How To Go From Being A Lifelong Beta Male To An Alpha Male

How to become an alpha male after a lifetime of acting like a beta male.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares how difficult the journey is to go from being a lifelong beta male to an alpha male. He discusses how the pain of rejection and failure becomes so unpleasant, that you are forced to make changes for the better because you can no longer stand the way things are. 
 My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How To Go From Being A Lifelong Beta Male To An Alpha Male.”

So this particular email is from a viewer who shares how difficult the journey is to go from being a lifelong beta male to an alpha male. He discusses the pain of rejection and failure and how it just basically became so unpleasant. In other words, pain is life’s change agent. It’s what everybody, whether you’re trying to lose weight or you’re tired of failing with women or you’re tired of always the women that you’re really super like slipping through your fingers, you never can figure out why it was. And you’re just like, I got to figure this out. I’m going to get this part of my life handled.

And you decide to become a serious student and read my Book and take it seriously and apply it. It’s not going to be an easy journey. I’m not a quick fix guy. The stuff that I teach is hard to do, even for people that are advanced. Because you’re going against your fears, your insecurities, your doubts. And people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure. It’s easier to be a loser. It’s easier to give up. It’s easier to be cowardly than courageous. It’s easier to shrink from challenges than to rise to the occasion and rise to a challenge.

All of us, human beings in general, were just kind of always seeking a sense of peace and ease and delight. The quickest way there. And unfortunately, as guys, most people in general, because humans tend to major, most of us, major in minor things. And so to go from where you are, which is not where you want to be, to eventually where you want to be, it’s hard work. It takes time. This is why I tell people you got to read The Book 10 to 15 times, and then after that, at least once or twice a year, you should go through it to keep the stuff fresh in your mind. What you do often, you do best.

You’ve got to read The Book, and most importantly, you got to apply it. Because knowledge is only potential power. It only becomes power when you actually apply it. So I’ve seen guys read The Book 50, 80 times, and then yet they don’t talk to girls. They don’t do anything to improve themselves. It’s like the paralysis of analysis. So you got to give yourself permission to be a beginner and a novice and to fail. Because the more you can let go of things that you’re stuck on, or stuck in the past, or stuck in a perspective and how you look at life.

It takes time, because the pain is; again, we do more to avoid pain or any kind of perceived pain. If you’re not good with women or you’re not good with people in general, you’re socially awkward. It’s uncomfortable to overcome that. It’s uncomfortable to go and get a job, and walk in and talk somebody into hiring you. Or applying for a job that you get. And so you got to practice things over and over and over and over until you get it. You got to notice what’s working. You got to notice what’s not working, and then you got to change your approach.

If something’s not working, try something else. If that doesn’t work, try something else. If that doesn’t work, try something else. Think of it this way, if you’ve ever had kids of your own, or you have friends that have kids, or maybe you got little brothers and sisters, at what point do parents, as long as the kid’s normal and healthy, go; you know, because if you ever watch a child trying to learn how to walk, they’re kind of wobbly. You know, it’s like I got this little munchkin here.

One of the little girl puppies that we (Ocean) had. She’s six weeks now. You believe this? She’s about half the size of Rocky and Ocean. And so when she kind of runs, she like waddles. She’s kind of clumsy, and she jumps around. You know, she likes to play fight with Rocky, and he’s real gentle with her, and it’s pretty cool. But it’s funny watching her wobble around or just trying to run. She’s very clumsy and uncoordinated. And so you think of human babies when they’re trying to walk.

It’s like you ask a parent. It’s like, well, how many times is your kid going to fall down before you’re like, you know, my kid’s retarded. You know what? They just can’t walk. I’m just going to give up on them. Most parents look at you like, that’s ridiculous. I’m just going to keep picking them up and or her up until they can figure it out. Hold their hands. Help them walk until they get it. But when we become adults, we don’t think like that anymore about ourselves. We have one failure. Or somebody didn’t like us or we didn’t get the job the first time we called, and we just give up and we don’t even try anymore.

You go to the gym, you don’t notice any difference after a week or two. You’re like, ah, well, this ain’t gonna work. I don’t want to give up my chocolate. I don’t want to give up the Ben and Jerry’s chocolate chip cookie dough, which is absolutely amazing. It’s not really that healthy, but, man, it’s fucking delicious. Discipline equals freedom. You’ve got to discipline yourself to read and learn, and to take action. I see it when I look at overall people that struggle with my work. They’re cherry picking. They’re looking for shortcuts.

