How To Enjoy Life & Attract Women Even When You’re Struggling

The importance of getting to a happy place first to attract women & enjoy life.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how a friend recently pulled him aside to tell him that he didn’t have any passion. He admitted that it’s true. He finds life to be boring and that he wasted the best years of his life. He’s never been in a relationship and doesn’t know where this feeling comes from. He says he’s not enjoying life at all.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How To Enjoy Life & Attract Women Even When You’re Struggling”.

So this particular email is from a viewer who shares how a friend of his recently pulled him aside to tell him that he just doesn’t have any passion. In other words, he could see it in him. He doesn’t seem to be jazzed about anything in life, and so he admitted to his friend that “it was true. And he finds life to be boring, and he feels like he wasted the best years of his life.”

He’s never been in a relationship and doesn’t know where this feeling comes from”, but he says he’s “not enjoying life at all.” Well, it’s going to be really hard to attract a woman, because girls just want to have fun, if you’re not enjoying your life. Because if you’re not proud of yourself, proud of your life, excited about it, and where you’re going and your future, how are you going to get a woman excited about it?

How are you going to get excited about her joining your fun bus? She’s not going to want to get on the Debbie Downer bus. And so that’s why first and foremost, you got to get to a happy place. And the other thing you got to remember, it’s like, what is the purpose of life? It’s to enjoy it. Because it ain’t going to last. Everyone you love, everything you build, eventually it all is going to turn to dust anyways.

So you might as well find a way to be of service to your fellow man and woman. And most importantly, try to find ways to enjoy your life. One of my closest friends I’ve known since high school, that’s like, his North Star is, I want to have a good time. His kids have grown up, become cool humans themselves. He’s always the life of the party. He’s always smiling, always cracking jokes, always excited about the future.

He’s always excited to be where he is. And so the party is wherever he’s going. He’s looking for reasons to go through life and have a good laugh and have a good time and meet strangers along the way. So in times where he struggled, he’s kept a good attitude and always still as North Star, I want to enjoy my life. I want to have a good time. So that should be really the mission for every dude is to enjoy your life, enjoy the journey.

Because to get from where you are to where you want to be, the big things you want in life, the successes, it takes many years and decades to make big things happen. So you got to think in terms of decades. And we tend to overestimate what we can do in a year, but underestimate what we can accomplish in a decade. And so at the end of the day, time is going to pass.

So you might as well spend your life being productive at things you enjoy and that you’re good at, or at least that you have a passion for, because repetition becomes the mother of skill. So if you have an emotionally compelling mission and purpose. Something you’re trying to accomplish, something you want to become, and you’re excited about it. You’re getting up early.

Looking forward to it. Maybe it’s something you’re working on on the side while you work for the man during the day to pay the bills, biding your time until your little side hustle gets to the point where it’s a nice little side income, and eventually it grows and it does well enough to where if you leave working for somebody else or work full time in your side hustle, you can actually make as much or even more money than you were making before.

And so you just nicely transition into those kinds of things. I wrote about that in Mastering Yourself. And so everybody starts out as a novice, and even if your life is not what you want it to be, you’re not where you want it to be. At least you can get excited about what you want to create, even if it’s going to take ten, 15, 20 years to become that.

Because success in life is making progress. And so if you feel like you’re making progress from going for where you are to where you want to be, you’re going to feel happy. Because you can see, even if it’s small, incremental progress, at least you feel like you’re getting somewhere. And over time, over many years, those little increases in success or pieces of wisdom or connections or relationships, whatever they have to be, they bear fruit.

And then when you look back ten, 15, 20 years from now, you’re amazed at how everything kind of lined up for you. So back to our emailer who’s not enjoying life. You need to change your focus first and foremost, and you can change your story like that. You can change your story that, “I’m Bob and my goal, my purpose and mission in life is to enjoy it and to find a way to enjoy it, even if I’m going through hell right now.

At least I want to find the way and find the time that I can hang out with people I care about and who care about me, and at least laugh and have a good time. And if I don’t have anybody to laugh and have a good time with, at least I can go, maybe a nice restaurant somewhere out by the water, on the beach, or on a lake, or in the mountains, or wherever it happens to be, and just enjoy the view and the good meal, good service.”

Whatever it happens to be. Because when you’re happy and you’re enjoying your life, you’re going to smile more. And if you’re enjoying your life, women are going to notice that and you’re going to find you attractive.

But if you’re walking around with a scowl on your face and you’re miserable, just like anybody that’s ever gone into a bar where it’s busy, you got a bunch of girls, you’ve got a bunch of dudes, and there’s always a group in the corner somewhere where a bunch of guys who got one hand in the pocket and they’ve got their drink in front of their chest, and they don’t look like they’re having a very good time.

