How To Have An Abundance Mindset Without Abundance

How to have an abundance mindset to attract the life and women you want when you have nothing.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who asks how to have an abundance mindset when your life is not one of abundance with women and the things you want. I discuss how to put yourself into the right mindset so you can have positive expectations that you will eventually attract and create the life and lifestyle you’ve always wanted even though you may just be started out on your journey to shape and change your destiny for the better. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, How To Have An Abundance Mindset Without Abundance.

Well, this email is for guys that are not where they want to be. Obviously, I talk about 3% Man abundance mindset and what that means. And you want to have like a non-attached type of vibe and mindset to everything in life. This comes from Eastern traditions, Buddhism, the Tao, things of that nature, where you put your intention in the world, you take action towards the things that you want, but then you detach, and you let go of the outcome.

Because as the older you get, and the more life experience you have, what you often find out is that life doesn’t turn out exactly the way you hoped or you plan, but it turns out to be exactly what you needed at the time. And so, part of being receptive to things in life, and allowing things to come and go, because after all, love is allowing. And so, you allow a woman to love you and come to you at her pace.

And as she feels safe and comfortable to be around you. It’s the same things with your goals, your dreams or the dream job that you want. You’re applying for a job. You don’t get it, or you want a raise, or you want to move up, make a lateral move in the company, or you want to continue climbing the corporate ladder.

But somebody else who quite frankly is not as qualified as you are, gets the job because they got tenure, or they know somebody a little higher up in the food chain than you. And then you have to sit there and take those things. As a man, you always want to stay focused on your outcome and what you want in life, and let the chips fall where they may.

In other words, you don’t get upset about the hand that you’ve been dealt, or that you’ve been dealt a bad hand. You make the best of the hand that you’ve been dealt. And so, one of the things that Wayne Dyer used to say was that, “You got to contemplate yourself as surrounded by the conditions that you wish to create.”

So, in this particular case, this guy is having a hard time attracting or meeting the kind of women that he wants. And so, what he should be thinking about, first and foremost is contemplating himself surrounded by the type of conditions that he wants to create. And instead of going out and trying to chase women, or send a thousand messages on a dating app and maybe get a handful of responses back, you want to create the conditions where you get noticed.

Like I was talking to a friend of mine the other day, and her daughter got her dream job. And the reason that her daughter got this dream job is because she’s exceptional at what she does. She’s really passionate. She really loves what she does. And she’s also very talented. And she got recruited because people talk, when you’re an exceptional person.

We all have encountered people like this, whether it’s an exceptional athlete on the football field or the soccer field or somebody that’s exceptional in business. What happens is, is that when you do things way better than most people, and you’re more passionate about your work and you’re better at it than everybody else because you, quite frankly, spend more time at it because you love what you do.

And therefore, it’s like playing to you. Your enthusiasm, your excitement and your competence, is what attracts other people to you to offer you other opportunities. And that’s what happened with my friend’s daughter. She’s just absolutely amazing at what she does. She loves it, she’s passionate and she’s really good at it. And so, she got noticed by other people.

And so, as a man, you want to create the conditions for your life where you get noticed, where you’re the type of guy that has such a cool, interesting, fun life and you do fun things, that other guys want to hang out with you, and women are obviously going to be drawn to you and want to sleep with you, whether it’s them sliding into your DM’s because they like your social media and what you’re into, wherever part of the world you happen to be.

You have to build a great social life for yourself where you get to hang out with other likeminded people that like the same things, because people that like the same things, tend to like each other. And what you want to do is you want to lose yourself in the process of enjoying your life. You’ve got to get to a place where you love your life. You love being alone, and you’re proud of your life. You’re proud of what you do, and you have invited and acquired friends and acquaintances over time, with people that are like minded and enjoy the same things.

And so, if like every weekend people are coming over to your house or, if you think about it like, let’s take the bar scene, for example. Say you have your favorite bar where you go and you hang out and you go there on a regular basis. You get to know the servers there, the bartenders there. You get to know some of the regulars there. And so, when you first started going in there, you didn’t know anybody.

And now six months later, after going in there, you know, most everybody that works there, and every time you go in there, there may be half a dozen or a dozen people that you see and, you know, and you’re like, “Hey, how you been? What are you up to? What’s new?” And so, because you all like the same activity, it’s a very social activity.

You get to know each other. It becomes easy to meet other people that like the same things. But obviously maybe you don’t want to hang out in the bars and drink all the time. So, we look at it from another perspective. What if you love boating and you’re into yachting, and you’re an avid boat enthusiast? What would you do if you want to meet other like minded people that also love boating, join a yacht club.

