How To Avoid Over Pursuing So She Chases You Instead!

How to avoid over pursuing so she chases you instead.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He met a beautiful neighbor of his and got her number. They went out on several dates, but he was unable to read her interest. He didn’t think she would like him and didn’t go for the kiss. However, she kissed him instead. Eventually she broke things off. He’s now in no contact & asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How To Avoid Over Pursuing So She Chases You Instead!”.

So this particular email is from a viewer who’s new to my work. And he met one of his beautiful neighbors. He got her number and they went out on several dates, but he was unable to read her interest. He didn’t think she would like him and didn’t go for the kiss. However, she kissed him instead. Eventually she broke things off and now he’s in No Contact and asked my opinion.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m pretty new to your work, just going through my first read of the 3% Man.

Well, the more you go through it, the more you’re going to pick these things up and the better, and the tighter and the sharper your game will be when you’re on dates. So these kinds of rejections become a thing of the past. Because what’s happening is you clearly went out on a date with a girl that liked you, was into you, but you talked her out of liking you. And obviously the book is set up. Because that’s exactly what I used to do when I was younger and I didn’t know any better.

I actually got to know about it due to the situation I got myself into. I’m 25, got out of a toxic relationship in January this year and decided that it’s time to get back into the dating market. Got pretty good at cold approach and pickup, but now I’m struggling with the dating process. On the 29^th of August, I met this girl who is a neighbor of mine, got her number, texted her the same evening and set a date.

Well, she clearly had high interest.

We met three days later and the date went great. I felt really connected to her, but could sense that something was off, as she didn’t seem to reciprocate my advances, so I backed off a bit.

So that tells me you’re probably trying to escalate things physically when she wasn’t really open to it. And again, as you read the book and you start to learn what to notice its best. And the book is laid out to create the conditions where she starts touching you. Because when a woman’s attracted, she plays with her hair. She shows her neck to you. She touches your arm. She might reach across the table. If she’s sitting next to you, her leg will bump yours. Or if you’re walking down the street together, her shoulders will bump into yours as you’re walking side by side, that kind of thing.

If you’re walking and your hands are swinging, hers will just kind of gently bump into yours as your arms are going back and forth when you’re walking, and you can just gently take her arm, or I mean her hand and hold hands. If she lets go, you let her go. If she starts bumping your hand again, then you hold her hand back. So women are very subtle like that. So when they’re open to be touched, then they will bump into you. And then also The Kiss Test (Page 164) is laid out in the book. So you know when to make a move and you won’t get rejected. So again, as he reads the book and starts to learn these things, he won’t be making those mistakes anymore. Hopefully if he’s a good student.

We went home holding hands, talking and laughing a lot, but I didn’t go for the kiss as I could not see the sings.

Well, you’re holding hands. And again, there’s a Kiss Test (Page 164) and it’s laid out in the book, which you do, and it’s a specific technique just by eye contact. Where you look with your eyes. If she reciprocates when you’re doing that, then you know that she’s thinking about kissing you too, and you won’t have to worry about getting rejected.

She ended the date saying that she hopes to see me again and reached out the same evening. Since I was infatuated by her, as I’ve never met a girl like this before, I took it as a good sign and set another date on the spot. She agreed, and we were to meet up in three days.

So I would have, you know, because usually they’re going to call and say, “Hey, I had a really good time tonight.” Maybe she wanted to talk further, whatever, but I wouldn’t have set the next date. I would have let her wait a little bit, because that shows high interest and you want it to go up a little bit more. It’s not the end of the world, but it’s just guidelines for what’s in the book. Because again, at the end of the day, he got rejected.

However she cancelled last minute on the day of our meeting saying that something came up and she didn’t know if she could make it on time and asked if we could move it to the next week.

So again, case in point. When women have high interest they typically don’t do that. They’ll cancel their plans with other people or put them off so they can make time for you. But when you make a second date the day of your first date, that’s typically too much too soon. It’s anti mystery, anti challenge.

I said it was okay and asked her to get back to me once she figures out her schedule. I assumed she’d reach out to me right after the weekend and went a bit off the rails when she didn’t, so I texted her Monday afternoon just to check in.

