How to know if she wants another date or is just being nice when she is unable to see you.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who is new to my work. He had a 1st date at the dog park with a girl he actually met at the dog park a few weeks earlier. A week later he contacted her again to invite her to go walk the dogs and watch a football game.
She already had plans, but her response showed that she actually wanted to see him again, but he didn’t realize this or end up making a 2nd date. She gave him a counteroffer, but he assumed she didn’t want to see him. He asks me what it means and what he should do now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Well, something to take note of. I really like this email. This guy is brand new to my work. He’s only been following me for a little while and he has a text exchange here. It’s a short one that he shares with this girl. He met her. He was out walking his dog, met her in a dog park. They started talking. He got her information and they ended up having a first date in the dog park. Actually the same one where they met, where he walked his dog and she walked hers and they talked for a while. So that was the first date.
They had a good time. Then a few days later, he got in touch to ask her out on another date. This time he wanted to go and do something fun where they could take the dogs, maybe watch a football game. I guess there was a playoff game on, I think the Lions and the Tampa Bay, and she already had plans. What’s interesting is she was like, “Hey, how about next week?” I think he kind of missed it. It sailed over his head.
I don’t think he’s read my book yet. If women like you and they want to see you again and then you ask, like in this case, he asked her out for a specific day and time. She already had plans. Now, the way I teach in the book is say, “Hey, I’d love to get together and do X. What’s your schedule like?” And let her tell you when she’s available. In this case, there’s a playoff game. Maybe when they were talking, she was like, “Oh, I’m a big Lions fan,” or “I’m a big Tampa Bay fan,” whatever happened to be. He thought, “Hey, we could take the dogs, have some beers and watch some football.”
If she wasn’t interested and she’s like, “Oh, I’m so sorry, I got this,” blah, blah, blah. If the girl likes you and really wants to see you again, she’ll say, “Oh, I’m sorry, I can’t make this day, but how about another time? Or how about next week or whatever?” So she suggests you do some other time in the future, then try to make a date. If she really wants to see you, she will make a definite date, which is a definite day, definite time and definite place to get together.
If she’s just being nice, she just won’t seem to be able to make plans. When you try to nail her down. She’s like, “Oh, I’m not sure of my schedule. I got to get back to you.” You say, “All right, no problem. Figure out your schedule and get back to me. I’d love to see you again,” and leave it at that.
What you’re going to do is you’re going to give her the opportunity to either follow through on what she says she’s going to do, in this case, get back to you. Or if she doesn’t get back to you, then what does that mean? She didn’t give a shit. She really wasn’t interested in seeing you or setting a date. So you make it real easy for these women to choose to be with you and to choose to make the effort. If she’s unavailable, but she really wanted to see you, she’ll suggest another day or another time. If she really doesn’t, she’ll leave it up in the air. When she’s, “Oh sorry, can’t make it,” and you’re like, “All right, no problem. We’ll do it some other time.”
If she doesn’t mention anything about a reschedule, women that like you and want to see you will mention a reschedule if they’re unavailable at the time you propose. Women that don’t give a shit, they’re just being nice, they’re just. “Oh sorry, shucks. Can’t make it,” and they won’t bring up or mention any other alternative. If that’s the case, I mean, you could wait two weeks and try it again. Maybe they’ll be in a different head space, but usually nine times out of 10 you’ll still get the same flaky attitude. Then again, the woman might be in a different head space in a couple of weeks.
Like I said in the book, you try twice. If a girl likes you, she’ll make time in her schedule. If she doesn’t, she’ll give you excuses. They still sound legitimate and it’ll sound logical, but the bottom line is she is unwilling to make time for you and her schedule. So that’s really how you’re going to know. So this is a real short email and a short text exchange.
Been following your work for a few weeks, and have learned a lot, but definitely not everything. I would really appreciate some advice here. I met this girl a few weeks ago at the dog park. Messaged her four days later and set a date to meet up at the park again. The message attached was to her, asking her out on an actual date, that wasn’t just the dog park, and this was her response.
