How To Get Her To Obsess Over & Chase You & Blow Off Your Competition

How to get women to obsess over & chase you & blow off your competition.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email update to a viewer whose previous email I answered in, Why I Lost My Ex Of 3 Years & What I Can Learn From It. He shares an update on how she started reaching out, chasing him and blowing off the new guy she was seeing.

She threw a lot of tests at him and he shares how he passed them all. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this particular email is an update to a viewer whose previous email I answered in the video newsletter titled, Why I Lost My Ex Of 3 Years & What I Can Learn From It. So since then, he’s had an update because obviously he got dumped, didn’t really want to get dumped like most guys. So things are starting to progress a little bit. She’s starting to chase him. She’s blowing off the new guy she was seeing, but he notes that she’s throwing a lot of tests at him.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

It’s me! You did a video and a coaching session with me where I talked about my ex, I went on a vacation to Japan and came back and poof! She wanted nothing to do with me. Fast forward I was at a concert with my friends two weeks after that and she was there with that new guy I was talking about.

You know, that just sucks. You’re hanging out. You’re trying to get over it. Rejection breeds obsession. Then you see your girl with the new guy she’s dating. It’s like, it’s hard to maintain self control when something like that happens, but you got to be a good poker player. You’re happy. Life is good. You’re calm, you’re cool, you’re collected, and something like that? If you see her, you can smile, you can wave, but go about your business. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll come over and talk to you.

I am still cool with her friends, so they come up and talk to me and I’m just focused on having a good time despite feeling negative about seeing my ex with some dude.

It’s like yeah, that’s a downer. Especially when you’re the one that got dumped and you didn’t want to get dumped.

I noticed the whole time that when I was just chilling, my ex would somehow just appear 3-5 feet away from me and I just acted like she wasn’t there.

Well again, she’s on a date with another guy, and in your mind, it’s over, she’s with somebody new. She wants to talk to you, she can come over and talk to you. If you make eye contact, you’ll smile at each other. Maybe you wave to her. Other than that, you’re not going to go up and talk to her or interact with her in any way. The best thing to do is be talking to other girls there. As the late, great Doc Love used to say, “When kitty cats compete, you win.”

This happened multiple times and I took no action until I was talking to her friend and my ex just came up to us and I legit had a 30-second conversation with her until her guy comes up to her, grabs her by the hand, and pulls her away as he saw we were talking.

So if he’s trying to pull her away, he’s thinking, “Oh, if she talks to her ex-boyfriend, I may lose her.” So that gives you an insight into like, what his thinking is. As if that’s going to help his situation.

What ends up happening, he gets jealous and worried about you, then he’s trying to pull her away, thinking, “If I just keep her near me, she’ll stay with me and not think about going back to that guy,” but at the end of the day, he’s caring too much. Because if you’re that guy, they’re just starting to date, so you’re in the initial vetting phase. If you know the girl’s ex-boyfriend or ex-husband is there, you want to see how she interacts with him. Is she going over to talk to him and leaving you hanging? If it doesn’t look like loyalty is one of her values, then you can go, “OK well, I’m going to slide this girl over to booty call only. Not future wife, not future girlfriend.”

If you’re bringing her on a date there and then she’s hanging out with the ex and other groups of friends, then you’re standing there by yourself, that’s pretty rude, but obviously that wasn’t the case. Just the fact that he comes over and tries to pull her away shows he’s worried, he’s fearful and he’s not certain. Women can smell that. What’s going to happen is she’s going to test him, and as she tests him and she backs off, he’s going to tend to pursue more. As it happens, he’ll end up chasing her back into this guy’s arms.

I remember seeing that, chuckling to myself thinking how insecure that was and there was a thought in the back of my mind that said, “She’ll be back.”

About two weeks after that happened, guess who texts my phone? The one and only, LOL! She said something about how it’s weird not having me in her life and that she sees how good I’m doing.

So that is really important. I want to read that again, because that’s such an important thing that gives us insight into her mindset. “She said something about how it’s weird not having me in her life.” In other words, she doesn’t like getting used to life without him. On top of that, he looks like everything’s fine. Like it didn’t faze him at all, which that just drives women crazy. It doesn’t even seem to bother him. “Did he already meet somebody else?”