So he couldn’t hold out. So if you tell a girl to “reach back out when she figures out her schedule”, you’ve got to give her the time and space to either follow through on those plans and commitments, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. Because at that point she mentioned rescheduling. But if she said, “let’s do it next week”, then I would have said, “great. Well, what day works for you? What day are you available?”

And she goes, “oh, I don’t know. My schedule’s up in the air. I won’t get my work week scheduled till Monday or something.” If she says that and then you say, “hey, no problem. Well, when you figure out your schedule, hit me back up, and, you know, we can plan another date. And I’d love to see you again.” And you leave it at that. And one of two things will happen. She’ll figure out her schedule and she’ll reach back out, or you won’t ever hear from her again, if she does, reach out. Remember, women typically aren’t going to say, “hey, I checked my schedule.” They’ll send you a meme, or they’ll say, “hey, how you doing? How you been?”

And it’s your job to be direct, decisive, get to the point and make a date. Just assume she’s reaching out because she knows her schedule. So if her response is, “hey, how are you doing?” She sends a meme heart to meme like a response. Say, “it’s awesome to hear from you. I’d love to see you again. What’s your schedule like?” Just be direct, decisive, and get right to the point. Don’t send ten texts back and forth and then try to get around to making a date. Because if you’re trying to crack jokes and be funny through text and get to know her through text, you’ll probably talk her out of liking you. The phone is for setting dates and logistics.

So I texted her Monday afternoon just to check in. She replied in the evening and we set a date on Thursday.

So notice she didn’t reply right away because he said, “hey, figure out your schedule and get back to me.” He didn’t have the balls to hold out, so that’s a bad way to go, dude. If you tell a woman something like that, you got to be able to hold out. Because at the end of the day, if she never reaches out, she says, “I’ll get back to you when I know my schedule.”

And then she doesn’t, guess what that means she didn’t really care to see you again and didn’t care that you dipped from her life. And at the end of the day, she didn’t do what she said she was going to do. And you want women to have a healthy attitude, “I’d love to see you.” This woman cancelled a date. “Oh, something came up.” I would say she probably just wasn’t feeling like she wanted to see you that soon.

During that date she talked about her ex a lot and didn’t make any advances towards me, so I didn’t try to touch her and we just kept talking and teasing each other. At the end of the date I was pretty sure it wouldn’t go anywhere but then she kissed me all of a sudden.

See, the book would really help you because you don’t really know what to look for.

I took it as a good sign and texted her the same evening setting up a date on Sunday. She seemed eager to meet up and indeed couldn’t keep her hands off of me on the third date. At the end of it I suggested we went back to my place and it seemed like she was considering it for a second, but then decided not to. Even though I kind of knew that I should slow it down at that point, I texted her about an hour later setting two dates in a row.

Yeah, you can’t do that, man. It’s too much too soon. It makes you come off as needy and clingy and insecure. And it’s going to repulse women when you do that. Because guys that behave that way get real attached, and then they start getting angry and upset when the girl becomes unavailable or doesn’t want to see him as much.

Although she seemed really eager to meet me again, I now know that I fucked up at that precise moment. On our fourth date she seemed distant, was a bit cold and again didn’t make any advances. She even tested my patience by teasing that she’s not going to come back with me. I shrugged it off playfully and we indeed walked back together, although she did tease the shit out of me on our way back. I acted unbothered and was playful about it, but once I got home I was really confused why she acted that way, since on the previous date it seemed like everything was going great.

Well, it’s too much too soon, and the reason why she’s breaking your balls is because, quite frankly, she thinks you’re a bitch. That’s why she thinks you’re a bitch of a man. Because you act like a pussy, you act needy and you acted clingy. That’s just the feedback. Because a woman’s not going to tell you that. I’m telling you that so you understand how it makes you look and how most importantly, how it makes the woman feel towards you. You can’t fucking do that. Those are rules right out of the book. But you know, you’re a brand new student, so we’ll cut you some slack.

I didn’t text her that night as I was almost sure it’s not going to work out, but to my surprise she sent me a meme and thanked me for a nice date saying that she had a lot of fun. 

Our last date was on the 21^st of September, and we went for a trip to the mountains. The same scenario played out, we talked and laughed a lot, but she still felt distant. She then started to explain that it’s the first time in her life she behaved like that and that she’s always went all in from the start, and that her behavior during our previous date was caused by the fact that she wanted to end it that day, but she had some much fun that she decided not to.

