How to become they type of man women pursue and who has choice with women who approach him first.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 32 year old viewer who has been following my work for over 2 years. He’s had a lot of great successes and is dating and hooking up with several women casually. One of the women is a girl who approached him first at work. They have been hooking up for a few months, but he has noticed some red flags that would preclude him from considering dating her long term. He ultimately wants to be in a relationship, but for now has a small rotation of girls that contact him when they want to hangout. He wants to know what to do with the coworker. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, How To Become Popular With The Ladies.
Well, I’ve got a bit of a success story from this particular guy, and he’s got some questions. And so, he’s been following me for about two and a half years, and he’s read 3% Man, I think he’s said about ten times. So, he’s doing well. And so, he’s got a couple different girls he’s dating, and casually hooking up with. One of them is a girl from work who expressed her interest.
She started touching him first and made it very easy for him to seduce her, because I do see sometimes guys are like, “What do I do about girls from work?” And so, this guy does a beautiful job of just showing up and exhibiting the vibe and the qualities, the masculine qualities that I teach in My Book. And attraction is not a choice.
And as I say in the book, Mother Nature’s already handled that. And so, what it did is it created the conditions where this girl, his female coworker, felt safe and comfortable enough expressing her interest, and making it easy for him to seduce her. And if you’re going to get involved and date somebody from work, which especially if you work in the big corporate world, it can be very dicey and you’re risking your job if you’re going to do it.
But the way this guy went about it, and if you’re following what I teach in my book, you don’t really have to worry about these things being an issue, because this is all her coming on to you. And then obviously you have all the texts and the actions that will back that up and be congruent with it. And so, now he’s realized after a few months of hooking up with her, it’s it’s fun and it’s casual. She’s obviously dating and hooking up with other guys. He’s got another girl he’s casually hooking up with, who’s a little easier going, easier to get along with than the female coworker. But the female coworker, he’s made up his mind.
There’s enough red flags. He’s like, I would never date a long term, but hey, things are great. But he’s like, “Should I end it now? Should I keep dating her? What happens if she becomes hooked and wants me to be exclusive? And yet I don’t want to be exclusive with her.” So, there’s a lot of issues here potentially to disengage with this girl and when he should do it or if he should do it at all. So, let’s go through his email because this is what it looks like when you have choice with women.
I wanted to start by thanking you. I discovered your work about 2.5 years ago after being ghosted by a girl I was seeing. I’m 32 years old and since learning your work my entire dating strategy and perspective has been transformed. I’ve learned that in the past I was expressing weak/needy behavior without even knowing I was doing it. I have had 2 good relationships and many flings since then practicing what you teach. I have read your Book 8 times and recently started my 9th (going to hit 15.)
Well, that’s why he’s doing so well, because he’s taking the time to learn the book and read the book. But most importantly, he’s applying what’s in it. And so, he’s getting results that totally align with what the book says you can expect. Because as I talk about in the book, it’s like if you apply what’s in here, women become pretty easy to understand, and you don’t get bamboozled, and you don’t sound or act like a clueless dunce, like a lot of people and the red pill community happen to do.
We had a post that was when Katie was here, my old English girlfriend from the book, and one of the questions that somebody had sent in is like, “Hey, what about Passport Bros?” And so, we were talking about the guys that have the attitude of, “Screw my country. I’m going to go find a bride overseas because American women or Western women or UK women or Australian women, they just all suck because of the feminism virus.”
And obviously I had some choice words about that because I’m a huge patriot, and we got into this discussion. I think we talked about guns and the militia and all this stuff, and it was funny because it triggered a lot of the guys that are in the red pill community and they started puking up their red pill platitudes and, you know, part of their post in their delusion that, oh, if they get a virgin from the Philippines or somewhere else, Thailand or somewhere else in Europe, Romania or wherever it happens to be, that they’ll bring her back to the United States.
And because she was a virgin, or she had “traditional values,” she’ll just be loyal and faithful to them. And it’s funny, you got all these guys in the comments complaining about it and telling me I’m too soft and nice to women. And then you got other guys that are like got all these experiences that they had friends that went over there to other places in Europe to get a “traditional values girl,” and then they bring her back to the United States.
