How To Avoid Friend Zone While Attracting Her Back

How to avoid friend zone while attracting a woman back who tries to keep it platonic.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work and obviously cherry-picking information in videos. He dumped his ex and then regretted it. When he tried to get her back she said she wanted to be friends only. After no-contact she came back, but he’s not following 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back properly and is spinning his wheels.

I tell him what to do instead. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, we got a email here from a guy who it seems like he’s new to my work, and it’s pretty clear he’s just cherry-picking videos on the topic just trying to get a quick fix and boom! He’s out of here, but he’s definitely not read the book. Doesn’t look like it, doesn’t sound like it. On top of that, he’s not following what I discussed in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, the article and video I did probably 10, 11 years ago at this point, that says these are the principles. If you turn a girl off, you break up with a girl, you get dumped and you regret it, or you want to get back together, it lays out exactly what to do, how to handle things, what your role is, when to make dates, when not to make dates, how to handle any last minute objections she may have so you don’t get fucking jerked around.

So if a woman has dumped you or you dumped her, and then you later regret it, the thing is, I’ve discussed this often with the girls in the podcast, is that most guys, they typically get about three weeks in and dating a girl. So if the girl really likes them upfront, they’re like, “Oh, this guy’s great,” but about three weeks in, maybe four weeks in, the chinks in their armor start showing and they don’t have their shit together. So the woman starts losing interest and backing away and eventually doesn’t want to see them anymore. Like in this case, this guy was dating her, then he broke up with her and then he regretted it. So I don’t know if he regretted it because he was drunk or he got overly emotional and got upset, but most guys will dump a girl, what happens when you’re in a relationship, women are coming out of the woodwork wanting you and wanting to date you and you think, “Man, I should be single again. Like there’s so many hot girls after me,” but as soon as you become single, your vibe is completely different and all those women just poof! It’s like, they’re gone and you’re like, “What the hell happened? Girls were dying to be with me a few weeks ago, and now that I’m single, it’s like, ‘Oh well, I didn’t want to hang out anymore.'”

So it’s important to follow what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and you can see he’s just not doing what I suggest. I don’t know if he’s been through it or not. The article and video 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, but he’s just spinning his wheels and not getting anywhere. So it’s a good email that shows what not to do when you’re trying to attract somebody back.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I broke up with my girlfriend two months ago, a big mistake. When I apologized and told her I’d made a mistake and wanted to stay together, she told me she, “Just wanted to be friends,” which I told her I did not want to do.

So I don’t know if that means he broke up with her two months ago, and now he’s wanting to get her back because he didn’t find anybody else, because again, usually about 90 days is when the guy starts showing up. Like we were talking about with Caroline. It’s like as soon as like 90 days after she broke up with her ex, who she had gotten together with and broken up once before, she didn’t hear from him at all and she’s like, “Oh, he finally moved on,” but 90 days later, because he didn’t find anybody that he liked better or clicked with as well as he did with her, what happened? He starts calling her or texting her. Actually, what he started doing is showing up at her run club and some other places where he knew she hung out with her friends just trying to create an, “Oh, we just bumped into each other.” So now she’s going to a different run club because the last time he showed up, he was like working the run club and he leaned in to hug and kiss her and she just kind of pulled away, because she’s dating with somebody new now.

That’s what typically happens. Guys get cocky because they get all this attention when they’re with a girl and they’re like, “I’m not gonna put up this bitch’s shit. Fuck her. I’m gonna dump her ass. I’m gonna get with some of these other girls that are really into me.” Then nothing happens. You finally break up, and then you start going after these girls, and all of a sudden, now they’re dating somebody else, or they don’t feel the same way, and it’s just poof! You go from having an abundance of women that are interested in you to a pussy embargo and you’re like, “What the fuck?” So if it’s been two months and he’s like, “Oh, I lost the love of my life. What did I do?” So I suspect that might be what happened in this guy’s case, is he dumped her, didn’t find anybody better in two months, and he started freaking out and now he tries to go back to her.

