How To Avoid Talking & Texting Women Out Of Liking You

How to avoid talking & texting women out of liking you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 22-year-old guy who says he’s read 3% Man twice. He says he always had a crush on his hot neighbor who lived below him with her boyfriend. She gave him her number before moving out and he later heard she was single again. He reached out and set up a date. They hooked up. However, she quickly lost romantic interest due to his talking and texting her out of liking him.

Now he hasn’t heard from her. He asks how to handle snap chat and other messaging when she’s the one reaching out. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

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So with that said, this particular email. This guy is 22. He’s in the Navy. He lives in the Carolinas. He said he’s read 3% Man a couple of times. So he had an interesting situation come up. He had a really cute girl that lived below him in another unit with her boyfriend, I guess she was 19. He’s 22, and the girl lived with her boyfriend. Then one night he came out or morning came out and there was a note on his doorstep that basically had her name and number and said, “Hey, if the dog is bothering you or barks too much, let me know,” kind of thing. So he didn’t think anything of it.

Then a few weeks later, he finds out she moves out. Didn’t know. Then shortly after that, I guess he hears that through the grapevine that she’s not with her boyfriend anymore, so he texts her. Then they ended up having a date, and then he texted and the date went fairly well. Then he texted her to set up a second date, and it just sounds like he didn’t have a definite date, definite plans. He exchanged Snapchat handles with each other, and you could tell just like what he’s saying, because you got to keep in mind, as I go through this email, the number one most important thing to women that they find attractive in men is confidence. You’ll see the things that he says are not really coming from a place of confidence, but one of kind of pedestalizing this girl like she’s a celebrity. Even though he is able to get a date with her, it’s clear that he’s saying and doing things in text and Snapchat that cause her eventually to just blow him off for their second date. He hasn’t heard anything since.

So it’s a really good email to go through, just to kind of critique how a lot of guys that don’t know any better, this dude’s young, but it doesn’t matter. I got guys in their 60s or 70s that are widowers that are just getting back into dating after being with the same person their whole life, and they do and say things like this because they don’t know any better. You see it in the movies all the time. It works in movies, but it doesn’t work in the real life, and most guys never figure out why it is these women disappear when they behave this way.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey,

A little about me: I’m 22 years old in the navy living in South Carolina. I’ve read your book a couple times and I’m continuing to read it while also applying things I’ve learned.

Yeah, the key is to be reading it and applying it so you can get better.

Here’s my situation:

I live in an apartment complex and shortly after I moved in I noticed the person living underneath me was a very attractive woman and she totally blew me away with her beauty.

You can tell he’s already pedestalizing her.

She’s 19 and had a boyfriend at the time. One day when I came home from work I found a note at my doorstep with her phone number on it apologizing for the noise her dog would make in the middle of night and it said to text her if the noise bothered me. A few months later she moved out and she broke up with her boyfriend and moved not too far away.

A few weeks later I decided to text her. I asked if she moved out and she said yes.

Before I read what his texts to her, as I’m going through this, you got to be asking yourself, does that really sound like something somebody was super confident and sure that women like him? Or does this sound like a guy who tends to kiss-ass pedestalize women and be too nice? Here’s what he says.

I then jokingly said, “Are you the short blonde girl that I had a crush on?”

That’s something a kid is going to text, maybe a child that doesn’t know any better. A masculine man is not going to text something like that. You could have said, “Are you that cute, short blonde girl that lived below me?” Instead, he says that.

She responded back jokingly and said “maybe” and sent me a photo.

So what you could have said was, “Oh shit, wrong girl, but you’re definitely cute. We should get together for a drink sometime. What’s your schedule like? I remember you, you’re my neighbor,” or whatever.

I sent her one back…

Meaning he sent her a picture.

…And she texted back how she’d seen me before, how she thought I was cute and how she had to FaceTime her best friend just after seeing me to tell her that a cute guy lives here. We had a few more back and forths and then I asked for her SnapChat. 

Why would you ask her for her SnapChat? You already got her phone number, dude, get to the fucking point and make a date. As it says in here, the phone is for setting dates and now you’re trying to get to know this girl. She already told you that she liked you and thought you were cute.

See, this is what happens. If a girl really likes you and you say something like he said that communicates the opposite of confidence, but because her interest is high, it didn’t really matter. The lower interest, you say something like that, that could be the end of it. That could be you just going, “Oh shit, another ass-kissing beta male.”

Again he’s asking for SnapChat, so I assume he starts SnapChatting with her again. The phone is for setting dates. She already likes you. You pass the physical attraction test a long time ago. She confirmed it. The only thing you need to do now is be direct, decisive, get to the point. Make a definite date with a definite date, definite time, definite place to get together. Instead, he probably starts texting her because he’s thinking he’s got to get her to like him, but she already does. So the more he texts and the more he talks to her, and the more he sends memes and stuff back and forth, especially if he’s coming from that place of, “Are you the girl I had a crush on? Ooh, your Highness. You like me.” He’s constantly communicating that vibe, and even though she’ll start out with pretty high interest, it declines fairly quickly.

