How To Avoid Losing A Girl You Like To Another Guy

How to keep her attraction high to avoid losing her to another guy.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 29-year-old viewer from Europe. In December he met a girl online he really liked and started seeing her. She seemed to really like him. Then she went traveling for a month and the connection and contact slowly faded. When she got back they made plans which she canceled saying she had broken ribs. A few days later he saw her at a concert with another guy.

He wonders what happened. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How To Avoid Losing A Girl You Like To Another Guy.”

So this particular email is from a 29-year-old viewer who lives in Europe. He says in December, which would be December 2025, he met a girl online he really liked started seeing her. She seemed to really like him. And then she went traveling for about a month or so, and he noticed that the connection like slowly faded away. And then so when she got back, they made plans to get together.

And then literally a couple hours before she canceled, saying she had broken ribs, wasn’t really down for any kind of Indoor Olympics. And she wasn’t feeling well. She thought she would be feeling better. Anyways he just basically said, “Hey, well hit me up when you’re feeling up to it. I’d love to see you.” And then like a week or so later, he goes to a concert and he sees her there and she’s with another guy.

Remember, she got broken ribs, right? And so he didn’t say anything. And so now he’s wondering what the hell? He’s thinking about reengaging and reaching out to her. So when a girl cancels a date like that, and then you see her with another guy. I mean, the late Great Doc Love had a rule. He’s like if a girl cancels the date on you for a BS reason. That’s it.

You don’t ever give her another chance because when she disrespects you, especially in the beginning like that, it just shows a pattern of disrespect and undesirability and it’s just best to walk away from them. But the thirst is real and guys are coming to me because they want to know how to get the girl and at least put them in a position where they have the leverage and they can decide whether or not they want to continue seeing her.

So these things do happen, like in this case. So if you’ve got a girl that you’re dating and she’s going to go away for a month or so, and you’ve been spending a lot of time together, you should at least do like one video date a week just so you can catch up on what she’s been doing, what she’s up to. And so it’s like a video date. You can’t be physically together.

So maybe you can spend a couple hours just having a drink or whatever she can tell you about her trip, maybe eat dinner together, kind of like a date. But in this case, he just kind of didn’t reach out. He was on dating apps and still dating and hooking up with other girls. Got a little cocky, full of himself. And then he comes back and then gets blown off. And now he’s like, what the hell?

So if women think you really don’t give a shit about them and you don’t care, which is what it looks like happened here, then this should not be surprising at all. And so more than likely when she came back, who knows, maybe this other guy she was already talking to or had talked to. Maybe he was on the trip as well. Maybe she had met him. Maybe it was an ex. We don’t really know.

But he did say in his email the guy kind of resembled the ex that she described. And in that case, there’s not a lot you can do, especially if they were together for many years and were only single for a few months. You should expect a pullback. And since women do the dumping like 75% of the time, there’s more than likely she dumped him and he was wanting her back.

And since this guy kind of faded away and made her feel like he didn’t care. Plus, she’s not completely over the ex. It’s from a leverage perspective. The guy that wrote the email, he’s always he’s in a weak position. So the only thing I would have done differently was have been a little bit warmer and done some video dates just to keep the connection warm because she’s gone.

You can’t physically be together in person. So sitting down and doing like a FaceTime chat or a Zoom call where you can like have dinner and catch up like it’s a date, as if you’re sitting across the table having dinner from one another. You’re just in different places geographically.

I’ve always found that doing long distance or when your girls traveling, that works the best, but when you just disappear and you barely talk to him for a month or two, it’s like it just is going to completely fade away on you.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

29-year-old guy from Europe here. I’ve been following you since 2018, but only really started applying your teachings after my last relationship of 4 years ended in 2023. I was heartbroken, and even though I knew that she was not the dream girl that I wanted for the rest of my life, that breakup changed me.

Well, pain is life’s change agent. It’s life’s way of telling you that what you’re doing is suboptimal, and you need to make some other choices or changes.

Your book and videos really helped me, so thank you for that. Here is my success backstory up until what happened yesterday. Since the breakup, I’ve read your book 9 times and focused on improving my life. I doubled down on my passion for music, started getting regular DJ gigs (even a few small international ones), got in the best shape of my life, upgraded my style, and moved out of my parents’ place into my own apartment.

