How To Know If Your Relationship Has Run Its Course & It’s Time To Move On

How to know if your relationship is worth saving or if it’s time to move on.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer in Europe who seems to be new to my work. He says he and his girlfriend have been in an on and off again relationship. They’ve both ended it before for different reasons. They got engaged last year, but now she’s moved to a country he went to college in and used to live. However, he doesn’t want to move just for her. He wonders if the relationship is worth saving.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So this particular email is from a viewer in Europe. It looks like he’s kind of new to my work. I don’t think he’s read 3% Man yet, but he says he and his girlfriend have been in an on-and-off-again relationship. Doesn’t say for how long, but he’s ended it a few times, she’s ended it a few times, and apparently now she’s moved away to another country where he used to live. That’s where he went to college.

She wants him to come there. She’s like, “Oh, you can get a great job.” However, he doesn’t want to move there just for her. He wants to only move there if that’s something he really wants to do, and he’s not sure of it.

And he basically writes in. He’s like, “Is this a sinking ship? Is it worth saving or salvaging?” So let’s go through his email and see what is going on here.

Viewer Email:

Hello Corey, love your work!

My name is Bob, and I’m from Europe. I’m writing to you regarding a situation that has been a rollercoaster, to say the least.

Well, it’s important to date women who love their fathers and get along with them and admire them and respect them. Women that are easygoing, easy to get along with, and they’re nice to you. In other words, a woman that makes your dick hard, not your life. And if it’s the latter, you’ve got problems.

And if her dad did a bad job of raising her, that’s not your fault. It’s not your job to fix her. You can set boundaries. But if she continually violates them and refuses to comply, your choice is to put up with it or to dip on out to find somebody who’s nice, who’s easygoing, easy to get along with, communicates like an adult. Again, loves her dad. The worse the relationship is with the father, the more difficult it is to have an easy and effortless relationship.

My girlfriend and I have been in a relationship that has ended multiple times, sometimes from my side and a few times from hers, mainly due to me losing attraction towards her because she’s not as sexual as I am and, quite frankly, she seems like a fake person a lot of the time.

And quite frankly, she seems like a fake person a lot of the time. Well, the other thing a lot of guys complain about is they want sex more than their girl does. Guys who read 3% Man have the opposite problem. And if you’re going to be in a long-term relationship as a man, you gotta lay the pipe properly, even when you don’t feel like it, at least 2 to 3 times a week.

Because guys get lazy, they get complacent. They’ve been together a while. They start turning the girl down. It gets to the point where they want it a couple times a month, and then after a while she’s like, “Oh, well, he only wants sex when he wants to release. And other than that, he just completely neglects me, doesn’t pay attention to me. He doesn’t take me out, doesn’t make the effort.”

She complains about it, brings it up to him. He says he’s trying to save money or he’s busy. In other words, they never find the time to date and court their girlfriend or their wives properly, but they always seem to find the time for the divorce attorney.

But the other thing, if she’s not authentic, she’s not real. Doesn’t sound like you’re really that happy with her anyways. Sounds like you kind of settled. And guys just settle and don’t do anything about it. They don’t really have a good attraction strategy.

Getting women has never been an issue for me.

Well, if that’s the truth, then you should have no problem finding somebody else.

I’ve been unfaithful and very much a player all my life, and my lay count is actually quite extreme.

Well, yeah, but how many of those lays were quality? In other words, how many of those girls did you actually want to see again?

But, to be completely honest, when it comes to relationships, I’m like a baby who is just learning to crawl.

We’ve broken up and gotten back together more times than I can count. Last year, we got engaged. At the time, I thought to myself that it was the right move, and it felt right. She was also putting a lot of clues out there regarding the subject of engagement, and I guess she wanted some sort of insurance that this time we were actually going to stay together.

Well, I wouldn’t be looking at the, “Oh, let’s get engaged because that’ll fix things. Well, if we get engaged, then he’s not going to leave me this time. Or if we get engaged, he’s not going to cheat on me.” At the end of the day, if she was lighting you up on the inside the way you really want and you were content, you wouldn’t be cheating on her. You wouldn’t be looking at other women. You’d just genuinely be enjoying your time with her, which doesn’t sound like you do.

Again, it sounds like you’ve settled, and you’re not really doing anything to move your life forward. And again, hookups with girls that you don’t care about—that’s the thing. When a guy is trying to hook up with a woman he doesn’t really care that much about, he tends to do more things right than wrong, and it’s fairly easy.

