How To Know If Your Breakup Was The Right Decision

How to know if your breakup was the right decision for you and your future.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who broke up with ex girlfriend because he was dragging his feet on proposing and completing a list his girlfriend demanded he do to prove he was serious about a future with her. He decided to move on with his life by moving away and getting on dating apps. She found out and torched him on a girl’s group on Facebook for leading her on. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How To Know If Your Breakup Was The Right Decision”.

So this particular email is from a guy he broke up with his ex-girlfriend now because he was dragging his feet on proposing and completing a list that his girlfriend demanded that he do to prove he was serious about a future with her. So he decided to move on with his life by moving away and getting on dating apps. I just noticed a spelling mistake here. It happens. I occasionally make them.

And so she found out that he was on dating apps and like moving on with his life. And she wasn’t too happy about that because she was probably thinking, “I wasted all those years with that jerk, misogynist, horrible person.” So she goes on a Facebook group, a girl’s group only and just torches his ass that he’s strung her along and let her on about an engagement. And then when she pressed him on it, he dipped. And so he’s like, damn, did I do the right thing, Coach?

Viewer Email:

Corey,

This is a long email, but I haven’t seen a video on your website addressing this subject. Your content is life changing and me subscribing to your premium content has helped me tremendously. 

Well, thanks for being a subscriber and helping to support the channel and all the furry puppies and people the girls that I have on, and Chunky and you know, all these puppies and babies. We got babies. Jade just had her baby. So we’re pretty excited about that. She’ll be bringing them by in a few weeks when she’s ready. And so they’ll be a crying baby.

That’ll be another sound that’ll get added to the train horns and the dogs barking and the drilling on the slab, and the hammering and the boat horns and the ambulances and the fire trucks and everything else that, you know, we you guys have got to listen to over the years. It’s the soundtrack of life. We have the soundtrack of life here at The Coach Corey Wayne Companies.

I recently had my ex blast me on a girl’s Facebook dating group and want your opinion on two things. If I did anything wrong, and how should I handle this situation? Backstory, me and my fiancée were set to get married internationally. She broke off the engagement with me because she had a list of contingencies, she wanted me to complete prior to marriage. I was lazy and had low character handling these requests.

He just wasn’t into it. Simple as that. It wasn’t a priority. He didn’t care. That’s what really happened.

I lied to appease her.

Dude, we don’t lie. 3% Men don’t fucking lie. We just don’t do that. So you were blowing sunshine up her ass and stringing her along, making her think you were really doing what you were supposed to be doing, but you weren’t, because you didn’t give a shit. And you thought, oh, I’ll just tell her a lie to get her off my back. That’s low character, dude. Come on, man.

I lied to appease her that I would complete this punch list but never followed through on doing anything.

You know why? Because you didn’t want to. It’s pretty simple.

I know this behavior is wrong and I hold myself accountable for these actions. 

Yeah, sure you do. The reality is, you just didn’t want to marry her. It’s as simple as that. You weren’t like, oh, man, I can’t wait to be her husband. I can’t wait for her to be my wife. And us live happily ever after. But that’s because you didn’t feel that way. You can always look at somebody’s actions to tell what their true intentions are. You just weren’t ready for the relationship to end and to get cut off from access to the box. That’s what was really, really going on.

Many people and herself, have stated that if I would’ve wanted to get married I would’ve completed her asks.

Yep, it’s the truth. Money talks, bullshit walks. Actions scream and your actions were non existent because you had no interest.

For me, I didn’t want to do these things as I felt I was being controlled and giving up my power in the relationship.

You just didn’t want to marry. Let’s just admit it.

She also set a deadline for me to propose at the two year mark of our relationship, which sucked the joy out of me allowing to plan an engagement spontaneously.

Bro. After two years, you weren’t going to get engaged. You just didn’t want to. You weren’t feeling it. That’s what was really going on. And she wasn’t going to waste any more good years of her being young and beautiful and fertile with a guy that was just hanging out, having fun and hooking up and was enjoying the cow, but didn’t want to buy the cow because he was getting the milk for free.

Looking back on it, this deadline was the catalyst for me not feeling excited about getting married. 

Uh, no. It was called reality. And you didn’t want to deal with reality, and so you just blew sunshine up her ass to just keep the bullshit going. But eventually she found out you were full of shit.

Fast forward a week and she ended up going on an international trip with a female friend.

You left out the up in your email. I’m sure Erica will be bitching about that and having to fix your grammar mistakes.

She is a woman of high character and I have nothing bad to say about her. While she was on the trip, she offered to not date other men, and wanted my commitment in return, and give me time to work on myself. The caveat: We would not be together officially. 

So you can’t fuck anybody else but in other words, she can be open to dating other men potentially, and then just come back after the fact. So it just kind of happened was his peepee ended up inside of me. I just couldn’t say no.

