How To Ensure She Hits You Up For Sex Once She’s Single

How to ensure a woman contacts you for sex once she is single.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who had a girl he went on two dates with over a year ago reach out. He told her about some of his fantasies and she seemed intrigued and turned on by them as if she was open to making it happen, However, she currently has a boyfriend and is clearly reaching out because she’s looking to monkey-branch.

I tell him what to do to ensure she hits him up for sex once she’s single. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email was from a guy who had two dates with a woman about a year-and-a-half or so ago. He said the first date went well and they seemed to have a lot of chemistry, but the second date, she got really drunk and he got totally turned off to the point where he was just like, “Ahh!” He didn’t care to go out with her again, didn’t contact her.

Anyways, she just reached out recently to see what he was up to. He mentioned he just got right into some of the fantasies he’d been thinking about and asked if she was open to hearing about him. He told her about one and she’s like, “Oh, that sounds really hot,” and she kind of seemed to intimate that she was down. She even had a particular leather skirt that would accommodate the panty-free Friday fantasy that he had. I guess it was Friday, I’m just assuming. The little wrinkle is she has a really nice boyfriend she’s been with for about a year.

So the only reason she’s reaching out is because he stopped moving forward a year-and-a-half ago. She’s been thinking about him because remember, it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. She got rejected by him. Unlike probably most of the guys she meets and dates or hooks up with. So what this tells us, there’s only one reason why she’s reaching out when she has a boyfriend or is in a relationship, because she’s not completely happy, doesn’t think it’s going to go the distance, and she’s looking to monkey-branch with somebody else and see what’s available. She’s always been thinking about this guy and why he just disappeared after two dates, like pretty much every other guy that she meets.

So he starts messaging back and forth with her further and he includes a text exchange, I’m going to go through that, but he doesn’t want to get involved with her and create the conditions where she’s cheating on her boyfriend. They were talking about an open relationship or what he’s looking for. He’s like, “I can’t commit to anybody right now. I’d only be down for an open relationship or a fling,” or whatever. So she’s open, but you don’t want to encourage cheating, but you want to encourage her in a way that lets her know that you’re interested and you want the fantasy but, “You need to go resolve that boyfriend thing first, because I’m not getting involved with you as long as you’re in a committed relationship.” So that creates a challenge in you towards her.

At the end of the day, she’s looking to potentially see who she can monkey-branch to. So she can’t just monkey-branch with a boyfriend. So it forces her to resolve the issue with her boyfriend, either to tell him she wants an open relationship, or she wants to date other people or to outright break up with him. Then once that happens, if you tell her what to do, like I’m going to suggest at the end of this email and after I go through the text exchange, what I would do then when she ends things with her boyfriend or makes their relationship an open one, then you can get together with her and there’s no cheating or anything like that you encourage her to have, and you’re going to hold her accountable. You’re going to let her know, “These are the terms. I’m not going to be your side piece or another guy. If you guys decide to have an open relationship or it doesn’t work out, like we definitely need to make this fantasy happen. Hit me up when that happens.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey Wayne,

You answered a couple of my newsletters before, including one about seven months ago about the structured lawyer, but this one is about somebody else.

About a year-and-a-half ago, I matched with this woman on Bumble and took her out twice. The first date had real chemistry. We made out, and it felt like we probably would have ended up sleeping together if logistics had lined up better.

Well, as 3% Man says, the logistics of sex is up to you, dude. You’re supposed to account for that. Especially guys that do online dating, oftentimes they’ll be like, “Oh, she’s a half-hour away, she’s an hour away, but she’s really hot. I’ll meet her in the middle.” Well ideally, you either go on her side of town or your side of town, someplace to where you’re 15 minutes from where she lives. So if things get hot and heavy, you can go back to her place, or she comes to your town, you can go back to your place. You got to think about that.

You don’t want to be in like an hour-long fucking drive or a 45-minute drive to get back home, because just kind of the sexual anticipation can dissipate a little bit easier. More mistakes can happen. She can get too drunk. She can pass out in the car. She can get tired. You can annoy her. It’s just bing, bang, boom! You want to get to the point where you want to get to the bedroom in as few steps as possible, if she’s open to it. The more you put obstacles in the way, the less likely the sex is to happen. So it’s your job as a man to make sure things go smoothly, seamlessly, and effortlessly, because when you’re all over each other in a place you don’t want to be, then hop in a car for an hour.

But the second date changed the whole picture for me. She got too drunk and started crying about her life.

Well, you shouldn’t get uncomfortable with a woman getting emotional. That tells me she was very in her feminine because you were showing up as a man. At the end of the day, you want to get her to focus on something positive. So you want to let her cry, get the energy out, give her a tissue, and wipe the mascara off. Then say, “Alright, so let’s talk about something fun! Now that we got the therapy session out of the way, let’s talk about something. Let’s talk about you and me. Let’s talk about getting back to having a good time. By the way, it’s time for another drink. Time for another round.”

