How To Know If Walking Away Was The Right Thing To Do

How to know if walking away was the right thing to do when you’re getting nowhere.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who got emotionally attached to a woman he met online, but never actually had a date with. She has ongoing health issues and used them as excuses to not make a date, but he kept talking on the phone instead. Eventually he walked away after sending flowers and wonders if he did the right thing.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How To Know If Walking Away Was The Right Thing To Do”.

Well, obviously 3% Man students know in a negotiation, the strongest position is being able to walk away and most importantly, mean it. So this particular guy writes in he’s making some mistakes here. So he meets a girl. I think he met her online. They start chit chatting. And I think she’s got cancer or something like that. So he starts justifying talking on the phone all the time because, “Okay, well, she’s got to get better.”

Then she supposedly gets better and then she has to have another operation and he’s like sending her flowers, but yet they still haven’t met. And so he backs off. And yet, she keeps reaching out but won’t make a date with him. And then when he finally gets around to making or trying to make a date, she kind of bitches about the place and starts talking about how much money she expects him to spend. And this guy is just acting a little too desperate.

So when somebody offers you something that is BS, in other words, this guy, the woman has the leverage because he really likes her, really wants to see her. She’s putting him off, which is getting him hooked emotionally. Because people want what they can’t have. He’s having to work harder to get her and get her attention. And so he’s having all this fantasy in his head and he’s straying from the book. The phone is for setting dates.

I mean, it sucks that this woman’s got cancer and those things, but if she’s using it to manipulate you like it looks like this particular woman done. Again, when you see what she says to him, you’ll be like, “Oh, she belongs to the streets. That’s very manipulative.” However, when a guy’s all up in his feelings, he’ll justify doing things completely against the book and like violating the principle about trying to get to know somebody through text and through phone calls.

But if they won’t make dates with you, then typically they’re using you as an emotional tampon, or they recognize that you could potentially be a Harry Honda, or a source of money, or paying their bills, because there’s a lot of girls out there from broken homes, and the internet makes it easy for them to reel in suckers through dating apps. At the end of the day, you’re not looking for a tire kicker.

You’re looking for a woman that’s like, “Hell yeah, I’d love to see you. I’d love to go out with you. That’d be wonderful.” And she’ll either make dates or she’ll make excuses. You give your time and your attention to women who are like, “Come on in. I’d love to see you.” And women are like, putting you off or trying to make you jump through a bunch of hoops. Those are structured women. Those are women that aren’t serious.

And you’ll get your ass handed to you if you mess around with girls from a broken home that are kind of psychopathic and ruthless. They’ve always been in society. It’s not a new phenomenon. However, the internet has made it very easy for them to bamboozle guys that are kind of desperate and a little thirsty for some love, sex and attention. So you’ve got to look at a woman’s actions and what she does, not what she says.

That’s the most important thing that tells you everything you need to know. But if you’re projecting your fantasy and your emotions and your feelings onto a woman, you’ll justify doing all kinds of things that are inappropriate and unattractive. It’ll just waste your time, your money, and rake you over the coals emotionally, which is not pleasant. We’re looking for somebody to share our time in our life with that is a net value add.

Not somebody that’s like an energy vampire or looking for money or looking for attention while they spend time with somebody that’s not treating them so well. You don’t want to become a part of a woman’s Frankenstein Boyfriend Project. And you don’t want to find one of these feminist mercenaries that comes from a broken home, which is kind of what it looks like is going on with this particular girl, but he’s kind of naive and not really paying attention.

That’s why the book is designed the way it’s designed. It’s for good, normal, healthy women, and it will repulse the girls from the broken homes and the girls that are just too messed up. They won’t react too well to you using the book, and you’ve got to pay attention to that. Because when you get too far down the road and you get emotionally invested like this guy’s doing, it just takes you to a bad place and it’s hard to kind of pull out of it.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

It’s Bob I’m 30 years old and live in SoCal I’m 6’3 and good-looking, so I have no issue attracting attractive girls.

Well, you don’t get what you deserve in life. You only get what you negotiate and you’re not being a very good negotiator with this particular woman. It’s like you’re kind of putting your needs last in order to be a people pleaser. “Oh, I’ve got to be nice to her. Maybe she’ll like me.”

I have read the book over 8 times and am a paying member.

Well, we appreciate the paying subscribers. They help keep the lights on around here and pay everybody’s salary. So thank you for that.

I appreciate all your work. I met this girl on Hinge, and man, we had this effortless connection.