They went out hoping to meet somebody, and yet they all stay in the corner and they don’t really want to be there. They’re not enjoying themselves. They’re not happy. They’re not having a good time. And now the girls avoid them like the plague. But the guys that are having fun, not really even paying attention to them, the girls are going up to those guys and wanting to chat with them because they look like they’re having fun.

And so again, your goal should be to get to a happy place and be enjoying your life, because then you’ll attract somebody who’s happy. If you’re miserable all the time, you’re typically not going to attract a woman. Or if you do, you’re going to attract somebody that’s just as miserable and unhappy as you are. Like attracts like. That’s why it’s important to get to a happy place yourself first, and then attract somebody who’s also in a happy place, and then you can make magic together.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I am 27 years old guy from Europe. I have read the 3% Man 20 times so knowing the material is not an issue but I still manage to find creative ways to fuck up.

It’s like, well, don’t we all dude. That’s part of life. You’ve got to think of it as kind of like an Etch a Sketch. I don’t know if you guys have that toy over in Europe, but it’s got like two dials and you shake it and you get a clear screen and then like one dial goes up and down, the other one goes from the left or to the right. With these dials you can make pictures and draw things. And if you don’t like what you drew or it sucks, you just shake it.

You get a clean screen, you can start all over. And that’s kind of the way life is. Every day you get a fresh Etch a Sketch and you get a fresh canvas and you can make it whatever you want it to be. So try to make it something that makes you smile and laugh, even if you’re going through a difficult time, even if life sucks or you feel like you’re going through hell, or it feels like hopeless. Because when you’re in the thick of things, the dark night of the soul, if you will, it feels like it’s never going to get any better. It feels like it’s always going to be like that.

And the more you can become comfortable going through long periods where your life kind of looks that way. As you get older and you get experience, you realize successes start to happen. They’re long in coming. Because at the end of the day, we get paid based upon the value that we bring to the marketplace.

We get compensated for developing our gifts, our skills, our talents, and growing our reserve of knowledge. That’s what people pay us for. So focus on becoming a man or a woman of value. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Make yourself necessary to somebody. Be the indispensable person, the kind of person that somebody cannot do without.”

I have been trying to date for 8 years now with no success.

Well, again, if you’re not happy and enjoying your life, women are going to avoid you like the plague because your bad vibes. Like one of the things that the girls, every girl I’ve known that’s met Chunky, they all say, “I love Chunky. He’s good vibes. He’s always smiling. He’s always happy. He’s always having a good time.” He’s like his dad. He’s the same way, so he’s always chill. He’s always smiling, looking for a reason to laugh. He doesn’t let shit get under his skin. He doesn’t go out looking for fights or nothing. He goes out wanting to have a good time and smile and laugh.

And the women love him for it. But if you’re going out and you’re fucking miserable “Ugh. I haven’t had any success in eight years, I hate my life. I’m bored.” It’s like, again, you’re not enjoying your life, so you’re not really going to be good company to be with. That’s why your number one goal for right now should be to get to a happy place. Whatever changes you got to make in your life, make those changes so you can get up and spend more of your moments in the day smiling and laughing and enjoying yourself.

When I finally got laid, I was so disappointed I never had any drive looking for sex again. When I found your work women were so interesting to me and it was fun talking to them. Now the most beautiful woman could walk past me and would just say “meh”. I just don’t see any charm in them anymore.

Well, if you don’t see any charm in yourself, it’s going to be hard to see charm in women. That’s why, again, you got to get to a happy place, dude. Because at the end of the day, we’re all going to die. You’re living in a body that’s going to die, and you’re going to run out of time. So you might as well be working at trying to make your life the way you want it to be, so you can enjoy it more. Some kind of life’s work that’s exciting and compelling.

And if you can’t do what’s exciting and compelling and you want to do maybe you have to go to school, maybe there’s stuff you need to learn, or maybe there’s research you need to do. Maybe there’s things you need to figure out. Maybe you got to go apprentice for somebody. But at the end of the day, everybody starts out as a novice. So give yourself permission to be a beginner again, even if it means changing careers or going and doing something else. Selling your house, selling all your stuff, and moving to the other side of the world or the country or the state or the city, whatever happens to be.

Or the block for that matter. Sometimes a change of scenery can be good. So the key is wherever you’re going in life, you’re trying to do things that are going to improve your quality of life. Just something simple, like maybe moving to a different area, a nicer area, or an area that has more of the social activities that you like to do. So it’s closer. It’s closer to the action. Or maybe you’d rather be out in the mountains, more like Chunky is in the mountains now.

Or maybe you want to be by the ocean, or maybe you want to be in the prairies somewhere, or Commiefornia or Thailand or something. The point being is that each time you do something, it improves your life. You have more reasons to smile and be happy, and you become a little bit more attractive. So maybe moving around in your city to a different area will just give you, you’ll be a new dude with a new attitude. Maybe it means changing jobs.

