How To Become A Priority If She Takes You For Granted

How to become a priority if your girl takes you for granted.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares an update after 9 months. He’s still over investing, over pursuing, over validating & caring way more about his girlfriend than she does about him. He keeps giving all the leverage away and continually acts like a supplicating beta male seeking approval from his mommy and gets no respect.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter and the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be “How To Become A Priority If She Takes You For Granted.”

So, this particular email is from a viewer, last time we got an email from him was back in February. He was dating a woman and things weren’t going well. He’s made some adjustments, but you could tell he’s having a real hard time exercising self-control. He’s just clearly over investing, over pursuing, over validating and caring way more about his girlfriend than she does about him and yet he just never pumps the brakes. He kind of acts like a supplicating beta male all the time, seeking approval from his mommy. He’s just not getting any respect.

Women are naturally innately designed to seek our attention, to get us to pay attention to them so we can penetrate them emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically with our masculine presence. But if you’re calling too much, texting too much, your girl can tell you care more about her than she does about you. She’s not gonna respect you, and she’s gonna be kind of distant and she’s gonna back off. So, obviously you guys know reading 3% Man, it’s not an easy thing to learn, especially guys that are going through it. It took me a long time to learn it and figure it out, to find the balance between pursuing too much and being too much of a cold fish and not pursuing enough.

This guy gets upset that she’s not reciprocating in the way that he wants, and he tends to bitch and complain about it instead of just backing off and matching and mirroring her actions. But obviously, this is what happens when you really care about somebody and you fear losing them. What I call in 3% Man, “The Illusion Of Action” kicks in and you think you’ve got to do something to fix that. In his case, he’s trying to talk her into liking him or talking her into being more attracted to him, and respecting him more, instead of just letting her come to him and earn his attention and effort.

When you look at the older movies, i talk about this a lot. Especially up until maybe the early 1960s, I mean, you heard the expression, the most eligible bachelor. That’s a thing and in society, it was normal. Women were wanting the best guys, the most eligible bachelor who would only settle down when the girl just made life so awesome. For example, “It’s a Wonderful Life”. It’s kind of a corny old movie from 1946 or 1947 I think it was. But it perfectly captures that on video. You’ve got Jimmy Stewart’s character who plays George Bailey, and you’ve got Donna Reed’s character who plays Mary. Mary always had a crush on George, who’s a few years older than her, maybe four or five years older, I think it was. So it was expected that older men are going to date and get together with younger women because it takes men longer to mature. It was common sense back then.

But nowadays, what’s in the culture and movies and constantly watching television shows you see that the men act like women and the women act like men and it ruins the sexual polarity. If guys are not paying attention to the book, they’re not reading and they’re not trying to apply it and all they do is watch sitcoms and movies they’re getting brainwashed by watching this stuff. Because the soundtracks, the music, the emotions that it elicits in you, it literally emotionally anchors you to dysfunctional behavior.

So, you feel like what you’re doing is normal and what to be expected because you’ve got emotionally conditioned by TV and movies. You have to kind of undo, or as Master Yoda would say, “You must unlearn what you have learned.” This guy is clearly, even nine months later is still struggling with it and he’s not seeing it. He’s trying to use logic and reason to talk her into feeling stronger for him instead of just letting her be and letting her wonder. He should be more mysterious and just go about his life.

So he says,

Viewer Email:

Hi, Coach.

You answered an email from me back in February about the woman I was dating. Nine months later we’re still together, but I’m seriously questioning the relationship.

Well, your job is to focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up. Creating the opportunity for sex to happen, not trying to focus on a relationship and getting her to like you more. That’s approval seeking behavior. Women, which is feminine energy, want to be the ones seeking your approval. When you’re constantly doing it or doing it too much like this guy is, it turns them off.

I’m thirty-nine and she’s thirty-eight. We’ve taken several trips together, and have a big trip to Brazil in three weeks. She’s affectionate in person and makes future plans with me, but communication has been a recurring problem from the beginning.

Here’s where he just gets upset because women are like cats, they come and go. Sometimes they’re really excited and make a lot of effort, and then just like when a cat is tired of being pet it goes and does something else. What this guy is doing is running after the cat and picking it up and forcing it to stick around.

He says.

Almost every week she leaves conversations or questions unanswered, sometimes until the next day.

You are a man. You cannot be getting butt hurt and upset about this behavior. You’ve got to be amused and bewildered. As Rumi said, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” Be enchanted by it. You should be thinking, that’s kind of cute and you shouldn’t be bothered by it. This is unsettling for this guy and it uncenters him, which is unattractive.

I’ve calmly brought this up four or five times because it makes me feel forgotten and taken for granted, but nothing has really changed.

