Thank you for emailing me, I do have a few questions, if you don’t mind. First, I have read “How To Be A 3% Man” about 5 times. I know you mention in the book to read it about 15 times, but I understand what you mean about being strong and centered. I will not stop reading it. It’s just that I am trying your methods on how to talk to women, but I still feel that I am not really doing much. I make them smile or laugh, but I don’t give them the punch line, “Let me get your number.” It’s like I am afraid to ask them. How can I get out of that shyness or blockage?
I live in New York City, and I don’t like clubbing. It’s not for me. I’m 43 years old, and just getting out of a marriage that gave me three beautiful children. My time is limited, and my money is short. I am looking for my perfect partner, but I have a small widow of opportunity, and I don’t know where to go. This is especially the case when my only opportunity is when I have my kids with me, which are my days off from work. I have also tried it at my job, as I am a doorman. I stand outside and say hello to the women I am interested in, but they either keep on going or just befriend me. There was this one time I felt that a woman was interested in me, but what came out of my mouth was stupid gibberish. Although I still made her laugh, I did not give her the punch line, “Let me get your number.”
I’m a very positive and friendly kind of guy, trying to learn anything and everything for self improvement, but I always get stuck. How can I get myself unstuck?
Here is my response:
Thanks for your questions. First off, cut yourself a break. You are doing more than 97% of the men in this world are willing to do to help themselves. Most guys are too egocentric to even read a book about improving their success with women, much less apply what they have learned. So you have trouble asking for the number? It’s okay. However, if you want to get dates with women, you have to “ask for the order.”
There are a few things I want you to understand about the process of getting a woman’s number. When you first start applying what I teach, it can be overwhelming. It’s a lot of stuff to know. Plus, if you’re like most guys, including myself, your paradigm regarding what women really want and emotionally respond to has been shattered. What I mean is, most of what you thought about women has been proven totally wrong. The good news is, now that you know what you didn’t know before, you can start building little successes that will help build your confidence. It’s like working out with weights. One day you try to lift a weight that is more than anything you have tried to lift before. Maybe you succeed on the first try, or maybe you fail, but you will keep trying because eventually you know your muscles will grow and so will your strength, so you can then lift this new weight with ease. Even though you may have been working out for years and have seen strength gains in the past, right now, maybe you are not sure if you can. You (incorrectly) think that maybe you have hit a plateau, and this is as strong as you are ever going to be. These are the types of things that happen to us when we try something new or something we have never done before. We bump up against our own boundaries and limitations. We always have those thoughts that make us question what we are really capable of. We have a choice. We can push through it, or we can quit. It’s our choice. However, something compels us on the inside to try something new or different so we may conquer our fears. Your fear around asking for the number is one such plateau. It’s like pulling the trigger once a target is in our sights, but being too overwhelmed with fear to do it. In combat, if you fail to shoot your enemy, he will definitely shoot you. It’s kill or be killed. In dating, it’s ask for the number and either get shot down, or succeed. Your choice.
“Life only demands from you the strength you possess. Only one feat is possible — not to have run away.” ~ Dag Hammarskjold
This statement of yours,”…but I always get stuck. How can I get myself unstuck?” is a limiting belief. The simple answer is to get unstuck by deciding to.
“It’s in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.” ~ Tony Robbins
We know what happens when you get to asking for the order. You are deciding to “get stuck” because this is what always happens. Why not do something different like ask for the order? What you must realize is, most women are either not going to be interested in you, or they will be unavailable, (in a relationship, has a boyfriend, etc.), so rejection is just part of the process. You are simply looking for the first yes, and you have to get through all of the no’s first in order to find that first yes. By not asking for the phone number, what is it costing you? What are you missing out on? How painful is the thought of always being single to you? If you don’t start asking for the numbers today, what are you going to miss out on tomorrow? This is very important.
When you first start talking to women, because this stuff is new and you don’t have much experience approaching women in this way, you will be approaching women that, if you really had mastered this part of your life, you would never waste your time approaching. Why? You simply lack the required experience of interacting with enough different women to develop your sensory acuity. What do I mean? You are approaching women that you have no chance with, simply because you are not aware of the telltale signs of when a woman likes you. Beautiful women are everywhere. Beautiful women who will really dig us, and those who we dig as well are much rarer and special. After you do it enough, (approaching women), you will be able to look into a woman’s eyes and know…IT’S ON! When that moment arrives, and it will arrive if you just get through the no’s first, you will almost never get rejected again after that. (Usually the ones that reject you like you, but they are in a relationship, so they can’t accept your advances.) You will only approach women that are giving body language that shows they are open to your advances. That makes it effortless. That makes it easy and fun. You will then focus 100% on living your purpose in life, because you know you will eventually bump into exactly the type of woman you are looking for. Those moments are magical! So relax, its in the bag. Just do the reps necessary to build your strength and sensory acuity.
Try it out and let me know what happens.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur