How to properly employ the take away date strategy to determine a woman’s true romantic interest in you, so you only date women with high interest.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been following me for a year and says he’s been having great success applying what he’s learned in my books, videos and website articles. Recently, he used the take away date strategy on a woman who was displaying less than acceptable levels of interest and enthusiasm about scheduling a date with him.
He shares their text exchanges and asks for my opinion on her reaction and the fact she was okay with scheduling for another time, but she never reached out to schedule another time. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I’ve got an email from a guy who’s been following me for about a year, and he met a woman recently who was kind of displaying signs of not really being that interested. She kind of had a lack of enthusiasm, and so he borrowed something that I talk about in my first book, How To Be A 3% Man, which actually comes from sales. It’s called the take away strategy, and this is actually a negotiation tactic.
If you’re in sales, if you’re selling something or you’re negotiating with clients, it’s a very powerful tool to use to determine how serious your prospect is. Because people typically want something that they can’t have. Scarcity creates value. And so, if your offer is not enthusiastically accepted, you can withdraw the offer and then offer something vague in return or nothing at all and see what your prospect does.
So, if your prospect has kind of mediocre interest but they still want it, and then you do the take away, meaning you’re going to sell it to somebody else, or potentially give it to somebody else, or just spend your time with somebody else, then it helps them move one way or another — move more towards being enthusiastic about seeing you and making definite plans, or just shrugging their shoulders and being okay with you disappearing.
The idea is your greatest gift you can give anybody is a gift your time. If somebody is not appreciating it, you don’t want to waste your time with somebody. If you’re in sales, you don’t waste your time with the prospect that’s got terrible credit and can’t afford to buy what you’re selling. And when it comes to dating, you don’t want to spend your evening and your money getting together with somebody that really couldn’t care less about you.
So, you want to be efficient with your use of time, and you want to get in the habit of booting people out of your life who just don’t value you, don’t appreciate you and really don’t care about you. You’ll be much happier spending your time with people that really want to be with you, versus trying to get people to like you and spend time with you who couldn’t care less if you got hit by a bus or not.
I’ve been a student of your work for nearly a year now and have had great success applying your teachings. I’ve watched all of your videos several times and have read How To Be A 3% Man over 10 times. You’ve opened my eyes to the nature of women, and I can’t thank you enough for that.
Today, though, I have a question about how I used the takeaway. For context, this is a girl I’ve bumped into at a few social gatherings. We’ve talked one-on-one for a few hours, exchanged info, and got along well, though I felt her attraction was middling at best.
I’d say your impression is spot on, because obviously, I’ve already read this email before. But it’s good, because I like how he’s self diagnosing. He’s trying to determine “how into me is she?” Just because you talked for a couple hours at a social gathering doesn’t mean she wants to jump your bones necessarily.
I decided to shoot my shot anyway. I’m finding it hard to tell if this result is a case of low attraction or if my game was off here? I’ve included a transcript of our text conversation. This was a few days after we last spoke at a social gathering and exchanged info.
Me: “Btw, I had fun hanging out and getting to know you a bit the other day. Want to get together when I’m back in town later in the week?”
Her: “Sure!! I’m really thankful for the moral support I got.”
Me: “Sweet! How’s Sunday around this time for you?”
Her: “It’s a tad bit early, I’m mostly free later in the evening, so a couple of hours forward from here is the earliest I could go for.”
Me: “That works, I’ll pick you up around 8 your time?”
Me: “I look forward to it.”
That should be the end of story. I mean, they spent quite a bit of time talking. It’s not like he had like two or three minutes, met her on the street and didn’t have enough time to establish rapport with her. So, she knows what he’s like, he knows what she’s like, and they’ve spent time together, so they have enough to create rapport. And now, this is where the rubber meets the road, “Are you in, or are you out? Do you like me enough to want to spend time with me, or not?”
I thought we were good to go, but a few hours later I got this text:
Her: “Hey, could we go for a time a bit later this Sunday? I think it’s gonna be a movie night, I wanna join that day.”
If a woman really likes you, and she doesn’t want to screw it up with you, and she’s glad to have the date, and she’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you,” and then she’s like, “Oh, I’ve got some other things I want to do,” if you agree to something like this, there’s a good chance she might just blow you off. “Oh, I got tied up at the movies. I’m not going to be able to make it,” and you get a real flat kind of cancellation at the last minute.
And keep in mind, he’s already said, “I’d say her interest is middling,” so on a scale of one to ten, if we look at the attraction table in the “It’s All In The Numbers” chapter from my first book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” I’d say her attraction’s like a five, maybe even a four, on a scale of one to ten. And if it’s a five, he has a chance of raising it. If it’s a four, there’s nothing he can do.