Well, that’s good job dude. That’s what you got to do. You made instead of, you know, living with your parents at almost 30 years old now you got your own your place and you’re doing adulting now.

The attention and looks I get from women (even older women) is insane. Everywhere I go, I see girls checking me out. In clubs girls are giving me compliments are flirting with me frequently, especially when I DJ.

Well, you’re in a position of authority when you’re doing the DJ, so you’re kind of like a famous person. I mean, who is like Paris Hilton, I think she’s a DJ now is what she does. So It’s just like being a professional musician or a public speaker or a CEO of a company. I mean, it takes a lot of balls to get up in front of a bunch of people and perform for them. That’s why it’s attractive to women because it’s very brave and courageous.

My Instagram and Hinge profiles also get me a lot of dates, but it’s still rare that I meet a girl who really does it for me.

Well, that’s the way life is, man. If you think about it, how often do you meet a new best friend? It’s almost something that never happens. So to meet somebody you really click with on all levels, you’re physically into them, they’re physically into you and you have a lot of chemistry and connection. It’s just extremely rare.

And so you should appreciate those kinds of connections when they come along, and you should hold out for them. Just like you want to have the best friends you can have, and you want to have the best girl that you can have and very few people are you going to really click with. So this is par for the course.

A lot of the really attractive ones seem to just want attention, and conversations often fizzle out quickly.

Well, just because they’re attractive and you’re really into them. If there’s no chemistry and no connection, it is what it is. But if you’re changing because what often happens, guys will experience, and I wrote about this in the book, is that most guys, especially when they’re younger and they don’t know any better, or even when they get older and they never learn this stuff is they treat the women that they really like and are really into completely different than the women that they don’t really care that much about.

In other words, if they’re not that into her, they’re going to be indifferent. They can take it or leave it. They have an abundance mentality. It’s just like eh, which drives them crazy. And so you got to treat all women the same. And when we really like a girl, we tend to tend to be extra nice, extra soft, extra compliant. We’re less willing to stand up for ourselves or less willing to push back when she suggests or does something that she shouldn’t be, or she violates your boundaries.

And so what ends up happening is they start to get the impression that we’re a little soft, we’re a little squishy, and they can kind of push us around. And if that happens, then the testing is going to dramatically increase because now they’re sensing weakness. And the more you flail around and they can push you around and get you to change your opinions to match hers, she’ll become more distant, she’ll become less available. It’ll be harder to get her out on a date.

At the same time, I can go out alone, meet people easily, and I’ve been told several times that I give off very positive energy. I’m not saying this in an arrogant way. One of my mottos is what you always say: “Be humble, or you will be humbled.”

Well, that’s what Jocko says, Jocko Willink, and it is true. If you’re arrogant, dickhead, and you’re full of yourself, life is going to come along and serve you a giant helping of humble pie, so you’ll be more humble.

I just genuinely enjoy connecting with people and spreading good vibes. Overall, I feel like I’m in an abundant place with women, but I’m still not consistently dating the caliber I really want.

So again, if that’s what’s going on, that tells me you’re just a little bit too nice to the girls you really like and the girls that you’re not that into, you’re probably doing exactly the right thing. That’s why that happens.

So what is the title about? In December 2025, I met a 23-year-old girl on Hinge who was exactly my type. She lives about an hour away in a bigger city. At first she was a bit flaky, so I backed off and told her to reach out when she’s free. About one and a half weeks later she did, apologized for the delay, and we set a date. The first date was great, we went to multiple spots, she opened up over time, and there was strong chemistry. And as I am a pretty extroverted guy, I really like her introverted, shy and “innocent” vibe.

Well, remember, this is your fantasy you’re projecting on to her. You don’t know her well enough because this is a first date that you’re talking about. To make these determinations of what an innocent, nice girl she is. And I’ll point it out in a minute here.

Also, she studies medicine so she is pretty intelligent, which is very important to me. At the third spot, another girl in front of us hit herself on a chair while walking by and checking me out, which we both saw and while she kind of ignored it, I could not hold back my laughter. Definitely helped the attraction lol. At the end of the night, I offered to drive her home as it was getting late and I had to work the next day. We made out in the car, and while I was not even thinking of escalating to sex.