They’re half-assing it. They don’t really take it seriously. They’re not very disciplined. They just try to cherry pick a few things here and there that’ll solve the problem. And it’s not like that. And so you know what? If you’ve been this way your whole life, 10, 15, 20. When you’re 50 years old, what if you’re 60 years old? And I got clients that are in their 70s. They’re like, “man, I always acted like a beta male. I was always stuck in friend zone. I was always a nice guy.” They were always the ones getting rejected and they never understood why.

And so imagine after that kind of living, that amount of life and going, “Okay, now I’m going to be alpha.” It’s like, what is the difference? So everybody knows what alpha is and a beta is. Now there’s all these sigma male and all these other fucking things that people have made up names to cope and make them feel more comfortable. Or it’s like you’re either courageous and alpha and you go for the things that you want, or you’re a beta and you’re a coward and you shrink from challenges.

In other words, you shrink from going for the things that you want in life because you tell yourself a story that it’s just not in the cards for you, or you’re not capable of it, or you’re not smart enough, or you don’t have enough time, or you don’t have the education, or you’re missing the connections. And so that story becomes your justification for doing nothing that’s uncomfortable, because change is uncomfortable.

Growing outside your comfort zone is uncomfortable. It can be really unpleasant, especially if you’re really nervous and scared around women. It’s like you just need to spend enough time around them to where it’s just not a big deal. You need to take women through the process that’s laid out in 3% Man. It’s just constant repetition, making attempts, trying to get better, noticing what’s working, what’s not working, and giving yourself permission to fail. And not only that, but looking forward to the failure.

Expecting the failure. It’s part of the process. Success is a process. Mastering going from a beta to an alpha when you actually have a plan is a process. Now there’s some people that are just kind of natural leaders. It doesn’t mean you’re going to be a leader or president of the country, but it does mean when you want something, you go after it. That’s what Alpha is. Everybody knows what the term alpha male means. It’s like they just walk into the room and they have a presence. These are people that go through the world and they leave their imprint on the world.

They make things happen. They make a huge dent in the universe, as Steve Jobs said. Because one of the things he said was that when you look around, everything that we consider life or the world, was made by people that are no smarter than you or I, and you can change it. You can influence it, you can leave your imprint on it. And again, you either go for the things you want, or you make excuses and you shrink from it.

You’re either alpha or your beta and all this other nomenclature that some of these guys have made up in the last few years, I see a bunch of videos popping up of Dan Bilzerian saying he’s a Sigma male. It’s like you’re either alpha or beta. He’s clearly alpha. He’s not a beta. He goes for the things he wants. You might not like his process or the way he goes about things, but I mean, you either go to create the life and lifestyle that you want or you make excuses. It’s your choice. The time is going to pass no matter what. So you end up where or as a result of your actions and the mindset.

Most of the time when you’re trying to do things that are uncomfortable or unpleasant, you just want to avoid it. You want to get away from it. You talk your like, “oh, I’m tired. I’ll do it tomorrow. I’ll make that call tomorrow. I’ll ask that girl out tomorrow. I’ll ask her out next week or next month or next year. I’ll go join a gym at the first of the year.” It’s the middle of the summer. “It’ll be my New Year’s resolution.” You either make it happen or you make excuses. There’s no in-between. You either go for what you want or you make excuses why you shouldn’t. Pretty simple. So with that in mind. But again, it’s not an easy journey.

It’s a lot of unpleasant shit. And so you have to become comfortable being uncomfortable. You have to become comfortable being scared and afraid and worried. And the reality is 95% of the things that we worry about or freak out about never happen anyways. You know, like for you younger guys that are afraid to talk to girls or not comfortable with them, it’s like all those weird scenarios that you play in your mind that keep you from doing anything. They’re not going to happen.

Most of the time it’s not going to happen. Occasionally you’re going to come across a truly foul bitch, and she’s just not going to be nice to you because she’s having a shitty day. Don’t take it personally. Tease her about something and then go about your business. Remember, people project what’s inside of them. If somebody’s nasty, it’s just a reflection of how they feel about themselves on the inside.