And you want somebody who has enthusiasm for you. You don’t want to just go out with a chick that’s like, “Ehh, if something better comes along, I’m going to blow you off.” That’s kind of the vibe and the attitude that she’s giving him, and I’m glad that he’s recognizing it. Because think about it, you’re going to go out and you’re going to spend your evening, and you’re going to spend money. You spend a few hours with the girl, you go to kiss her, you get the cheek, you never go out with her again. And you’re like, “I wasted that time and I wasted the money,” and you can’t get it back.
And it’s like, who wants to waste their time and their money? I’d just rather know upfront. And women don’t come right out and tell you these things. They speak a little bit of a different language. And so, you have to learn to read between the lines and use a little bit of strategy, from sales in this case, to see, is she a tire kicker, or is she a serious prospect?
I found it a bit funny that she would negotiate a time, then want to re-negotiate it more because she was invited somewhere else.
Yeah, it just shows that you’re the low man on the totem pole, and you’re really not that important to her, and she could really care less one way or another whether you get together. In other words, “Ehh, if I’ve get nothing better going on, yeah, maybe I’ll spend time with you.”
I wouldn’t have been so quick on the take away if it were some sort of responsibility that came up. All things considered, it seemed kind of disrespectful to agree to meet then want to change times for something like that. Still, I did my best to make the take away seem polite and in good humor. What’s your opinion?
So, here’s where he employs it.
Me: “hmm why don’t we get together another day when your schedule is more open then?”
Her: “OK, sure!!”
Me: “LMK when you’re free and we’ll set something up”
Her: “Sounds like a plan!!”
I’ll admit, I was a bit caught off guard by that “ok, sure” with no follow up. From here, naturally, I won’t be reaching out again.
I wouldn’t either, because you want to keep your life an asshole free zone, and you don’t want to waste it with people that really don’t care. You’re not interested in being somebody’s option, or afterthought, or backup plan if the movie doesn’t turn out to be that fun.
I suspect this will be the last I hear from her about it.
Probably. If I was a betting man, I’d put money on that.
I’d appreciate any insight you have for me Coach.
Thanks a bunch.
So, I think you did a good job. I mean, it’s obvious you liked her and you’re disappointed, because “we spent all this time, several hours, talking.” It seems like, I guess a couple of different times they bumped into each other, and he’s thinking, “Hey, I think I’ve got a shot.” But like I said, he was like, “Her interest is middling at best.” So he’s like, “I’m going to shoot my shot and see what happens.”
Because if if her interest had been a true five, she would she would have backed up and said, “No, no, I can make the 8:00 p.m. Let’s keep it, let’s do that then.” Or she would have offered a different day and time she was available, because she wouldn’t want to wait or have a pause. She’d want to help arrange a get together.
But you can see from her response, she could have cared less if a big meteor landed on his head and she never heard from you. She just doesn’t care. She’s not interested. And this isn’t nice, it stings, it’s not fun when this happens, especially when you’re hoping to get together with her, but at least she didn’t waste your time, and you didn’t waste your money going out with a chick that it really wasn’t going to go anywhere with anyway.
But these are the kinds of things that prevent that, because imagine going out and you blow $100, $150, going to eat or have some drinks, maybe a bottle of wine or some nice food or appetizers, and then you get a kiss on the cheek afterwards. You’re thinking, “I’m a damn chump. I just took this girl out and did something nice for her, had a nice evening and all I got was a kiss on the cheek for my troubles.” You feel like a chump when stuff like that happens. So, you’re trying to avoid these things.
At the end of the day, it’s not cheap. I mean, I know most guys aren’t rich, so it’s like you want to be smart with your resources. If you’re going to spend your money and take a chick out because you invited her out, you want to have a good time and you want to make sure she’s there because she really wants to spend time with you. And if she doesn’t, she can go on down the road.
So if you’ve got a challenge in your personal or your professional life and you’d like to get my help, you can book a coaching session at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“People who have low interest in you and who don’t value or respect your time and what you have to offer will often waste your time, jerk you around and blow you off with no remorse. It’s way more fun and makes you feel better to spend your time with people who are excited to see you and are grateful for the opportunity. We all want and deserve to be with people who love us for who we really are. Your time is the greatest gift you can give to anyone. Therefore, when you sense a lack of interest, enthusiasm and gratitude from someone you’d like to spend time with, offer to reschedule another time without offering anything specific. If they really want to see you, they will make definite plans. If they don’t really care, they will accept your offer of another time without planning anything specific. This will help you to avoid time wasters and tire kickers, so you only spend your time with people who really want to see you.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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