How To Handle Dating Women Going Through A Divorce Or Breakup

How to handle dating women going through a divorce or breakup.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has been on a few dates with a woman who is in the process of leaving and divorcing her husband. She’s a little hot and cold and told him not to make it obvious to other people in the gym that they are involved by showing her affection publicly. He says he backed off and stopped messaging her, but is unsure of how to proceed. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter in the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How To Handle Dating Women Going Through A Divorce Or Breakup”.

So this particular email is from a guy he’s been on a few dates with, a woman who claims because sometimes women lie believe it or not, there are garbage humans in society that are just not honest and they have no sense of loyalty or commitment. And so you got to be careful if you get involved with a woman who says she’s in the middle of a divorce, but she still lives with her ex, or they’re in the process of breaking up, because if you’re not careful and you don’t let her do most of the reaching out, then you’ll end up becoming her side piece and she’ll just stay with her husband.

Much in the same way that men do this to women all the time. They have a mistress and they keep bullshitting their mistress, saying, “oh, I’m going to leave my wife, definitely. But she’s in a real fragile place right now. And. But in six months, I’m definitely going to leave her after the holidays. I’m definitely gonna leave her.” And there’s always something else that comes up. And next thing you know, seven years have gone by and the guy’s still with his wife. He’s going on family vacations with her and the kids, and yet the woman is still the mistress. So you got to pay attention to reality.

You can’t see it as better than it is or worse than it is. You got to see it as it is. It’s super important. And so part of the problem is he’s saying that she’s kind of hot and cold. And so I guess he was in the gym and he started being affectionate towards her, and she basically told him to back off and not show her affection publicly because she doesn’t want people to see it, because you got to maintain operational security. I mean, the woman is in the middle of a divorce. Maybe she hasn’t told most people yet that know her. She doesn’t want the questions or the line of inquiry.

Maybe people at the gym also know the ex-husband to be. And so you got to be smart and you got to be discreet. You can’t act like a dopey little school boy who just got together with his crush for the first time. You’ve got to let women like this come to you at their pace. And as I say in the book, if she wants to touch and do PDA publicly, she’ll start doing that and then you can reciprocate. You shouldn’t go over and start touching her and have your hands all over and treating her like your girlfriend and wanting to kiss her if she’s not already done that to you and she’s not comfortable doing that in public.

You’re already, this guy’s starting to try to treat this girl like it’s his girlfriend, even though it’s some other dude’s wife. And we don’t, I don’t know, I can’t tell from the email if she’s still with the husband or is thinking about leaving the husband, or quite frankly, she’s just cheating on the husband. So we really don’t know, and I don’t know, it doesn’t look like just from reading this email that this guy is really paying attention to that because he’s so focused on how much he likes and wants her. She could have been saying she plans on leaving her husband.

Maybe she’s trying to monkey branch and line up a guy before she leaves her husband. But the important thing to understand about that is she’ll cheat on her husband with you. When eventually she’s not happy with you, she’ll cheat on you with somebody else. 95% of relationships that come from cheating tend to end in cheating. And as a man, it’s your job to hold women accountable. And if the woman wants you to engage in some dishonest fuckery and be her sidepiece, or be the guy that she cheats with, you got to shut that shit down and say, “I think you’re amazing. I’d love to hang out.”

“I’d love to date you, but until you’ve moved out, or you’ve left your husband, I’m just not going to get involved. I’m not going to be your sidepiece. I’m not going to be the guy that you cheat with. I don’t want to be the reason why you leave your husband. I want you to leave your husband because you know you don’t want to be with them anymore and you have the guts to do it. I’m not going to be here to facilitate the end of your marriage. You got my number. If it doesn’t work out, hit me up.”

You should have that kind of an attitude. And the other thing I talk about in the book, if you’re going to date somebody in the middle of a divorce or just going through a breakup, especially when they’ve been together for several years, you have to expect that they’re going to be hot and cold. And that’s why after you start dating and sleeping with her, is it really you should quickly just get to the point where you’re letting her do 100% of the calling, texting, and pursuing because she’s going to pull back. She’ll be all over you like white on rice for a few days or a week or two, and then all of a sudden she’ll become cold and distant as she doubts whether or not she actually wants to leave her significant other or end the marriage.

And when she has those pullbacks, you just let her be. Let her be with the feelings. Because then what happens is she’ll go and test her husband or her boyfriend. He’ll flail around, and most likely, that’ll confirm to her that she’s making the right decision by leaving them. And it’ll turn her on and become more attracted to you because she hasn’t heard from you. And you’re just letting her be. But if you start acting like an insecure little girl, blowing up her phone, constantly trying to get her out on dates, and then you ignore the fact that she’s not really excited to make plans.

You’ve just got to match and mirror the actions, especially if you’re involved with somebody in the middle of a breakup or a middle of a divorce. Ideally, it’s best if they’ve already moved out. Their divorce is finalized before you get involved with them because especially if they got kids, there’s always a chance they might go back, especially if they live together. And if you’re dating a woman who says she’s divorcing her husband, she’s still living under the same roof, or she’s with her ex-boyfriend to be, but they’re still under the same roof. When that happens, you’ve got to let them do 100% of their pursuing.

Because any kind of pursuing at that point is counter productive, because a lot of the reaching out and making dates is coming from your side. And it’s not really her idea because you got to understand, she’s got somebody that she lives with. So this is a little different approach if you’re going to get involved with somebody like this, I don’t recommend it. But I know sometimes it happens. You meet somebody and you click really well and you want to see where it goes. But your game’s got to be tight otherwise you’ll smother the girl and she’ll dip and bounce on you like that.

Viewer Email:

Hey Corey,

I have been following your work for the last couple years, I read it almost three times I know it’s not enough.

Well, have you been following me for a couple of years, you’ve only read it three times, you barely know any of the book. You don’t really understand what I teach. And that’s part of the reason why you’re sending me an email is, you know, you’ve been following me cherry picking in the videos. It’s not working for you. I say it all the time. Take this shit seriously Dude. This is your life. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue. And on top of that, the book is free to read in the Members Area my Website. Go to UnderstandingRelationships.com and just subscribe to the Email Newsletter. The best way to get the reads down to do it quickly and efficiently as possible, and so you really focus on things, is to put the audiobook on 2X and then follow along in a digital or a physical copy of the book.

So you’re looking at the words as you’re hearing them being spoken. Driving around, listen to the audiobook as background noise in your car or through your speaker system in your house, when you’re doing other things, or when you’re working out at the gym, you’re just not really focused on it. You’re kind of in and out of consciousness with it. You’re kind of in and out of actually listening to it and being distracted by what’s going on in the gym or around you.

So this is the kind of thing you really need to take seriously learning it. And you’ve been following me for three years or the last two years, and you barely got through the book three times. That’s a shitty piss poor effort. That’s what a mediocre man would do. And that’s why you’re getting mediocre results. It’s because you’re not a good student. You don’t really know the book, and so you don’t know what you’re doing and your game is sloppy.

There is a girl in my gym who’s married who talked to me, reached me out first in Instagram after we exchanged text messages, she was very obvious that she was into me, she told me that she is going to get divorced soon.

Yeah. She didn’t say, “I’m in the process of getting a divorce. I’m going to get divorced soon.” Does that mean that the final judgment, the separation agreement, has been agreed to and signed, and they got their court date in a few weeks? Or she’s in the process of filing soon? Meaning she’s still with them and hasn’t completely decided to leave. And she’s potentially monkey branching or looking to monkey branch from her husband to some other guy. So it’s important to get some clarity or to understand like what that means. So she says, “I’m going to get divorced soon.” It’s like, what does that mean? You’re almost you got your separation agreement signed and you’re just waiting in your court date or you’re contemplating leaving him, but technically you’re still together.

It’s like, what does that mean? And if she’s just contemplating leaving him and still with him, then just say, “I can’t get involved in that. I’m not going to be your sidepiece. I’m not going to be a guy that you cheat on your husband with. I’m not interested in that. Because if you’re willing to cheat on your husband with me, then if things weren’t going well between us, I’d know you would cheat on me. And that’s one of the quickest ways for me. To lose respect and interest in you is for you to behave that way.” So again, you gotta hold the woman accountable if you’re in this situation, do not encourage any kind of fuckery because all you’re doing is inviting karma and teaching her that you’re okay with it, and eventually she’ll do it to you.

But it seems like she’s in a messy situation we changed put once she was all over me told me about her husband and her problems but acted distant in the second date, but anyway she is acting cold and distant right now, so I stopped messaging her, after that she reached me out again after two weeks of not messaging she seemed flirty again.

So what that tells me is that you were over pursuing her. You were calling and texting too much and trying to get her out and not letting her come to you at her pace. And so you were over pursuing to the point where you were literally driving her back into the arms of the husband and causing her to doubt whether she actually wanted to follow through and leave him. So again, this is what happens when you follow me for a couple of years, but you barely get through the book three times. So that’s just because you don’t know what the hell you’re doing. You don’t know the book and your game is sloppy and it’s not working for you. I guess there’s like, I got dogs at one end of the hallway and then another, and then they all, like, start barking at each other. So it’s good times.

But it seems like she’s in a messy situation, so she’s acting cold and distant right now. He stopped messaging her. Then two weeks after she reached out and she seemed excited again. That’s what happens. She didn’t hear from him for two full weeks, she focused on whatever was going on in her life. Then she started to miss you, and then she reached out. So now it’s her idea to reach out to you. So trying to set a date when she’s doing that usually will end in her making a date and keeping it.

