How To Get Women With Low Romantic Interest To Like You

The best way to get women with low romantic interest to like you more.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who met a girl though salsa class about two years ago. She said her soulmate died a few years ago and she still wasn’t healed yet. When he noticed signs of romantic interest he asked her out on a date, but got rejected. She said maybe in a few months. They finally went out, but he got rejected when he went for the kiss. He asks what he can do to get her to want and chase him.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, as I discuss in 3% Man, and if you’re new here and you haven’t read it, it’s free to read in the members area of the website. The address is right in the bottom of the screen here. As I talk about in 3% Man, the higher a woman’s interest in you starts out, the more mistakes you can make. In other words, the more unattractive behavior you can display and still get away with it and she’ll still like you. However, the lower the interest, the less you can screw up.

So this particular email is from a viewer who met a girl probably about two years ago, a year-and-a-half, two years ago in his salsa class. He liked her, but he, I guess she had, what she said was her soulmate died last year. He’d been dead for a year and she wasn’t really over him. So turns out she’s a hairdresser, and he ended up getting his hair cut by her and he saw all these signs of interest. So he’s like, “Hey, I’m gonna shoot my shot.” So he asked her out and she shoots him down, basically saying, “Hey, ask me out in a few months. I’m just not ready yet.”

So a few months go by. She shows more interest. He asks her out. They go out on a date, but date’s not going as well as he expected. He ends up kind of doing a group date and violating a lot of the principles. That’s why I talked about how the lower the interest, the fewer the things you can screw up. And what you guys will notice as I go through this email is that he kind of just basically went along with what she wanted to do. She suggests going to salsa, and it looks like she’s kind of trying to keep him in the friend zone. Even when they’re on a date, she’s offering to pay for the stuff. Then he goes for the kiss and he gets rejected, but he sees her in salsa class. So these are going to happen. You’re going to run across girls who seem like they have interest, but you make a few mistakes and then they’re gonna be like, “Ehh.”

So it’s a good email to learn from because there are just a few things here and there that I would have done differently. Because at the end of the day, as the man, you’re the one driving the fun bus, you’re supposed to gently lead and invite women to join you. And as the book says, you’re not going to do group dates. You can do group dates when you guys are exclusive. And after she’s already professed her undying love for you. But for a first date, I would definitely not do what this guy did.

That’s kind of part of his problem, is he just kind of abdicated to her, kind of catered her to her a little bit and looked at, “Oh well, she’s going through a difficult time.” Instead of looking at it like, “You know what? I can be a great escape from the fact that a year ago she lost her soulmate. And I could take her out, sweep her off her feet and go have a good time. And she’ll keep her mind off of the fact that she lost her soulmate and be focused on having a great time with me.” That should be your attitude. Not going into Mr. White Knight. “I gotta be nice. I gotta be respectful.” There was just a little bit too nice, too soft, not masculine, and not leading enough. Again, just letting the woman kind of run things, which he kind of does here, but it doesn’t seem like he really notices.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I hope all is well with you and your people. You’ve answered a few letters from me before, but this one is about a completely different woman and a first-date kiss-test story.

Jessica and I met in salsa class about a year-and-a-half ago. We still attend some of the same dance classes and socials. About six months ago, I casually mentioned in class that I was looking for a new hairstylist, and it turned out she cuts hair.

Well, what a coinky-dink!

She offered, I accepted, and during the first haircut she opened up quite a bit.

She told me she had lost her “soul mate” after he died from ongoing health issues. At that time, only about a year had passed since his death. She also shared that they had done a lot of partying and other self-destructive things together, which aggravated his health problems. She told me she was now on a healing journey and was clean and sober.

So right off the bat, she’s basically confessing that she’s got addiction issues or has had them in the past and hasn’t made the best choices. You should pay attention to those things.

Jessica is knockout gorgeous, but based on what she shared and what I had observed, I did not get the sense that she was someone I could take seriously romantically at that point. So even though I was attracted to her, I did not ask her out right away.