But if he really likes the girl, what ends up happening more often than not? Just like I wrote about in my book, which used to happen to me, is you end up chasing, talking, texting the girl right out of your life, right out of liking you. And most guys, they don’t understand how attraction works. They don’t recognize what they’re doing to turn the woman off.

However, a few months ago, she left the country because she didn’t have the financial security she needed in our home country.

Well, I mean, women vote with their feet. If they’re with you, it means they voted for you. And so in this case, again, if she’s head over heels in love with you, she’s not going to leave. But if you’re not really that into it—but again, it looks like at this point they were engaged. So she moves away. Women don’t move away from men that they’re engaged to and they’re going to marry. Typically, it means they’ve lost attraction, they’ve lost respect, and they’re excited to start their new lives in a different country.

She has since asked me to move there with her, even telling my family that I could easily find a really good job there. We have lived there before, I speak the language, and I have a degree from that country, so realistically, she may be right. I told her that I would genuinely love to do it, but I also have unfinished business here. I don’t want to keep moving from place to place based solely on someone else’s decisions or direction.

Well, that’s correct. You should only be moving there as a man because it’s a better place to be. There’s better career opportunity, and most importantly, you want to live there. Because if you move to a city to please a woman and it makes you miserable and it takes away from your overall quality of life and you’re less happy, guess what? You’ll be less attractive to her. And more often than not, you get dumped after you arrive.

I want to make that kind of decision because it is right for me too, not simply because the relationship is moving in that direction.

Right now, the situation feels boring: we’re in a long-distance relationship, the sex is missing, and I feel like she’s not being in her feminine or putting enough effort into nurturing the relationship.

Well, if, at the end of the day, maybe one month you travel, the next month she should travel. But if she’s in another country—and again, you’re in Europe—it’s a plane ride, a train ride. It’s not that far away. So if you’re not willing to do that, she’s not willing to do that, well, I mean, that pretty much tells you all you need to know. Because again, it’s like, where’s the enthusiasm? If this is the love of your life, the woman you want to marry, you want to have kids with, you’re not going to be okay with that.

Another thing that has been bothering me is that she recently lost her engagement ring, and she doesn’t seem particularly eager or concerned about it.

Yeah, I think everybody would agree that’s listening to this that there’s an overall lack of enthusiasm on both your parts.

I find that strange, especially considering how much the engagement meant to her previously.

Well, the thing is, and as you’ll learn in the book, 3% Man, is that when a woman tells you something like that, if the engagement ring meant a lot in the past, but lately she’s not been telling you how much it means to her, then that means her feelings have changed. If she told you she loved you six months ago but hasn’t said it since, well, obviously she’s not feeling it.

So you got to think of those things as, it’s like the weather. It expires in 24 hours. So it only applies in the moment. So it’s pretty obvious her interest and attraction has dropped.

At the same time, she has always been a very closed-off person. I never really know what she’s thinking, and she doesn’t show her true emotions very easily.

Well, if you’re not taking the time to open her up and ask those questions—again, if you are already kind of checked out, which it quite frankly sounds like you are—if your heart’s not in it, if you don’t really care, you’re not going to ask. You’re not going to even want to know.

That makes it difficult for me to understand where she actually stands emotionally or what she truly wants from this relationship.

Well, again, she moved away, and it kind of looks like if you’re not willing to move there, again, it just kind of looks like she’s already moving on with her life. Maybe she deep down knows you don’t want to live there anyways. And so it was kind of a way to create a soft breakup.

I also have to admit that I have a lot of anger towards her because I feel she’s not meeting my expectations.

So you’re frustrated that you’re not getting laid. And I would say that you haven’t read the book and you don’t understand how attraction works, and you’re clearly not turning your girl on to the point where she wants to sleep with you anymore. I mean, that’s—that’s pretty obvious.

I find myself making things worse than they actually are, while she doesn’t seem to understand what I consider to be the core principles of a relationship.

Well, you can’t talk her into wanting to sleep with you. You have to act in a way that is masculine consistently. You gotta date and court her properly. You got to open her up properly. And when a woman feels heard and understood, the legs are going to open. And when she doesn’t, the legs are going to close.

And it sounds like you got a pussy embargo going on. In other words, the legs are closed, and the more you complain about it, the more they stay closed. So you’ve got to change your behavior and how you’re showing up. And the book can help you with that, but you got to participate in your own rescue. You can’t just cherry-pick videos. You got to learn the baseline fundamentals of what I teach. Or you can just go back to having meaningless, unattached relationships, random hookups, and that’s about it.