Maybe it means starting a little business on the side. Maybe it means reading a bunch of books about a topic you’re really interested in, or a business you’re thinking about starting. The beauty about life is that you can always read about people that are more successful than you, you know, and plus you got the cheat codes, you’ve got Mastering Yourself, you’ve got 3% Man. It’s great that you read the book 20 times, but if you’re not really applying it, which is what it sounds like, you’re not really doing much.

And so if you’re just ruminating about your problems, that’s the definition of depression. You’re sitting around focused on your problems and what’s not working in life. So focus on what you’d like to create and get busy taking productive action to make those things you want to happen happen. Because, as Dale Carnegie said, “Inaction breeds fear and doubt, and taking action breeds confidence and courage.” And if you’re so busy taking action, you don’t have the time to be miserable.

And so that’s how I know you’re not really taking much action and you’re not being very productive because you’re miserable, as you said in your email, even though I haven’t gotten to that point, I have read the email. But you know, if you’re sitting around with enough time in your hands to focus on the fact that you’re miserable and not enjoying life, that tells me you’re not very busy. You’re just sitting around. You’re sitting around ruminating, and that’s not good for anybody.

It’s not helpful or healthy. It’s not going to help you create the life and lifestyle you want. Get out of your house and go mingle with other people if you’re not working. That’s the thing that I always did when I was young, especially when I was in my early 20s, is that when I wasn’t working, anytime I had free time, I was out with my friends or my family or my buddies just having a good fucking time trying to enjoy life.

When I was going through college or I was working for other people, or I was building a business, or even when I was sleeping on the couch at my dad’s place in my late 30s, when I was starting the business that I have now and still trying to figure out my business model. I still focused on having a good time and taking care of myself and trying to enjoy my life. And obviously back then, I got to spend a lot of time with my family that I didn’t get to do when I was younger.

And so I was grateful to have that opportunity. And so wherever you are, you got to make the best of it. So if you went through life with what can I, especially something that can really help you is getting up every day and doing a gratitude journal. Just getting up and going, “What do I have to be grateful for today?” Well, I’m healthy. It’s nice out. The weather is warm, the weather’s cold, there’s snow. Whatever happens to be. I have a house, have a roof over my head.

I have a job. I’ve got money in the bank. I’ve got a nice car. I’ve got good friends. I’ve got people that love me. I’ve got things I’m excited about. I’ve got a new book I’m going to read. Whatever it happens to be. My stock did well, whatever. If I could find things to be happy in my life, what would those things be? And write them down every day before your feet hit the bed. Spend five minutes just looking for reasons to be grateful.

Whatever you focus on is going to expand. Whatever you get your brain to focus on is going to expand. If you wake up every day and get your brain for the first five minutes before your feet touch the ground. Focused on reasons to be grateful, even if it’s nice weather or health, or you had a good upbringing, or you live in a nice country or a nice area. Even if you got a clean pair of sneakers, whatever happens to be, or you got a dog that loves you or a cat that loves you, or turtles, whatever. What could you be grateful for? You’ve got your youth. You’ve got your health, whatever happens to be.

And I don’t want it to be like that at all. It feels like I have all this emotional baggage and I don’t know where it’s from since I have never been in a relationship.

Well, again, you’re focused on what’s not working. You’re focused on the fact you haven’t been in a relationship. You’re focused on you’re not happy.

I am very active. I do kickboxing, climbing, fitness, swimming and yoga. However a friend recently told me he noticed I don’t have any real passion. It’s true. I am not enjoying life all.

Well, that’s because you’re focused on negative things. You know your brain is going to give you more of what you focus on. If you’re focused on the fact that life sucks and you’re not enjoying it, what are you looking at? You’re looking for the reasons to justify why life sucks. That’s why a gratitude journal entry every morning for five minutes before your feet touch the ground in the morning, gets your brain focused on reasons to be grateful.

And so if you’re looking for reasons to be grateful, hey, I’m about to have some French toast or some eggs or whatever it happens to be. I’m going to have a nice, healthy smoothie this morning. I’m going to go on a walk with my dog in the neighborhood, and that always brightens my day. Whatever happens to be when you start focusing on things to be grateful for, you see more reasons to be grateful.

And you’re just going to be happier because that’s what you’re focused on. So whatever you focus your brain on, you’re going to get more of. So if you’re always focused on how you’re not enjoying life, you’re going to look at the reasons to justify why you’re not enjoying life, and then you’re going to do more of the things that cause you not to enjoy your life. But if you could start to enjoy your life more than you are, what would you do differently?

What could you do differently? As Wayne Dyer used to say, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” So start looking for and noticing reasons to get excited. And if you don’t know what you want to do with your life, I would highly recommend reading Mastering Yourself. There’s a playlist on the home page of my YouTube Channel called Discovering Your Purpose & Passion.