And two years later, after she gets her, three years later, she gets her citizenship, then she leaves the guy because at the end of the day, he’s still acting like a bitch. And it doesn’t matter where you are on the planet, it doesn’t matter what your cultural background. It doesn’t matter that you marry a virgin. It doesn’t matter that you marry a tradition values girl.
If you bring her back to the United States and you act like a bitch, she’s going to treat you like a bitch. If you continually act unattractive, eventually she’s going to leave you. So, you got a lot of guys in the comments that have the attitude because this is what the they’ve memorized from the red pill dudes that they follow, that foreign women are superior and yet you got plenty of guys in the comments like hey happened to me or I had friends that went over there thinking the same thing. They came back. They continued to be a totally unattractive dude. And once the girl got her passport, once she got her green card, she dipped out.
Like as if these guys think that they’re immune from getting used by a woman who really just wants to get into the United States, or somewhere in Europe or Australia or wherever it happens to be. And so, it’s pretty funny going through those comments and seeing that, because the reality is, is as a man, what you have to do is you have to control your behavior. You want to display the attractive side of you, and it doesn’t matter where the girl comes from. If you act like a bitch long enough, eventually she’s going to treat you like one.
And dating a virgin or marrying a girl from another country, does not insulate you, especially if you live in a blue state from her divorcing, you and taking half your shit once she gets her green card and her citizenship. So anyways, that was it was entertaining my morning before I got in here and was going through these emails.
So that’s why it’s important you got to read the book. You got to learn the material, because if you don’t and you have the mindset that you want to point the finger and say, “Oh, it’s modern women, it’s all women.” It’s like, what that does, it gives you permission to not take responsibility for everything in your life.
You can take some responsibility that you’re comfortable with, but it just makes it easy to point the finger and go, “Oh, it’s not me. It’s American women, it’s Western women, it’s women from the UK or whatever.” But the bottom line is if you act unattractive, women are not going to behave like they’re behaving in the email for this guy. And that’s the point I’m trying to make here, because the red pill stuff ain’t going to make you attractive.
It typically makes guys bitter and that’s why they’re so angry and they’re so hostile, especially when I have the podcast that we do with the girls. It’s like the guys that are bitching and complaining about women and saying all the nasty things, or the guys that women basically don’t like, and they don’t have any success with women.
And so, their cope is, is to talk shit about other people that do well.
I started a new job at a larger company as an Engineer/PM the end of last year and met a coworker. She is 23, extremely attractive and smart. I respect her as a colleague I work closely at times with. From the start we were very lighthearted, joking, and flirty.
So, the important thing with being lighthearted, joking and flirty is he does it without any attachments. He’s doing it without expecting a rise from her. He’s not hinting at sex or stupid things like that. The guys that don’t know any better try to do in the workplace, hang out and have fun, hook up. This guy is embodying that and he’s not trying to pick her up or hit on her because again, they work together.
And so, he’s acting like a guy who understands women, and who interacts with women in a good way and that women feel safe, and comfortable with him. Unlike the red pill, guys are so angry and bitter and buttered that they repulse women. And you could tell in the comments and the things that they say about women that that women can’t stand them, and they don’t like these guys, and they’re bitter and angry at anybody that does, because it makes it easy to not do anything to fix themselves.
Over time, she started to advance the flirtations, texting me out of nowhere with more sexual undertones.
So, his inaction here because most guys, when they get attention from a pretty girl at work, they’re going to basically lose their shit and fall apart, oftentimes say things or put their foot in their mouths. And what happens is this girl is the one escalating it, and this is what you want. You want her to do it anyways because women do the choosing. We may pick who we want to date, but it’s women who choose the guy that they’re going to be with.
I would always just hit the tennis ball back with some lighthearted flirting. I came to find out she was in a long term-relationship at the time.
It was like, Yeah, and that works to his advantage. He appears as a challenge to her because he’s not trying to get in her pants. Probably like half the other dudes at the company are.
So, it appears he was on the way out and she was beginning to vet.
Well, I say Monkey Branch. He says vet, but I would say she’s looking to Monkey Branch. In other words, monkey branching is basically holding on to one relationship, while you’re trying to find the next one, and not letting go of the old one until you find the new one or you get the replacement lined up. It’s typically, especially women with super low integrity do that all the time and they’re not happy. They just start lining up the new guy, inviting attention from other men. And then when the new one new thing looks good and the guy, they’re with continues to turn them off, eventually they leave them.
