How Much Contact Is Too Much?

How much you should contact someone you want to date, to communicate your romantic interest so they know your intentions, and how to know how much contact is too much, so you don’t scare them off.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a female viewer who is moving back to LA after living elsewhere for the past four years. She says she is a very successful multi-millionaire, alpha female. She initially met this guy in LA four years ago, and he was interested in her, but she shot him down because he was her good friend’s boss and she is very loyal to her friends. Now that she is moving back, she has sent an email to both of his email addresses.

She asks my opinion on how much contact is too much so she doesn’t overdo it. She is also considering sending him a Facebook message since they are Facebook friends as well. It’s a good email to discuss since both men and women are sometimes guilty of overdoing things and coming off as being creepy and stalkerish. She says she has a bodyguard because she has four stalkers herself. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.

Hi Corey,

I am a self-made multi-millionaire, alpha female. I have a hot body, as I’m a former model. I left Hollywood four years ago. Now in 2015, I’m building my dream home in the Hollywood Hills this October. I met an alpha male back 2011, while in college, through my classmate. She was his intern. I was at the same trade show, and she texted me to go see her booth at the show. I went, and she then introduced me to her boss. The attraction was obvious. He asked me out for drinks that same day, and also we ran into each other in Hollywood nearly five times after that. (He acted like an alpha male. He saw what he liked, and he went for it without hesitation. There was definitely something there that was mutual, but you were holding back because of your girlfriend.) Then, he added me on Facebook. I didn’t say yes to him back then, because that would put me in a drama ordeal with my friend, as I am loyal. Now four years later, I am wealthy and self-employed, moving back, and I feel I can actually see him as lover/boyfriend material for the first time since my college years. (This is why, as a guy, you should never burn a bridge.) If I were moving to London, I’d never email him, but since I miss LA badly, I thought, what do I have to lose? (What’s the worst he could say? He was into you before.) I’m wealthy, career driven, a lover of life, and HE would be missing out if he passed ME up. I am the type of woman you bring home to mom.

I just thought about contacting him two days ago. I sent him two emails this morning, saying I am moving back in October. I have been following him on Facebook, and he has no wedding ring on his finger, so I sent him an email saying I want him, no friend-zone. I was specific! Since I don’t know him at all, I went to his website and found two email accounts. He has an art website, and another business website. I sent my email to both the email accounts. (That’s a smart way to do it, but sending multiple emails to the same account would look needy and desperate.) Being an alpha female, I always plan everything out. We met in such an odd way. I wish I had met him in my private life. I swear I’d be knocked up with his baby by now, LOL. Any time I see a man in my private life, I know what to do. He just simply confused me because of the “boss of my closest school friend” thing. I don’t have his cell phone number, or I would have texted him to come over to my house this October. I feel hopeless with two lousy email addresses. I am not clingy, I haven’t had sex since June 2012, I am a relationship type, and I am completely healthy being single. I almost married an amazing alpha male in 2009, and we had a healthy four-year relationship. I get dick thrown at me like rain is common to Seattle, 24/7, 365 days a week. I have a bodyguard now, because I have had 4 stalkers.

Corey, I love my life and I never settle for men. I am going to wait a full week for him to reply to my email. If I don’t hear from him by next Monday, what should I do? Since I am not clingy or insecure, I don’t want to give him that impression of me. Should I write him on Facebook next Monday? (Yes. Send him one more message on Facebook in case his emails don’t reach him.) I think two emails are enough contact. What do you think? I think he may have a girlfriend. I definitely know there is no marriage. Yes, I am prepared for rejection; I don’t want to look annoying with tons of emails. My biggest fear is scaring him off. That’s why I got this brilliant idea to email you, so I don’t do anything stupid, LOL. (All you owe the world is to communicate your interest, extend the invitation and let the chips fall where they may. Otherwise, you run the risk of developing an unhealthy attachment.)

Corey you are such a sexy alpha male! If I were in Florida, you and I would have a blast!

Take care love,

Jessica

“It’s much more fun and effortless to date only people who have a high level of enthusiasm to spend time with you. Sometimes it is possible to raise a potential lover’s low interest to become high interest with time and effort, but if you really feel like you are a catch, know you are a catch and act like a catch, would you really want to spend your time with someone you have to convince of your own amazingness? I think not. The best relationships with the strongest bonds and connection happen when both people really place a high value on spending time together and like each other from the moment they meet. Trying to be liked or to get the attention of other people who do not freely give it is demeaning and disrespectful to you. It’s only once you recognize your own value, that other people will see it also.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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