Well again, if you see the signs are there, again, you should be looking at it like she’s telling you all those things like, “Wow, it sounds like you need to go out and have a good time. Well, we should get together, go have some fun, have some dinner. When’s your schedule? Like we need to get your mind off things. You need to go out and let your hair down a little bit and enjoy your life. Maybe have some nice desserts together. Let’s go have some fun.” That should be your attitude, because as you’ve heard me say, if you’ve been following me for a while, if you hesitate, you will masturbate.

So if you keep hanging around a girl and she can tell you like her, but you’re gun shy and you’re not pulling the trigger, eventually she’ll interpret that as a lack of confidence. And then when you finally get around to asking her out, she’s already kind of made her mind up about you, that you’d probably be a great friend, maybe a great Harry Honda that can rotate the tires in her car, change out her battery, unclog her toilets, fix her kitchen sink, that kind of thing. And maybe you get a hug and a peck on the cheek and she’ll tell you what a great guy you are. “I don’t deserve you.”

A couple of months later, while cutting my hair, she started giving me what felt like possible signs of interest. They were ambiguous, but I decided to ask her out anyway. She declined and said she might be open to it in a few months after she had more time to heal. I took that at face value and continued acting normal.

Again, if that’s happening, I’d say, “Well, take my number and let me get your number” and just pull out your phone and hand it to her, presupposing of course she’s going to do it. It’s like, “Well, that sounds great. Here, let’s exchange numbers, and when you’re ready, just hit me up and we can go out on a date and have some fun together because it looks like you need to go out and have a good time. That’s what I think. You need to hop on the Corey Wayne Fun bus. So we need to go out and have a good time. Or the fun bus,” whatever your name is. That would be my attitude.

Remember, whatever a woman feels when she’s with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you. So you can kind of see he’s going a little bit, “Oh, I gotta be nice. I gotta be respectful. You know, she went through a hard time.”

About a month ago, the signs of interest seemed to increase. She started asking if I was going to certain dance socials and events. I was not planning on going to those events, and I was not especially motivated to ask her out again, so I let those openings fade.

Again, you shouldn’t be going on a group date.

Then she became more direct. After one dance class, she walked out with me, grabbed my arm, and pulled it to her side in a way where my arm brushed against her breast. I suspected that was intentional…

Probably, “Ooh, get a load of this. Ooh, touch my boobie.”

…But I still did not ask her out.

If you hesitate, you will masturbate. Again, she’s showing you affection. You strike while the iron is hot. This is part of your problem. She’s showing you some interest and you’re going, “I must be a robot. I must be nice. I must be the white knight. I must be respectful. I don’t want her to think that I’m just trying to get into her pants. I want to be her friend first and then she’ll see what a great guy I am and really like me. Uh oh, I got blue balls again. Blue balls.” Don’t do it. You got to be direct, you got to be decisive, and you got to get to the point. She knew you liked her, but then you do nothing. A week later, however, all is not lost.

A week later, she asked again if I was going to a dance function. I said maybe, but my tone and body language were basically saying no.

And that’s important to pay attention to. You don’t really want to go, and she knows you don’t really want to go. So the fact that he ends up going, it’s pleaser behavior. So if you really don’t want to go, you should be honest and say, “Yeah, I don’t really feel like going to that class. You know what? We should get together and go have dinner. Let’s go have that date. Looks like you need to have a good time any ways.”

She took that small opening and said, “We should go.” I responded, “Together?” That was a question, not a request. She said, “Yes.” I then said, “So you want me to pick you up?” She said, “Yes.” I told her to send me her address, and she said she would.

Again, you’re agreeing to a group date here. So the whole purpose of seduction is to get closer and closer to a woman until you ultimately end up inside of her. And you’re just acting too much like the nice guy. Again remember, she came over and grabs your arm and is showing you affection. And you could have been like, “Hey, why don’t we get her and go grab a coffee? Or let’s go grab a cappuccino and some desserts. There’s a great little café around the corner I want to take you to.”

