How To Keep Your Shit Together When You’re Dating A 10

How to maintain your center and self control when dating a hot woman.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who’s having a hard time keeping his shit together while dating a woman who knocks his socks off. He’s trying to set date number three, but she’s bobbing and weaving with excuses and takes days to reply. It’s driving him nuts, getting on his nerves and frustrating because he wants her so bad. He’s worried he made too many mistakes.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is a guy who’s dating a woman who clearly knocks his socks off. However, looks like he’s been kind of fumbling the football and having a hard time keeping his composure together. So he’s trying to. He’s kind of stuck. He had two good dates and now he’s trying to make date three happen, but she’s kind of bobbing and weaving and giving him excuses. She’s taking days to reply, so it’s driving him nuts. It’s getting on his nerves. He’s overthinking everything. He’s constantly obsessing over her and he just wants her so bad, but he’s kind of worried that he made too many mistakes. So he sends an email and he’s got two or three other short emails that he sent between when he sent the original email in and what’s happened, because you can tell that sometimes she leaves him hanging for like two or three days before she gets back to him, which freaks him out.

So when a woman does that, that shows low interest. At the end of the day, she does reach out after enough days have passed. So this is where knowledge of the book really comes in handy. This is why I say read it 10 to 15 times, because when you come across your 10 or the one that knocks your socks off, if you haven’t prepared ahead of time, it’s going to be a lot harder to keep your composure together. Especially if you blow it, then when you take the time after you blow it and go really learn the book and you’re like, “Oh man,” because women like this that make you feel this way, that light you up on the inside, they don’t come along very often and who feel the same way. So it sucks when you screw them up.

So this is another reason why I say read the book 10 to 15 times. So you can get prepared because when you’re in a situation like this, because you never know when you’re going to meet somebody like this, if you don’t have your shit together, you can blow it and then it could take a year-and-a-half to really completely get over it or it doesn’t bother you anymore. Again, women like this that make that stir your soul on this level, they don’t come along very often. As Confucius said, “Success depends upon prior preparation, and without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.”

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I need an ice-cold audit on my current position. I am a 44-year-old commercial tradesman working on the BC coast. I am a civilian, not in the military. I am not going to lie, I am crazy about this woman, and this situation is becoming completely exhausting.

This is why you read the book 10 to 15 times, because if you know it, then you can apply the correct response and you can sleep peacefully. Plus, you have to also have to be busy going to the gym, seeing your family, hanging out with your friends, doing your hobbies, your interests. Still be in the well-rounded guy that you were before you met her. So having routines and being busy, focus on your purpose and your mission, you got to do that above all else.

I am currently trying to make date three happen with Jessica (34). Date two was a massive success. We did a boardwalk walk and casual drinks. She completely opened up her emotional ledger, exposing her vulnerable history and the heavy control issues of her ex-boyfriend.

Well, something I want to say about that is it’s nice to get some intel on what was like, you know, simple things. “Do you ever cheat on anybody? You ever been cheated on, or was he loyal to you? Did he cheat on you?” And if she’s bringing the guy up, remember, the longer you talk about the ex, especially if it was a bad relationship, you’re stirring negative emotions in her. If you’re making a woman feel negative emotions because you’re talking about her controlling ex-boyfriend, That’s the vibe, that’s the energy you’re putting in, and girls want to have fun. They want to forget about the controlling ex-boyfriend.

So you want to get enough intel and then change the subject and talk about something positive, because whatever you make a woman feel when she’s with you is what she’s going to associate with being with you. If you’re spending half your day talking about the ex-boyfriend, trying to be her therapist, she’s going to walk away feeling like shit from your date thinking, “He’s a nice guy.” Again, you want her to escape from the problems of life and the world and the exes. You want her to be wrapped up and hanging out with you and talking about things that are fun, that are exciting, and the kind of topics that she enjoys talking about.

This signals massive emotional trust. Right before the date ended in her car, she explicitly stated, “We should do this again,” before I even moved in for the kiss. The first kiss was sweet and firm, but no tongue.

After the date, she texted me right away about having a hard time eating Reese’s she left in her car, and I texted her the next day, “Keep the Reese’s out of the hot car, last night was good, talk to you soon.” To which she said, “Lol I’ll strap them onto the outside bumper next time for sure or the roof perhaps.”

However, she previously took 43 hours to reply to my initial message because she works five different jobs and plays a tight defensive game.