I lost 15 pounds, moved out of my parents house, got a new job and started practicing the book on women.

So he’s changed a little bit. He looks physically different. He’s better. He’s more fit. He’s more in shape. He’s lost 15 pounds. He’s talking to other girls. He’s hooking up with other girls.

I hooked up with two different girls, made out with a couple and had read the book three times already. I was ready.

So what happens is he runs into her and what do we find? A confident, more calm, more relaxed version of him that’s got more swagger and confidence than he used to have. He’s a little more mysterious. He’s less inclined to jump all over her or try to put himself into her orbit because again, he’s boning two other girls. At the end of the day, she’s on a date with a new guy, so it really doesn’t matter. So he looks unperturbed and unbothered, as if he’s not broken up. He’s not in the corner crying over his girl or nothing. He’s been getting laid with other girls, so that drives women crazy.

This is exactly what you do if you’re following 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back properly in the book. So good job dude, on that.

So I applied 7 principles and asked her to get together.

I assume to make dinner at his place.

She tested the shit out of me. She suggested we meet in the middle, meet at her place, and I refused every time, following the script.

This is very fucking important because what’s laid out in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, you don’t go to her, you don’t pick her up, you don’t meet on neutral ground, you don’t do lunches. She fucked it up. She’s gotta fix it. Therefore, she has to come to you. This is why in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, I’ve laid out all of these objections. What happens if she tries to get you to meet halfway? What happens if she tries to get you to go to her place, or to do a group date with a bunch of friends? You’re going to say, “It’s been a long week. I’m just in the mood to hang at my place. If you don’t want to do that, then hit me up in a couple of weeks and maybe I’ll be up for meeting you out then.”

So he’s following the script. He declines because again, he is only going to get together with her if sex is on the table. That’s why we do dinner at your place in the evening. No other kind of date you’re willing to do because she’s got to earn another chance with you, not the other way around. That’s why she comes to you. It’s very important, because he was the one that got dumped, she was testing the shit out of him to see if he was soft, squishy and she could get him to comply, which she couldn’t, which is going to turn her on more because he’s the one deciding what we’re going to do, where we’re going to go, “This is what I’m willing to offer you.”

The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. So this 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back has been perfected over 20, 25+ years actually, back when I was using it and the thousands and thousands of people I’ve taught this to over the last several decades.

So maybe I assume you guys can probably hear the puppies…

She even tried using different angles and bluffed saying she won’t see me then.

So that’s little Elon. He’s like the little insecure Elon. He’s very mischievous. He does that until he gets one of the other dogs to play with him.

I didn’t care at that point and she ended up calling me on the phone and I set the date for her to come over. She said things like, “I’m pissed because you’re being an asshole about me coming over.” I responded with, “Yeah you’re so pissed, that’s why you’re on the phone talking to me right now.” She laughed and I passed that test.

So you see what she did? She tried to intimidate him by feigning anger and being upset. “How dare you! I’m so mad at you!” She probably said it with a grin on her face. “I’m so mad. I’m so pissed at you because you won’t come to my place. You won’t do what I want to do. I have to do what you want to do.” So what does he do? He’s got a better, more playful comeback, and he rubs it in her face basically, seeing right through her bullshit.

So this is what happens when you read the book and you understand it. You understand what’s going on. You get the nuances of how to respond with a better, more playful comeback. That’s why he says, “Yeah, you’re so pissed. That’s why you’re on the phone talking to me right now,” and she laughed because she couldn’t get under her skin. She couldn’t intimidate him. This is what you have to do as a man to get the woman to submit to you. You’re supposed to be the stronger one. You penetrate her with your strength, not the other way around.

She also said, “Okay, I’ll come over, but we’re not doing anything. Just talking.”

That’s kind of like when a woman says, “Alright, I’ll come up, or “I’ll come in. I’ll come over, but we’re not having sex.” So what that really means is, “We’re gonna fuck tonight as long as you don’t talk me out of it.” That’s what that really means. So the guy that doesn’t know any better is like, “Oh, oh, yes, I won’t try anything. I promise I won’t try to kiss you or any hanky-panky. I’ll keep my hands to myself, Your Highness,” but what does he do? He just takes it.

