How To Maintain No Contact In The Same Friend Group

How to maintain no contact when you got dumped and you’re both in the same friend group.

In this video coaching newsletter I discus an email from a viewer who read 3% Man, once before meeting his now ex-girlfriend. They dated for 3 years. He’s read it 5 times since they broke up last summer. However, she is now dating a new guy and bringing him around to his mutual friend group meetups. He got emotional and started crying and all her friends told her he was having a meltdown outside since he saw her with her new guy. He’s still hoping to get her back and asks what to do since she is now part of his friend group and brings her new guy around. He wants to know how to maintain no contact when she is always around his friends. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, How To Maintain No Contact In The Same Friend Group.

Well, this particular email is from a guy. He says he’s been with his girl for three years. He read 3% Man once before, he met this girl, obviously started dating her. He’s like, “Man, I only got to read this thing once. This is easy.” And of course, it wasn’t until after she dumped him after three years, that now he’s gone back and read the book five times.

So, obviously the reality is he didn’t really learn the playbook and master it. He read it once and then got into a relationship. The best way to learn this is to be reading it, and applying it in your current life. Not read it, and then two years later, get into a relationship. And then think you’re going to remember everything. You can only remember seven, eight, and maybe 9% of what you read when you go through it.

And then the longer the time goes by, the more you’re going to forget. It’ll be almost like, you never read it to begin with. And then your girls say, “You changed. You’re not the same person.” So, this dude’s young, but the other thing is, is that, over the three years they were together, his friend group and her friend group kind of got co-mingled.

And she made friends with a lot of people in his peer group. And they broke up last summer in July, and it’s now January of 2024. So, you’re six, seven, months beyond the breakup. And he was holding out hope that he was going to get back together with her. But it seems like only recently he started getting back into the book.

Because, apparently she’s seeing somebody new, and they were all together at their mutual friend group, somebody’s house or party, or whatever. And she brought a new guy that she was seeing. And so, he goes outside and just has a fucking meltdown, and lets it be known that he’s outside having a meltdown over her being with a new guy.

And of course, helpful friends go back in and go, oh yeah, your ex-boyfriend is having a fucking meltdown in the front yard over you. It’s like, that’s not attractive. That is just like an eight year old boy throwing a temper tantrum in the front lawn. If you’re trying to re-attract somebody, you can’t do stupid shit like that. That is just not masculine.

You look like a little boy. And when you do things like that and she’s with a new guy, that’s the kind of thing that just cements in her mind, “Thank God I’m not with that dude anymore. Because you’re acting like a child, not a man. So, I might be a little rough on this guy. But, he needs a little bit of tough love.

Because he’s in a difficult situation. It’s clear she’s already moved on. And the thing that sucks is now their friend groups are all mingled. So, any time he wants to do something, there’s a good chance he’s going to run into her with a new dude or maybe even some other guy.

And so he’s like, “What the hell do I do? How do I maintain no contact when I see her? She’s got a new guy.” Because he still wants her back. Despite all this, he’s still holding out hope.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach, 

I got dumped by my girlfriend of 3 years and could use your advice. I’ve read your book once before I dated her and after the breakup. I have read it 5 times.

Come on, man. You didn’t follow instructions. You shouldn’t be surprised you’re in this situation.

I’m 23, and she’s 24. I met her through a mutual friend in the summer of 2021 and let her do 100% of the pursuing.

Well, this is pretty much how most people meet; the women they date is in their peer group. It’s not typically in a bar or a nightclub or things like that. That’s why building a social life is so much better than trying to go out and meet or pick up girls. Because you’re just going to meet people that you jive with much easier in social situations versus even online dating.

We had so much in common and were essentially the same person, same upbringings and everything. She also had a helicopter mom because her sister died a couple years back, and she became very overprotective. I was her first everything.

Throughout the relationship, however, I displayed many jack in the box behaviors and beta moves such as getting jealous, turning into a cold fish, and just being emotionally immature.

Being a boy in a man’s body, basically. Acting like a child. Women want to be with a guy they admire. They respect. They look up to. That they follow his lead in. And if you can’t bring that to the table, she may hook up with you for a while, but she’s not going to typically stick around. You just can’t display a constant lack of masculinity and think women are going to maintain respect for you.

Despite that, she was the first to say I love you. We broke it off.

Hehe. He says, We broke it off.

We broke it off around 5 times in the 3 years, 4 of them being initiated from me because I was scared of losing her.

Huh? You initiated a breakup because you were scared of losing her? I would assume what he’s really saying is that his behavior caused the breakup, because he was afraid of losing her. What happens when you’re afraid of losing somebody? You call too much, you text too much, you act needy.

You act unworthy. You need constant reassurance that she cares about you. In other words, you’re constantly screaming, “I’m not worthy and I don’t deserve you. You’re so above me, Your Highness.” And you put her on a pedestal, basically. That’s what fear of loss does.

It causes you to chase. Call more, text more. And “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” As Thích Nhất Hạnh would say, or used to say. And he didn’t do that. You fear losing somebody, you do things that actually turn them off to the point where you actually do lose them.

She came back each time and I continued to struggle with my own insecurities. I also ended up falling out of my passions to spend more time with her. And she was hanging out with my friend group more often.

Yeah, he gave up all of his hobbies, his interests. In other words, the dude he was that she fell in love with. He quit being that, and started jumping through his butt to be a pleaser because he was terrified of losing her. And eventually he lost himself, and when he lost himself, he was no longer the guy she fell in love with. And she’s like, “Who is this stranger?”

In February 2023, her father died while on a trip to Mexico and she was completely broken from that incident.

Yeah. That sucks.

She had to go to Mexico and retrieve his body and when she returned, she was very cold and felt disgusted by intimacy. I tried to make it work but I did the beta move of letting her know that I felt unloved and that I wanted the intimacy back.

Well, complaining about a lack of intimacy. Guys that do that don’t understand how attraction works. They don’t understand how to seduce a woman. All basic things that are taught in My Book. But again, he went through it one time before he even met this girl, so it’s obvious he didn’t even remember any of that stuff. And probably never learned it to begin with.

We ended up breaking up in July because she said she didn’t have any desire to be intimate or be in a relationship with anyone to grieve.

Well, what she was really saying, she didn’t want to be in a relationship with you. Because again, you weren’t the same guy anymore.

We did still show up to friend hangouts together as friends and sometimes she would initiate making out or having sex. However.

So, they were kind of friends with benefits.

During Halloween of this year. She made friends with another friend group adjacent to my friend group and started to hang out with them more and spent less time with me. I fell under the illusion of action and started chasing her.

Again, this is all the complete opposite of what The Book teaches.

I begged, and had several private talks with her to let her know that I wanted to fix things.

Yeah, because he’s probably talking to girls and girls are going, “Let her know how you feel. Tell her your feelings.” Women don’t give a damn about how much you care about them; how much you love them. What a good guy you are, how handsome you are, how big your bank account is.

Despite what the red pill idiots like to think. It’s like if you’re constantly displaying incompetence and unattractive qualities, no matter how much money you have, or how good looking you are, you’re going to dry your woman’s pussy up drier than the fucking Sahara Desert. That’s just a fact of life.

However, she stated that she fell out of love with the way I treated her and that she would always love me as we were “soul bound” and “twin flames”.

Yeah, that sounds nice, but she’s just trying to let you down easy. So, in other words, you stopped dating and courting her properly, and you stopped making her feel heard and understood. And on top of that, you basically became a man baby and turned her into your mommy.

And she wasn’t there to be your mommy. She was there to be your lover and your teammate. And you changed. You stopped being the guy you were in the beginning.

I found out that she was flirting and DMing one of the guys in her new friend group.