We seem to be completely out of sync with each other. Possibly, she feels the same way about me…

Well, yeah. She moved away. Again, women don’t leave or move away from men they’re in love with. The thought of that would just be too life-altering and unpleasant that they wouldn’t even consider it. They’ll go wherever you want to go.

…And that could be the reason why this relationship is once again falling apart.

So my question is: Are we actually trying to save a sinking ship?

Well, again, quite frankly, it looks like neither one of you really gives a damn. If you’re not even willing to go visit each other, then you’re kind of digital pen pals at this point.

Or are we simply repeating the same cycle because neither of us is ready to let go?

See, people that feel the way you do, that’s kind of when they get into open relationships. Because it’s a way to hold on to what they got while they kind of try to monkey branch and find somebody that they’re more into, and vice versa, who’s more into them. But they don’t want to have nothing going on.

We’ve been through this so many times that I’m starting to wonder whether there is still something worth saving here, or whether we’re just holding on to something that has already run its course?

Thank you, and I hope this message meets your requirements.

Bob

Well, a lot of guys are in that situation. So guys that stay, it’s like, why would you stay in a mediocre relationship? Well, fear. I mean, I wrote about that in 3% Man. Why did I get married even though my heart wasn’t into it? Because I feared I wasn’t going to find anybody else that loved me as much, or the next relationship would be worse. So I had a scarcity mindset.

I didn’t understand how attraction worked back then. I didn’t understand why women chose to stay with one guy over another. I didn’t understand why the girls I really wanted seemed to lose interest fairly quickly, and the girls that I really wasn’t that into were just all over me like white on rice. And most guys have had that experience.

So first and foremost, no matter what happens with this woman, you got to clean up your behavior. You got to start acting masculine consistently because that’s important to keep your girl emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically attracted. And your girl clearly has lost attraction for you to the point where not only is she not sleeping with you, or doesn’t want to sleep with you, or not very often, she’s in another country.

So again, if you’re not willing to hop on a plane to see her, and she’s not willing to hop on a plane to see you, it’s like Elvis already left the building. So the question becomes, do you want to make the effort? Because it kind of always ends the same way. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll continue to get what you’ve always got. And it clearly doesn’t sound like either one of you two are happy with it.

So read the book and be the boyfriend that you’re capable of being with her. Or read the book and get out there and start meeting and dating new women and find somebody that lights you up on the inside, that the thought of her moving away is so unpleasant that neither one of you would want to do that without the other.

So again, I don’t hear anything about passion or deep love or you’re really into it. It just looks like you both settled, and neither one of you is really willing to make the effort. And you kind of already have a breakup going on because she already moved. She already moved away. So you got some thinking to do.

But again, it looks obvious, just the way you describe how you feel towards her, that you’re not that into it. So let her go. Let her go. Find somebody that really lights you up on the inside, and vice versa. Let her find a guy that lights her up on the inside, and you do the same. Go find a girl that lights you up on the inside, and vice versa. You light her up on the inside.

Because life is hard enough without trying to be with somebody that, you know, deep down, you know it’s not right. It doesn’t feel right. That’s one of the things that’ll shorten your life. When they look at studies as to what—in other words, what determines who’s going to live the longest—it’s not necessarily people that are married. It’s people that have a really deep, quality relationship. It could be a live-in partner. It could be somebody you’re married to.

But what also is indicative of what shortens your life, it’s being with the wrong person and somebody you can’t stand. Because if you can’t stand each other and you don’t like being around one another, you’re not gonna have much hope. You’re not going to be enjoying your life very much. If you don’t enjoy your life very much, you’re not going to stick around, and vice versa.

So it kind of sounds like you already know the answer to this question, because every time you get back together, what changes? But again, you need to change your behavior because, say you do meet somebody you really like and you’re really into. If you behave the same way, you start bitching about not getting laid enough, the next girl is going to close her legs and stop sleeping with you as well. And you’re going to have the same problem.

So you need to fix that because whether you choose to stay with this girl or not, the next girl down the road, you’ll lose her. You’ll turn her off for the same reason. So you clearly have a knowledge gap. There’s things you don’t understand about women that the book will help you learn. And if you’re new and you haven’t read it, it’s free to read at UnderstandingRelationships.com. Put your first name, your email address, create a password, and it’ll open up right in your web browser. And you can start reading it today. You can try before you buy.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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