Because you’re acting like a fucking woman, dude. That’s why. It ruins the sexual polarity so stop acting like a fucking girl. If she’s not paying attention to you or she’s not answering questions, give the same kind of response. Give the same kind of minimal effort that she does. It’s not that you’re going to be rude or ignore her, but if she’s not answering questions and leaving you hanging, leave her hanging a few times. Let her be the one to wonder, is he upset? Does he not miss me? Did he meet somebody else? Is he fucking another girl?

That’s because, again it’s a scientific fact women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. As soon as she does something unexpected, he freaks out about it and gets upset and gets all up in his emotions and his feelings, like they do on TV or in the movies. In the movies and TV shows that works, but in real life you repulse your woman. Men are supposed to be the stronger sex. Men are not supposed to be all emotional and up in their feelings all the time.

I also noticed that most of our trips and activities are things she already wants to do and then invites me along.

Again, does that look like she’s seeking his approval and his attention or does that look like he’s treating her like his mommy? He’s like, “Mommy doesn’t love me. She doesn’t hug me enough. She doesn’t say, I love you enough.” He bitches about it. It’s unattractive. You can’t behave this way as a man and still keep respect and attraction alive.

She even said several times that she’ll go with me or with someone else.

That just shows she knows she’s got all the leverage and she doesn’t fucking care. Some of the times she’s doing it to troll you because she knows you’re gonna get butthurt. You can’t get butthurt. Your attitude should be like the Tom petty song, “If I don’t take you all the way, then go, but remember good love is hard to find.” In other words, if she thinks she can do better than me, then go.

Remember, good love is hard to find. He acts like he can’t do any better than her, just through his actions and the fact that he’s constantly bitching. She sees it upsets him, it displays weakness, and she keeps doing it because he’s acting like a bitch. Pretty simple. It’s hard to do when you really care. But at the end of the day, if you want your woman to be deeply in love with you and begging for your attention, you can’t behave the way this guy is. It just does not work. You just dry the women up. In other words, she’s indifferent to it and he’s not. That’s the problem. The roles are reversed.

I often feel like a welcome companion rather than someone she specifically wants to be with.

Well, that’s why you should match and mirror that behavior instead of bitching about it. Because it doesn’t work, you can’t use logic and reason to talk a woman into liking and loving you. Women need uncertainty. They need to wonder about you. They need to wonder where they stand. They need to wonder if they went too far or if they were too cold. What’s happened is like you’re like playing a constant game of chicken with her and you always cave. It’s unattractive. It doesn’t work.

This week was a good example. Monday night she texted “Love” as if she was going to say something else. I replied with a question mark and she never answered, although an hour hour later she was sending pictures in another WhatsApp group.

Yeah, she’s not stimulated emotionally.

The next day I didn’t initiate contact because I was still waiting for her response. Later, she texted me that she had been laid off. I immediately offered to call and support her.

I think he travels to Brazil, if I’m not mistaken. I think that’s the situation he’s got, so a little bit of a long distance thing going on.

I immediately offered to call and support her, but she said she didn’t want to talk and accused me of deliberately ignoring her all day, which felt like a huge double standard.

“You’re ignoring me all day.” It’s like, babe, “I’m calling you now. I want to see how you are. I heard you got laid off. You don’t want to talk? Hit me up later.” That should be your attitude. But instead, he’s getting all up in his feelings and butthurt about it and mad at her. The reason why she doesn’t want to deal with them because she knows talking to him is not going to be talking to a man. It’s going to be like talking to another emotionally upset woman who’s gonna probably bitch about the fact that she’s not calling or texting him enough and leaving him hanging. She doesn’t want to deal with a woman. She wants a man, but he doesn’t act like a man consistently, so she treats him like an afterthought.

A few hours later, she suddenly started planning our Brazil trip again and booked a hotel.

It’s just the way they are. Again, you should be amused by this behavior. If you act like a bitch women are going to treat you like a bitch.

Then that night, her grandmother died. I immediately sent her a supportive message, told her I loved her and offered to call, visit or help however she needed. No response.

So, you notice he’s trying to pursue. He’s trying to reach out. “Oh, you lost your job.” Then she has a family member die and he pursues more. Instead of looking at the fact that she didn’t really care to hear from you, dude. That’s what’s important. It shows you’re not really a priority.

This morning I still texted her asking how she was.

So he’s double and triple texting her despite the fact she’s ignoring him. He’s literally doing the opposite of the book. If you were her rock and her mountain, you’d be the first person that she called or texted when something bad goes sideways. She would be like, “I need to talk to you, I miss you. I had the worst day ever. I just want to hear your voice. You always make me feel better. You always know what to say.” That’s what should be happening but instead, he’s kind of assumed that role. She goes and gives her attention to other people because she doesn’t want to deal with his emotional irrationality.

Obviously, I’m giving her a pass right now because she’s going through an awful time. But the underlying pattern has existed for nine months, and almost every week I end up feeling unwanted or unimportant.