Immediately after that I made plans right away to get together three days later. I was direct and to the point and the night ended with her coming to my apartment where we landed in bed, made out, and got a little intimate.

So he fooled around and he was unable to seal the deal. That’s what that tells me.

She stayed until 3 a.m., and when she left we kissed each other goodbye at my door. We really hit it off and I think things went well. 

Fast forward two days I then text her and ask her when she’s free to get together and I make plans that she agreed to. Later that evening I texted her again saying, “Are you still good to meet tonight?”

Does that sound like a guy that’s confident and always has women keep their plans to them because he’s a high value in demand sexy male? No, it sounds like a guy who constantly gets blown off by women because he’s a low quality prospect. So you may not think these are a big thing, but what you’re what you’re saying and how you’re saying it, communicates that you’re used to getting blown off and jerked around by girls you like. You make definite plans? She agrees to it. So why on earth are you texting her? “Hey, are you still good to meet tonight?” So it tells me he was making plans that evening. It doesn’t really sound like he had definite plans, especially when he’s asking her. Definite plans are a definite date, definite time, definite place to meet. I assume you’re going to go pick her up so you can go on a date. I mean, she was your neighbor. It’s not some chick you just swiped with on Tinder.

She replies with, “Depends how my night goes.”

So in other words, what that really means is, “I’m probably not going to make the date because you’re not strong enough. You’re a little too soft. You’re kissing my ass a little too much.” He probably acted dopey when he was with her and doesn’t really realize it, but I can just tell from the things he’s texting her, he does not act like a guy who thinks he’s worthy of her. He acts like a guy who’s desperate for attention from a woman like this, and he texts as if he expects to lose her attention and interest, because that’s what always happens. If he always acts this way, this is what always happens.

So I asked her what’s up and she told me that she was going to a car meet (One of her hobbies she told me about). I then responded with the takeaway. I simply said, “Sounds like you’re busy. Let me know if you can make it, if not, then maybe we’ll just have to get together another time.”

Well, I would have phrased it something like, “Well, if you’re not sure if you can make it tonight, why don’t we just do it another time when your schedule is more open?” And say it that way.

At this point, I don’t know what you were SnapChatting with her and saying, but everything you’re communicating is you’re communicating like the typical nice guy that gets blown off by girls. So she started out always saying, “Oh, this cute guy that lives upstairs,” then every time you interact with her, you’re kissing her ass and treating her like she’s some kind of celebrity. So of course, she treats you like a fan and blows you off.

To that she replied with, “OK,” and I left it at that. She never got back to me. 

My question to you is what to make of this situation.

You talked and texted her out of liking you.

Also, we SnapChat each other frequently back and forth on a daily basis.

It’s like you’re a texting buddy. This is what the book tells you specifically not to do, and yet you’re doing it. Now you’re surprised that she blew you off. You’re talking and texting every day. So what are you doing? You’re behaving like a fan, and you’re treating her like a celebrity. Of course, she’s going to go out and get fucked by Chad Thundercock while you sit at home and beat off to porn. That’s just a bad way to go, my man.

Would that have something to do with this situation?

Yeah, you’re violating the principles in the book. I mean, it’s in black and white. Don’t do this. The phone is for setting dates, and you had her phone number already, and then you’re like, “Hey, what’s your SnapChat? So you probably set a lot of verbal diarrhea. All I got was a small picture of your mindset and your mentality from your email. I can only imagine how much drooling all over her you did in Snapchat. That’s why you’re not getting anywhere.

How do you handle it when they SnapChat you and you back and forth? 

Thanks,

Bob

Again, I wouldn’t be SnapChatting with a girl like, this is just totally ridiculous. You have her phone number. You text, you make a date, and then you get the hell off the phone. You said too much. You talked. Again, just like I said, you treated her like a celebrity, so now she treats you like a fan. So I’m sure she appreciates the attention and validation.

If I were you, I would stop texting her and Snapchatting. I would stop Snapchatting her. You should only text this girl. I’d wait a couple of weeks and then text her to try to set up another date. “Hey, I want to see about rescheduling our date. What’s your schedule like?” If she gives you some run around, “How you been?” “Oh, I’m great. Things have been real busy. My schedule is crazy.” He’s like, “Let me know what your schedule is and get back to me, and we’ll plan something then.” Just like what I talked about in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, because it’s clear that you turn this girl off and she blew you off. So predictable.

I mean, it even lays it out in the book that this is exactly what’s going to happen. Yet you do the exact thing in the book that it tells you not to do, and you’re kind of surprised that you got blown off. These things are painful because you really like a girl like this, you live next to her all that time, and you can see it just did not take much to communicate that you didn’t feel worthy of being with her. So she had no choice but to agree with you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.