How To Make Dates That Turn Women On Instead Of Off

How to set definite dates that women keep & are excited to go on with you.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has fumbled the football a little bit when trying to set a date with the hot girl from work who seems to like him. He’s not being direct and decisive enough and tends to let her leave things up in the air. He’s getting frustrated at her confusing behavior.

I point out what he needs to do differently that will turn her on and lead to a date she keeps. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

So I got an email from a viewer who’s kind of fumbled the football a little bit when he’s trying to set a date with the hot girl from work, who looks like she’s into him, but he’s not really being direct and decisive with the plans. He’s just basically saying things and expect her to to give him a direct answer like a guy would.

What he’s not realizing is women kind of speak in their own language. Part of setting a date with a girl, especially if she thinks you’re a little soft, she’s gonna probably test you a little bit, kind of like she’s doing to him, women tend to be vague and unclear, or at least that’s the way they seem. You’re the one, as the man, is supposed to be, direct, decisive, get to the point, make the date. A definite day, a definite time, and a definite place to get together, either pick her up or to meet her out someplace for a date.

So she’s kind of vague and it’s like, “I don’t know, maybe.” In other words, if she really wants to see you and she’s open to it, she’ll give you a day she’s definitely available. If she’s kind of unsure or on the fence, she might try to give you a “maybe” date to see if you’ll just leave your plans up in the air. Usually the maybe date turns into a no. “Oh, I got to do this. I got to do that,” which is kind of like what happened here. Because he’s looking at her behavior at work, he’s like, “Well, she seems interested,” but instead of making a date with me, she chose to go do something else. So part of that is just because he’s a little vague and not being direct and decisive.

Like the book says, you got to think of yourself as like the appointment setter and a sales call. So you need to know a definite date, time and place to get together with your “prospect,” so you can sell them, obviously in this case, which is you, which is really just letting her do most of the talking and allowing her to like you and her interest to grow when she’s already predisposed to it, which it seems like this girl is. But the more you fumble the football and you allow women to kind of keep things up in the air or hold an evening open for them when they’re not sure if they can make it or not, when a guy does that, it communicates that he doesn’t really value himself or his time.

The greatest gift you can give anybody in the world is your time. When you allow a woman just to take an evening up and then at the last minute tell you she won’t actually be available to meet you, then it shows that you don’t really value your time. If you don’t value it, she’s not going to value it either.

Viewer Email:

Hi Corey,

I hope you are doing great. I continue to follow your work and implement it into my routines a lot but am a bit puzzled by a recent situation I’ve been involved in. A girl I work with (Though not super closely as we only see each other once every few weeks) who I always found cute as hell began acting a bit more chatty with me, texting more than she normally would and about things unrelated to work which wasn’t like her.

Well, women are kind of subtle about that. So they have each other’s numbers. If a woman likes you, she comes up with reasons to reach out that have nothing to do with work. That’s one piece of evidence that would show that it seems like her interest is more than just professional. It might be potentially romantic.

One day while she made a joke about how I’m her work husband, I took this opportunity to tell her about a new bar she should check out and she responded positively saying she wanted to go.

Well, that’s kind of like sailing right over his head. So she says, “Oh, you’re my work husband.” I would like, “Well, we should get together for a drink then. There’s a really cool new bar. We should go check out. What’s your schedule like?” That’s what should have happened there, but I assume it seems like, as the way he wrote the email, he wasn’t 100% sure that she was interested, but when you tell about a girl about a bar and she says she wanted to go, it implies at least the way he worded it seems like she wanted to go with him.

I told her once she gets promoted and she said what if that never happens, I can’t wait.

It’s almost like she’s saying, “I can’t wait to go out on a date until I get promoted with you.”

Because we are co-workers though and this all was extremely sudden, I decided to play it cool and instead wrote, “Well then the offer is on the table,” to which she then did not respond at all.

So “The offer is on the table” is like, that’s not asking her out. That’s like talking like a dude in a negotiation and expecting her to understand what that means. Your job is to be direct and decisive. So you were vague, and guess what? You get vagueness back. So she says, “Oh, I can’t wait till the promotion happens,” I would be like, “Well then let’s get together and go have a drink there. What’s your schedule like?” Then you make definite day, definite time, definite place, obviously this particular bar when she could say, “Yes, I will see you there.” Not “Oh, I’m not sure. Maybe I can go.”

Don’t ever accept a “maybe.” Say, “Well, then give me a day that you know you’re definitely free that we can go to the bar and then go do whatever you got to do with your friend on that day.”

A week later, though, we saw each other at work and she started flirting with me outright and then asked if I wanted coffee as she was going to Starbucks on a break. When she came back we talked for a while and had great conversation locking eyes and at that point I felt more confident that she was actually into me and was game to ask her out.

So two hours later after we had gone home for the night I texted her asking her out for a few days later saying I’d make a reservation for the bar. She responded simply saying, “What time?” Then in her next text saying she just had to “confirm” first with a friend who’s birthday she was going to be celebrating with. I said 7 p.m. if that works and she didn’t respond.

Well again, you’re saying, “If that works.” If she’s telling you, “Well, I may have to do a thing with a friend,” I would have responded, “Well, let’s do on another night where you know you’re definitely available. What do you definitely have open next week or the week after?” That’s what you need to do. Instead, you basically are driving the fun bus and you go, “Ahh hands off! Look at me. Why don’t you take the wheel, baby?” And she’s like, “Well, what do I want the wheel for?”

You’re supposed to be in control. You’re supposed to lead. You’re supposed to penetrate her with your strength. Not give her the floppy cock routine, which is basically what you’re doing. Shows you’re a little indecisive and you’re kind of vague. In other words, you’re not a man with a plan. Women like just to be told, “Be here this time, this day, this place.” When a girl says “maybe,” it’s just a compliance test to see if you’re willing to basically be a backup and hold your day open. More than likely, when you accept that, maybe it turns into a no. Again, the book says don’t do this, but you’re doing it anyways.

I was annoyed.

Well, that’s because you were not decisive. You left it up in the air and you basically responded like a woman would respond. That’s the problem. That’s not masculine in your response. It’s not confident because if you got only one, or if you’re a busy professional and you’re working your ass off trying to climb the corporate ladder or whatever, or build your business, you got one, maybe two nights that you’re free, you’re going to make plans with her or somebody else close to you, or maybe you’re going to go see your mother or whatever, but you’re not going to accept it. Maybe when you got one night, maybe two nights open that week, you’re just going to say, “Well, give me a day you’re definitely available and then we’ll plan something. Then you should go on the birthday thing with your friend and go do that. Then you and I can go a different night. So what night are you available?”

You gotta hold their feet to the fire. Get a definite yes or a definite no. Or she might say, “Well, I’m not sure. I’ll have to check my schedule.” I would be like, “Great! Figure out what days you’re available that you know you can definitely meet and then hit me up.” Then you leave it at that and you give her the opportunity to follow through on that directive, if you will, or to flake out and never reach out again.

So she reaches out again. She’s probably not going to say, “Hey, I checked my schedule. Here’s my availability.” Most of the time she’ll send you a meme or like, “Hey, what are you doing?” Or something like that. Then you just assume that she knows her schedule and that’s why she’s reaching out, because that’s what you told her to do. You want a woman to submit to you. So you say, “Hey, awesome to hear from you! What’s your schedule and availability like so we can go check out that that new bar?”

Be direct, be decisive, get to the point. You don’t need to say, “Well, I’m doing great. How are you? How was work? What are you up to?” None of that shit matters. Make the fucking appointment. Get to the point. Don’t dither and hesitate. If you dither and hesitate, you’re going to masturbate. That’s what I mean when I talk about it, and you’re dithering here. You’re like a guy that can’t get to the point, can’t direct the woman what to do.

The next morning though she “hearted” that text…

Again, that just shows that now she’s kind of dangling a little bit and she’s like, “Oh, this guy’s a little soft and squishy!”

…And changed the subject to something else. When I brought it back to a quick comment about the potential date, she again went silent. Strange stuff.

Well he didn’t. He does have the text exchange. Actually, no, I’m confusing that with the second email. My bad. I don’t have a text exchange here.

So he doesn’t say what he actually said, but more than likely, just based upon what he shared so far was probably vague because again, if a woman is expecting directness and directions and guiding her to making the definite date and the plans, then you can’t come back with something vague. I suspect that’s why. So when you come back with something vague, you’re acting like a chick. That’s why she doesn’t respond, because you’re basically handing her back feminine energy when she really wants masculine strength. Masculine strength is going to get to the point.

Remember, women say about 8,000 words a day and us guys tend to say about 2,000. So women are the natural talkers and they talk and talk. Listen to a bunch of girls talk. There’s like five different subjects they’re all talking about and constantly interjecting and interrupting each other and they all know exactly what’s going on. We watch that and we’re like, “What the fuck is the point of that conversation?” It’s just a mish-mash of whatevers.

Finally three days went by and she texts me saying good morning and how this week is very hectic and the friend wants to celebrate her birthday multiple nights and says, “So maybe next week?”

So at the end of the day, it’s not the end of the world, because now she’s reaching back out. Again, this is part of the problem. You’re trying to set a date. You really like the girl and now you’re just you’re sitting there and days are going by and that eats at you internally, emotionally, because you’re like, “Does this girl like me or what the fuck? I saw her at work. She didn’t mention anything.” This is also meant to help you. So if you have a definite date, definite time, definite place next week, you’re like, “Ah, I got peace of mind. I can focus on my work. I can look forward to the date because I know when I’m going to see her, I’m going to pick her up. I got her address, I got everything I need, or we’re going to definitely go meet at the bar,” whatever. In this case, he works together, so he should be going to pick her up. Just say, “I’ll come scoop you up. Shoot me your address.”

So she says, “Maybe next week.” My response to “maybe next week” is, “Well, what day are you available next week?” That would be my next response because again, I’m trying to get to the point. I’m trying to get to the definite date and the confirmation in as few steps as possible. The more you stretch it out, the more and more you give feminine energy you’re going to lay an egg and then you’re just going to be sitting there going, “Why did she stop replying?” Which again, you think about it all day. You wake up in the morning, it’s eating at you at night, especially when you really like the girl. The book is designed to alleviate all that bullshit so you can focus on what you need to really focus on as a man, which is your purpose and your mission in life.

I told her that’s fine, next week works and to have an awesome day. She hearted that response and wrote “OK, perfect!”

So again, that’s vague. “Next week.” So he’s thinking he’s got a date but he just said, “Next week.” Like, what does that mean? Like what day, what time, what place? This is in the book, dude.

In my gut I felt the entire thing was her just enjoying the attention and when reality hit about actually going out with me, she realized it wasn’t something she wanted to do.

No, because you were leaving it up in the air. You’re not following the book. This is why I say read it 10 to 15 times, because you miss these little subtle nuances. You’re getting vagueness back and you’re getting confused because you don’t know the book. You’re like, “This doesn’t make any sense.” Well, the book says this is why you make or commit to a definite date, definite time, definite place. When you get a “maybe” or “I’m not sure,” then say, “Well, give me a day when you know you’re definitely available,” and she says, “Well, I have to check my schedule.” Say, “Awesome! Just figure it out and get back to me and we’ll plan something then.” Then you leave the conversation.

Then as soon as she reaches back out next, whether it’s an hour later or three days later, “Hey, good to hear from you! What did you figure out in your schedule so we can get together and go to that bar?” Boom! Nail it. Get to the point. Women can be vague and confusing and chaotic. Masculine men are supposed to be direct, decisive, and calm.

In addition, its been 10 days and I never heard anything else from her.

Yeah, you literally got on the one-yard line. You’re like the dude that, you see in college a lot. Guy’s running and he’s like, “Oh, I got this touchdown.”He’s kind of strutting and skipping, starting his pre-celebration. Then he just cockily drops the ball, but he drops the ball right before he goes across the goal line. Then it’s a fumble and it goes the other team.

Be humble or you will be humbled. Make the fucking date, dude. You’re supposed to be the man with the plan, not another chick that can’t make up her mind. Which is basically what you seem like. You’re like another chick that can’t make up her mind.

I also never reached back out. Do you think I handled this incorrectly…

Uh, yeah.

…Or was she just not really into me from the start?

Thank You,

Bob

Well, she had interest, but because you weren’t direct, decisive, couldn’t get to the point, and you just left things up in the air, well that’s why the date never happened. This is the kind of thing that dries a woman up. You can’t behave this way.

So at this point, all you can do is kind of wait to hear from her. If she brings it up in conversation when you see her at work, just say, “Hey, when are you available? We need to go to that bar and have a good time. Let’s go! They got a great happy hour. They got great appetizers. One of my buddies went by there, he said it was awesome.” So she comes over to you at work or she texts you, assumes she’s reaching out because she knows when she’s available. I would just say, “Hey you! Let’s get together at that bar. When are you definitely available?” Just get right to the fucking point.

Same thing if she comes over to you and seems to be talking and flirtatious, because you’re going to see her at work and she might be wondering like, “He hasn’t asked me out. Like, what happened? Does he not like me? Did I piss him off? Did he meet somebody else?” So it can work to your advantage, or you may have just screwed the pooch. So she’ll either text you or reach out, or she’ll come and talk to you. When that happens, try to make the date. If you don’t hear anything for a couple of weeks, you could always reach out one more time and say, “Hey you! When are you available so we can go to that bar?” Then she might be like, “Ehh,” but it might be better just because you guys work together to let her approach you again next. So it might teach her to be a little bit more direct.

Again, your job is to be the direct and decisive one. So you left the plans up in the air and she left them up in the air. So she probably goes and hooks up with Chad Thundercock, Bob Thundercock, or Don Thundercock from accounting or one of the other departments in your company. It’s like if you hesitate, you’ll masturbate. If you dither and hesitate, you’re going to masturbate.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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