Who fucking cares, dude? Get a fucking hobby. Jesus Christ. What a pathetic sentence. You’ve been following me all this time, and you write something like that, and you don’t even recognize how it makes you look.

I feel stuck if I pursue. I feel like I’m overinvesting. If I stop filling the silence and let her come to me, she says I’m ignoring her.

So he’s letting the woman get upset and dictate the terms and the pace of the relationship and his effort. She should be the one bitching that you’re ignoring her or not paying enough attention and you go, “You know what? You’re right. Sorry, babe. Should have been more compassionate. Should have done this. Should have done that. I’ll make it up to you this weekend.” But until you hear that, let her be.

If you’d say, “Hey, sorry about your job. Call me if you want to chat.” And then. “Oh, I heard about your grandma. Really sorry to hear that.” I don’t know how he found out. Maybe he was on her social media and noticed that. So if if she didn’t tell you directly that her grandmother died, you saw it on social media. I would be pretending like it didn’t happen. But he’s probably looking at every story, every social media post, the moment that it shows up, and then he reaches out right away.

So you shouldn’t be doing those things either. Under normal circumstances, say you did see that her grandma died, but she still ignored you after you offered to be there for her when she lost her job. Since she still hadn’t reached back out, I would let her be and then she’ll probably go, “Oh, you didn’t care about my grandma”. It’s like, “Oh, I didn’t know, babe. Sorry. That’s awful. What happened? Tell me about it.” She’ll say “Oh, you don’t care.” It’s like, “Of course I care. That’s why I’m talking to you. Tell me about it. What’s going on?” You should be calm and relaxed, not constantly getting butt hurt and upset and taking everything as a personal violation. “Mommy doesn’t love me anymore.”

After nine months in multiple conversations, would you stop pursuing and let her actions reveal her level of interest?

I mean, it’s right out of the book, dude. Match and mirror it. I’m sure I probably told you this last time you sent an email in.

Or is this simply a relationship you would walk away from?

Well, you’ve got to clean up your behavior. Let’s assume the girl is a normal, healthy woman, but if you act this way with her you’re going to turn her off and dry her up for the same reason. So, if you don’t get this behavior corrected with your current girlfriend. The next one, you’re gonna have the same exact fucking problems with. So again, you’ve got to let women come to you at their pace and stop acting like a girl all the time. When you notice that you’re not really a priority to her, then she gets the same low level of priority in your life and when she feels that, when she feels the space and the distance, that’s when she gets unsure of herself. And guess what? Her attitude changes and she’s nicer. She’s warmer towards you. Even if she complains, just because she complains doesn’t mean you change your behavior and start over pursuing her.

I’ve read 3% Man six times so far and I’m about to start my seventh read.

That’s another problem. I don’t know how long you’ve been following me for, but serious students would have already read the book ten to fifteen times by now. You’ve probably just been thumbing through it and not really taking it seriously, because you’re cherry picking videos and being lazy you haven’t corrected your unattractive behavior. Women should be doing almost all of the reaching out. I mean, at this point she should be doing ninety-five percent of the pursuing anyways, and it’s clearly not the case. It’s probably closer to 50/50 because you just can’t stand not hearing from her and talking to her for a few hours, or a day, or two without freaking out about it and then communicating that you’re freaked out about it. So stop bitching about this.

Stop bringing up this behavior that is not going to fix her low attraction and low respect. You acting like a man who she has to seek your attention and validation will. If she complains, “Oh, my grandma died. You didn’t care.” It’s like, “Babe, I called you, you you didn’t call me back. But you know what? We’re talking now. Glad to hear from you. I want to hear about it. Tell me what happened. What are you thinking? What are you feeling?” At the end of the day, if you act like a man, you will easily attract her.

So again, you’ve got to match and mirror her behavior and you’re just not doing that. What’s happening is you’re all focused on how much you like her and you’re just completely ignoring the fact her interest is low and you’re using the illusion of action to talk yourself into doing more. You’re ignoring the fact that the more you do, the less interested she becomes. That’s again, why the book is laid out and says to, match and mirror that. You have to go slightly slower than the woman, and you have to appear to be slightly less invested than she is. You’re communicating the opposite all the time and that’s why she’s treating you like a second class citizen. On top of that, you’re half-assing it with the book.

You’re not really learning it and I can tell you don’t really know it because I just look at your behavior here and the fact you’ve only been through it six times. But who knows, that could have been six times over three or four years. So, you’re reading comprehension and your understanding of this material, and then thinking about the fact that you’re watching TV shows and movies where you’re literally being emotionally anchored to display dysfunctional behavior, it’s not working for you. All we’ve got to do is look at your woman’s actions. She doesn’t respect you. Her attraction is low. I would put her interest at maybe a six, maybe a seven. That’s not a nine or a ten where she’s head over heels in love with you. You’ve got some work to do, dude.

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