You join a yacht club. Guess what? Other people that are at the yacht club are also going to be into boating. Maybe some of them have sailboats, catamarans. Some of them either have little speedboats or wake boarding boats or just boats to cruise around for the day. Another one’s going to have big old yachts that have 10 or 15 state rooms and a crew of people where you can go for a couple of weeks at a time and travel anywhere in the world and live in like a luxury cruise ship, if you will.

And so, just hanging out at the yacht club, you’re going to easily meet other people that also rendered boating. “Oh, what kind of boat do you have? Oh, well, I’ve got this one. And I used to have this kind of boat.” It makes it very easy if you’re into boating and you’re at a yacht club to talk to other people about boats because they’re all there, because they love boating and they love yachting.

And then you meet guys you become friends with, they’re like, “Hey, we’re having a barbecue this weekend. You should come on over, bring, bring whoever.” Then you go and you hang out and there’s 20, 30 people there. They introduce you to friends. The wife introduces you to one of her girlfriends or her sorority sisters who’s really hot. They went to college together. They know each other. You get introduced, you got social proof.

And just by losing yourself in your hobbies and your interests, in this case, a yacht club, you meet other people that are also into it. You strike up a friendship at the yacht club and now you’re doing things socially outside of the yacht club and you go over for a barbecue maybe to watch some sports or something on the weekend. And then now you get introduced to your new friend’s wife’s girlfriend who happens to be single and is beautiful. And as soon as you get introduced, guess what? She’s also into boating and yachting because like attracts like.

People that like the same things tend to like each other. And that’s a microcosm of what you want to do with your life. Maybe you’re into fixing up cars, and souping them up where you take the frame off and you completely take the car apart, get all the rust off, replace bad parts or parts that can’t be salvaged.

And then you do these beautiful fix ups, whether it’s pickups or regular cars or whatever, and you customize them and you post pictures on your Instagram, then you go to car shows and you show them off. Then you meet other people at car shows that have similar cars. You start talking, you start shooting the shit, maybe you got a part you’re looking for and you can’t find, and you meet somebody there and it turns out that they’ve got the part you’re looking for, and then come to find out you have other things that you’re into.

You become friends. You start hanging out socially and then boom, you meet a girl. When you’re hanging out with that new friend that you made. And that’s typically how most people go about meeting their friends, and people that they date. Sitting at home on your couch, waiting for the perfect girl to come through on a dating app, or to come bang on your door is not going to happen.

So, you should be proactive and be focused on creating a great life, and a great lifestyle for yourself that’s full of fun social activities with other like minded people. And then as a side effect of that meeting, great women who have similar goals, similar values and similar hobbies and interests is a side effect of your life. And then when it’s a side effect of your life, if you’re constantly got stuff to do in the weekends with other people that always want you to come hangout with them, then just about every weekend you’re going to be meeting girls that you would have never met otherwise.

And if you’re constantly meeting other women and getting introduced, you’re going to have dates. If you have 2 or 3 different girls that you’ve met recently and you’re going out on dates with, you’re going to be a lot cockier and you’re going to have more swagger and more confidence versus just sitting at home scrolling on dating apps.

And so, that’s where the abundance mentality comes in, is that when you have more than one, it’s okay if you lose one, because as the old saying goes, one is no choice, two is a dilemma, three is a choice. So, it’s always better to have multiple women that are interested in you. It’s also important and wise to have many friends that you hang out with and acquaintances for business, for life, for social purposes.

And so, you create a life to where meeting new people, meeting new women is just a part of you having fun and enjoy your life when you’re not doing your life’s work. And so, it’s really all about set up. Like when I was in real estate, I had a bunch of guys. It’s like there was this quote, I can’t remember who said it, but it said, sometimes you got to create what you want to be a part of.

And so, I had always worked for other people. And then in my late 20s, when I started building my company with my business partners, I got to pick and choose the people that I wanted to work with that I wanted to hire. And so, I hired a bunch of high achieving young guys, mostly guys and some girls that were into what we were all into. And so, we all worked together, we worked hard together, we played together.

We made a lot of money together and we socialized a lot together. So, every weekend when we went out, there was always 10, 15 of us in the group, and we worked with a lot of pretty girls, and pretty girls had pretty friends. And when we go hang out on the weekend, the pretty girls invite their pretty friends. And so, it’s like literally every weekend we were meeting and getting exposed to like minded women that were kind of tangentially related to the people that we worked with on a daily basis.