Well, the other thing you got to consider is that her interest isn’t that high. Women who really like you, despite the 50 jobs or five jobs, whatever it is, they will text you in between it, because when a woman really likes you and has high attention, especially when they’re in love, they want your attention all the fucking time.

So on a break, they’ll text you or they’ll send you a meme or something, but the fact that she took 43 hours to reply shows that you probably over-communicated your interests, and more often than not, they back off like that to see if you lose your shit over it. So if women are doing that to you, it’s either their interest is low or they’re doing it on purpose because you seem like you can’t handle it.

So you gotta remember, dating is like tennis. You hit the ball over the net and you wait for her to hit it back. In this case, it took her 43 hours to hit it back. So you played your cards right in that.

To protect my valuation, I matched her distance and left her candy joke completely unread on my screen for 44 hours. On Friday at 3:07 p.m., I broke the silence, bypassed the small talk, and dropped a definitive logistical command to set up date three: “Let’s grab dinner and keep the conversation going on Tuesday at 6:00 p.m. I’ll pick the spot.”

I would have just said, “Hey, you! It’s great to hear from you. I’d love to see you and catch up. What’s your schedule like?” That’s what I would do, because more than likely, if she’s not available, she’s got five jobs. Again, if she’s got five jobs and you know she’s busy, he’s like, “When are you available?” You’re trying to do a date in as few texts as possible. When you send her a text like that, more often than not, it’s going to get rejected or she’s not going to be available because she’ll be working.

Her screen has stayed silent for over 28 hours since I sent it. I know she runs a chaotic multi-job gauntlet on weekends, but my nervous system is fighting scarcity panic and feeling like my text was too dry, or that the silent gap is killing the momentum.

Again, you got to look at it. There’s no momentum to kill. If a woman’s waiting multiple days to text you back, it means her interest is not that high, and you have to acknowledge that you can’t because you’re focused only on how much you like her, and when you focus on how much you like her, only you ignore her low interest because you’re trying to get her to pay attention to you and you’re acting like a woman when you do that. Women can pick up on it. They can tell that you’re way more to them than they are into you. The harsh reality is, women like you more if they think that they’re more into you than you are into them.

I am holding total radio silence, the phone is face-down, and I am not double-texting. I need you to verify if my frame is solid or if I made a tactical error by holding back too long.

Now again, I would look at it as go, “This girl’s interest is not high in you at all.” It’s pretty low actually. So the chances of it succeeding are low, despite your super high interest, because women don’t care about how much you like them. They only care about how much they like you, or I should say, how they feel about you. It’s quite apparent from her lack of effort and lack of enthusiasm that she’s really not super into you.

Update:

So we are Tuesday night and she never got back to me. I think I should have flirted back when she sent me that inside joke about the Reese’s pieces. I feel like I completely killed the trade, and now it’s over. I haven’t double texted or begged but I’m kinda devastated. I’m really hoping this isn’t the fatal mistake I think it is. But it feels like it is. 

Well, you can’t take this personally. You got to be very matter-of-fact. A girl with super high interest is going to text you back, usually within minutes if she’s available or on a break. So within a few hours, the fact she’s waiting multiple days shows her interest is low and you just have to be like, “Well, it is what it is,” but if she still is playing tennis, even though she texts back days later, you have the potential by playing your cards right for her interest to go up. Then as it goes up, guess what? She texts you more frequently. She responds quicker. So take the stick out of your butt-hole and loosen up. Love is playful and fun!

Update:

On a positive note I managed to lock down a Bumble date with a cute blonde with big titties. I have to grab a ferry to Vancouver to meet her on Saturday June, 13th, because otherwise I’m in my head and thinking about Jessica anyway.

Well, one is no choice, two is a dilemma, which you have, and three is a proper choice. So you need at least one more girl.

I’m gonna make a day out of it meet with the hot blonde, then go watch the movie Disclosure Day after.

Well, it doesn’t sound like you’re accounting for the logistics of sex. It sounds like you’re going to go meet her, have a date, and then you’re going to watch a movie. I hope you’re not planning on taking her to a movie because the book tells you not to. You can’t really create rapport, especially for a first date while you’re sitting in a movie theater. You walk out of the movie just as, what’s the word? Just as an “unknown quantity.” As you walked in, you didn’t build any rapport. You just sat next to each other in a loud theater. Again, that’s fine when you’re dating and you’re fucking, but not on a first date.