Well, you got to think of the logistics of sex in the book, because you can fumble the football if you’re not paying attention. But it’s clear this girl really liked him, at least at that time.

She invited me back to her place. We had an amazing round of Indoor Olympics and I saw the other, wild side of her.

So not so fucking innocent after all. At the end of the day, when you get him in the bedroom, they’re all a bunch of fucking whores anyways. It’s just the way it is. I don’t care what they say. We just look at what they do.

I am talking tattoos, nipple piercings and her being really wild.

See, like I said, you were projecting your fantasy. So when you see tattoos and weird piercings, that usually is a sign of a chick who came from a broken home. Either that or her parents were really super controlling and a little nutty about it. Maybe super religious, and she’s rebelling, but most of the time it’s just because they kind of came from a broken home. So again, when you see those kinds of things like this ain’t no innocent girl.

While I am not a fan of piercings and tattoos, I like the polarity of a sweet and shy girl letting it all out for me.

Well, that’s who she really is. She presents an image to the world that she wants them to buy. And in reality, she’s a fucking freak. A lady in the streets a whore in the sheets.

After that, she reached out around 70% of the time, and whenever I set dates, she was down to meet even though we are both pretty busy.

Well, that’s what girls do when they like you. And obviously, the sex must have been good because she kept coming back for more. That’s important.

She was very easy going, the vibe was always good, both emotionally and physically. The Sex was amazing. She was really attracted to me, which I could see by how she looked at me. And I was really attracted to her! At the same time, I wasn’t fully convinced about her long-term. Main reason: she’s vegan, and I can’t really see myself sharing that lifestyle long-term since I love food, cooking, and sharing those experiences with my girl together. This went on until mid February and we saw each other all in all 5 times.

So that’s not really well, if you’re meeting, maybe it was the end of December. You got the holidays in there. It’s kind of hard to get together.

Then we both had travel plans coincidentally at the same time: she went traveling for a month in Asia, and I spent a month in another big city working remotely.

So at this point, if things are really starting to come together and you’re starting to spend more time together, whereas really after about two months of dating, you’ve only seen each other five times. That tells me it kind of looked like it was just a booty call. Because if you met at the end of December and then mid-February, you still had only seen each other five times. That’s barely once every week to two weeks that you’re actually getting together. So that shows me that it’s really not that serious. It’s just kind of like a casual, maybe once a week booty call. Because if he was applying what was in the book and she was really into him, they should have been spending more time together than just once a week or every two weeks. So that’s a clue there.

During that time, our contact faded. I actually had a really amazing time in the other city. I met a lot of girls mostly from Hinge and went to amazing events. She came into my mind every now and then, but she was traveling of course, so due to the circumstances I did not overthink our radio silence.

Well, again, you should have been planning it at least one video date a week. But again, just the way it was, you see each other once every week to two weeks it’s not really that serious. It’s just kind of like a nice booty call.

After a few weeks, I reached out to hear how she is doing there, we texted a bit, and then it faded again. I told her to let me know when she’s back. In the end of March, one week after she said that she will return, so maybe she kept me waiting, or I was just not a high priority.

Well, if we bottom line a woman’s actions, what’s she doing? You know, she’s back in town, but over a week goes by, so clearly she’s not like, dying to see you. And that should be obvious because they were barely seeing each other before she left. But again, if you’re trying to increase the bond and the connection as time goes by, they should have been seeing each other more at that point. Doesn’t really elaborate as to why, but then again, they’re like an hour apart, so maybe their schedules just didn’t line up.

And that’s why I said it really just looks like it was kind of like a booty call once a week or every two week booty call. Plus, on top of that, he’s meeting and dating and hooking up with other girls. And so he kind of didn’t care too much. But the reality is, when a girl goes traveling for a month to two months and you’ve only been out on five dates and you didn’t really stay in touch, you didn’t plan any dates because again, if you’re dating for two months under normal circumstances, by the time she leaves, you should have been seeing each other at least 2 to 3 times a week.