Well, women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you. If you’re only talking to them on the phone, that’s sus. Again, you’re looking for somebody who’s ready, willing, able, and open to dating you. If she’s got a truckload of health problems and mental health issues, or job problems or money problems, it’s not your job to be Mr. White Knight and ride in and rescue her from her bad childhood. Or the fact that she came from a broken home. You’ve got to see reality as it is. Because you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.

We just understood each other on a soul level.

So you can just tell he just carried away and getting all dopey like a Disney fantasy. He’s projecting what his idealization of what a woman is supposed to be, and just completely ignores reality.

And our conversations flowed so effortlessly.

Well, you can have effortless conversations with a stranger, but women that like you, that are single and ready to mingle will actually meet you for a date.

We even found out that, before matching on Hinge about a month earlier, we were at the same event at the same time, side by side, and had no idea we’d seen each other in the videos we’d taken; she called it the red string theory or something like that.

So again, this guy’s looking for something to say, “Oh, it’s my soulmate. We’re twin souls (flames). We’re supposed to be together. This is what I’ve read.” And so it sounds all nice and airy fairy, but you just open yourself up to a manipulator when you think like that.

This is where things got rocky. After the first phone call, she opened up to me about her past relationships and her health issues.

Ready, willing, able and open to dating. Really sucks about the health issues. “Let me know when you get better and if I’m still single, we can go out on a date.” You can talk to her for a few times, but if she won’t make a date, don’t give her your time and attention. Women like a guy that’s a challenge, not a guy that puts his personal life on hold for a maybe or a woman that’s got to get her head or her life together. Because guys who have choices and options are not going to sit around and wait on somebody like this.

She told me she has dated wealthy people and that they have all cheated on her, and that she was diagnosed with cancer a couple months before meeting me, had just finished surgery, and was still healing from it. This became a roadblock to setting a date.

Well, there’s a 50/50 chance that that’s totally legit, but it’s also a 50/50 chance she’s full of shit. And so you’ve got to understand this is Hinge. And I remember last time I was on Hinge was like when I was living in South Beach. So we’re going back like 7, 8. What was that? Almost 9 years ago. And what I noticed at the time, because I wasn’t really a big fan of online dating, but I was like, “Hey, I hadn’t been on a date in a few years.” And I was single at the time. So I thought, “Let me get on here and see what’s going on.”

And I was shocked at the number of women that were fucking hookers and sex workers and strippers that were on there. They would even have pictures. You realize like, “Is that a nightclub?” And you’re like, “Oh, that’s a titty titty bar.” And then so they would talk to you. And what they were really looking for are guys that are successful, guys that have money, more money than common sense, so they can get them to pay them like two, three grand a week to hang out and hook up like one day. And if you want to get together more days, they’ll be open to discuss or negotiate what their price is.

They’re basically hookers that are using a dating app for desperate guys. And it’s quite possible that this is what this guy has come across here, is a woman that’s got a sad story. It’s kind of like the Nigerian Prince scam. And gets a guy hooked on her emotionally, who’s kind of gullible and naive. And then she starts having all these demands that she needs before they actually meet. And then once she meets, then she wants to go to the mall and have him buy expensive handbags and stuff like that. And so they kind of pre-qualify those guys.

And what you’ll often notice with these girls is what they do is you’ll chat, you’ll exchange phone numbers, and then as soon as you exchange phone numbers, they either block you or they remove the match. Because then when you go, “Well, what is it you’re looking for?” And then they basically tell you what they’re looking for is and their price that they want. “Oh, I want to.” And they say like, “I want a guy that invests in me, that mentors me.”

And what she’s really saying is basically, “I’ll fuck you if you give me 2 or 3 grand a week. And because I’m going to start my own business” or this or that, and they never really start their own business, they’re just fucking looking to get 2 or 3 Johns like this that they can hang out with once a week. They’ll throw lots of money at them and hang out and have fun and hook up. And they’ll get a lot of money out of it and stuff. Their bills will be paid. I mean, in the old days, what you would have if you ever saw like “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” with Audrey Hepburn and George Peppard, she’s kind of like a girl like that. Where she’s hanging out with all these rich guys that are kind of taking advantage of her.

They’re paying her bills. She’s like, “Honey, I need $50 for the powder room.” And so they’re like paying her bills. And men would do this. The powerful executives. This has been done all throughout human history. They meet a girl comes from a broken home or whatever, and she’s got her body and her looks. They buy her a nice penthouse, or they rent her a nice penthouse. They get her a car, they pay her bills, and once or twice a week they get together and they dangle the carrot. “Oh, I’m eventually gonna leave my wife. But she’s in a fragile state right now. I can’t do that.”