Maybe Jessica will come around eventually give me another chance, but I don’t know, gotta move forward. The book, 3% Man, is solid. I almost finished it one time. It’s really helping me to become centered, I sorta got this idea of the kind of James Bond like vibe I want to adopt this Mike Davis frame from the movie Crime 101. I don’t know why but it really hits home how he’s unbothered, mysterious and just move through casually when he meets Mya. 

I don’t know it. I’m not familiar with it. I don’t watch much TV or movies. I did watch Citizen Vigilante the other day because everybody’s talking about it. It’s pretty good. It’s short, it’s not long, drawn out, and it’s just very matter-of-fact. You’re like, “Yep, bad people are having bad things happen to them.” Especially with all the stuff going on in the West. So I think it’s a great movie, very simple.

It looks like there’s going to be a second one, kind of like the Death Wish series that Charles Bronson made famous in the 70s and 80s. It’s like this old guy. It’s like crimes out of control. You got a bunch of woke people running the city, and they won’t do anything to the criminals, and finally he decides to take the law into his own hands. It’s like one of those feel good things because we have kind of similar problems. In the 70s, crime was rampant and politicians didn’t do shit. They’d go on camera, run their mouth, and not do anything about it.

Anyways, that’s the end of the Jessica story, I’m afraid. hopefully this helps the next poor bastard keep his shit together with the texting. I overthought it and that’s where I went wrong. 

Well, you didn’t really know the book, and it looks like you’re brand new here, which you’re making progress. You’re getting through your first read, and the more you go through it, the more stuff is going to become clear and the more you’re going to recognize, like the way you tried to make a date and all that stuff. It’s just better to do it the way I teach in the book, because you’re going to have a much better chance for success, but don’t be going to movies on first dates ever.

Update:

Check that it’s Friday June 12th. Jessica texted me last night while I was asleep. “I’m sorry, Bob. It’s been a crazy week.” She has a five job circus, so I’m willing to be a bit more forgiving.

But I’m gonna reply in a timely manner but send something unbothered Mike Davis style. If she’s really into me I expect her to handle the date logistics this time. 

Bob

Well, what happened was you kept your composure together. You didn’t lose your shit and freak out or double or triple text. You just let her be. Dating is like tennis. So your attitude should always be delighted to hear from her. You don’t need to overdo it. It’s like a Rumi quote I like to repeat often is, “Sell your cleverness and purchase bewilderment.” Be enchanted by the ladies. Be excited that they reached out. “It’s been a crazy week.” I would be like, “Well, that’s awesome! That’s exactly why we need to get together and have a good time so you can escape from the craziness. What’s your schedule like? I want to see you.” That’s how you talk. She goes, “Oh, I don’t know. I’m not sure.” Just say, “No problem. Figure it out and get back to me. I’d love to see you,” and just leave it at that. Then she could take a day or two or whatever. That’s just par for the course. Again, as time goes by and you do things right, your dates go well, guess what? Time compresses. She calls you and she texts you more.

So you’re still in the running, but again, first time, as you said in the beginning of the email, he’s crazy about her. The first time you start dating a woman like this, you have a concept of having a woman that makes you feel this way, but you’ve never experienced it. You haven’t gone through the honeymoon period, the dating, the casual dating, the sleeping together. It takes about a year, year-and-a-half to really get over that, to kind of get past the infatuation and the newness with somebody that lights you up.

As you continue to read the book and get through it 10 to 15 times and then every six months go through it at least once, and you spend a year-and-a-half, two years dating somebody like this that knocks your socks off, you realize it all was a mind fuck. “I was just totally talking myself out of it.” In other words, what was happening? The girl already likes you. The problem was, you talked and texted her out of liking you. You literally chased her out of your life with too much unattractive behavior. that’s why you read the book and you follow it. So you cut out most, if not all, hopefully, of the unattractive behavior and you’re only displaying the attractive side of you. So you’re really efficient when you get together and everything you do just turns her on more and more. So keep us posted, send us an update, let us know when the third date happens.

Again, you’re doing good. I know it’s tough. It’s really hard. You feel like you want to jump out of your fucking skin. We’ve all been there, but you have to get through that wall of fear. You have to get enough time in with women like this to get used to it because every guy’s got to go through that. Most of us don’t grow up in perfect homes where dad’s dating the hot cheerleader, they have an awesome life, and he’s an alpha, and she was the hottest, most popular girl in school or whatever, just a cool chick and came from a good family herself. So most of us didn’t get that. So we have to learn this stuff on our own. So inch by inch, millimeter by millimeter, keep us posted on your progress.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.