I then responded with, “Sure baby we can talk. We can talk alllll night long.” 

So you’re just accepting it. You’re saying, “Yes, I love you. Come on over.” Love is allowing, right? He’s not going to allow her to jerk him around, but at the same token, when she teases him or she tests him, he just comes back with playful humor. He’s just like, “Whatever, take it or leave it” kind of attitude. This is where indifference makes the difference, because it looks like he can take it or leave it, doesn’t care. This is the right mindset.

I haven’t seen her in like, two weeks, so she’s an attention whore. Just like a chick. Like, female dogs act just like women, which is interesting. I’ve never had a female dog before.

Which also had a positive effect…

That’s when he says, “Sure baby, we can talk. We can talk all night long.”

…So much so, that although we had a date in a couple days, she texted me later saying that I should come over that same night.

So notice how now she’s trying to get him to go to her.

I wanted to build even more anticipation so I said, “I’m busy tonight, but if you’re so inclined, come over tomorrow instead.”

So you see what’s going on here? They have a date plan where she’s supposed to come to his place to make dinner together, and what’s she doing now? She’s saying, “Oh, you should come over to my house.” You see how that’s what women do? It’s like you tell them no and you decline, now she’s trying it a different way. This is what women do. They try to get you to cave. This is part of the playfulness. This is a test of dominance. Can she jerk him around? Because obviously that’s what was going on in the past when she ultimately dumped him and broke up with him.

So he acted soft and beta in the past, but now he’s cleaned up his game, he’s been reading the book, he’s lost 15 pounds he’s taking care of himself. He’s got a couple other girls he’s hooking up with. So he’s not squishy like he used to be. He’s not going to put up with her shit. He’s following 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. He’s being a good student. He’s not trying to bend the rules or go run to her like a little puppy dog. So his attitude is, “I can wait, but you can come over tomorrow.”

She said, “Why are you being so mysterious?” And I responded with, “Why don’t you come over tomorrow and I’ll let you figure me out?”

What a great response!

We talked for a bit more and the next day she tried to cancel the date on me saying she was unsure.

This is so not surprising. This is as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west, but the more you fucked up when you were together, the more you acted like a bitch, I mean, look how crafty this woman is. She committed to a date. Then she tries to say, “Hey, come over to my place for a booty call” a couple days before her date, and he’s like, “No, how about you come over to my house?” Again, she’s just trying to see if she can get him to cave and do what she says that she wants him to do, but he’s not having it because he’s gonna do what he wants to do because he’s the fucking man in the relationship.

I talked to her again and we got the date back on. Then she tried to cancel again a second time but this time, instead of saying, “Why not? It’ll be fun! We’ll have a great time,” I used the takeaway and then she called me on the phone and kept the date. She was testing the shit out of me.

So that’s what happens, you know? It’s just constant. Again, this is why 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back is laid out the way it’s laid out is because this is what women are going to do, especially when you acted like a bitch for a long time that led to your breakup, and now she’s finding a completely different version of him, and she’s having a hard time figuring out, “He’s so mysterious. There’s something about you. You’re so different.”

So the takeaway is just simply, “Well, it sounds like you’re not sure, so why don’t we just do it another night when you’re more sure that you’re just dying to see me?” In other words, he’s willing to not have anything, not even get together. That’s why she called him because she’s like, “Oh, I really want to see him. I don’t want him to cancel.” See how quickly? Just like that.

Needless to say, she came over we talked and eventually she started crying and venting about all the things I fucked up in our relationship and how I hurt her. Instead of arguing I just sat back, listened, and did not use logic. We hugged it out and what do you know? She started making out with me and said that’s all she ever wanted.