And so this is what a mistress was back in the day, which is basically a woman that you have all to yourself that you cheat on your spouse with and you pay her bills. This is nothing new. It’s just now that it’s on the internet, it’s very widespread and guys are like “Modern women!” and bitching all about it. It’s like but this shit’s like the oldest profession out there. So this is a very common thing. But now everybody knows about it and they’re kind of freaking out about it. It’s like, where have you been? Again, old movies from the 60s, I think. Breakfast at Tiffany’s was ’66 or ’67, I think. Or maybe it was a little earlier than that.

But it’s a really interesting issue because George Peppard is kind of a regular guy, not very successful. He’s up and coming, and he comes across Audrey Hepburn’s character, who’s gorgeous and charming and fun, but she’s a screwball, and she hangs out with rich guys that treat her like shit and use her as a mistress. They pay her bills, and she’s kind of like a grifter like that. And he’s like, “You’re afraid of being in love.” And so they go through this whole thing. And of course, at the end of the movie, they ride off in the car together and you assume to live happily ever after.

So it’s like George Peppard’s character is kind of like the White Knight coming to save Captain Save-A-Hoe, if you will. Because that’s what Audrey Hepburn’s character was. But it’s a movie. It’s like romantic. It’s like a Cinderella story. Kind of like, um, was it, uh, Julia Roberts and Richard Gere, “Pretty Woman” in the 1990s, you’ve got this hot young hooker who’s fucking guys for money and guys don’t appreciate her. And so this wealthy businessman falls in love with her. And quite frankly, that does happen a lot.

A lot of wealthy men will end up marrying their hooker or their Seeking Arrangement girl or whatever. So it does happen. Even the Epstein Island thing or the Harvey Weinstein guys, women that sleep their way to the top, sometimes they marry those guys. So it happens. Those women are mercenaries. And if you’re looking for a woman that’s with you, for you, you don’t lead with your money or your wallet unless you want to get taken advantage of. I deal with a lot of wealthy guys that get mixed up with women like that, and they get all up in their feelings. As soon as the money stops flowing, the pussy stops flowing.

So I was like, even though she said, “Oh, I’m doing well. I’ve got my business. I’ve got my career.” As soon as the cash stops flowing. They don’t see the guy anymore. And the guys are crushed because they’re like, “I thought she loved me.” I was like, “You were with a mercenary. You were with a hooker.” Are you a hooker? Arthur’s another movie. He’s hanging out with kind of dodgy people. He’s a drunk. I think Liza Minnelli’s character is, if maybe, I, it’s been since I was a kid when I saw the movie. I thought she was a call girl, but maybe I was wrong. Anyways, they have a love story.

She has like a dodgy past or something like that. But it’s kind of like a “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” kind of thing. He’s like a rich misfit. I think he inherited all his money, made it the old-fashioned way. He’s a drunk, but it’s a hilarious movie. Dudley Moore. So back to our video. So with that long little diatribe, you’ve got to understand these women are out there in society. This is why you’ve got to look at what a woman does. Because if you don’t pay attention to that, you’re going to get fleeced and you’re going to get fucked over and you’re going to get your heart broken.

She told me she has dated wealthy people and that they have all cheated on her, and that she was diagnosed with cancer a couple months before meeting me, had just finished surgery, and was still healing from it. This became a roadblock to setting a date.

No, it just became the excuse.

And I started to notice that we were only talking on the phone rather than seeing each other in person, so I backed off a bit. 

You should have backed off completely. I would have been like, “Hey, you know, I’m really sorry to hear all about that. I really loved chatting with you. I’d love to meet you in person, go to dinner or meet for drinks or whatever. Let me know when you’re up to it or you get better. But I’m looking for somebody that’s single and ready to mingle now. I’m not looking for a text buddy or a phone buddy.”

The strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. You don’t get what you deserve in life. You’re only going to get what you negotiate. And so this guy starts compromising his principles and making excuses for the girl. Because again, he’s projecting his fantasy. And it’s quite possible that the pictures of the woman that he saw might not even be the girl he’s talking to.

But she constantly kept calling, and I made the mistake of staying on the phone to long because of my high interest. After trying to ask her out for a second time (this is about 3 weeks in), that’s when she started to push me away and told me she has to do another surgery and that she doesn’t think this is fair for me, etc.