How would you have handled this differently, and what would your advice be moving forward? I’d very much appreciate your advice here because she seems like an amazing girl and I’d rather not fuck this up.
Well, if that’s the case, you got to start reading the book dude. This is just the very beginning here.
There was something that obviously jumped out at me in this text exchange. It was a missed opportunity. Again, he’s only going to follow me for a few weeks. I don’t expect him to be an expert. It’s not like a dude that writes in, “Yeah, I’ve been following you five years and I just started reading the book. This guy is brand new.
So he says to her, “Hey.” He says, “If you’re free tomorrow, want to walk the dogs over to World of Beer for the Lions and Bucs game?” I would have phrased it a little differently. I would have said, “Hey, I’m going to a World of Beer for the Lions and Bucs game. If you care to walk the dogs over there with me, I’d love to hang out and have a beer and watch the game together if you’re available.” That shows more confidence because you’re kind of asking her to make a choice.
One thing I have to say is that his invitation for a date is just is shorter than her response. A response is bigger. So that’s another thing. If she really didn’t give a shit and wasn’t that interested, she would say, “Oh sorry, I can’t. I got plans this weekend,” and you would have gotten a short answer, but she writes a longer response and let’s see what she says.
She says, “That would actually be a lot of fun, and I have plans to take my dog on a trail walk with my dad, stepmom and their dog tomorrow afternoon.” That’s when the game was, “So I won’t be around. Maybe we could do something next weekend.” So there she is. She suggesting a reschedule or an alternative.
Women who are interested suggest another day or time. Women who aren’t, they just go, “Oh hey, I’m doing this with my mom and dad. Unfortunately, it’s just not a good weekend,” and that’s what you’ll get. So the fact that she said, “Maybe we could do something next weekend,” and all he responds is, “Nice. Have fun. That sounds good.” In other words, “That sounds good next week.” What I would have done is made plans for the next weekend because she’s telling you she’s open. So that’s a missed opportunity on your part. Again, you’re brand new. I don’t expect you to be an expert, but it does look good that she’s interested. It does look good that she would like to go out.
If I were you, what I would simply say is, after a couple of days because, it was a missed opportunity there. I assume this was probably a either a Friday or a Saturday. Saturday he sent this message because I can’t remember when the Lions played, if they played on Friday, or if they played on Saturday or Sunday or not. I know it was last week. They played that. This this email is like, I don’t know, week week and a half old or so. So that game happened.
The new date would actually be like this past weekend. So I’d wait a couple of days and then reach out and say, “Hey, what’s your schedule like this weekend? I’d love to get together. When are you free? And see what she says back. She’s already suggesting next week, so you should have just gone ahead and made a date, even though it would have been a week in advance. I mean, it looks good. Looks like she’s definitely down to get together. So that’s all I would do.
Other than that, obviously you did pretty good. The first date went well. Obviously when you first met her, that went well. The fact that she’s suggesting another day and time that shows she likes you and she wants to see you. So I would definitely get in touch with her in a few days and try to schedule the next date, but you got to get get in the book, fill in your knowledge gap so you don’t miss little things like this. The more you screw up, the higher the likelihood that you’re going to turn her off and ruin your chances with her.
The idea is you want to clean up your behavior and not do anything, because the idea is you want to be direct, decisive, get to the point and make a date. Just like somebody that’s in sales is an appointment setter. You want to have an appointment set with a definite date, definite time, definite place with your prospect. If you leave things up in the air, you typically aren’t going to end up getting together with your prospect, and then you can’t sell your prospect on what you want to sell them, which obviously in this case is you.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
*Amazon and the Amazon logo are trademarks of Amazon.com, Inc. or its affiliates. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases. **Free with a new Audible.com membership
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: [email protected]
If you feel I have added value to your life, you can show your appreciation by doing one of the following three things:
From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur