How To Avoid The Past Relationship Landmine

Mar 31, 2015 by Coach Corey Wayne

Attractive Woman Listening to Her BoyfriendThis is how to avoid the past relationship landmine…

Bringing up past relationships is always a tricky subject. Here is an email question I got recently from a client.

My answer comes in the paragraphs after he explains his situation. I’m going to call him Tom and her Cindy to protect the names of the innocent.

Corey,

Things have been going great, and Cindy does all the things you said a woman in love would do. We were talking today, and I asked her about her past relationships. She says that she’s ashamed to admit it, but she had a relationship with a married man about two years ago. It was a bad break up for her, and she basically pursued him for four months, on and off, until she gave up. Out of the blue, he called her tonight and they spoke for twenty minutes. He apologized, says he’s divorced and wants to stay in touch. She was upset, couldn’t go to sleep, and called him back at 4 am in the morning to say, don’t call anymore. Then she called me, still upset. So I let her talk and asked her questions; Why are you so upset? Do you think you still have feelings? Why did you talk to him for twenty minutes?

callI thanked her for being open with me, and let her know I’m sorry she got hurt. I also let her know that my interests are, that she’s completely over him and that she be honest with herself. I told her that I know how to walk away. Needless to say, she started getting an attitude. We talked a little longer, but I can tell she wanted off the phone. She apologized and said she loved me, but she wanted me to either listen or offer help, not tell her what I would do. She told me she loved me, and said she’s not okay, but she will be. I want to be there for her in that way, but it reminds me of times in the past when I didn’t get it with women. What do I do? Give her space? Try to be more understanding? Or let her feel that she could lose me if she doesn’t resolve this? I just want to keep her interested in me and be fair to myself as well.

Tom

Here’s my response:

Hi Tom,

Young couple in cafeThanks for bringing up a great question. You are in a relationship with Cindy, and should be focused on the relationship skills taught in the latter half of my book. Before I get to the root of your question, I need to bring this up first. You never threaten to walk away from a woman to her face. However, as I discuss, women have to know that if they push you too far, you will walk and never look back. That means, if she is disrespectful of you and your time, you stand up for yourself. You reward good behavior with more of you, and bad behavior with less of you. You set the boundaries by telling her what you did not like about how she treated you and how you expect to be treated in the future, then watching her ACTIONS, and not her words, to see how she responds.

If she abuses you continuously, then you spend less time with her. in my book She probably will try to test you with the same bad behavior to see if you really will stand up for yourself, and to see if you really meant what you said. If you do, you pass the test and she will stop. If you don’t, she will continue to mistreat you because you are teaching her it’s okay to abuse you by not standing up for yourself.

Basically, what has happened is, Cindy was being honest, open and sharing what was in her heart with you. What you had done right was to create a relationship where she feels comfortable and safe enough to share everything with you. Where you messed up was, you let your own insecurities, fears and doubts about yourself damage the intimacy of your relationship. You took a little thing, (this other guy calling her), and made it into a big problem. That’s what a woman does. Women take the little things and make them big, and your job as a masculine alpha male is take her big problems and make them little. So stop acting like a woman, and act like a man. A confident alpha male feels no threat from any man. He comes from the place of knowing that he has no competition. Even if his lady left him for another man, it is her loss, and he really feels that way.

Couple With Woman Suffering From DepressionHere is what you need to do. You need to apologize for acting weak when she needed you to be strong, and just listen. She even told you what she wanted, (they help you when they like you), and you ignored it. That usually prompts a woman to say, “you never listen to me.” Explain to her how you think you hurt her by saying… I know I must have made you feel like I did not trust you. You probably also felt like I could not be there for you to just listen in a non-judgmental way. Instead of allowing you to share your thoughts and feelings about something that was very upsetting to you, I was selfish and only thought about how I felt. I am sorry I have let you down, and I ask for your forgiveness. I really do love you, and I am sorry I was weak when you really needed me to be strong for you. Let her talk and share anything she needs to share. Ask her questions like… tell me more, don’t leave anything out, what else?, etc. You will know when you are done when she says… “I’m so glad we talked, I feel so much better, etc.”