So if I was doing a phone session with this guy, I’d want to ask him about those things like, “Why did you dump her in the first place? She was so great and the love of your life, why’d you dump her and then two months later, decide you want her back?” Because that’s usually what happens. Guys go by 90 days and they freak out because they can’t find anybody else, and then they want to go back to the girl. The problem is then they go back, they maybe stay with her again three to six months, and then a breakup happens all over again. If it didn’t work the first time, it typically doesn’t work the second time. So I suspect he just lost interest in her, but really, the real reason why he wanted to go back to her is because he didn’t find anybody better in two months.

Shortly after the breakup, I discovered 3% Man, and watched your videos on getting an ex back.

So he watched videos and he’s probably just going through YouTube and Corey Wayne’s How To Get An Ex Back video, which there’s hundreds and hundreds of them, but you got to understand the baseline philosophy in the book. This is a real world example of a dude that is trying to apply, I don’t think he’s even read what’s in the book yet, he’s just cherry-picking In videos. He’s trying to attract his ex back, but he’s clearly not doing what I teach because again, he’s cherry-picking. He doesn’t understand the philosophy. He’s just looking for the right video, the right line, that’s just going to solve his problem, and he’s not getting anywhere, as you’ll see.

I stayed no-contact until she reached out three days later to, “Check that I was OK.” I said I was doing great, focused on goals, and very busy. I said I’d like to see her again and for her to let me know when the following week she was available to meet. A few days later, she named a day and time the following week to get together. I arrived at the spot before she did.

Time the fuck out!

So as 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says, you don’t drive to see her or you don’t go pick her up. You don’t meet her for coffee. You don’t meet her halfway. You don’t go to her house. She must come to your place to make dinner in the evening and hang out, have fun and hook up. So when she comes over, this is your girl, this is your ex, even if you haven’t seen her in two months, you’ve made a date. You’ve been all up inside her in the past. So what do you do? You’re going to go up and you’re gonna kiss her on the lips like she’s yours, but what does he do? Does he? Does he not?

When she walked in, I stood, and gave her a hug. I didn’t try to kiss her. But she kissed me on the lips, but closed mouth.

So again, it’s like, “Why is he hugging me?” Because she tried to friend-zone him, right? So what does he do? He hugs her like a friend because he’s too afraid to kiss her, but she still kissed him. When you act like a statue, if you tell a woman you’re not interested in friends, but every time you get together, you just act like a friend, she’s gonna be like, “Oh, he doesn’t have the balls to go for it.”

We had a couple of drinks, talked, and shot pool. During the date, she had expressed surprise that I wanted to be just friends.

This is why you invite her over to make dinner in the evening at your place, because if she’s trying to friend-zone you only and you agree to do anything other than that, then she’s going to think you’re agreeing through your actions to be friends, but when you’re like, “Hey, let’s get together and make dinner at my place,” and then she says, “Well, I don’t think it’s a good idea,” “Oh, let’s meet for coffee,” “Let’s meet on neutral ground, or “Let’s meet in a group setting” be like, “No, I’m not into that,” because again, the objections are already pre-handled for you in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back.

So you’re going to say, “Hey it’s been a long week. I’m just in the mood to hang out at my place. If you don’t want to come over and make dinner, then give me a call in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be out for meeting you up or meet you for coffee then,” which you’re never going to do, but you’re doing the takeaway, and she’s like, “Well OK, but I just want to be friends only if I come over.” It’s like, “Again, I told you, I’m not interested in something that’s just platonic. If you’re not interested in sex and romance, then I’m gonna pass. You got my number. You can hit me up when you want to see me again,” but he didn’t do that because he’s cherry-picking. I would assume he came across 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back because it’s such a popular video and the principles are just like, again, it’s been perfected over 25+ years and it works.

I think she was testing me to see if she could knock me off center. I didn’t respond, continuing with light, fun conversation.

OK, so you didn’t respond. What you should have said was, “I’m down to be friends with benefits, but I’m not looking for something strictly platonic. I don’t know where you got that idea. I told you to get in touch if you changed your mind and wanted something more. So you got in touch. I assumed you wanted something more.” “Oh, no. I just want to be friends.” “I’m not interested in that. We can be friends with benefits, but I’m not interested in anything platonic.” She’s like, “Well, that’s all I can offer. I just want to be friends only.” He’s like, “OK well, I’m gonna pass. So it was nice seeing you again. You pay the tab and wish her all the best. “You got my number. Hit me up if you change your mind.”