However, this raises a red flag for me that I noted (more on that later.) Fast forward a few months and she apparently dumped her boyfriend. We were out for a big group work dinner. She made sure to sit next to me.
It’s like, so, she’s constantly trying to get his attention and his validation, and women are naturally wired to do this. They will do this if you know how to talk to them. And you’re dangerous, but kind, fun, and playful, not angry and bitter like what I see from the majority of the dudes that are in the red pill community, they’re just nasty people. They say nasty shit about my girls, and it’s like douche bags and it’s obvious they don’t have any women in their lives and women just don’t like them because they’re so angry and bitter. Women don’t feel safe around them.
Then throughout the dinner she started to rest her hand on my upper thigh.
See how that works? He’s not doing anything.
I looked at her out of the side of my eye and gave a slight grin.
This is the attitude of a guy that is used to this. A guy who’s not used to this ever happening is just not going to know what to do. And then he’ll over pursue and then she’ll back off and stop. And then once she stops, he tries to force those kinds of things and then that’s when they get themselves into trouble.
After dinner a few of the younger coworkers went out for drinks. She insisted that I ride along with her. Who was I to refuse.
Obviously. Can’t deny her your presence.
The night accelerated and next thing you know we are back at my hotel, and she is straddling me.
Giddy up, cowboy. Giddy up.
As things were moving quickly, she stopped and said, “Is this a bad idea. We are coworkers!”
Sex has got to be your fault.
I chuckled back and said, “Maybe it’s a little wrong, but we’re adults and it feels right.”
Ding. See, it’s all your fault. Now she can blame it on you. It just happens. It just happened when I was straddling him at the hotel.
The speed at which her clothes flew off. The sex was great. Multiple rounds. The next morning as we were cuddling, my hand slowly went places and we got another round in.
Fast forward a few months to where we are now. She works in another office a state over. We see each other for work meetings in person a couple times each month. We have been hanging out after work, getting drinks, dinner, and then sleeping together. I have been also hooking up with another girl who is even more casual to the point of receiving texts from her late night, and then she just swings by my house to sleep over.
Well, obviously you’re in town together. And so, this other girl, the coworker, is now long distance.
My coworker has also been hooking up with other guys. She has even showed me texts some of these guys send her to laugh at their weak game.
Make sure you wear a raincoat, buddy. But it’s cool that he’s on that level and she’s totally showing him texts and things from other guys. It shows a high level of trust and plus he doesn’t feel threatened by it. And what it enables him to do is vet her and find out what she is really like. Does she have high character traits or is she just kind of the hookup girl that you hang out and you have fun you hook up with when you’re in the same town together or the same event?
I can’t help but feel a small amount of discomfort with this, but I don’t show any of this outwardly and just laugh it off.
Well, that’s a credit to you. The fact that she feels that comfortable with you, that she’s revealing all of these things about the other guy she’s talking to, and this gives you data for your analysis on vetting her properly.
Deep down I do want a more long-term meaningful relationship with a woman who deserves it. My coworker has shown enough red flags in that department to disqualify herself from a committed relationship from me.
Well. Plus, she’s long distance now and you only see her a couple of times a month. So, she’s an occasional friends with benefits, fuck buddy sex playmate, no strings attached. Because I mean, quite frankly, all relationships start out as casual affairs. But what ends up happening over time is that you click so much with somebody that you just start spending more and more time together.
And what could easily happen? He meets a girl in his city, or maybe even the other girl he’s hooking up with, and it just gets to the point where they get serious and then you can just have a conversation with the girl from work and say, “Hey, I really like you and I love hanging out. But one of the other girls I’ve been seeing has asked me to be exclusive, so I’m going to be exclusive with her so we can be friends. But I think you’re awesome. But we just can’t hook up anymore.”
She also has told me she doesn’t want kids which would be a deal breaker down the road.
Yeah, exactly. It’s like you’ve got to pay attention to these things. This is part of the vetting process and guys that don’t know any better just get hung up on their emotions and their feelings. And when they hear things like this or they see the girls just sleeping with a bunch of random dudes or whatever, she’s not very selective, if you will, then, yeah, it’s understandable.