She was already too drunk, “Hey, you know what? We’ve been drinking a lot. Let’s have a nice, big, tall glass of water to help wash down the alcohol. Sober up a little bit for maybe the next round.” You gotta think about that, too. Every two drinks, you should have, like, a 12, 14 ounce glass of water. If your date is drinking too much, just say, “Here, drink this whole glass of water. You drank a lot. This will help dilute it so you don’t get too buzzed. I don’t want you getting too drunk and then trying to take advantage of me sexually because I’m just getting to know you.”

I probably could have had sex with her that night, but once she got that drunk, my attraction dropped fast. I left it there and didn’t pursue anything further.

Well, maybe she was sloppy drunk or maybe shit’s running down her face, and that’s unattractive, but when your skills get developed enough, you can let the girl have her cry session, and then you can go back, beat up her pelvis, give her a happy finish and she’ll remember the happy finish.

Recently, she popped back up and sent me a friend request on Facebook. I accepted, we moved the conversation to text, and I was curious what kind of energy she was coming back with.

I would be like, “Why not?”

After a little catching up, she asked what was new with me. I told her I was single, that my last relationship had ended about six months earlier, that I was buried in personal projects, and that I wasn’t looking for a conventional relationship right now.

See, now you’re a challenge. It’s like, “Oh…”

I told her the only thing I’d be open to at this point would be something open and non-exclusive, because I don’t have the time or bandwidth to properly maintain something serious.

See, that’s radical honesty. Women appreciate that.

She told me she has had a “wonderful boyfriend” for nine months and that she doesn’t think she would ever do an open relationship.

The next day, though, the conversation took a very different turn. I mentioned that I wanted to explore some fantasies. When I asked whether she wanted to hear them, she said, “Sure,” and then, “Tell me all.”

Curiosity killed the cat. See, it’s like, you’re a challenge. You’re kind of dangling some things that are kind of sexy. I mean, at the end of the day, she’s reaching out because she’s interested and she’s not completely happy with her boyfriend, but she didn’t shoot him down outright. She said she doesn’t think she would ever do an open relationship. She “doesn’t think.” She didn’t say, “No way in hell!” “I don’t think.”

At the end of the day, it’s your job to say, “Well, this is what I’m looking for,” and she can bend herself and submit to your agenda. So this forces her, because she can’t have you unless she resolves the issue with her boyfriend, he either becomes an open relationship, and if he’s soft and compliant, he’ll agree to it or she just breaks it off or puts him on break because she knows she’s got him wrapped around her finger and he’s too much of a pussy to stand up to her and tell her no. So she’ll say, “Well, I want some time apart. I want to explore other options. I need some space.” She’ll say, “I want to take a break,” and if he just like agrees to it, then she can do whatever she wants.

So I was direct. I told her I wanted to take a woman out in a short skirt and a low-cut top, with no panties and no bra, with that risky edge where there was a chance she might flash people while we were out. Instead of shutting it down, she said, “I’ve never done that but that’s hot.” When I asked if she had any short skirts, she replied, “Oh yes. Leather too. And stilettos.” When I asked what top she had to complete the look, she said, “So many options. Lowcut.”

So let’s go through the text exchange. So we get the typical girl line…

Jessica: “Hey.”

That’s her opener.

Jessica: “It’s Jessica.”

Bob: “There you are! So much easier to connect than Facebook Messenger. What have you been up to?”

Ah, so it looks like she reached out to him on text because she kept the number.

Jessica: “I’ve been really good. I got a full price offer on my house, so just waiting to close.”

Bob: “Wow! That’s cool. Where are you going to move after it closes?”

Jessica: “I already moved. I’m in Bob’s town on the waterfront.”

It’s not really Bob’s town.

Jessica: “I got a really nice apartment. I needed a break from being a homeowner. I like my changes. What’s new with you?”

Bob: “I’m doing well. I’m currently single. My girlfriend and I split about six months ago, which was for the best. I have a lot of personal projects going on that make it difficult to properly maintain a romantic relationship. Besides, I’m gravitating towards having open relationships. You?”

So this is where he’s a challenge. He’s setting the table.

Jessica: “I have a wonderful boyfriend of nine months now. I don’t think I would ever do an open relationship, but if that works for you, that’s cool.”

Bob: “That’s cool. Happy you found someone? I’m just going to explore the open stuff until I have more time to properly maintain a good relationship. I’m working on building a streaming app to view movies and TV series series. It consumes most of my mental bandwidth at the moment, and I also want to explore my fantasies as well.”

Jessica: “As we all should.”

Bob: “Would you like to know what some of them are?”

Jessica: “Sure. Tell me all.”

Bob: “Here’s something fun. I like to take a lady out where she’s only wearing a short skirt and a low cut loose blouse. No panties and no bra, of course.”