I walked her to her car. I initiated a kiss and it wasn’t closed mouth.

I didn’t ask for another date. I waited to hear from her. A few days later, she asked if we could meet again. I met her, we had a good time (But no sex).

Again, you should be inviting her over because 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back says she’s got to come to your place three dates in a row, and as long as you hang out, have fun and hook up all three times and have sex, basically,that’s what hooking up is, then you can meet her out, pick her up and take her on dates like normal again, but you got to let her do 100% of the calling, texting and pursuing. So getting back together becomes her idea. So you go at her pace.

At the end of the date, another passionate kiss. She contacted me twice in the next two weeks to get together. We had a great time each time, and kissed passionately after each.

I know I need to “make the move” towards sex. On one of the dates, we made dinner at her house…

So again, he’s going to her place and not having her. It’s just, you’re not following what I teach, dude. You’re not listening. All this stuff has been laid out and been perfected with thousands and thousands of dudes. Plus, in my own experience, how I perfected it and continue to fine tune it over the last 25 years, it’s going to put you in the best possible position to get her back. If you cherry-pick and you bend the rules thinking you’re being clever, well you’re going to end up with blue balls and stuck in friend-zone.

…So I had the opportunity, but I just never got the vibe that she wanted me to make a move (I was probably fearing, stupidly, rejection).

Again, he never read the book, so he didn’t know how to tell when she was attracted and when she was open to physical touch because again, he’s lazy and he’s cherry-picking.

You got to participate in your own rescue. You have to read the book and you got to understand the philosophy. You gotta understand what creates attraction and what repels women, and you’re still doing things that repel them and you don’t even know it.

I am floundering at this point and struggling to do the 3% thing, but can’t get past this point. I don’t want dates that end with just a kiss and goodbye. I don’t want her bored or discouraged because I haven’t made the move. I don’t want to act too soon and get rejected. 

Again, it’s laid out in the book. What do women do when they’re attracted? They touch you. They stand too close. They play with their hair. They bump into you in the kitchen. This is why you do dinner at your place and you don’t make dinner for her and she watches you like an audience. You make dinner together because making the dinner together facilitates physical interaction and touching in the kitchen, which can lead to kissing, heavy petting, taking each other’s clothes off and fucking in the kitchen. Then later finishing your dinner and afterwards have some more dessert sex, but he didn’t listen. He didn’t follow what I taught, and now he’s got a tremendous case of blue balls.

She mentioned the “friends” word a couple of times on that first date, but not since. She would not be French-kissing me, reaching out for dates every week, if she weren’t interested in getting back together, right?

Well, you’re assuming she’s interested in getting back together, but you’re not following what I teach. So you get together, you kiss her and you make out, but you’re too scared to escalate because again, you don’t know what the fuck you’re doing. That’s why you got to read the book. It’s free to read in the Members Area of my website.

Where’s my confidence?

Confidence is doing what you know how to do and doing it really well, and since you didn’t take the time to read and learn the book, and you didn’t really take the time to go through 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back and actually follow it, this is what’s happening.

Again, this is why all those rules and principles are in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and the book is laid out the way it is, because it’s been perfected over the last 25+ years, and it’s been used in every continent of the globe, women with every social, religious, spiritual background. This is what attracts women. If you follow it, you get good results. If you do what this guy did, you get blue balls. How’s the blue balls feeling?

My gut says she wants to get back together, but my thoughts are talking me out of it. 

Well again, your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen, not to get back together. That’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and it’s also laid out in the book.

Any advice on how to gain that confidence back and make the move?

Read the book and actually apply it.

Before she loses interest and thinks I am the one that wants to be “just friends.”

Bob

Well again, if you keep acting like a fucking eunuch every time you get together, you don’t escalate things, you go to her, you meet her out and you do all the things that I say not to do, because taking her out, doing all those things and going to her house all over again, those are the reward for her submitting and coming to your place and making dinner three dates in a row. As long as you fuck all three dates in a row, then you can start taking her out on normal dates, but you’re not listening to me, so all I can do is suggest and point out why your approach is not working, and it’s not it.

Again, you’ve tried it your way. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Again, all I can do is suggest and tell you what you need to do and what you’re doing wrong, but if you want to keep doing the wrong things, well that’s on you, my man.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.