But when I saw her in the gym again she was acting distant, I have a feeling like she likes another guy in the gym.

It’s possible. And if you keep over pursuing her like this and touching her in public, you’re going to chase her into the arms of the other guy. Because more than likely, you’re not the only dude that she’s talking to.

Since I saw them looking at each other in a weird  way trying to hide something, I saw him smelling her perfume getting close to her, while when I tried to come to close to her, she told me don’t make it obvious and touch me in the gym, because everyone will notice.

Again, as the book says, you should be letting the woman come to you and initiate physical contact, then you reciprocate slowly and physically escalate from there. Again, this is what happens when you don’t take me seriously when I tell you that you need to read the book for 10 to 15 times. He’s just cherry picking in videos and half-assing it because he’s fucking lazy and it’s not going well. It doesn’t need to be this way. But you know, most people tend to major and minor things. Everybody wants the easy, lazy man’s way to sex and relationships and wealth and everything you want in life. You got to be disciplined if you want this to work out in your favor.

I ignored her the whole session after that she came and reached me out  in the gym and told me are you ok? I told her I am alright, but she acted she was kind of pissed that I was ignoring her, she was raised by only her mother her father was absent.

So there you go. She came from a broken home. Typically girls, most of the time, girls that come from broken homes. Loyalty, honesty, monogamy, exclusivity, good family environment was never demonstrated for them. Maybe the father was around, but he was cheating on the mother. And so there was disloyalty in the home. And so that was what was modeled for her probably. And so it might be that this is just a chick that is cheating on her husband, probably with multiple dudes, and you’re just one of the guys she’s talking to.

If you’re the prize and you’re the catch, then you’re going to be okay with not hearing from her and letting her be the one to win you over. But you’re not doing that because you’re only focused on how much you like her and trying to get her to be with you. And again, you’re not really following what, the book, and that’s why it’s not going well.

She also put a perfume to make everyone notice her smell attention seeker, right?

Possibly. I mean, most women, if they’re fit and in shape, they like to take care of themselves, they want to smell good. So that is normal. And you want that anyways, wouldn’t you much rather have a woman that smells nice, instead of smelling like ass and B.O.?

She also has a daughter, and she told me that she actually goes to party sometimes, would you think the woman is able to be loyal?

Well, uh, it’s pretty doubtful because it kind of looks like she’s cheating on her husband, but I don’t think you really know what the situation is, because you probably, since you’re so focused on how much you like her, you never really bothered to ask. And it doesn’t seem like you gave a shit. You were happy. Maybe you’re happy to be the side piece or the guy that she cheats with.

Since I heard on one of your videos.

Again, here’s the cherry picking admission.

Since I heard on one of your videos that a good woman during divorce she would line up a guy, but it seems she’s not only lining me up. I appreciate your work.

Best regards. 

That’s why you should definitely be hanging back and letting her come to you at her pace. And when you hear from her, in this case, these situations, you have progressed this enough to where your pursuit is over forever. I would let her do 100% of the reaching out and then just make dates when you hear from her. If you see her in the gym and you make eye contact, smile and then wave and then go about your workout. You don’t have to ignore her or walk past her or act like you don’t see her. But don’t go out of your way to talk to her, because there’s another guy in the gym that, as you said, it appears that she’s interested in.

And again, if she’s supposed to be winning you over, because if you look at it objectively, she’s in a in kind of a fucked up situation. She’s still with her husband. She’s got a kid with him. I assume they still live together. You don’t really know the status of their divorce, if she’s actually filed or she’s just talking about it, or she’s just saying she’s going to leave him when all she’s really looking for is to get some side dick, and get some side dick from a guy that knows how to keep his mouth shut and not come up to her in the gym publicly and put his hands all over her.

Because a woman like this is going to want a guy who can be discreet and you’re not really being discreet, you’re acting like a horny virgin teenager trying to lose his virginity on spring break. It’s like, just let her be. Again, if you see her smile, wave, then go about your business. If she wants to talk to you, she’ll come over and talk to you. And if she does come over, it’s like, “hey, how you been? What have you been up to?” And then you can make a date on the spot with her. “Hey. Well, we should get together and make dinner at my place.” Because also, she might not want to do things publicly because she’s worried about getting seen out in public by one of her friends or family, or somebody that knows her husband.

And you don’t want that getting back to her. You know, women in these situations, like a guy that can keep his mouth shut and be discreet so people can’t tell if there’s anything going on between the two of you. But if you look like you’re going to cause drama, you’re going to get butthurt, you’re going to cause problems, you’re going to be wanting to come up and do uninvited PDA when you’ve only hung out with her a couple of times, you’re going to get rejected in friend zone really quick if you do that. Gotta read the fucking book, dude. That book you don’t read is not going to help you.

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