It’s like, fucking of course, bro!

Bob: “While we’re out, she bends down, accidentally flashing her tits or pussy to some male stranger. Totally hot! I love the lady teasing the man around us with her sexy body. Have you done anything like that?”

This is pretty good. Most guys could not handle something like that, but I see it’s like she reached out to you and you’re like, “This is what I’m looking for.”

Jessica: “I’ve never done that, but that’s hot.”

Bob: “Do you have any short skirts?”

Jessica: “Oh yes. Leather too. And stilettos.”

Bob: “What top do you have to complete the look?”

Jessica: “So many options. Lowcut.”

So after she says that, I would be like, “Well, if you and your boyfriend ever transitioned to an open relationship or it doesn’t work out, or maybe you put him in time out, hit me up so we can make this fantasy happen.” Right on cue! That’s all you would have to say. This basically says, “I am not getting involved unless you have an open relationship, you’re not with a guy, or you put him in time out. Or you put him in boyfriend timeout or something.”

That is where things stand now. Based on how she responded, I’m pretty sure I could set up a meetup and get exactly the look and vibe I described.

Yeah, but then she’d be cheating.

So if she implies that she’s willing to meet up but she’s still with her guy, just say, “Well, I’m definitely down to meet up, but I’m not going to be your sidepiece or the guy that you cheat on your boyfriend with. Again, if you’re ever in an open relationship with him, or you guys are allowed to date and hook up with other people, or you kick him to the curb, hit me up and we’ll definitely get together. I’d love to. I would love that. I would really like that.” Something along those lines.

Part of me knows the opening is there, but another part of me feels more turned off than tempted.

Well, this is what women do. She’s testing the waters to see because basically you could meet up and just fuck. Basically just say, “Well, great! Here’s my address. Come on over and we’ll make some dinner. Bring a bottle of wine and we’ll cook some chicken or pasta or grill something. I’ll grab some shrimp on the Barbie,” whatever.

The more I sit with it, the less I want to make it happen.

Dude, do you want to make it happen? You wrote in. You’re just looking like, “How do I make this happen without her doing something ratchet or causing her to do something ratchet?”

What started as curiosity has mostly turned into distance.

For me, this exchange ended up being less about chasing anything and more about seeing clearly.

Well, you’re learning to speak the secret language, ladies.

I was upfront about what I was and wasn’t available for, and I didn’t pretend to be offering more than I was.

Well, then she has to work to convince you why you should become her next boyfriend, because she thinks, “Well, even though he’s not available, I’m going to make it happen.” That’s why she’ll submit and just be available when you’re available.

She put herself back in my orbit, and once I was honest about what I wanted, it did not take much for her to start moving in that direction.

That’s because love is allowing. She reached out because she wants your cock, basically because she’s not happy with the cock she’s got. Let’s be real.

What also stood out to me was that she mentioned her boyfriend once…

Well, because sex has got to be your fault. So she cheats, it’s your fault, not hers. She told you she had a boyfriend, yet you still tried to fuck her and she’s like, “Oh, it just kind of happened.”

…And then he practically disappeared from the conversation. That told me plenty. Maybe just bad grapes, Coach.

Well again, if you’re going to be a man of integrity, you tell her exactly what I said a couple of minutes ago, how I would respond to that. So if you haven’t texted since then, you could just reach back out and say, “Well, I’ve been thinking, and I definitely would be down to make this fantasy happen. If you’re ever single, or you put your boyfriend in time out, or you guys decide to have an open relationship, you got my number. Hit me up. Let’s make this happen,” and just leave it at that. Then she’ll do the rest.

She’ll cause a problem or a fight with her boyfriend and break up, put him in time out, break it off, or tell him an open relationship and he’ll be OK with it because he’s a cuck. Maybe as a parting gift, you can send him a cuck chair from La-Z-Boy furniture or something. Is La-Z-Boy still around? Or some furniture store. I’m just joking. Don’t do it. Rooms-To-Go, maybe. They got a lot of nice chairs there…

I’m attaching screenshots of the text exchange starting from when she asked what was new with me. It may be too much to read in your newsletter…

No, it was good and I’m glad you sent it in.

…And that’s totally fine. I mainly wanted to share it because I thought it was an interesting example of what can happen when you hold your frame and let people reveal themselves.

Anyway, thanks for everything you do. Your work has helped me become more direct, more centered, and a lot better at seeing situations for what they are.

Take Care,

Bob

Dude, you’re the king of your kingdom and you’re basically going, “These are my terms,” and it’s up to her to create the conditions in her life where she can agree and honor the terms that you set forth without anybody doing anything out of integrity or any kind of cheating or side piece fuckery going on. If it happens, if she reaches out, if she responds positively and becomes single, you got to send us the success story and let us know how it goes.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.