So now he’s making her feel heard and understood. He’s not trying to solve her problems or give her advice. He’s just listening and he’s letting her vent. As she vents, she talks, she communicates and he acknowledges that and he’s like, “Uh-Uh, uh-uh. What else? Tell me more. Don’t leave anything out. Oh, really? Oh, I’m sorry if what I did made you feel that way, honey. That was not my intent.” What happens when she’s vented enough and she’s got enough out of it? She starts physically touching him and escalating.

We hung out for the next four days. It was all her idea to hang out more and she could not keep her hands off of me.

See what happens? The floodgates open, but man, his game was tight. So I’m impressed, dude! Compared to where he started out and where you are now, you’re being a really good student, you’re listening and you’re implementing what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back, and your responses are fucking tight, dude. Good fucking job! This is what I expect from a good student.

On top of that, she told me that there’s so many beta males out there and when it comes to me. She says, “You just get it. I don’t know how to explain it.”

3% Man.

She even tried to ask me about other girls and even though I wasn’t getting with a bunch, I didn’t tell her anything and just let her imagination do the job.

Gentlemen, don’t kiss and tell. Ever.

I even strategically placed a box of condoms in my trashcan before she got there so that when she opens it she can just imagine what I’ve been doing. 

You’re naughty. “What? There was a box of condoms in there, and they were all gone? Oh, damn! How’d that happen? How about them Yankees?”

It’s our second week of hanging out now and she’s done all the calling, texting and pursuing.

It has to be this way going forward. She fucked it up, she’s got to fix it.

I used the book to know that after we hung out on the fourth date, I could tell she started to get comfortable and used to me, so she was less affectionate the last day. I knew it was natural…

Remember, women are like cats, men are like dogs. This is what they do. This is to be expected, and if you understand the book and you’ve been back and forth reading it 10 to 15 times, you get that nuance. So you just spent four fucking days together after having broken up, fucking each other’s brains out by the fourth day, of course she’s going to seem a little bored and like she can’t wait to get away or do something else. So that’s why you just let her be and you don’t do anything, and when she leaves, you say, “Call me later.” Maybe you don’t hear from her for a couple of days. Then she does reach out and her enthusiasm will come back because you’re doing nothing. You’re just acting like a man.

See how beautiful this is? Women are so easy to understand, and when you understand them, they become as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west. It’s a great email, dude. Proud of you!

…So I didn’t see her for a week and when I saw her again, she was affectionate. The book fucking works!

I was like, yeah, duh! As I say all the time, if you think I’m full of shit, if you apply what’s in here, you’re gonna get way better results than you’re used to getting.

Here are some of the things she said to me during our time together:

• “You’re so different now, in a good way.”
• “Why are you being so mysterious?”
• “Out of all the guys that want to date me, you’re the only one I just can’t figure out.”
• “You’re intoxicating.”
• “I’m trying to win you back.”

Great job, dude!

On top of that, she was telling me that the new guy was being weak, insecure, and needy, and he told all her friends that he was in love with her and everything.

So you see what happens? He hung back, he let the girl come to him, he wasn’t worried about the competition, he didn’t talk about the competition because obviously he knows the book, and if he knows the book, he knows he ain’t got no competition. So as he hangs back, she’s got the ex who she’s becoming more attracted to by the day, and she’s got the new guy who’s dopey and drooling all over her to her friends and family. So what does she do? She pulls away from that guy. He chases and he literally chases her into the arms of the ex, the guy that wrote the email. This is why you ain’t got no competition. You don’t have to worry about nothing. The other guy will literally do all the work to drive her back to you. That’s what’s so beautiful about it. The woman’s chasing you. She’s not dumping you.

He somehow found out that she was hanging out with me…

Probably because she told all of her girlfriends, because she’s gushing over how she feels about him. “I never expected to feel this way about Bob again. Ever. I never felt this way about him before when we were together. I just can’t figure him out. There’s something about him.”

…And this guy just completely blew up her phone and chased her right into my arms.

It’s like you don’t even have to worry about knocking out the competition. The competition will knock itself out. Plus, he’s got all the leverage because again, this is his ex. He had more time with her.

Sometimes you just have to give them the freedom to know that the grass is not greener and that I’m the best thing she will ever get. 

Bob

This is true. As Thich Nhat Hanh said, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” So true!

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.