So that sounds like you were inquiring about her interest in you at some point. “Why were you so distant last time? Why do you seem not to like me?” I don’t know what he said, but it’s not going to go well.

I asked her to make up her mind and let me know whether she wanted to see me again, and then we moved on as if nothing happened. I still managed to make her laugh a lot and we had a few more deep conversations on our way back. When we parted she hugged me and told that she’d reach out to me. I waited for her text and she reach out a week later saying that she wanted to end it but didn’t regret meeting me, she thought we had a really good connection and that it was really easy for her to open up to me. I then said that it’s okay and I don’t regret it either and that I leave the door open if she wanted to meet up in the future. Since then I am in No Contact. I know that I screwed up a few times and I own up to my mistakes.

Well, that’s good news, because that means you could fix it. Because you’re willing to admit that you made mistakes, unlike the Red Pill retards.

But at the same time I think she might have not yet moved on. She talked about her ex a lot, had a rebound relationship with a long time friend of hers who also cheated on her. The supposed reason for her not being sure was that she didn’t want to hurt me as that guy hurt her and didn’t want me to be her rebound.

So what she’s basically saying is, you’re a really great guy, but you’re too nice and too much of a pussy. You dried me up. But we could be friends. You could fix my car, unclog my toilet, fix my lawn sprinklers, whatever happens to be. Clean my pool, hang my cabinets or pictures at home. But you’re not getting the box. That’s what she’s basically saying. She thought you were a nice guy. But that’s a problem. You’re too fucking nice.

At the time I believed what she said and thought that she’s just not ready, but thanks to your work I now think that it could’ve worked out if I just slowed it down. Was it my over pursuing or was she just not ready?

It was your over pursuing. She kissed you remember.

Am I just bullshitting myself?

A little bit.

Do you think there is a chance she’s going to reach out again?

Flip a coin? It could go either way. But you’ve got to stay in No Contact because you never try to keep somebody that doesn’t want to keep you when you’re in this dating phase.

Even though she really is the best I ever met, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who’s not yet moved on.

Thank you, Coach, in the meantime I’ll keep on studying.

Well, good for you for being open minded and recognizing that you’re making mistakes and questioning, “am I bullshitting myself?” Because we all do it. We all will bullshit ourselves and make up a story just like you made up a story, even though deep down you knew you shouldn’t have kept calling and texting and reaching out so soon and asking for more dates but you did it anyways. Because you were focused on your infatuation and your high interest in her. And so it was too much, too soon and made you come off as needy and clean and like a typical nice guy.

And that’s why she was very nice and respectful when she broke things off because she thought you were a good person. It’s just that the way you behaved as a man, you dried her pussy up instead of making her dripping wet. But there’s a real chance, especially if she goes out on a date in a few weeks with a guy that’s just a real putz. And it goes really bad or whatever and then she hasn’t heard from you, and she’s like, “what happened to Bob? I haven’t heard from him 3 or 4 weeks. He really was a great guy. Maybe I judged him too harshly. Maybe I really wasn’t ready at the time, and maybe I should give him another chance.”

And all this stuff happens when you’re not around. And then she might reach back out to you and say, “Hey, how you been?” I would say, “Hey, you, I’d love to see you again” and then make the next date. But the next time you go out there, hopefully you’ve been through the book a few times. You know, The Kiss Test (Page 164.) You know what to look for.

You know when to escalate, how to escalate. And that way if you have another date, she’s just like, “what happened to this guy? I never thought anything would go any further than that. I never thought my feelings would go beyond platonic towards you.” So if you act like a man consistently the way it’s in the book and she reaches back out in the future, there’s a good chance you could turn it around and lay the pipe on your next date. So plan logistically for the potential of that to happen.

In other words, don’t be an hour away from your house or hers when you’re all over each other and about to bump uglies and then spend an hour long car ride back, because by the time you get back, she might be like, I’m tired, I’m just going to go to bed. And then the opportunity is missed. Ideally, if you’re 10 to 15 minutes away from your place or hers, that would be logistically the best thing. So think from the end, assume you’re going to get laid, and if you don’t, you don’t. But if you can and you’ve got the logistics right, then it just flows nice and smoothly and easily.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.