How to make women obsess over you, so they chase you, pursue you and want to make you their boyfriend.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a woman who expresses frustration with a guy she met a few months back on the dating app Bumble. She says when they first met, she was busy dating and playing the field. They do not live in the same city. When they met in person for the first time, he was much more than she expected. She says her attraction level for him went from a seven out of ten to a twelve out of ten after they met in person. She says he does not make his feelings too clear, but he does reciprocate when she expresses hers.
He is unpredictable and sometimes disappears for 3-4 days at time. She says she is used to men blowing up her phone, but he does the opposite. She says she is completely infatuated with him and asks me what she should do going forward. My comments are in (bold parenthesis like this below) in the body of her email.
Dear Coach Corey,
I found your videos in fall of 2017. Since then, I have met a guy on Bumble while traveling in San Jose, California. At the time, I was busy dating and playing the field.
(You’ve got lots of choices, lots of options and most guys are pretty much acting the same.)
We never had a chance to chat until after I flew back to Florida. I responded to his message and explained how I had just left California and sorry we did not get to meet.
Fast forward to now, August, 2018, and we are still talking. We met for the first time in Miami on July 10th, and he was much more than what I expected in person.
(Obviously, this guy did really well on the date. Maybe he’s read my book, maybe he hasn’t, but he’s behaving like a guy who knows what he’s doing.)
He already held my attraction level at like seven, but after meeting him it sky rocketed to like a 12.
I’m flying out to see him the first week of September. I just want to know if this guy is actually interested in me or, if he is stringing me along.
(Like I talk about in my book, “How To Be A 3% Man,” the guy takes very methodical steps. He takes his time. If you’re a busy professional, you might only have one or two evenings free a week anyway to go out on a date. If you’re successful and you meet a lot of women, you have to pre-qualify people, because you’ll have lots of options. You want to spend your time with the most highly qualified prospects.
In order to get to that point, you need data. You need information. You need to know who to weed out, who to spend time with and who not to. A guy who has lots of choices and options and is very busy, he’s not going to be blowing up her phone. He’s going to be skeptical. He’ll go on a date with the attitude of “Lets just see what happens. Is this woman a good match for me? Does she have a good attitude? Is she easy to get along with? Does she have a good relationship with her mom and dad?”
If you’re looking for a long-term, healthy relationship, does she come from a good family where she learned the values of loyalty, communication, commitment and working things out, versus growing up in a family where there’s lots of drama, stonewalling and arguments? The more you have those kinds of backgrounds with the women you are dating, the harder it’s going to be. So why not make it easy on yourself?
In between that time, when you’re not talking to her, she’s wondering, “What’s going on with this guy? Where’s he going? Who’s he with? Why isn’t he calling me like all these other guys are?”)
He does not make his feelings very clear, but if I say I miss him, he will reciprocate. If I say I’m bananas about him, he says the feelings are mutual.
(He’s reciprocating, but it’s your idea. You’re having to work for it. You’re bringing these things up first. This is feminine energy, bonding, connecting, opening up to receive love. This is just female nature. That’s why it’s so unattractive when a guy behaves this way.)
He emphasizes he does not like to play games.
(Everybody plays games to a degree, even without intending to. You want to know who you’re dating, what they’re made out of and if they have a good attitude. It’s really important to find out the background of the person you’re dating.)
As of now, he is focusing on his building his own medical practice. Sometimes he disappears for like 3-4 days, and I think I lost his interest, then out of nowhere he calls me or texts me.
(Maybe he was just busy. You can see he’s just taking his time, he’s building his empire and it’s having a positive effect on your attraction level. He’s not even doing anything to make that happen. It’s something that goes on internally inside of you.)
Its makes me so happy, and I feel like I’m on a drug when he does that.
(It’s tweaking your positive emotions, even though you’re not talking for a few days.)
I never give him a hard time about texting me back,
(It’s great that you do that),
and always make it a point to say I am happy to hear from him and that I miss him, and he always reciprocates what I say with “me too.”
(He calls you up, and you’re positive instead of complaining. A guy wants a girl with a good fucking attitude, not somebody who gets pissed off.)
He mentioned moving to Florida and the housing market in passing.
I’m used to men blowing up my phone or over-pursuing me. This is a different creature, and I find it almost annoying that he occupies my thoughts 99% of the time.
(It sounds like you found yourself a 3% man. You’re becoming obsessed with him and he’s not doing anything except being a man and building his empire. He’s taking his time, because he wants to see what you’re like. Are you going to be a compliment to his life, or are you going to turn into a fucking lunatic when you don’t get your way? So far, it sounds like you’ve got your shit together.)
I don’t want to keep all my eggs in one basket, but at the same time I’m completely infatuated with this man. No one else measures up to him.
(In other words, no one pushes your button the way he does. He’s the only guy out of all the guys you’ve met that actually acts like a man is supposed to act, and it’s driving you nuts because it’s really rare. That’s why if guys apply what’s in my book, they’re going to be a completely different animal.)
What do you suggest I do moving forward? How do I lock this one down?
(I would say, keep doing what you’re doing. Things sound textbook from what I teach, how he’s showing up, and also how you’re showing up. You’re not blowing it by being an ass and being upset that he doesn’t call you often. Have a good attitude. Be easy to get along with. Be fun.
Guys that are building big, stressful business empires want a woman to compliment their lives. They don’t want drama, stonewalling, shitty communication or you throwing a shitty temper tantrum. We want you to talk in a loving, sweet, kind way that makes us really glad we called you. It sounds like both of you are doing great, so keep doing what you’re doing. Take your time.)
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“When it comes to creating and growing attraction with women, less really is more. No matter what women say, they emotionally respond to and are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. If nine out of ten guys are chasing her and blowing up her phone for dates, but the tenth guy is unpredictable, mysterious, doesn’t call very often and is hard to figure out, she will obsess over the tenth guy and blow the others off to spend time with him at the drop of a hat. The reality is, women are more attracted to guys they have to work for, than guys who are too easy and available.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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