Well, that’s obviously why she was spending more time with that friend group and less with yours.

And they would stay up late at night just to talk and play video games together online. At her birthday party which was hosted at my friend’s house, she was all handsy with the new guy and it broke me. I had a panic attack and started crying. I was sobbing uncontrollably outside, and her new friends saw and let her know after.

Oh. Dude. Bro. This is a kind of shit you do with your therapist, or your guy friends, your closest friends who’s never going to say anything. You cannot go and do something like this in public and just have a meltdown like a little child. You’re trying to attract her back and you behave that way. It’s like, come on, man. What the hell are you thinking? You cannot do this.

And the other thing you should have been doing is, you should have brought a date. If you know she’s dating and talking to other guys, you should be dating and talking to other women. Plus, you should have never been hanging out with her in a platonic sense, unless you were okay with strictly just being friends from that point forward.

I decided to go no contact as I felt her words were not congruent with her actions when I asked about us.

Yeah, she was telling you what you needed to hear, just not to hurt your feelings, and potentially to keep you as a backup in case it didn’t work out with the new guy. But you basically put your life on hold.

I mean, you’re not doing anything even remotely close to what The Book teaches. So, you shouldn’t be surprised that your ex-girlfriend is totally unattracted to you, to the point where she’s bringing some new guy into your friend group.

My friend let me know that she started dating the guy from her new friend group and it absolutely killed me. She started hanging out with my friend group more and bringing him around.

Probably rubbing it in your face because she knows it bothered you and you know, you having a meltdown. It’s like, what women do. Because she doesn’t respect you. Because you act like a bitch. If you act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. Especially for all the red pill guys. Act like a bitch. They will treat you like a bitch.

Doesn’t matter her true nature, hypergamy or any of that shit. Women don’t stay with a guy just because of his money. It may get his foot in the door with her, but if he acts like a fucking bitch, she will treat you like a bitch. Simple as that.

There’s plenty of rich and powerful people that had good looks and everything going for them, constantly in the news. You can go to TMZ right now and there’s a bunch of these guys. They got everything. They’re rich, they’re powerful, but they act like a fucking bitch.

And their women walk all over them and treat them like bitches. Simple as that. Doesn’t matter who you are. You act like a bitch, women will treat you like a bitch. They don’t respect it.

And I essentially stopped getting invited to these social gatherings because they were afraid of how I would react around them.

Yeah, if they think, “Oh, he’s going to come. Bob’s going to come over and just have a fucking meltdown in my front yard crying over his ex-girlfriend, who’s fucking some new guy.” It’s like, “Yeah”, they are not going to invite you, Dude.

But if you’re showing up to the party with two or three other girls, even if they’re just friends of yours, you’re just hanging out with hot girls. And then going out and having fun with them afterwards. That’s a different story. That’s a completely different attitude.

I’ve started working on myself more, and am looking to get into therapy.

Well, good for you. Therapy probably will help you. You got to find a good therapist though, somebody like and somebody that actually helps you. Because there’s a lot of shitty ones out there.

So, make sure you interview as many as you need to until you find somebody really click with, and really jive with, and you feel like is competent. Because like I said, there’s a lot of shitty therapists out there.

I still love her and want her back. How do I go about doing this?

Well, for starters, actually apply what’s in The Book. Instead of having meltdowns in the front yard when you see your ex-girlfriend is with a new guy. Hello.

And how do I handle no contact if I have to see her and her new man at my friend’s social gatherings? 

Thank you! 

Bob

Well, the other thing you got to consider is, she’s gone Dude. She’s with a new guy. She’s fucking a new guy. She has a new boyfriend. Your relationship ended seven months ago, and you basically were her occasional friends with benefits, but because you just acted like a total beta male and didn’t change your behavior.

You stayed around her and constantly communicated and showed through your actions that you weren’t worthy, and you didn’t feel like you deserved to be with her. If a woman doesn’t want to give you another chance, doesn’t want to date you, then you should be dating other women.

