How To Master 2 Steps Forward & 1 Step Back To Seduce Women

How to master 2 steps forward & 1 step back to seduce the women you want.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a 25-year-old viewer who’s trying to seduce his new female roommate. He says he’s read 3% Man over 20 times, but he’s been unable to seduce her. He keeps trying to fix her low interest and effort and talk her into sleeping with him by constantly talking about why she’s cold and distant to him. He’s so focused on seducing her that he’s unable to simply let her come to him at her pace.

He’s become an unattractive helicopter seducer. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne, and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How To Master 2 Steps Forward & 1 Step Back To Seduce Women.”

Well, this particular Members Only Newsletter, this particular guy, he’s 25, I guess he just maybe moved for college. And so he’s got a male and a female roommate. And obviously the female roommate is turning out to be pretty cute. So he’s been trying to seduce her. He says he’s read 3% Man over 20 times, but he’s kind of having a hard time. And when I read his email, you could tell he’s just like hovering around her trying to fix things. And he’s like a helicopter seducer. Everybody’s heard of like, a helicopter mom. Well, he’s kind of like a helicopter seducer. And so every time she seems a little distant, instead of just letting her be, he’s like, “What’s wrong? You seem a little distant.” And he lives in the same house with her, obviously, or the same apartment. And so he gets right up to their fooling around. They’re kissing, they’re making out. Then goes and grabs between her legs or her boobs, and she’s like, “stop!” He backs off and then he just. It doesn’t sound like a guy that’s really practiced 3% Man very much. He may have read it a lot. Again, he says he’s read it 20 times, but his efforts to seduce her just don’t like, as I read this, it doesn’t seem smooth. It’s like he’s moving things a little too fast. And then when he gets rejected or rebuffed or he’s told to slow down, he tends to get upset, thinks he’s got to fix something. And this particular girl is, I guess she had a breakup with her boyfriend 4 or 5 months ago, and it doesn’t seem like she’s completely over it. But if you’re living with a girl and you’re hanging out with her, especially something like this, you just got to let her come to you, and let her bump into you. Let her touch you first. Because when girls like you, they’ll get near to you. They will bump into you. Women don’t bump into you like that on accident. When women touch you physically and get near you to the point where they’re bumping into you, that’s their way of saying that they like you, and that touching is okay. And not only is it okay, it’s invited. So it’s important to remember. And if you’re in a situation, whether it’s a female roommate in this case, or maybe it’s a female coworker, sometimes women are going to be really into you, and other times they’re going to kind of be cold and distant. Sometimes they’re going to be coming on to you, and other times they’re going to be a little worried about what other people think. So it’s important to be indifferent and unbothered and to have other things going on, especially like this guy just seems as I read his email, it just seems like he’s hovering around this girl the whole time instead of going to class or going to the gym, or hanging out with friends, going and doing other things, talking to other girls. He’s kind of already starting to treat her like it’s his girlfriend. And meanwhile all they’ve done is kiss a few times. And so that’s a bad, bad way to go. Because, as Thích Nhất Hạnh used to say, “You must. You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And when you’re being a helicopter seducer, she’s not going to feel free. You’re going to kind of come off as needy, neurotic, overbearing, smothering, and she’s just going to move away from you. And when that happens, you shouldn’t get upset or butthurt, which this guy seems to do. He keeps like, there’s something he’s got to fix. You’re not going to logic and reason a woman into sleeping with you. You’re simply going to respond to how she’s showing up, her physical contact, her proximity and relation to you. And if it’s just the two of you at home and you’re watching TV together, she’ll come and sit next to you and bump into you. When she does it. And if she’s not feeling it, she’ll sit further away from you. So you don’t go to her. You let her come to you. Especially something like this, especially if it’s somebody that you’re working with. Because if it’s somebody you’re working with and you misinterpret their signals, and then you come on to her and you misinterpreted them, you could get me too’ed or have some other problems. So you got to be careful with it.

Viewer Email:

Hello Coach Corey,  

First, thank you for your transformative work. I’ve followed your advice religiously for two years—your book is practically memorized (20 reads and counting!)—and it’s helped me grow tremendously after my last relationship. Now, I’m in a uniquely delicate situation and would value your wisdom.  I’m 25, recently moved to a new country for studies, and live with two roommates (one male, one female). The female roommate (let’s call her Anna) and I had an instant connection. She’s the kind of woman who “knocks your socks off”.

So he’s probably having a hard time maintaining his composure because he really is into her. And more than likely, this is probably the first girl he’s ever really been around with, this close to. And in this case, he’s living with her. So he’s probably a little overeager. He probably lingers too long when he should excuse himself from this situation. He’s like, kind of hanging around like a groupie, almost.

She’s bright, magnetic, and we vibe effortlessly. Early signs of mutual attraction included she touches me a lot, inside jokes, and her openly laughing at even my corniest remarks. However, she’s fresh out of a relationship a few months ago and has expressed lingering emotional baggage. Anna’s Situation: She ended a relationship 5 months ago. While she hasn’t said she’s “not over her ex,” she’s admitted to feeling emotionally overwhelmed and “not ready to jump into anything.”  

Okay, if you’re living with your hot roommate and you’re trying to seduce her and you’re hanging out, I could tell that he’s had this discussion with her because he’s noticed she’s not super into it. So that tells me he’s trying to go faster than she’s ready for. And so when you do that with women, they don’t feel free to come and go. And that’s why she’s telling him she’s emotionally overwhelmed and not ready to jump into anything, because that tells me he’s coming on too strong. If he was doing things right with what’s in The Book. Remember this guy, he’s kind of dopey over it, because in his mind, this girl knocks his socks off. And that tells me he’s too focused on his interest in her and he’s ignoring her lower interest in him. And when you come on that strong, especially when you’re living in the same place as her, she feels like she’s being smothered and you’re moving too fast. She’s going to say she’s emotionally overwhelmed and not ready to jump into anything. That means you’re moving too fast. It means back to fuck up, go for a walk, go hang out with your friends. Go do something without her. Because you’re annoying her. You’re smothering her. Scarcity creates value. And it just seems like he’s just lingering around the apartment, waiting for her to come home from class, waiting to create interactions with her. And he’s probably not very mysterious because he probably is always there.

Key Moments. The Movie Night. I invited her to watch a film. We snuggled closely on the couch, thighs touching. I kissed her, but it felt a bit off, so I pulled back. 

So you’re going in for a kiss before she’s ready. Again, there’s a Kiss Test in The Book, so I know you read the book 20 times, but it doesn’t help if you read the book 20 times and wait till you meet a girl that knocks your socks off. Because if you do, you got no practice. Your game is not going to be smooth. You’re going to get overwhelmed by your emotions, and you’re going to do and say things that come off as smothering, probably a little controlling and she’s just not going to feel safe.

So if she comes over and snuggles and you go right away for the kiss, that tells me you misinterpreted her level of interest in that moment, but you did back off, which is the right thing. But, you know, if you’re somebody that’s read The Book 20 times, you should have practiced it a little bit more. But this is what happens when you focus on your high interest in her, and you don’t really pay attention to her lower interest and effort in you. The idea is you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is, and it’s clear you’re rushing things.

She then went into thinking and I asked her what’s up.

So he hasn’t had sex with this girl or nothing. Hey. What’s up? You seem kind of quiet. Well, she could tell you’re really into her. And you’re moving too fast. Faster than she’s ready for instead of being smooth and slow. Slow is smooth. Smooth is fast.

She said she’s thinking about us and she likes me a lot but she has a lot of things going on with her mentally.

Again, this tells me he’s having serious conversations with her about her feelings towards him because again, he’s only focused on his eye interest and her. He’s not so much focused on her low interest in him, and he’s thinking he’s going to talk her into liking him more. This is a bad way to go. This tells me you’re going way too fucking fast, dude. You need to slow the fuck down.

And also not over her ex (not directly, but I knew what she meant), and she doesn’t want to give me wrong hopes.

So if a girl is saying, “oh, I don’t want you to give the wrong impression.” In other words, “I don’t want you to think that I’m more into you than I actually am.” So she’s basically saying, “hey, I could tell you’re way more into me than I am into you. And I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. Because if you get your hopes up, like every other guy that’s behaved this way around me, you’re going to get your heart broken”, is what she’s basically telling this guy. Because that’s how much he’s smothering her. Again, all I have to do is look at what she’s doing and saying, and I can tell exactly what he’s doing right and wrong.

And he may think he’s an expert or, hey, I read The Book 20 times, but he does not sound like a guy that’s ever really practiced it. Or he hasn’t practiced it with somebody he really likes. And so this is what happens when you’re not prepared as Confucius said, “Success depends upon prior preparation. And without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.” That’s why he not only do you have to read The Book ten, 15, 20 times, you got to actually apply and practice it so it becomes unconscious competence. And the problem is it’s very clunky here.

He’s just basically a guy focused on, “Hey, when can I stick it in or when can I stick my dick in? Or Corey, when can I stick my dick in her? Hey, are you ready for some dick? Hey, let’s snuggle on the couch. Want some dick? Hey, let me open the door for you. Want some dick? Hey, let me make you a sandwich. Want some dick? Hey, would you like a drink? Want some dick?” That’s basically what it comes off. If you guys are familiar with the Chris Rock routine. But that’s the way he’s coming off because she’s like, uh, it’s too much. It’s too overwhelming. You’re moving too fast, dude. You’re acting like a horny virgin teenager trying to lose his virginity on spring break.

I told her that I would like to also take things slow.

Yeah, you say that, but the fact that you’re even having these conversations, these are not conversations you should be having. You should be going slower than she is. But since you’re so obsessed about her liking you and her acceptance and her validation, you can’t see the fact that you’re like, it’s like you’re making a mad dash to the finish line, trying to put a ring on her finger. And all she’s doing is just trying to get to know you. You’re going way faster than she is, dude.

I told her that I would like to also take things slow and see how it goes and it’s the same for me. She then settles down and comes close to me and cuddles with me while she talks about her problems (work, etc.). Later, after brushing her teeth, she initiated intense kissing (tongue sucking, really passionate).

See what happens. You backed off and you’re like, hey, I’m cool, no big deal. But again, it shouldn’t be happening.

Things escalated—I caressed her tits and thighs, but when I tried to remove her underwear, she firmly said no. I stopped, and we resumed kissing/cuddling.  

Okay, the underwear should be the last thing, dude. You gently caress her tits. Is her shirt on still? And then you’re trying to take her panties off? Don’t do that. There’s a process. Each time you go a little further. And if you get a little resistance, you stop, you slow down. The delay is not a denial. It just means you’re going too fast.

I stopped, and we resumed kissing/cuddling. Her Bedroom. We went to her room later, where we kissed 50+ times (her words: “I’ve had two dreams about being close to you”). Again, when I tried to advance by getting my hands under her panties.

Again. The panties should be the last thing.

She said no, even though her pussy was dripping wet.

You’re doing things out of sequence, dude.

She stroked my cock while we were both clothed. I respected it, and we cuddled very affectionately all night long. 

So the idea is you’re trying to slowly wind her up. If your hand’s going under her shirt, you’re going to slowly undo her bra. But maybe she didn’t have a bra, and maybe she just had a t-shirt on. And so if you’re caressing her boobs and her nipples and you’re being very gentle and slow about it and she doesn’t stop you, well, then maybe take the shirt off and you suck on them a little bit. Or maybe you pull the shirt up and then you suck on them a little bit.

And then once you notice that the shirt’s getting away a few minutes later, then you take the shirt off and then you continue suckling. Then if you’re going to grab a pussy. Rub her pussy and her clit through her underwear, be slow. Don’t just go right for the box. Going right for the box like that is what an amateur who’s inexperienced would do. Or again, the kid who’s trying to lose his virginity on spring break.

Mixed Signals. The next day, she was super affectionate—sitting on my lap, kissing me openly, and inviting me to cuddle again that evening, saying “you can knock on my door”.

But even if she says that I wouldn’t go knock on her door, let her come knock on yours. It’s better if women think that they like you more than you like them.

I told her she can also do the same. Yet, after I visited her room she was half-asleep.

So it’s a trap. I wouldn’t have done it.

We cuddled a bit (not kissing as she was quite asleep).

Yeah, you if you notice she’s snoring then you’re going in there trying to wake her up. It’s like come on dude. Again that’s you’re focused on what you want and you’re ignoring the fact that dude, she’s like half asleep. What are you thinking now? Be different. If that’s your girlfriend and you’ve been living together for a while and you want a little freaky time, but when you haven’t laid the pipe yet and you’re just kind of living in the same place, you just met, you’ve got to be a lot smoother.

I woke up after a few hours and went back to my room later that night. However, she grew distant the following day, I asked her, “you seem a bit off, what’s up?”

Again, women are like cats, dude. Some days she’s on it, some days she’s not.

She said that she’s planning stuff for her work tomorrow and is not very excited about it etc. She didn’t ask why I left her room that night, which felt odd given our prior closeness, but I didn’t bring it up. 

Women are like cats, dude. It’s right in The Book. You read The Book 20 times, but since you’re it sure looks like your practice was minimal, you don’t really understand what that means and what that looks like, and that’s normal. You get up the next day. She’s kind of cold. It’s almost like it never happened. If you’re indifferent to it and you’re unattached, it’s like it never happened. If she noticed that you got up and you left in the middle of the night and she says, hey, I thought we went to bed snuggling, where’d you go? I was like, yeah, you were snoring really loud, you know, the pictures were shaking on the wall. The glass was vibrating in the windows. Really? I was like, no, I’m just kidding. I just went back to my room to give you some privacy. Did you miss me? Well, you can always come and cuddle with me if you’re a little lonely.

My Dilemma. Proximity vs. Space. Living together makes “absence” impossible.

It only makes it impossible when you don’t have a fucking life and you’re just hovering around your apartment like a helicopter seducer. It’s a bad way to go.

How do I avoid over-pursuing while still showing interest?

Well, you’re going way faster than she is, and it sounds like you’re going right for the box instead of getting to there as the last part you touch. And then just by gently caressing or bumping, or maybe using your little finger to scratch your clit through her underwear just to see how she reacts, just slowly, as you’re kind of watching, if she’s like, what are you doing? It’s like, I’m not doing anything. I’m just sitting here watching this movie and cuddling with this cute girl. She’s like, why are you rubbing my clit? It’s like, ah, my finger’s got a muscle spasm. That’s, you know, that was playful and fun. It’s like, yeah. Does it feel good? Do you want me to go faster? Do you want me to go a little slower? Press a little harder, a little softer. What do you like? And she says, well, I want you to stop. I was like, are you sure? Yes. Okay. Are you sure?

She initiates most hangouts (e.g., asking me “Do you want to  watch something?”), but I worry constant contact is stifling.  

You’re just going way faster. And again, you look like you’re kind of inexperienced. And especially when you’re with a girl, it knocks your socks off. It seems like this is the first time it’s ever happened to you, so she’s kind of like your Kryptonite.

Understanding Mixed Signals. She was extremely close and lovely to me one day, and then doesn’t even want to be physically close to me the next.

Congratulations. That’s what women are like. Cats means that’s just the way they are. You’re taking it personally. Oh, she doesn’t like me today. I’m a loser. It’s over. Uh, it’s the end of the world. That’s just the way they are, bro. They change like the weather. Because what if the next day your other roommates around there. And he doesn’t know that you guys are fooling around, and she doesn’t want him to know? It’s like it never happened. And you should only bring it up if she brings it up.

I understand that women are like cats and I should let her come to me at her own pace, but I fear if I will be too cold to her in this initial phase. 

Bro, you’re not too cold to her. Okay. Hello?

While I don’t have any other girl in the picture yet (new country, different language — I know, excuses) I should probably do that for a more abundant mindset and not fixating on her. 

Yeah, you got to get out and go do other things because you want her to be like, hey, when are you coming home? Where are you? Let’s watch a movie tonight. But that’s not happening because you’re always fucking lingering around the apartment.

Your guidance on navigating this would be invaluable. 

Thank you, Coach.

Your work has rewired how I approach relationships, and I’m grateful for your clarity in messy moments like these.  

Regards,

Bob

Well, again, what’s so hard about this is because you really like this girl. And so even though you may read The Book 20 times the way when I look at this, you look like an amateur. I’m sorry. That’s just what it looks like. It looks like a guy that doesn’t know what he’s doing. And then you’re getting butthurt about her acting like a cat. It’s like, hey, man, that’s par for the course. That’s the way they are. It has nothing to do with you. She may be on her period or about to have her period. It’s like they changed like that. Don’t take it personally. Don’t get diminished by that.

When you see her in the apartment. Hey. What’s up? Good morning. Just be like normal. Almost as if the previous night didn’t happen. But if she comes over and starts bumping into you and touching you, then you can pull her in and kiss her and say, wow, your lips taste pretty good this morning. They tasted pretty good last night, but I’m like, I like to be reminded of how good they taste. And then you can slowly start advancing things. Maybe you start fooling around, maybe the other roommates at class. Maybe you end up fucking right in the kitchen.

Then you got really far the night before, but you just let it go. And then the next day she comes over and starts touching you like that. You reciprocate. If she’s cold and distant, then ignore her back. It doesn’t mean be cold and distant to her, it just means be indifferent to it. Be okay either way. Remember you must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. I would just let this girl come to you. And when she touches you and gets in physical proximity to you, to where she’s bumping into you, then you can pull her in and kiss her and caress her and slowly seduce her. But there is a process. The box comes last.

The panties are usually the last thing you take off. If she’s still got her shirt and other clothes on, and then you’re trying to take the panties off. It’s a bad way to go. You’re putting the cart before the horse. A seducer who’s going to take his time knows that the dessert comes last. Especially that when you guys haven’t hooked up yet. So you just got to slow down. Don’t get butt hurt. This is normal for her to be all over you one night, and the next day, she’s kind of distant again. Maybe she woke up and she’s starting to get her period, and that’s normal. Maybe she doesn’t feel very sexy or very clean or very affectionate.

Maybe she was ovulating the night before, and now she’s not. That’s the way it is, dude. That’s the way they are. Don’t get butthurt. Don’t get upset. Don’t go. Oh, my God, it’s the end of the world, Coach. Oh, no. I gotta have this one. Go for a walk. Go do something. Go hang out with some friends. Go to the gym, go for a walk around campus. Go find something fun to do where there’s other cute girls. Come home late. Change up your schedule a little bit. Be mysterious. Don’t be just lingering around the apartment all day. You gotta let him come to you at their pace. And when they do, you reciprocate affection and you escalate from there. It’s pretty simple.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.