We got to know a lot of people in the industry. When you had a new home builder that would say, “Hey, we got 300 lots. We’ve got five model homes open. Come check it out. We got food, we got music playing, we got drinks. Bring whoever anybody you know in the industry, bring them over.” Because the whole idea is they’re trying to get the word out about this new home community. You go hangout, you go there. We would see like 15, 20 people that we knew at these events.

And because we knew those people, sometimes the guy shows up with his date, or his girlfriend, or his wife and his wife is brought maybe a few of her friends along and he’s got a few of his friends. And so, socially, when I was in real estate, in the mortgage business, it was like every weekend I was constantly meeting new people. I was constantly meeting new girls. And when you’re in that kind of a social circle, your reputation precedes you.

And so, it’s just like somebody that has a big social media profile. When everybody talks about you, everybody knows what your business is, everybody knows who you are. You get social proof. And then when you get introduced to a brand new girl, you’ve already been built up by everybody in your social circle. And so, when you when you notice that she’s interested in you and she’s attracted to you, it’s pretty easy to ask her out and go on dates and have a really good date because people are like the same.

Things tend to like each other. So, it is absolutely essential to build a social group, and set up your life to where you’re just constantly meeting new people. Again, as Wayne Dyer said, “You’ve got to contemplate yourself as being surrounded by the conditions that you want to create.” And so, you ask yourself, “What would my life look like if every weekend I was busy, every weekend I was out hanging out with friends, family, cool people that I really like being around with, and I was constantly meeting new girls.

What would I be doing? What would my social life look like? What kind of social activities would I be getting involved in? What kinds of hobbies and interests could I lose myself in and just have fun at that to the point where it just creates such a fun life for me that everywhere I go, I’m smiling, I’m happy and I’m having a good time.” Which when you’re in that mindset and you’re smiling a lot, you’re going to be attractive.

Women are going to notice that they can feel and pick up on that vibe versus when you got nothing going on. And so, you’ve got to think about. Close your eyes and imagine; because your brain doesn’t know the difference between reality or imagination when you’re in your head.

And so, if you think about what does it look like, what does it feel like, what kinds of things are you doing when you’re living this life? What is it like and what kinds of women are you meeting and what kinds of activities are you doing? Where are you going for fun? What are you doing for fun? And you think about how cool it would look like to have your ideal life in your mind’s eye, and then you want to set about the conditions, and do the work, and get out of your house and go do those things.

Go lose yourself in your hobbies and your interests, so those people can roll on into your life easily and effortlessly. So, I get this short email from this guy, and that’s basically what he’s been asking.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

Your work has been really helping me, and I wanted to start by saying thanks for all you do! My question is how does one pretend to have a mindset of abundance when they have no abundance.

Well, like I was just saying a minute ago, it’s close your eyes and contemplate yourself as being surrounded by the conditions that you want to create. What would your ideal life look like? What are you going to be doing on the weekends?

What kinds of people are you going to be hanging out with on the weekends, and what are you going to be doing with those people on the weekends? And then you’ve got to set about the task of looking up clubs and organizations and social activities and functions that line up with your hobbies and your interests and the things that you love doing for fun.

I don’t have many friends and romantic opportunities come around very rarely (think maybe once a decade.)

It’s like, well, that tells me you need to be more social. That’s one of the things that I learned when I was in high school and I made a lot of friends in high school. And I like to drink. I liked to party at the time. And so, when there was a party in the weekend, I would love to go, everybody’s drinking, we all went to school together. And a lot of people that I went to school with, I’d known since I was in elementary school.

So, I had had many years to get to know them. And once we got old enough and then we started going to bars and stuff after college, it was the same thing when I would go out on the weekends in my early 20s, there oftentimes would be 50 or 100 people that I would run into that I knew, because we all kind of congregated in the same place.

Girls that I went to high school with, were now graduated and they would show up on a Friday night with 3 or 4 of their girlfriends from college or their sorority sisters or whatever, and I would get introduced to them. And so, automatically I had social proof, because this pretty girl that they knew introduced me. She said nice things about me. Now, already her friends feel safe and comfortable around me.

And so, that’s a microcosm of what happens. But it took time to create that. There’s a lot of time going out, a lot of time socializing, and this is not going to happen when you’re sitting at home on your couch. You have to get out outside your house and out your comfort zone and put yourself in situations where you’re meeting other like minded people that like the same things.

I’ve made up for this in life but adopting hobbies that allow me to find a lot of satisfaction in life being on my own. These hobbies include solo international travel (I’ve been to Norway, Patagonia, Iceland and the Alps this year alone, by myself,) landscape photography and camping. 

Well, I’m sure there’s travel clubs and other things of that nature that you can join. Like when I was in Tony Robbins Platinum Partnership. What was really cool about that is the different events and seminars that he had were located throughout the world.

And so, whether I was in Malta or Palm Springs, California or Monterey or Costa Rica or in Europe, wherever we happened to be, when I would go to any of these events, when I first started going there, I knew like one person, and those were some of the people that I worked with, but they didn’t join Platinum Partnership. And so, I literally knew nobody.

But at the end of that, that 12 months, obviously, as I talked to My Book, that’s how I met my English girlfriend. And I made a lot of friends and one of my best friends for the last 20 plus years, I met when we were in Platinum Partnership. And so, it’s like within a very short period of time, that first trip, that first week long trip, by the time I left there, there was like probably 20, 30 new people that I clicked with, and I jived with, just because we were like minded.

We were into the same things at that time. We were all into Tony Robbins work and it was interesting to hear the stories of how his work had impacted them and the changes that they had made and their lives, and the successes that they had had in their lives up until that point. So, I started out, I knew nobody, but by the end of the first week, I had several dozen people that I knew.

And then over the course of the next year that I was going through the program, I continually met new people. Those people, obviously, I would see them at other events, and it just grew. But it takes time to build and so, you’ve got to get out there and put yourself out there and meet new people.

I have finally adopted a mindset of walking away from women who prove they aren’t interested in me, but the reality is that I simply don’t other woman to take their place.

It’s like, yeah, you got to work on your social life, dude. It’s like, the girl you’re looking for is not going to come kick your door down and say, “I’m here. Let’s get married and live happily ever after.” It doesn’t work that way. It’s a side effect of a great social life. And what’s telling me is you really haven’t done much to build your social life and where you live, so you’ve got some work to do.

I am working on this by practicing my social skills by practicing talking to people more and more, so I can chat up a beautiful girl when the time is right.

Well, that’s why it’s important to join organizations and clubs and things of like minded people, versus hoping to just do random approaches on the street, or bumping into somebody in the grocery store. It’s like you’ve got to think of it as like fishing.

When you fish, there are certain, you know, wherever you fish, whether it’s fresh water, or in a pond or on the ocean somewhere depending on where you fish, how deep the water is, the temperature of the water geographically where you are, there’s different fish in every watering hole, if you will. And so, depending on the type of fish you want to catch, you’ve got to think, where should I go where there’s an abundance of these kinds of fish?

This weekend alone, I’ve struck up random conversations with at least 10 people. However, I simply do not have many women come into my life that show me any level of attraction. So, it’s been hard so far to practice my skills with romantically interested women.

Again, your whole mindset is how do I find the right girl for me, instead of what you should be thinking is, how can I create a great social life to where meeting like minded women is something that happens every time I go and I participate in these social activities. That’s what you need to be asking yourself.

What can I do about this in the meantime before the skills I learn from Your Book start to help improve woman’s attraction towards me (I’m on read 3 of 15 of Your Book.)

Thanks,

Bob

Again, it’s all about setup. Right now, your task should be about setting up your life. So, when you’re not working, and the weekends or your days off or whatever, you’re hanging out with other like minded people having a blast, doing whatever it is that you like to do. Again, what it sounds like you’re doing is just hoping to randomly bump into some girl in the grocery store, which it can happen, and it does happen.

It’s just you got to think of it as like where you’re fishing. There’s just not a lot of fish in that pond where you’re fishing. If you’re hoping to bump into somebody randomly on the street that you have a lot in common with, because the more you have in common with somebody, the easier it is to talk to them, versus some random girl on the street that you really don’t have anything in common with. So, that’s why it’s important not to go out looking to meet women, but to go out with the intent of creating a great social life for yourself so you can meet other like minded people.

And then meeting great girls will just be a part of that. Like all the examples I’ve given you in this video that I’ve been doing over the course of my adult life. I’ve moved around a lot so, if you move around a lot and you go from city to city, it’s like you got to it’s like hitting reset on your life. It’s like it’s like game over. Like playing a video game. You hit reset, you start over. You got to reacquire everything.

You got to acquire the friendships where you eat takes time to go and eat places where you get to know people that work there. You know, it takes many months and it’s like typically within a 12 month period, if you move to a new city by the end of 12 months, if you’re busy every weekend looking for fun things to do with like minded people, you should be able to build a great social life for yourself within about 12 months or less. It really depends on how much time you spend at it and what types of organizations you get involved in.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.