Especially when you found out she was going out with another guy. You should be bringing other women around to your group as well. Plus, your friends will appreciate that. It’s like you got to get back to being the guy that you were before you met her.

And you read the book once back then, you were probably dating and talking to a lot of girls and were a lot of girls around you. And so, you were a challenge. And now, you look like a man baby. I mean, you’ve completely embarrassed yourself in front of everybody. And I’m sure your whole entire friend group knows about your meltdown in the front lawn, out front of your buddy’s house.

So, you can’t behave that way and be surprised that your ex-girlfriend totally lost respect for you. Not only that, but your friends lose respect for you, because you’re not doing anything to help yourself. So, you got to participate in your rescue. Nobody’s coming to save you. You must do that yourself. And like I said, go meet new friends, go do other things.

Because when you’re not around and then people hear that, “Oh yeah, he’s been online dating.” Or “He’s met this new girl.” Or, “He’s dating a couple of girls, he’s doing great. You should have seen the girl that he was with last week. Oh, my God, she was so beautiful.” That’s the kind of shit that should be getting back to your ex-girlfriend. You’re not around.

And when she does hear about you, you’re having a good time with other girls that aren’t her. Especially girls that are prettier and more fun. That’s what you should be doing. You should be applying what’s in The Book and getting better with it. Because if you don’t apply what’s in the book and you don’t date anybody else, your skills are not going to get better.

And if it doesn’t work out with a new guy, and she gets in touch with you, you’re still the same dude. You haven’t gotten any better. You haven’t changed. You’ll revert right back to the same behavior. And in a matter of a couple of weeks, you’ll turn her off right for the same reasons, and drive her right back into the arms of somebody different.

Maybe that guy, or maybe some new guy. But you have to apply what’s in The Book, man. You got to have some other choices and other options, because right now you look like a guy that nobody wants. And because of your behavior, your meltdown, your embarrassing meltdown that you did, in front of everybody.

Now your friends all feel kind of awkward and they’re like, “Yeah, I don’t really want, you know, have Bob on my front lawn crying in the bushes. If, you know, because his ex-girlfriend’s going to be there with her new man. So I’m just not going to even invite him.” And so, you’re like, getting excommunicated from your friend group.

Go where you’re celebrated, not where you’re tolerated. Go hang out with other people and do other things, so you can meet other girls. Go where there are plenty of women. You got to think about, “Where am I fishing?” Where are you fishing at? What kind of girls are in the places where you’re fishing? So to speak.

Your social circle, your hobbies, your interests, the things you do for fun. Go do things with other people that are not this group of people. And the only thing that should be getting back to your friend group, is that you’re having a good time, and you’re dating lots of new girls, and you’re having so much fun.

And people are going to start going, “Why doesn’t he ever hang out with us anymore?” It’s like, “Oh, he was with this girl last week. And this week he’s got two other dates with two other girls and…” That’s what she needs to be hearing. That’s going to make her wonder. Especially if things don’t go well with the new guy.

And if you are going to hang out and your friends’ social gatherings, make sure you show up with two or three girls. And they could just be hot girls that are your friends. Doesn’t matter if you’re hanging out with hot girls, even if they’re just your friends, other women are going to assume you’re sleeping with one or all of them. That gives you social proof. Plus, it’s a good ego boost. And you definitely need plenty of ego boosts in your life. So that’s what you should be doing.

A man who loves and values himself is just simply going to go, “Hey, we had a good run. It was amazing. We had a great three years. She’s got a new man. I’m happy, I hope she lives happily ever after with him. But man, I got more women than I know what to do with. And I got to focus on them. And my new opportunities. Not what happened in the past.”

And you should also be following what’s in 7 Principles To Get An Ex Back. Because everything I saw in this email here, you’re not doing anything even remotely close to what I teach. You’re literally the opposite of what The Book teaches, Dude.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.