I declined her offer. I told her if we wanted to have commitment to each other it would only be if we’re together.

Well, that was the proper thing.

My theory is that she offered this because she wanted to dip her toe in my pond without being emotionally engaged, with the freedom to leave at any time. 

In other words, she was she wanted to be able to keep her options open and leave you for somebody else. But she didn’t want you dating anybody else and riding off into the sunset with another girl unless she found another guy. That’s basically what she was doing.

Two days after breaking it off, I went on dating apps. I moved to the city we met in four years ago and three of those four years were with her. Most of my community are her friends. And I wanted to meet people, and practice getting back into dating after three years off. 

See, this is what you really wanted all along.

While I was on dating websites, I was telling her that I did want to be with her and that I would work on myself.

Bro. Come on, come on, man, you’re fucking lying your ass off. What the hell?

She told me she would have to see improvement and this would take me potentially months of work. 

You’re just bullshitting her Dude. You moved away. You’re just trying to get away from her and let her down easy. But it’s like, come on, have some character, man. Have some integrity. You don’t lead a woman on. That’s such a bitch move.

One reason we broke up was because I worked a lot and did not plan dates near the end of our relationship. I was working to save money for building a family as she wanted kids in two years.

So there it is. He stopped dating and courting her to save money. If you stop dating and courting your girlfriend, your fiancé or your wife to save money, well guess what? Eventually they’re going to date somebody else. And depending on their level of character, it determines whether they cheat on you and Monkey branch or they just ride off into the sunset, take some time to heal and then start dating when they’re ready.

Once she broke up with me I decided to quit my second weekend job, because I was making enough money with my first job and wanted to improve my social life. One contingency for marriage was sitting my second job. She showed up to my house to get some of her things while I was at a block party with my neighbors. She looked at my notepad which listed out my goals for the week. On this notepad I wrote two dates I had. I know my operational security gets an F. 

Well if you moved away. How does she have access to your house? Did you already give her a key to your new place? She’s not your girlfriend anymore at that point.

She asked me to come to my house. Where she screamed in my face and throw my notepad on the floor. She asked if I was dating and on dating websites and I said yes. She said I was leading her on and promising a future to her. 

You were, you were. That’s not good. I mean, if you’re going to go through life dicking people over, there’s going to be consequences, man. Karma’s a thing. You can’t outrun it.

She threatened to go on Facebook and post pictures of me explaining the situation. Well, she did just that.

Well guess what? She’s done this forever.

The only women that responded to her post from the screenshots I saw that she sent to me were women that I kindly rejected. She also told all of our friends about the situation.  

Yeah, she’s pretty hurt. That’s why she’s doing it. And she’s trying to get back at you and torpedo your chances with other women. That’s what it’s all about.

One part of me is upset while the other finds this whole situation ridiculous. Your guidance and brutal honesty would be appreciated. 

It’s like you done fucked up, dude. You shouldn’t have. You don’t lead women on like this. I mean, you really wanted to move on with your life. You knew deep down you didn’t want to marry her. And your actions reflected that. You moved away. You got back in the dating apps. You wanted to get away from her friends. And I don’t know why, but you apparently gave her a key to your new place. And so she just shows up at your house unannounced, goes through your shit.

I mean, again, if you’re going to give your ex-fiance a key to your place and tell her that, oh, yeah, I’m working things out. Oh, yeah, babe, I’m working on myself. It’ll just be a few months. What it looked like is you just wanted to bang some other women. So your odes to see if you felt differently. And if in a few months after you banged a few girls that she didn’t know about, you’d be like, oh, well, let’s go ahead and go get married. It’s like, come on.

I also want to add that she has called me countless times and texted me over 30 times. If I was acting the same behavior I’d be in jail. 

Thank you, 

Bob

Yep. Well, I would be telling her it’s like you need to fucking delete that shit from Facebook. You can’t fucking defame me like that and post shit like that. This is our personal business. It doesn’t belong to the world. And you need to remove that. If you’re not going to remove that, I’m just going to block your phone number, and I’m not going to take any more calls from you. And I don’t want to hear from you again, because what you did is unconscionable, and I’m not going to forgive it. What you did was unforgivable, and what she did was kind of unforgivable.

And so in all reality, put a fork in it. This relationship is donzies and you’re on the dating apps. Find somebody that you really want to be with. Don’t ever lead a girl on when you know deep down you don’t want to hang out and you don’t want to have a family with her. Because again, all you gotta do is look at your actions. It’s like, yeah, Elvis had already left the building and she pressed you on it and found out you to your response and your actual lack of serious effort, that you weren’t really serious about marrying her.

You were leading her on. It’s wrong for her to post that publicly, because, I mean, it’s nobody’s business, but she should take that shit down. That’s not okay to do that. And if she’s not willing to do that, I would block her on everything and never speak to her again as long as I live.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.