two email accounts. He has an art website, and another business website. I sent my email to both the email accounts. (That’s a smart way to do it, but sending multiple emails to the same account would look needy and desperate.) 6a86c834-b15c-4d1c-b2f2-8c2eacd57cf2 Being an alpha female, I always plan everything out. We met in such an odd way. I wish I had met him in my private life. I swear I’d be knocked up with his baby by now, LOL. Any time I see a man in my private life, I know what to do. He just simply confused me because of the “boss of my closest school friend” thing. I don’t have his cell phone number, or I would have texted him to come over to my house this October. I feel hopeless with two lousy email addresses. I am not clingy, I haven’t had sex since June 2012, I am a relationship type, and I am completely healthy being single. I almost married an amazing alpha male in 2009, and we had a healthy four-year relationship. I get dick thrown at me like rain is common to Seattle, 24/7, 365 days a week. I have a bodyguard now, because I have had 4 stalkers.

Corey, I love my life and I never settle for men. I am going to wait a full week for him to reply to my email. If I don’t hear from him by next Monday, what should I do? Since I am not clingy or insecure, I don’t want to give him that impression of me. Should I write him on Facebook next Monday? (Yes. Send him one more message on Facebook in case his emails don’t reach him.) I think two emails are enough contact. Young woman using laptop in loft apartment What do you think? I think he may have a girlfriend. I definitely know there is no marriage. Yes, I am prepared for rejection; I don’t want to look annoying with tons of emails. My biggest fear is scaring him off. That’s why I got this brilliant idea to email you, so I don’t do anything stupid, LOL. (All you owe the world is to communicate your interest, extend the invitation and let the chips fall where they may. Otherwise, you run the risk of developing an unhealthy attachment.)

Corey you are such a sexy alpha male! If I were in Florida, you and I would have a blast!

Take care love,

Jessica

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“It’s much more fun and effortless to date only people who have a high level of enthusiasm to spend time with you. Sometimes it is possible to raise a potential lover’s low interest to become high interest with time and effort, but if you really feel like you are a catch, know you are a catch and act like a catch, would you really want to spend your time with someone you have to convince of your own amazingness? I think not. The best relationships with the strongest bonds and connection happen when both people really place a high value on spending time together and like each other from the moment they meet. Trying to be liked or to get the attention of other people who do not freely give it is demeaning and disrespectful to you. It’s only once you recognize your own value, that other people will see it also.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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Published on August 11, 2015

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Hi Corey

    I have learned so much just watching your responses to emails in videos. I have always considered myself to be the alpha male but I lost some confidence over the years with women. I do not take shit from anyone but am not the best at interacting woman. My goal is to make women feel awesome all the time when they interact with me. Both at work and at play. Even the ones I have no intention of any sexual interactions with. The ones I do have interest in, I want to know how to create attraction, maintain attraction with them, so that we have great fun experiences. I could get hit by a bus tomorrow so why wait. I have lost 40 lbs in two months. I have been working out again, and getting back into shape. I feel good, and my confidence is growing daily with each interaction, with both men and women. I get more compliments about how happy I look and everyone notices the physical change. I am fixing both the inside and the outside at the same time. I am getting my edge back. I have signed up for online dating. I need to work on the dating profile. I am attracting what I do not want. That is another work in progress. I want to have options and not get fixated on the woman below.

    I have been toying with the idea of asking out a friend at work. Initially I only thought of her as a friend. We had worked together and I have a rule about dating at work (that kind of went to the shitter) I am 49 and she is 26. So dating her was not really a thought. Also the fact that she was on and off again with a guy for 2.5 years. Not something I need to get involved with. The boyfriend has been gone now for about 5 weeks. This girls is too good to pass up on not attempting to date and have some fun with. We have gone out for beers together as friends with coworkers. She would only go out with everyone from work if I was there. I know she feels safe with me. Everyone keep telling me to ask her out that she is always asking about me. At first I thought they were full of it and just trying to cause some drama around work. Now that I do not see here everyday, when I do see her she is so excited to see me. The signs are there. I was just not really looking for them. After reading your book ( only on the 3rd read) I was noticing the subtle hints she has been giving me. Texting me on the weekend wishing me a great weekend while at her friends cottage. I was busy the whole weekend so I said “thank you, and wished her an amazing weekend”. I do not initiate any contact with her. When I see here at work I always speak, but she is the one that will initiate contact either by text or google chat with me. I keep the replies short. So now after starting to begin understanding your body of work and beginning to understand what I am seeing during the interaction with her, I made the conscious decision to take her up on her advances since we no longer work directly with each other.
    Today I saw here at work because I needed to speak to someone in her area and saw her alone. So I walked up beside her and did not say a word. She turned and tilted he head and was so excited to see me. She said “I knew it was you just by your presence, and that no one else would stand that close to me”. I have never seen here so happy all the time I have know her. (2 years) She was kneeling on her chair so we were more eye to eye. I am 6’3 and she is 5’4″ We talked for five minutes. I asked her what here schedule was like this week, and when we can get together for a drink. She told me what her plans were every night this week. She said “why don’t we get everyone together another time”. I said “No, I want to to go out with just you and me”. She immediately said “next week then, but “Tuesdays were no good”( plays baseball). I said we will figure out a time closer to next week. Maybe wrong but I thought booking that far in advance would come across and needy. I said I had to get going and wished her a great week. She wished me the same and followed me out of the office area. Currently I think the attraction level is a 7.0 possibly and 8.0.
    A) Did I execute things correctly or incorrectly? B) Do I initiate contact next week to arrange a time or let her contact me to ask what night I am taking her out? Letting her contact me will reaffirm her interest level. If I contact her it may seem as I am chasing which I do not want to give off. What is the best approach?
    Thanks for all your advice that you have given me without knowing. I am a better person since stumbling onto your youtube and now your own web page.

    Cheers
    Todd

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