I recommend watching those videos that I did with the guys and girls, taking them through that process so you can see how it’s done and help yourself. Because again, inaction breeds fear and doubt. Taking action breeds confidence and courage. And it’s nice again, that you read the book 20 times, but what you’re lacking is taking action. You’re just sitting around not doing anything.

And even if you’re not happy doing what you’re doing, that’s why you need to be spending time looking for something that’s more exciting, more compelling. Maybe it’s a promotion, maybe it’s a completely different job. Maybe it means going back to school. I don’t know what’s in your heart or what you’re excited about, but you need to focus on that and figure it out and then get busy creating a massive action plan, as Tony Robbins would say, to make it happen, and then just be so busy taking action to make that happen, you’re excited.

Because every night when you go to bed, you’re going to feel content. You’re going to feel relaxed because you were busy all day doing things that were productive. Maybe it’s reading a book, or maybe you’re going on job interviews. Maybe it’s putting your resume together when you’re just busy all day long, taking action towards the things that you want, you’re going to feel productive. And slowly you’ll start to see your life changing. You’ll start to see some progress being made.

And when you see progress being made, that’s the definition of success. And if you feel successful because you’re making progress, you’re going to be happy because you can see that even though it’s slow as fuck that your life is changing and getting a little better. You can either go through life looking for reasons to get offended and upset, or you can go through life looking for reasons to be excited, optimistic, and excited.

Einstein said one of the most fundamental decisions that we need to make in life is that “Do I live in a friendly or a hostile universe?” And if you believe you live in a friendly universe, then you’re going to go and find a lot of friends and allies and good times. If you believe you live in a hostile universe, you’re going to attract and you’re going to see that. So again, whatever you focus on, you get more of.

However a friend recently told me he noticed I don’t have any real passion. It’s true. I am not enjoying life all. Everything is so boring. I feel like I wasted the best years of my life by making every wrong decision I possibly could while trying to become a man that women like.

Well, you shouldn’t be trying to become a man that women like. You should become the man that you like. Because if you like yourself, if you think you’re a pretty cool and interesting and fun natured person and you go through life enjoying it, women will notice that in you. And at the end of the day, I suspect you’re probably pretty young, maybe still in your 20s, maybe early 30s. But at the end of the day, it’s never too late to become the person you were meant to be. Everybody’s heard of KFC, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Well, Colonel Sanders was I think he was like 64, 65 years old. And he’s on like Social Security. And he had this recipe for fried chicken. And so he started traveling the country in his station wagon, going to, like thousands of restaurants, trying to get people to buy his fried chicken mix and sell it to their customers. And people in his family were like, you’re out of your mind. You like, you retired and went senile. They’re like, you’re,  this is ridiculous. Nobody wants your shit. And he went to like thousands of them over many years.

And eventually he convinced somebody to buy it and implement it. And the people loved the chicken and it did well. And then from there, he grew it and the Kentucky Fried Chicken. And he was really old when I was a kid growing up in the 70s, I remember he was still in the commercials. So but I mean, the dude was like 64, 65 years old on Social Security and he was driving around in his fucking station wagon and his family was like, you’re out of your mind. But he didn’t care. He had a vision. He was excited.

It was better to go out on the road and do that, than to sit at home and feel sorry for himself, and the fact he didn’t become the success that he kind of wanted to. So even at his age, he went out there and fucking got after it. He found a way to enjoy his life and created a lot of wealth for himself and his family. And, you know, lots of franchisees and millions and millions of people around the world that have enjoyed and still enjoy the restaurant that he created. Even though he was supposed to be old, to old, life was over for him and he was done for. But he chose differently.

And the funniest part is that I don’t even know how to participate in my own rescue because I really don’t know what the fuck is wrong with me. Do you have any advice?

Thank you for reading and have a good day.

Well, I don’t see it as anything wrong with you. You just don’t have a real plan. You’re not focused on things that bring you joy. You’re not really focused on trying to create a great life and lifestyle for yourself that you enjoy. And so that’s what you need to focus on. It’s like I said throughout the video, and if you do that, life will get better.

The more you focus on good things, the better you’re going to feel, the happier you’re going to feel, and the more you’re going to see women checking you out because you’re having a good fucking time. I mean, think about it, in the movies with James Bond, does he look like he’s enjoying life and he’s amused by life and amused by women? Or does he look like he’s fucking miserable and life sucks? It’s like, you know, he could die at any moment.

And so no matter where he goes, he’s living in the moment. He’s enjoying himself. When a pretty lady comes along, he has a good fucking time with her because he knows he may never see her again. The next day might be his last day on earth. And so he’s rocking out with his cock out and you need to do the same thing. Get out there and enjoy life. That should be your new mission in life is to try to find a way to enjoy it.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.