This is an email question I got recently from another client. He has a great question about how to be funny and use humor if you are not very funny and/or don’t feel comfortable making a woman laugh or don’t know how to make a woman laugh.
I get asked this question quite often so I wanted to share it with you.
Here is his email:
How are you?
It’s a great book that you wrote. I am enjoying it a lot. I was wondering how you joke around with women when you first meet them? I don’t think that I can get women to laugh when I first approach them and start talking to them. Any help you can give me in this area would be appreciated
Here is my response:
Thanks for the compliment about my book. I’m glad to hear you are enjoying it. The purpose of getting women to laugh when you meet them is not to be the next Dave Chappelle or Chris Rock. Using humor is only a tool to get a woman to feel comfortable. The humor is not really a joke, but more of a teasing kind of humor. It’s the type of humor you use to joke around with your friends and mess with them. How would you treat a bratty little sister? You would mess with her. When we’re little kids, boys put lizards, bugs, etc. in little girl’s hair and then, predictably, what happens? They chase us around the playground. It’s playful and never mean. How do you joke around with your friends? It’s the same type of teasing and playfulness. Teasing communicates that you are fun, easy going, that you have high status and are successful with women, and to women, this is flirting. Women know that when you are playful and tease them, it’s because you like them.
Here’s what I want you to do. Forget about asking for phone numbers first. That will get you out of the energy of trying to make something happen and wanting something from women, to a detached playfulness. That is why men that have girlfriends always seem to have women staring and showing interest in them, even when their girlfriend is not around. The reason this happens, now that the guy has a girlfriend and he wonders where the heck all them were when he was single, is that women sense his non-hungry state and that he does not want anything from them. He is communicating no real interest in them, and therefore he is “safe” to talk to because he seems disinterested in them. The women wonder to themselves why he is not pursuing like most guys. They think he must have a girlfriend, and some even start to wonder if they can get the guy to be theirs. They wonder what it is that this guy has that his girlfriend sees in him. Women love a challenge, they love a guy that is not all over them, smothering them like most guys do that they meet for the first time. Men in this non-hungry state are allowing the women they meet to feel comfortable, and they can sense and feel that this guy will allow them to be themselves. Women can be just as aggressive and interested in sex as you and I are. Women will feel attraction and want to be with you if you back off enough and let them come to you. Your job as a man is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. It’s counter intuitive to back off and pursue less, but when it comes to women, less is more. Women will chase you and pursue you if you can back off long enough to allow them to do this. If you make them feel comfortable by being in a non-hungry state, then they will start to pursue you just as long as their interest level is above 51% to start with.
The best place to practice is in the malls. When you approach women in malls or talk to them as you are walking along, going about your shopping, use your surroundings to make playful comments about them or things in your environment. If you are walking by the food court and smell something good, just make a comment to that hottie walking next to you like,”wow, that smells good. I’m feeling tempted to indulge in an afternoon gut bomb.” If she says “what’s a gut bomb?” tell her “its food that will make your gut blow up, therefore, a gut bomb.” The other day, I was at the mall and a really hot twenty something cut right in front of me on the escalator going up to the second level. Since she was really hot, she is used to most men saying and doing nothing. Most guys kiss the ass of every attractive woman, thinking that is going to get them somewhere. However, I’m going to bust them when they do something like that. Here is what I said, “hey… thanks for cutting in front of me.” I said it with a smirk like Daniel Craig’s character in the new James Bond films has when he meets new women. I said it in a playful tone. She turned around and said sorry with a smile and then a laugh looking at me kind of shyly, because I just busted her on what she did. See, she is so used to getting her way with every guy, she does not even think about these things anymore. Most men have spoiled her because of her body and looks. The funny thing is, most super hot women don’t get approached very often because most men are so intimidated by their looks. The average looking women actually meet and date more men, because they are easier to approach. She was very friendly and a conversation ensued during the rest of the ride up. She made it easy to have a conversation. She felt kind of bad for what she did, but not really, because it created an opportunity for her to meet a cool guy… me of course! That is what you are looking for. Not all women will act that way or participate in a conversation that easily, just the ones that are friendly, available, interested in you, or that just like flirting. You don’t have to be great with women to start, but you have to start, (practice), to be great.
Depending on a woman’s initial interest level, whether she is single or in a relationship, attitude, personality and overall friendliness will determine how receptive she is to your trying to start a conversation. Most women will be nice, some will really be playful and banter back and forth with you, and every once in a while you will meet a woman who is unfriendly and does not want to talk or participate in your playfulness. However, by practicing, you will start to see the clues and read body language that indicates a woman is single, available, and interested in you. However, when you are just starting out, talk to everyone, including old people, couples, store clerks, etc. Practice makes perfect. You will see you will get different levels of participation from different women, based upon what I mentioned above. The better you get, the less you will approach women that have no real interest in you, are in a bad mood, are unavailable, or just simply unfriendly. You can use anything a woman has with her to create an icebreaker that is situational. About ten minutes later, I was in a department store and a really hot blond with these sexy tan legs and cheetah pattern boots, (very sexy!), that went up to the middle of her nicely shaped calves was walking by. I said to her, those are pretty wild looking boots you got there. She proceeded to say thanks and tell me all about them, where she got them, etc. I then asked her what she was shopping for and another conversation ensued. What you say does not have to be the funniest thing in the world, but women help you when they like you. The ones that do will laugh at just about anything you say, even though you know what you are saying is not very funny at all. It’s all about being a fun playful guy.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur