How To Get Her Back After Over Pursuing

How to get her back after over pursuing and turning her off romantically.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who successfully pulled back after over pursuing a woman he was dating. He turned his platonic girl “friend” into a lover over the past five months. He details how he realized he had been over pursuing and turning her off to the point where she started breaking dates and backing away from him.

Now she is back to pursuing him and says something has changed about him. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This totally reminds me of what would happen in my twenties, me being naive and not knowing any better, and not having access to books like mine – or the internet, for that matter, because this would have been in the 90s. I would literally just chase the women right out of my life, and have no idea, and then get friend zoned. And so, that’s where this guy started out. And, obviously, the last thing he wants to do is get stuck back in platonic friend zone after making it to the Promised Land.

Obviously, it’s a very simple thing to do, but when a guy is in the middle of this and his emotions are involved, especially if he’s been successful for a while, it’s hard to resist the urge. Especially when there’s several days, or maybe a week or so goes by, of total radio silence. Because he’s thinking, “Well, am I never going to hear from her again? Did I totally screw this up?” The more he likes her, the harder that is to do, especially if you’re doing it for the first time. You’ll be chewing all your fingernails off, waiting to see what happens, and wondering whether or not you pursued too much, to the point where she doesn’t care if she ever speaks to you or hears from you again.

Viewer’s Email:

Hello Coach,

I just wanted to write this email to thank you and inspire guys out there that if your 3% Man methods are applied the right way that success is almost guaranteed.

Well, again, the ‘almost’ is assuming that the woman is normal and healthy and not a lunatic, because there are plenty of them out there. And if you want to see the lunatics, go to my TikTok account, @CoachCoreyWayne, and look at all of the comments on the red flags of women videos – definitely hit a nerve with those. And look at their their profiles, you’ll get a good laugh.

A little backstory: I have been seeing this girl for about 5 months now. She has always been a good friend since I met her at college my freshmen year, (2 years ago).

We were always playful and fun with each other, but truly never saw each other as anything more than great friends. We’ve seen each other go in and out of different relationships these first two years in college, but never even contemplated hooking up with each other. This was all until a concert in September, where alcohol and good times were involved and we hung out, had fun, and yes, hooked up.

You did the naughty.

I didn’t see it as anything more than just a fun night with an attractive friend, but as the weeks went on we started hanging out more often, and the passion and vibes were at an all-time high, (now aware this was the “honeymoon” phase).  We always ended our nights with each other after parties, took fun trips, and just enjoyed each other’s presence. Everything was going fine until about December.

A lot of breakups happen around the end of the year. A lot of women wait, then want a fresh start. They don’t want to spend the holidays alone, and so, usually the first few weeks of January is when they drop the bomb – when they lower the boom, so to speak.

She started to go cold and distant. Hangouts were less frequent, intimacy was dying, and she started flaking, having excuses on why she couldn’t come over. I have previously read 3% Man about 4 times in the past.

So, another guy that didn’t read it 10 to 15 times and practice it. He read it, he’s like, “I’ve got this, no problem.” But when you get your emotions involved, it goes out the window. Because you have to apply it enough and know the material well enough to have new experiences that overwrite all of the ways that you behaved in the past. If you just read it a couple of times and then wait until you get serious with somebody to utilize it, especially the longer it goes by, the less you’re going to remember it and the poorer your performance will be, in more ways than one.

And instead of chasing or trying to get to the bottom of her sudden loss of attraction, I pulled back. I stopped texting or reaching out and turned my time and attention internally to my own goals.

That’s what men do. They focus on building their empire, so to speak – focus on building their life, a great life and a great lifestyle. And women notice guys that are happy and having fun and have got their lives in order, because those are guys that are in their masculine. Feminine women are naturally attracted to that and naturally will try to get those guys’ attention.

For the first time in my life, I became aware I was putting too much effort into a relationship.

So, he realized that he was way more into her than she was into him. And even though she was breaking dates… Because that’s the hard thing. Things are going along good for a few months, and you get used to it being that way. And then all of a sudden she backs off, and you’re like, “Oh, I’m not over pursuing. It must be something is wrong. Or maybe it’s that time of the month. Or maybe she’s just having a difficult time.” Guys make up all kinds of rationalizations, but the reality is, when a woman goes cold, it’s typically because you’ve pursued too much. Now, this is assuming that she’s normal and not a lunatic.

This was the first time in a relationship where I successfully applied your concepts- and holy fuck, the tables turned fast. After about a week of me going silent, working on myself while busy at work, school, and the gym, she texted me saying how much she missed me and how she wanted to hang that same night.

This is where that time and space that I talk about in the book is so important. You didn’t do anything for that. You just focused on yourself and got busy with other things, because you noticed that she was not valuing your time and your attention.

The quickest way to get somebody else’s attention is to remove yours, and that’s what he did. She was taking him for granted, so he stopped giving her his time, because she wasn’t valuing it, and started spending it elsewhere with people who did value it more than she did. And that’s what high value men do; they only give their time and attention to people who reciprocate and value it back.

About a few weeks later (now), she’s doing about 90% of the calling/texting/pursuing, and I’m always aware of how I’m showing up. I put my own priorities in life first, and she has commented herself on how something has changed about me in the best way possible.

Well, that’s what we’re looking for. So, in other words, it’s a nice way of saying, “Wow, you’re starting to act like a man, finally. This is awesome.”

I will continue to read and apply your book as my life progresses, but I just wanted to write this to give a heartfelt thank you and to let all the guys struggling in their relationships out there know that at the end of the day, they do hold the true power in their relationship – their time and attention.

The greatest gift you can give anybody is the gift of your time, as I always say.

Take this away from a woman, and she will do anything to get it back.

Provided, she values it.

Thanks Coach!

Bob

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge or a situation you’re in, and you don’t know what the hell to do, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.

“When a man over pursues a woman in the courtship, she starts feeling smothered and like she is losing her freedom. She will predictably back away and become less open to spending time with him, and maybe even start breaking dates and saying that she is confused and needs space. If this happens to you, back away and wait for her to contact you first, and then set the next date. It’s always better to let a woman do 80-90% of the calling, texting and pursuing.  She will like you more if she has to seek your attention and validation, versus you seeking hers.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne

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