So that’s another way they kind of hook you. “Oh, I don’t want you to wait on me.” So I mean, maybe it’s legit, but the only thing we have to go off of is what people do. And people lie. There are scumbags in society. Most people suck. Most humans suck. People that are good to you, good for you, good for the soul, they’re very rare. So you have to kind of presuppose, you might be talking to a scam artist who’s just trying to emotionally hook you. In other words, she’s trying to set the hook really good before she starts reeling you in. And this is what I saw on Hinge back in what was that, 2018, 2017? Is that they’ve always got some drama or something going on, and as soon as the money starts flowing, they magically become available.

But when you realize what they’re doing and you’re not willing to give them money, you’re not willing to pay to meet them out, you’re just willing to go meet them for a drink or whatever. It’s like, “Well, I need to get paid for my time.” It’s like, “I’m not looking for that. I don’t need a hooker. I don’t pay for fucking pussy.” But it was, it was illuminating because obviously in my line of work, it helps me help guys like this avoid that if they’ve potentially come across a scam artist. Because the longer they drag it out, the more you’ll basically do whatever they want because you become desperate. “I need it, coach. I’m thirsty.”

I told her you’re making a decision for me rather than asking me how I feel about the situation.

I said I’m sure this is a very scary thing you have to go through, with so many feelings and emotions in the air, dealing with the uncertainty of your health, but I’m willing to be by your side because I value what this could potentially be.

Your job is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. Not say, I’m going to put my personal life on hold and be there for you. This is what a desperate, needy guy who acts like a puppy dog would do. A self-respecting alpha male is like, “Man, that’s really tragic to hear about that. I’m sorry, you’re not really available to date, but I’m looking for somebody that’s single and ready to mingle. And so you’ve got my number, hit me up once you get back on your feet and you get better, I’d love to love to meet you.”

And then you leave. And then if she reaches out after that, a few days later. “Hey, how are you? What are you doing? It’s like, “Oh, I’m doing great. Are you all recovered? Do you want to meet up? Are you ready to meet up for a drink?” “Oh, no. I just want to check in.” It’s like. “Well, like I said, I enjoy chatting with you, but I’m not looking for a text texting buddy or a pen pal. I’m looking for girls that are single and ready to mingle. I want what everybody wants. I want to meet somebody. Fall head over heels in love and live happily ever after. And you know, while it’s tragic what you’re going through. I’m not looking for a pal.”

But he just basically said that he’s got no other choices, no other options. He’s desperate. And that’s kind of how the hooker knows that she’s got you. She gives you the sad story. The stripper gives you the sad story about her life. “Oh, yeah. Let me get some more table dances. You don’t have to dance for me, but here’s some cash.”

After her surgery, I sent her some flowers and a get-well card. I know you mention in the book No gifts unless she is your girlfriend etc. but I felt like this was the right thing to do.

It’s a nice thing to do, but is the right thing to do? No. You just reveal yourself to be a sucker. You’re spending money on a girl that won’t meet you, and she claims she’s now all of a sudden sick again. So that’s typically what happens. If you remember, maybe it’s been about ten years. There was a linebacker. His name was Manti Te’o, I think it was Notre Dame was where he went to school. He was like, “Oh, my girlfriend has cancer. And it’s like really tragic.” And everybody’s like, “Oh, Manti Te’o. We love you. Oh, you’re this great NFL prospect.” And I think he eventually got drafted and played for a few years in the NFL.

But when he told everybody that he was having good games, he’s kind of becoming famous. It came to find out it wasn’t even a girl he was talking to. There was always something shady going on, some reason why they couldn’t meet. And it was a dude. I think it ended up being some gay guy that was catfishing him. And so he’s talking about “My girlfriend, this and that.” And he’s never met her. All he’s done is talked on the phone, never saw her on video because there was an excuse why she couldn’t do video. And then I remember the media tracked down the guy that was scamming him and was like, “Why would you do it?”

And like I said, I think it was just some gay guy that was manipulating a famous dude. And so they’re out there. It happens. It’s like, unless I can see you in person, it’s like, no, I’m not interested in investing time and energy in somebody that won’t meet me because she can’t or she’s ill or whatever. It’s like, again, “I’m not looking for a buddy or a friend. I’m looking for a girl that’s single and ready to mingle.” I’m sure there are plenty of other guys that are willing to do that, but, you know, “Hit me up when you get better.” But if two times she continues to reach out, she won’t make dates.

And I would just kind of start dodging and then just say, “Look, I like you, but you need to respect my wishes and only get in touch if you’re able to meet up and go out on a date. Because unless you’re willing to meet up and go out on a date, we’re just kind of wasting each other’s time.” And you might have to get a little forceful with her and just say, you don’t want to hear from her until she’s available. Because again, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it.