Corey Wayne

Get the Book “How To Be A 3% Man”

How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | FREE**
How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | $19.95
How to Be a 3% Man
Audiobook | $19.95
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
**Free with a new Audible.com membership
How to Be a 3% Man
Kindle eBook | $9.99
How to Be a 3% Man
iBooks eBook | $9.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Lulu eBook | $9.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
How to Be a 3% Man
Paperback | $29.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Hardcover | $49.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Paperback | $29.99
How to Be a 3% Man
Hardcover | $49.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Get the Book “Mastering Yourself”

Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | FREE**
Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | $24.95
Mastering Yourself
Audiobook | $24.95
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
**Free with a new Audible.com membership
Mastering Yourself
Kindle eBook | $9.99
Mastering Yourself
iBooks eBook | $9.99
Mastering Yourself
Lulu eBook | $9.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
Mastering Yourself
Paperback | $49.99
Mastering Yourself
Hardcover | $99.99
Mastering Yourself
Paperback | $49.99
Mastering Yourself
Hardcover | $99.99
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.

Coach Corey Wayne Merchandise

T-Shirts & Mugs

If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com

If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:

  1. Make a donation to my work by clicking here to donate via PayPal anytime you feel I have added significant value to your life. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck... $2... $3... $5... $10... $20... what ever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, videos, emails, newsletters, etc.
  2. Referring your friends and family to this website so they can start learning and improving their dating and relationship life, happiness, balance and overall success in every area of their lives too!
  3. Purchase a phone/Skype (audio only) coaching session for yourself or a friend by clicking here. Download the Amazon.com Kindle version of my book to your Kindle, Smartphone, Mac or PC for only $9.99 by clicking here. Get the iBook version for $9.99 from the iBookstore by clicking here. Get the Audio Book for FREE $0.00 with an Audible.com membership by clicking here or buy it for $19.95 at Amazon.com by clicking here. Get the iTunes Audio Book for $19.95 by clicking here. That way, you'll always have it with you to reference when you need it most. Thank you for reading this message!

From my heart to yours,

Corey Wayne
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur

Published on March 31, 2015

Reader Interactions

Leave A Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

SUGGESTED ARTICLES

PHONE COACHING, EMAIL COACHING & PRODUCTS

1 Hour Phone/Skype Coaching Session

with Coach Corey Wayne
coachingcta-phone-300x200
This is for a one (1) hour phone/Skype (audio only) coaching session with Life & Peak Performance Coach Corey Wayne.

Emergency Email Response Coaching

with Coach Corey Wayne

DISCONTINUED

This is for one (1) emergency email response from Life & Peak Performance Coach Corey Wayne to one (1) email of yours.

Self-Help Products, Books, Supplements, Etc.

Highly Recommended
coachingcta-amazon-300x200
Click the button above to visit my Amazon.com list of recommended self-help products such as books, supplements, appliances, tools, etc.

Self-Help Products, Books, Supplements, Etc.

Recommended by Coach Corey Wayne
coachingcta-amazon-landscape
Click the button above to visit my Amazon.com list of recommended self-help products such as books, supplements, appliances, tools, etc.
How To Support My Work
This is a member supported site. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck, $2, $3, $5, maybe $10? Whatever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, emails, videos, newsletters, etc.
DONATE VIA PAYPAL
Just click the "Donate" button above to enter your donation/gratuity. Thanks in advance for your support! From my heart to yours, Corey Wayne.
Share Page on Social Media:
How To Support My Work
This is a member supported site. You tip your favorite bartender, right? How about a buck, $2, $3, $5, maybe $10? Whatever YOU feel its worth, every time you feel I have given you a good tip, new knowledge or helpful insight. Please feel free to donate any amount you think is equal to the value you received from my eBook & Home Study Course (audio lessons), articles, emails, videos, newsletters, etc.
DONATE VIA PAYPAL
Just click the "Donate" button above to enter your donation/gratuity. Thanks in advance for your support! From my heart to yours, Corey Wayne.
Share Page on Social Media:
FOLLOW
DONATE
PRODUCTS
SHARE
top