And then when she goes away, you’re going to be doing at least one video date a week. Not just she goes away for a month and a half and you barely speak, or maybe an occasional text here and there. So it’s understandable that it faded away because quite frankly, it wasn’t that serious before she left anyways.

She texted me that she’s back and I set a date for the next weekend. She wanted come to my place, to which I agreed to. On the day of our meetup, she send me the following text. “Hey there, I’m really sorry to cancel at the last minute, but I was hoping until today that things would get better. I broke several ribs in Asia, which still hurts quite a bit, and that’s why, uhm, any kind of physical activity is out of the question for me for the time being.”

I’ll be really gentle.

“I thought it would definitely work out, but I’ve also been sleeping in a weird position the last few nights and I feel like the added stress would be almost unbearable.”

Well, remember, the longer the excuse, the bigger the lie. That’s a long paragraph. And she reached out to him. So because we do know that he ends up seeing her a week or so later with another guy that very that looks a lot like the ex-boyfriend she described. So we have to assume she got back in town, contacted him, talked to her ex, maybe she was missing her ex, but at the end of the day she blew him off. That’s what really happened. But it sounds logical and reasonable.

So if a girl is canceling on you, just like, “hey, no problem. Get better. Hit me up when you feel up to it.” And then if she reaches out after that, I wouldn’t even bring up getting together. I’d send a few messages back and forth. And if she doesn’t mention, “hey, I want to see you, then just say, hey, it’s nice hearing from you, I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later.” And let her bring it up because again, she canceled, didn’t offer reschedule. And again, you’re going to see in a minute he runs into her at a concert.

Of course, I understood that, wished her a speedy recovery, told her that it’s cute that she wanted to come see me even with broken ribs.

Well, I would have just said, well, come over. I’ll be very gentle. We got plans. Come over. I’ll be gentle. I’ll give you some soft massages. But if she’s squirming and really trying to get out of it, then I would let her go. I would have given her some pushback.

I offered her that I am available a few days later, as I will be in her city. (Probably a mistake?)

Well again, this girl just wasted your evening. You blocked out time for her and she blows you off the last minute, and now you’re trying to give her another opportunity to waste your time. So, yeah, I would have mentioned getting together. I would have made her reach out. I would have not pursued it all anymore after that. I would have never called for any reason. And even if she did reach out, I wouldn’t bring up getting together or seeing her or making a date unless she brings it up first.

She said that she will be at her grandmothers place at that time so she can’t do it.

So here she’s like not even trying to make her remember she’s got broken ribs, right? Oh darn it, I’m gonna be at my grandma’s house.

I acted cool, told her to reach out when she’s feeling better and wants to meet up. Since then, there was no reaching out from her side. Now comes the weird part. The last time we saw each other at my place (mid February), I mentioned that I will go to a concert of a big artist in her city. She mentioned that she will also go with friends. That concert was yesterday, and I swear Coach, I knew that I would see her there. I felt it. And of course, in the gigantic arena with thousands of people around, right when I was walking by, I saw her getting a drink, with another guy!

Well, that’s kind of disconcerting. So if you see something like that and she’s moving around, no problem. It’s like, oh, obviously the ribs aren’t that damaged, so she’s just hanging out with another guy. So that’s your real reason. Remember, he tried to change or suggest, hey, let’s get together. I’m in your city. She’s like, oh, I’m going to be at grandma’s house. Sure. She just doesn’t want to see him because she’s obviously hanging out with that dude, whoever he is.

I was a little stoned and my friends were hurrying to get to our spots, so I just walked by without saying hello. It was just the two of them so I could not really tell if it was a date, her ex (which she mentioned once before and looks that type) or just a friend from her friend group. I did not really want to make things awkward so I just walked by. Probably another mistake by me, as I am normally pretty cool in those situations.

Well again in reality, if a girl cancels a date because of supposed broken ribs and then a few days later she’s at a concert with another guy jumping up and down on a concert. It’s like, come on, her ribs are not the issue. She just blew you off. So when a woman disrespects your time like that, your attitude should be she’s dead to me.

Even if I see her, I’m going to pretend like I don’t and not mention anything. She can come over and say hello. And come and give you a hug or whatever. It’s like, well, how are the ribs? Oh, they feel great. I was like, well, they don’t seem very sensitive. But she probably wouldn’t have because again, she’s with another guy.

But I guess the Ganja made me overthink it a bit lol. I don’t think that she saw me though. After the concert, out of curiosity I checked out our old Hinge conversation and saw that she is active on Hinge again since being back from her trip.

Well, there you go.

Funnily enough, just right now while writing this, she reacted to my Instagram story of said concert and asked how I liked it. I did not answer yet. I’ll just reply later and ask if she feels better and when she will be free again.

I wouldn’t ask her out dude. That’s not what the book teaches. She disrespected you and your time. So if she says, how was the concert? It’s like, oh, it was great. I had a blast. I’m so glad I went. That’s all. I would respond, I would just not give her anywhere to go with the conversation.

Long backstory, I know. But my questions are, should I mention that I saw her with another guy at the concert?

Nope.

Or should I just ask who she went with to get some intel?

Nope. It’s irrelevant. She blew you off to go hang out with somebody else. That’s what really happened.

I don’t want to make a big emotional talk out of it. Just want to know it, out of curiosity.

Well, it looks pretty obvious she blew you off because she really wanted to see some other guy instead of you. And again, you said he looks like the description of her ex. So maybe that’s really why. And in that case, there’s nothing you can do about it.

What if she asks me why I did not say hello?

Just say. Well, I wasn’t sure. You looked like you were on a date, so I didn’t want to bother you. And I was with my friends, and I was pretty high. I was pretty drunk or whatever. I don’t think she’s going to bring it up because you said she didn’t notice you. She hasn’t reached out.

What do you think of the whole “situationship” we have, Coach? Did she lose interest?

Well, she definitely lost interest and respect, but it looks like another guy, possibly the ex-boyfriend, was still in the background, so that wasn’t completely dunces. So again, if it was me and you were hanging out for two months like that because you had the whole month of January and you had most or at least half of February. So that’s six, seven weeks. And you only saw each other five times and you met back in December. So that tells me that it never progressed more than getting together once a week for a booty call. And that’s basically all it was. And then when she goes away, there was no effort to try to keep in touch. And so it just clearly faded.

I don’t really understand if I was too much of a cold fish, or over-pursued?

Well, you definitely did not over pursue.

Is she lying and I projected a “sweet & innocent” vibe onto her?

Yeah, it sure looks that way. You know, nipple piercings and tattoos and stuff like that. But presents this shy little girl. And then you get her in the bedroom and she fucking rocks. Your world is like, well, that’s not the first time she’s been with a man. Clearly, I wasn’t the first guy. And it was like Dennis Rodman was talking about Madonna and him hooking up in the 90s and was like, I definitely wasn’t her first man. She knew what she was doing.

Does she just see me as a fuck buddy?

Well, that’s pretty much how you guys behaved, but she blew you off, so it doesn’t matter now.

Logically, I know we’re not exclusive, and I’m also dating other women. But from her being previously quite into me, to suddenly cancelling plans, seeing her with another guy and then her being active on Hinge again, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t trigger a bit of a “rejection” feeling.

Well, like I said, the two things that jumped out at me was the fact that you were seeing each other for almost two months, but it never progressed beyond seeing each other once every week to week and a half or two weeks. So that’s an issue. And the fact that you didn’t do anything to stay in touch while she was away. You should have done at least one digital date, maybe every week, week and a half while she was traveling, but it’s pretty clear it wasn’t that serious.

And again, it just looks like she got back in town and was hanging out with the ex-boyfriend or another guy that she liked more. Or who knows, maybe she was hooking up with that guy too, and they stayed in touch a little bit better than you did. So, you know, again, if you’re hooking up with a girl like that, and then you just basically go radio silent for two months, what do you think is going to happen? So it’s like your little garden. You got to water it a little bit.

Your advice and wisdom are very appreciated. Would be great to see this answered in a video newsletter. Thanks for everything you do.

Best,

Bob from Europe

Well, like I said, that’s only two things I would adjust going forward. Again, if you’ve got a vacation that pops up in the middle like this, and you should be seeing each other more than once a week after two months. So that just tells me a little bit too much of a cold fish. But I mean, in reality, dude, you were treating her like a booty call and she kind of treated you the same. And then things just faded when she went away.

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