You don’t want to get jerked around and have your time wasted because when you get hooked after. I mean, think about Manti Te’o. It’s like he got fucking humiliated in front of the whole world. This is like a successful, good-looking dude that should be banging the hottest girls in college. Instead, he’s having a fake relationship with a dude who’s pretending to be a woman online who’s catfishing him just for the hell of it. So these people are out there that are like this. You’ve got to pay attention to these things.

After her surgery, I sent her some flowers and a get-well card. I know you mention in the book No gifts unless she is your girlfriend etc. but I felt like this was the right thing to do. She absolutely loved them and was very appreciative of it. 

Well, most women love flowers. And again, you’ve never met her.

After a week, she got in touch and was healed from the surgery. After some small talk on the phone, I used the opportunity to set a date; she displayed low levels of enthusiasm for my date idea.

Well, that tells you everything you need to know.

Which was to grab some dinner in the evening, etc., and even tried to push back the plans till end of October.

Again, this is part of what they do to hook you. This is what happened to Manti Te’o. He really wanted her. He was really liked the pictures. And then I think at some point, you know, the guy invented a ruse that she was running from kidnappers or something like that. He may have even sent her money, I can’t fucking remember, but he was just totally getting catfished. And this is what they do. They string you along and they’re trying to set the hook even deeper so that you’ll do whatever they want.

And they have like seeking arangement, they have classes on, they teach the women how to do this stuff. So that’s out there as well. That’s why it’s better to meet people in person. Online dating is a fucking shit show. Yeah, there are some good women out there, but just having to deal with bottom feeders like this is sucks.

She then told me that she is used to going to more expensive restaurants that cost about $500 to $600 for two people.

There you go. Sounds like a hooker to me.

This is when I called her out and told her it sounds to me like you care more about the gesture rather than how someone treats you and makes you feel.

She’s a mercenary, bro.

This is when I walked away.

It’s the right thing to do.

I told her to get in touch if she missed me and was willing to put in the effort. Did I do the right thing?

Yeah, but I mean, the fact that a woman’s gone demanding that you spend $500 or $600 on a first dinner after wasting your time for looks like close to two months at this point. Again, they’re doing it on purpose. She’s hooking you on purpose, that’s why. “Oh, I have to have another surgery.” Like, “Oh, it’s terrible.” “Okay, well, I’m healed from my surgery. Uh, but we only can go out if you’re going to spend $500, $600. Oh, and I need money for a taxi cab and an outfit because I haven’t been able to work, and I’m really sick, and I want a man who will take care of me and will help me. And you’re not willing to do that, then I don’t think we’re the right fit.” And that’s another thing they do is then they try to do the takeaway on you, because gullible guys will fall for it. Then they’ll start parting with their money.

I noticed she is creeping my social media, literally the first person to view all my stories, etc., which is confusing to me. It’s been a week now since I wrote this, No Contact. I can’t tell if it’s the timing that was the issue or if we just don’t have similar values.

Again, she sounds like a mercenary and a fucking hooker. We always, bottom line a woman’s actions, which is in the book. It’s there to protect you from people like this so you don’t get your time wasted and your heart broken. If she’s for real, she’ll meet you. And if she’s not, she’s like, “Hey, I want to go to a $600 dinner.” It’s like, no. It’s like she’s kind of qualifying you. And since you push back on that, she’s walking away and expecting you to cave because most guys will cave. This is one of the things that women on the sugar dating websites learn.

Is unless the guy is willing to give her the money that she wants, she walks away. She will refuse to see him. And because she’s hot and she’s young and he’s like, oh, he’ll part with his money. This is not the kind of woman you want to have kids with. Because remember, everybody she’s ever dated has always cheated on her. Why? Because they don’t respect her. Because she comes from a broken home and she acts like a hooker. So why would you want that?

Did I do the right thing?

Yes. So we know she’s creeping to social media.

She’s also trying to get me to break No Contact with her reposts targeting me from our last conversation, which I find amusing. Other than that, this was the first time I have stood up for myself and my values; it feels so freeing, Coach. I wanted to say thank you for the guidance.

Thank you,

Bob 

Well again, you don’t get what you deserve. You only get what you negotiate. And so finally at the end there, you started realizing this girl won’t make a date. Her actions are not matching. I mean, it sounds believable, but again, when she starts talking about how much money you should be spending on her for the first date after two months of talking, it’s like, no, you’re dealing with a hooker and a mercenary. She’s not Mrs. Right. She may cave, because again, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. But like I said, it does not look good for her. So she meets on your terms or no fucking deal, dude.

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