So our emailer says.

Viewer Email:

Dear Corey,

As a student of yours here is some feedback. Your coaching is great. Implementing it is another matter especially for those of us who have been as you politely term a beta male (acting like a woman).

Too effeminate and girly, too cowardly and not courageous enough. Doesn’t mean you’re going to be absent of any fear or worry or doubt. You got to feel the fear and you do it anyway. You go for the things you want, right, Rocky? You go for the things you want, don’t you? Just like you knocked up Ocean the first time you guys hooked up. And now we’ve got five puppies. Five! There’s like, seven dogs now. We started out with two. We actually started out with one. And then we lost that one. [RIP Sunny. AKA Sundawg @SunnyTheGoldenDude]. And then we end up with two. And now the two multiplied and there’s seven.

Knowledge is fine. Implementing fine. Continuing to be continually aware of one’s thoughts and actions and preventing slips into old ways requires constant vigilance.

Again, it’s like this Book going through it 10 to 15 times, so you get to know it so well you could teach a class on it, is especially when you’re dating a woman it knocks your socks off. Because the title of The Book is, “How to Be a 3% Man. How to Meet and Date the Kind of Women You’ve Always Wanted to Attract. Winning the Heart of the Woman of Your Dreams”, right? Well, that’s not easy.

When you’re with a woman who knocks your socks off and your fears and your doubts and your insecurities and your beta ways, or your effeminate girly ways are so present, it’s hard to do more things right than wrong. When you’re dating a girl you don’t really give a shit about it’s a lot easier. But when you really care and there’s downside risk and the thought of losing her is so painful and unpleasant that you fall under “The Illusion of Action” and you just act too needy.

You act too needy and fearful and worried and you just shrink. But when you know The Book backwards and forwards and you’re dating somebody that knocks your socks off, it’s much easier even though you feel fear and you’re worried and you’re doubtful, you still make things happen. In other words, you’re disciplined. As Jocko Willink says, “Discipline equals freedom.” That’s what he means by that. You keep making things happen no matter what. You choose things that move your life forward instead of shrinking from it.

Because at the end of the day, we’re all in this marble that’s hurtling through the galaxy at thousands of miles an hour, and we’ve got a finite amount of time in the planet and everybody that’s watching this video, guess what? Your time is getting shorter every day that you got left. Your days are numbered. All of us, our days are numbered. So what are you okay going to your grave not having experienced in life? What are you okay going to your grave with not having attempted or committed to doing? Because it’s all going to end and it’s going to turn to dust anyways.

Knowledge is fine, implementing fine, continuing to be continually aware of one’s thoughts and actions and preventing slips into old ways requires constant vigilance.

Well, as the great Aristotle said, “Excellence is not a singular act. You are a habit. You are what you do repeatedly.” So that means over and over and over and over until you master it. That’s why you read The Book over and over and over and over again, because it rewires your brain. It teaches you different mindset, different ways of thinking, because there are so many things that we’ve all learned from society that are just incorrect.

And they’re dysfunctional, and they’re the opposite of what comes innate to us. Because when you really learn The Book backwards and forwards and you apply it and you live it, this stuff is innate, it makes you feel relaxed and makes you feel more powerful than you’ve ever felt in your life as a man, and that makes you feel like you can do even greater things than you ever thought were possible.

When the amount of pain one suffers is great enough one soon sees and rectifies one’s actions speedily to keep on track.

Everybody’s got to get to a certain point, it’s like if you’re watching this video, you got to a point in your life where something wasn’t working and you realized you needed to change your approach. You had a knowledge gap, or you were missing information and you needed to figure out what to do. What was the strategy? We all get there. Whether it’s losing weight, getting in shape, changing jobs, starting a business, asking the hot girl out when you’ve always been afraid to.

That’s the difference between alpha and beta. You’re either courageous, which is alpha, or you’re cowardly. Which is beta. Too timid and weak to do things to shape and change your destiny. At the end of the day pain is life’s change agent. When you’re tired of rejection, when you’re tired of blowing good chances with women. When you’re tired of things not working out, when you’re tired of not having an effortless relationship, that’s when you come across my work.

For anyone who has acted like a beta for 10, 20 or 30 years let it be known the change can happen but does require constant observance and rectification when one stuffs up. The is an old story or a guy on a bicycle.

First time he is riding along he rides straight into a pot hole in the road not seeing it. Second time he sees it and still falls into it. Third time he sees it and steers around it.

I’m sure many of your followers will relate to this in context of their actions moving from Beta to Alpha male.

Cheering you on.

Bob

From the Land Down Under

So this is not easy. Again, I’m not a quick fix guy. If you’re a cherry picker because I know a lot of you are watching this are cherry pickers, and you’re probably feeling uncomfortable right now at the fact that I’m calling you a cherry picker. If you’ve been following me for a while, and you haven’t even cracked The Book. Or maybe you thumbed through it once and you think it doesn’t apply to you. It’s those guys; a lot of them are going to end up on the phone with me in a phone session, in a panic. When things go sideways with somebody they really care about.

And we’ll have a good laugh about the fact they were a cherry picker. And they’ve been following me all this time and never took it seriously. Going through The Book backwards and forwards and knowing it that well, you learn the subtle nuances of things. If you just read it once or twice, you’re going to maybe retain 7, 8, maybe 9% of what’s in there. And that’s why you go through it 10 to 15 times so you can you know it so well, you don’t even have to think about it. Things just kind of become instinctual. You understand the philosophy and the in the mindset. Because The Book is not set in stone.

Everything in there is not an ironclad rule that if you violate it, you’re done. The idea is you’re trying to clean up your behavior. You’re trying to do more attractive things like he said in the beginning. You’ve got to stop acting like a woman because society and what’s in movies and media and the TV is basically teaching men to act like women and women act like men. And that’s not how things work. That’s not how the creator made us. That’s why when you try to behave like you see on TV, in the movies and sitcoms, it doesn’t work. As a matter of fact, it repulses women.

So when you act what’s natural, especially when you look at the old movies from the 30s. 40s 50s early 60s. Men always acted like men. Women were always chasing them and falling all over themselves to get their attention. And the guys usually wanted nothing to do with settling down or family or any of that shit. They’re like, “I’ve got an empire to build. I got things to do, places to go, people to see.” And eventually the girl pulls them away long enough to enchant them and get them to settle down, make babies a nest, and have a home and all those things, and live happily ever after. But it is a process. So commit to the process.

Give yourself permission to fail an unlimited number of failures. As a matter of fact you’re going to fail more times than you succeed. When you look at the best player in the MLB, Major League Baseball and how many times they strike out and don’t get a hit at bat. The difference if somebody makes an average salary and makes millions and millions of dollars is not a lot when you look at it statistically, the amount of hits they get, versus the mediocre Baseball player. And when you look at it as a whole in Baseball, most of the time the guys go to bat, they don’t get anything, don’t get anywhere.

They just lose and lose and lose. But they’re not deterred. Because if you’re hitting three, 2, 3 or 4 out of ten at bats, that’s pretty good. It’s like the difference that makes the difference. And when it comes to the ladies, all you need is one good one. But you got to know how to get her and how to keep her attracted. And The Book will teach you that. But you got to put the time in and it’s going to be hard. It’s going to be unpleasant, and you’re going to feel like giving up. You’re going to feel like quitting. You’re going to feel like it’s hopeless, like it’s never going to work.

Something else that would definitely help you is going to the home page of my YouTube Channel @ Coach Corey Wayne, scroll all the way to the bottom and do the Consciousness Exercises Videos with Doctor, D’Anna and Gracie. All Stages 1 through 12. I’d say three days a week. If you’re really fearful and really struggling with being disciplined, doing the Consciousness Exercises three times a week, take an hour, hour and a half to just go through all 12 of them. Just put them on your big screen TV. Do it in your living room, on the floor and just follow these things.

And when you go through all 12 stages you’re going to feel like you can walk through a wall afterwards. And so that will be really helpful to get you in a place to where you feel aligned. You feel positive. I know this stuff looks kind of silly and hokey, but when you do it, the beauty, it’s just like the Green Juice or the Green Smoothies. It’s like, sounds gross, looks gross. You drink that enough, you’re like, oof, it’s a paradigm shift. The Consciousness Exercises are a paradigm shift. And so those are the differences that make the difference.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.