You want a girl who’s going to value being in a relationship. In other words, you want relationship-oriented girls, not the party girls, the hook up girls, even though you can have a lot of fun. And he’s obviously having a lot of fun with this girl, but he’s seen things that says. No long-term relationship for me with her.
So, I have continued going out, getting numbers, and go on dating apps in search of a more quality relationship partner. Lately, I have considered ending the intimate relationship with my coworker to maybe “let her down easy” as to avoid future drama in the workplace if/when I find a girl I would want to commit to. But through your work and my practice in meditation I have also considered that this could be my old subconscious self-sabotaging emotions and jealousy.
Yeah, obviously she’s not just casual because on some level you care and you care that she’s hooking up with other guys, but you have to remain objective in it. You have to look at the reality as it is. You’re not attached. She’s not attached. You’ve already made the determination that she’s not long-term relationship material. She’s just one of the girls in your practice squad.
Should I continue to hang out, have fun, and hook up with her or set a boundary and end things?
I appreciate all of your help,
Well, it’s up to you. I mean, the reality is, if you have two women like this, that you’re hanging out and having fun and hooking up with, it’s going to and plus, she’s out of town. So, it’s just a casual type of thing. And I assume you’ve continued to do nothing to pursue her. It’s all her doing, 100% of it. And you’re just basically because love is allowing. You’re just allowing her to come and seduce you when she’s available.
And having multiple women like this that like you, that want you, that want to sleep with you and that want your attention, makes it a hell of a lot easier to get other women that like you and want to sleep with you versus when you haven’t had a date in six months. It’s a lot harder. So, you have to consider those things and whether you should stay with her or not, it’s up to you.
But from what you shared; it seems pretty casual. Plus, this girl’s got other options. She doesn’t live in your city anymore and she’s dating other guys. But if you’re feeling yourself getting a little hooked on her and like, you want to lock her down to a commitment, even though you’ve already decided she’s not long-term material, maybe you’re not able to handle it. But the reality is, is that self-control is a man would mean that you’ve got to see reality as it is.
And if you’ve already made the determination when your emotions aren’t that invested that she’s not long term relationship material, then 2 or 3 months down the road, you should not be allowing yourself to become emotionally infatuated, because if you do, then what typically is going to happen is that you’re going to lie to yourself and you’re going to bullshit yourself into saying, Oh, this girl is great girlfriend material.
And then what happens is you start to pursue a little bit more and then she starts to back off because she can feel that you become more emotionally invested in her than she is to you. And then you end up chasing her right out of your life. So, it really is up to you. There is there’s downside risk. Obviously, you’re dating a coworker and that’s risky in and of itself. And so, whether you end the relationship now or you end it six months or a year from now, when you meet somebody else, it’s like, who knows? Maybe she ends up getting serious with one of these other guys.
And if that happens, then how are you going to feel? And because rejection breeds obsession. So having 2 or 3 different women you can date and hook up with if you’re going to have a rotation is much better than just having one that you know you’re not going to get serious with because then all of a sudden, if she gets serious with somebody else, then you’ve got nothing going on. And then what ends up happening is then you start trying to pursue her and lock her down when she’s already dipped to somebody else.
So, for your emotional muscle, it would help to have multiple women you’re dating and sleeping with. That way, if you lose one, you’re no you don’t put yourself into a pussy embargo. So, you’ve got to consider that, especially if you’re still growing and still trying to grow your emotional muscle and become strong enough to resist the urge to get emotionally hung up on women that you should not be. But this is your life, dude. This is your game. You have to put your big boy pants on and make a decision. But hey, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. If things are cool, she’s in another state anyways and you’re only going to see each other once or twice a month.
That sounds like a great thing. So, it’s like, why screw it up? But you got to keep looking for new women. You got to remember, you got to churn your practice squad. We’re heading in. NFL training camp is started, and after the three preseason games, you have your active roster, and you have your practice squad. And so there should always be new girls coming on your practice squad and some of them getting dropped from your practice squad because ultimately, you’re looking for the right person for your active roster, if you will.
So, remember, one is no choice. Two is a dilemma, and three, as is a choice. So, my advice would be. Get a third girl. Get a fourth girl. And then if you need to drop one of them off your practice squad, it’ll feel a lot better and be a lot easier versus having nothing going on. So, it’s always better to have an abundance. Whatever you can do to have more women in your life is going to be good for you.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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