When you see that, you gotta strike when the iron’s hot, because you may have gone there and she’s playing with her hair and touching your arm. And you could have taken her home that night, potentially. At the end of the day, she could be in a different headspace the next time you see or talk to her. Remember, you asked her out. She’s like, “You ask me in a few months,” and now she’s grabbing you and touching you. She’s clearly in a different headspace. Maybe she was ovulating, a little horny, and it just went right over your head. Again, the more you hesitate, the more you’re gonna masturbate.

At that point, I figured she must have pretty high interest because she had to do some work to get me to agree to go.

Again, you’re driving the fun bus and you basically took the offer, “Hey, why don’t you come and be my gay male girlfriend at this dance thing?” Again, you don’t do group dates. It’s right out of the book, but you’re violating principles. All I can do is suggest, but the book is designed the way it’s designed so you don’t cock-block yourself unnecessarily. Which quite frankly, looks like you were doing here.

The date itself did not go as smoothly as I expected.

Yeah, because probably she’s getting more of the friendship vibe at this point because you’re kind of gun shy and not going for it.

We went to the dance event, but it ended up feeling more like a group outing than a date because there were about a dozen classmates there, and we spent most of the night around them. That part was probably my mistake.

Yep. Dude, it’s right in the book, it tells you not to do that. If you’re interested in sex and romance, do sexy, romantic things. Don’t go do platonic things. I can remember this girl was grabbing you and holding your arm, and you just went, “I must be nice. I must be extra nice.”

I had also bought tickets ahead of time for both of us without telling her. She asked several times if she could pay me back, and I declined.

Yeah, that’s kind of like her way of saying, “Hey, I don’t want you to get the idea,” because it seems like at this point now you’re kind of slid back in the friend zone.

But throughout the night, whether it was drinks, food, or anything else, she kept offering to pay her share.

That’s not something that a woman who thinks she’s on a date is going to do.

That started giving me a “friends only” vibe.

Well, because you started it.

I still paid, but I started paying closer attention to her attraction level.

Which you should always be doing.

She did not try to bump into me, hold my hand, touch me, or create any physical contact outside of dancing.

Well again, the whole “she set the agenda and you went along with it,” you got to remember that one time she was grabbing you and touching you should have struck while the iron was hot. Again, she could have been ovulating and horny, and you probably could invite her to a cafe to hang out. And next thing you know, you’re making out and all over each other. “Hey, let’s get out and go back to your place. Hey, let’s get out and go back to my place.” But he acted too nice.

She even offered to Uber home, saying she did not want me to go out of my way since I would have to double back after dropping her off.

None of that looked like strong attraction to me, but I still insisted on taking her home.

Yeah, it’s it’s her way of saying, “Hey, this is just strictly a platonic thing. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.” If you hesitate, you will masturbate.

I was respectful the whole night.

The problem is you’re a little too nice, a little too respectful the whole time.

I did not bring up hot-button topics, and I did not initiate any unwanted physical contact.

So I do not think I turned her off by being inappropriate.

Well, I think by this point in the interactions, she was already thinking, “Oh, he’d be a great friend. Great Harry Honda. He could do things for me.

My read was that she was vacillating about whether she was attracted to me or not. She came across like a skittish, wounded bird.

Well, quite frankly, dude, you were very skittish. You had many opportunities here to advance the ball, and you dropped it numerous times by waiting and hesitating. Men are direct, decisive when they get to the point. Any guy in sales knows this. If a prospect calls you, they’re either a serious potential buyer and prospect or they’re kicking tires. That’s why you get them to commit or to bounce one way or another. You don’t just let things hang for many months at a time.

When I dropped her off, I decided to follow your advice and do the kiss test. I parked, unbuckled my seat belt, turned toward her…

Now, keep in mind, he’s also violating the book because he’s not noticing any signs of romance. But at the end of the day, he’s still going for the kiss test, which he should do, but it’s not going to go well, as you’ll see.

…Gently placed my hand behind her neck, and started to pull her toward me. I got the no.

The idea is to do the kiss test. The kiss test is where you look at her eyes and then down at her lips, and then slowly back up into her eyes, and then down at her lips, and then back up into her eyes while she’s talking. And you’re talking. It’s just a very casual thing. It just looks like your eyes are going, “Ooh, look at her lips,” and if she looks at your lips when you’re doing that, guess what? She’s thinking about kissing you too. And then you go for it. That’s the kiss test. So even though the headline of his email talked about the kiss test, he didn’t actually do the kiss test.

She said something like, “This is a bit awkward.”

So that just tells me in her mind this whole thing is platonic. It’s just a dance thing. That’s why she kept offering to pay. So again, you missed your opportunity. The window looks like it closed on you.

I slowly pulled away, stayed calm, and said, “It’s OK.” She added that she was still healing. I said, “No worries. Have a good night.” Then she left.

As I was driving home, she texted me saying she really appreciated me and really enjoyed herself. After I got home, I replied, “Me too. Have a good night.”

I would have just hearted the message.

Even though the signs were not great, I still think going for the kiss was the right move for a few reasons.

Well, if you’re unsure, it’s always the right move. I mean, I had examples in the book where I was on a date with a girl and she showed no signs of interest, and once or twice she may have flipped her hair a little bit, but it was very little. And then I go to kiss her at the end just to make sure, because my attitude was like, “If she doesn’t kiss me, I’m not gonna ever ask her out again,” and she sucked the tongue out of my throat and then invites me upstairs. That’s the way you go for it. You just never know.

First, I was on a date. I do not take women out as just friends.

Well, as I pointed out, your whole vibe and the way you were acting, you acted like you were OK being friends.

She put herself in my orbit.

But when she was grabbing you and grabbing your arm like that, she was probably ovulating, horny and ready to get it on. And things would have been totally different because Chad Thundercock would have taken her home and beat up her pelvis. But you, “I’m going to be Mr. Nice Guy, white Knight. Keep my hands to myself. Be too respectful.”

I did not chase her down for this. She was the one who pushed for us to go together.

Well, by that point you had acted like a platonic friend so much and showed a lack of confidence numerous times and not getting the hint that she was ready for more, that by the time you finally were ready to pull the trigger, she’d already made up her mind about you, it looks like.

When I take a woman out, I take responsibility for making sure she is safe from the time I pick her up until the time I drop her off.

Well, it is true. When you’re out in public, all the women and children that are with you are under your protection.

I also do not hit on other women while I am on a date, even though there were plenty of attractive women at the event.

I wouldn’t have been at that event with her. When when you’re trying to date somebody, I wouldn’t be going to things like that. Again, you violate a lot of principles that are in the book. And the girl didn’t have super high interest, but you had some openings and then you just didn’t pull the trigger. You hesitated too much.

Second, I needed to verify whether she was a tire kicker. Looking back, it felt like she may have wanted me there as a security blanket for the night because she was unsure what to expect from that dance function.

I would say it was a function of the fact of your behavior and not going for it, that she just decided you would be a good friend.

It seemed like she was finally building enough confidence to expand her social life into different dance events, but that does not mean I want to be used as a safe escort in a friends-only dynamic.

Well again, if you’re interested in sex and romance, you don’t go to a group salsa class or a bunch of people there and think that you’re on a date. And if she’s saying, “Hey, we should go to this salsa class together,” it’s like, “Well, we can do that, but I’d really rather get together and go to dinner.” Or like in this case, if I remember when I pointed out he wasn’t super excited about the the class. So she’s asking him and he’s like, “Yeah, I’m not really down to go to that class, but I would like to take you out and go to dinner sometime. What’s your schedule like?” That’s what should have happened, because she could tell from your body language and your response, and as you said, you really weren’t into it, but you went along with it to be a pleaser. A people pleaser. That’s a nice guy that turns women’s stomach. Don’t do it.

I am a single man who is open to meeting a chill woman who is genuinely into me. My time is valuable, and I would rather spend it with a woman who has high interest. It is just so much better.

Well, that’s all true. However, if you hesitate, you will masturbate. It’s like it shouldn’t have taken you two years to get to this point. You strike while the iron’s hot. Even she says, “Oh yeah, my fiance died. My significant other died. My husband died. My living boyfriend died.” You’re the gift. You’re the escape from the boring life or the tragedy or the bad things that have happened. If you can make her laugh and have a good time and forget about our problems and open her up, well, she’ll open her legs up to you.

Third, I believe I have to take the lead and show romantic intention, even if I get shot down.

Well, you just hesitated too much.

If I did not take the shot, it would have felt like I was silently accepting a friends-only role.

Well, the newsflash is you kind of already did accept it by agreeing to the group date because again, you went to the salsa event. Clearly your face showed you really weren’t into it. But you only did it so you could spend time with her. I would have said, “Yeah, I don’t really feel like going to that event, but why don’t we get together and go to dinner instead and have some fun?” And she said, “Oh, I don’t know. I’d really like to go to this thing.” I would be like, “Well, I don’t really feel like going to it, but you got my number. Hit me up if you’d like to go to dinner sometime.”

That is not acceptable to me when I am taking a woman out on a date.

From this point forward, I am not going to ask her out again. I can be friendly with her in dance class without any tension because I am not bothered by what happened.

And when you’re in the dance class, smile, wave and then go about your business. Talk to the other pretty girls there. Give your attention to women that seem excited to talk to you. Not girls that go, “No, don’t kiss me.” From this point forward, he’s not going to ask her out again.

There are too many single, available women out there to get hung up on one who seems to have a lot of personal issues to work through.

Exactly.

Going forward, I will be polite, but I will not go out of my way to initiate contact or suggest hanging out.

Yeah, she’s got to bring it up at this point. So a woman who has real low interest. Say you went out on a date, you go to kiss her like in this case, and you get the cheek. Maybe you didn’t hesitate for two years like this guy did. Maybe you met a girl. She seemed to be into you. You take her out and she gives you the cheek. You assume she structured or not interested, and you never call, you never text a woman again for any reason after that. Now she reaches out to you, you’ll send a few messages back and forth. “Hey, how are you? Good to hear from you. What’s new? Oh, thanks for the update. Hey, can’t really chat right now. I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later,” and then you leave after a few texts.

If she calls, you talk for three or four minutes. Say, “Hey, it was really awesome hearing from you, but I gotta run. I’ll talk to you later. Maybe I’ll see you in salsa class sometime.” And you just leave it at that and one of two things will happen: “Hey, we should get together.” It’s like, “Well, I’d like to go on a date. I really want to go to salsa class with you. But if you’re down to go out on a date, I’ll take you out. I’ll give you another shot. Hopefully you’ll have a better performance this time. Hopefully you’ll be a more fun date this time because quite frankly, last time you seem to be a little distracted.”

I would only consider going out with her again if two things happen: first, she asks me out, and second, I make it clear that I do not take women out as friends only, and she agrees to that.

Well again, that’s kind of your fault. You weren’t really following the book here and your game was, quite frankly, really sloppy.

Is there anything I could have done differently here, Coach?

Yep. Obviously, I talked about it throughout the video.

Or did I handle it correctly by taking the shot, accepting the rejection calmly, and moving on?

Your input is always appreciated.

Thanks again, and take care,

Bob

Well, you did take your shot, but I mean, after two years, there’s too much white knighting dude. I mean, at the end of the day, women love sex just as much as us. And if she’s been single for a year, she just wants a guy that’ll take her out, make her laugh, make her forget about her hard time, and just beat up her pelvis and make her cum like a waterfall, and you didn’t do that. You acted too much like the gay male girlfriend, Mr. White Knight. Again, you agreed to take her out to do salsa dancing when the look on your face, the tone of your voice and your words communicated you didn’t really want to do it, but you acted like a people pleaser, which is extremely weak and disgusting to women. So when a woman doesn’t have super high interest to begin with, you just can’t make that many mistakes and expect to do well.

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