How To Prevent Texting & Talking Her Out Of Liking You

How to avoid the most common mistakes guys make talking and texting women out of liking them.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who talked and texted a woman out of liking him. He also had the additional challenge of a “friend” who also liked the same girl make up lies about him to sandbag his chances with her. After no contact she came back, but he made a series of preventable dating blunders that completely turned her off. She canceled dates and started jerking him around after she lost all respect for him. He asks my opinion on whether or not she will come back. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, How To Prevent Texting & Talking Her Out Of Liking You.

Well, this particular emails from a guy who looks like he’s fairly new to my work. And a few months ago he met a girl he really liked who he was introduced to through a “friend” of his. And so, he’s got an additional wrinkle that apparently the “friend” also liked this girl, but it was clear that the girl actually liked the person who sent the email in. And so, they made a date. And then the “friend” found out about it, and then went out of his way to sandbag his friend and say all kinds of things, make up lies, and basically prevent him from dating her because he was so mad and pissed off.

And so, I read this, and this kind of reminds me, these are the kinds of things that happen when you’re in your late teenage years, 18, 19, 20, early 20’s, that type of thing. Especially if you’re in a scarcity type of mindset. And so, these things can happen. And what’s interesting is when they do happen, you realize who’s really your “friend” and who is more so an acquaintance.

And that was the thing that was kind of shocking to me, especially as I got older in my late 20’s, there was a lot of people I went to high school with, and I grew up with that. I thought because we’d known each other for so long that we were “friends.” And then things like this would tend to happen. Or you would hear your “friend” that you’ve known since third grade is talking shit about you.

When you’re early 20’s, you’re thinking, “Man, we’ve known each other since we were little kids. I thought you were my friend.” And come reality. It’s like, “You didn’t give a damn.” And so, the older you get, the more you start to recognize it. Most of the people that you meet and that you think are friends are really just kind of acquaintances. And very, very few people are really, truly your friend.

Because if his “friend” was actually a friend, and because I had this happen many times in my 20’s where both of us, me and another friend of mine liked the same girl. And depending on who the girl liked is, hey, if she liked my buddy more, I was like, hey, you back off, there’s another bus every 15 minutes, and vice versa. I remember one time a buddy of mine who was really good with the ladies. He was handsome.

He was a male model, 6’5, deep voice, the whole nine yards, six pack, girls loved him. And so, we were hanging out, and we were at Hooters of all places, and we were chatting. And this was before I was still in my 20’s then and early 20’s, and I didn’t really get it. And we were talking, and he was hitting on this waitress, and he wasn’t making much progress. And then he was like, dude, she actually likes you.

And he backed off and stopped hitting on her and pursuing her. And obviously that’s what a good friend should do is something like that. Say, hey, recognize that the girl is more into you than she is in him and just back off. But in this case, the guy’s young, he’s a mature. Probably both these guys are to a degree. So what happened was after his “friend” sandbags him, the girl cancels the date, he says he goes no contact and a few weeks later, she reaches out.

And so, he admits that he starts talking and texting her out of liking him. He sets up a date finally, and then, he decides to be her butler & Mr. Nice Guy, and go over and unclog her sink. And then two days later, the morning of the date she cancels at the last minute. So he’s been kind of playing phone tag, and he recognizes that he’s talked and texted her out of liking him.

And so, the email brings up really good points, things that are kind of core principles from 3% Man, your job and the courtship is to create an opportunity for sex to happen. To hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and to hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be kissed, ready to be seduced. Attraction is not a choice. Mother nature has already taken care of that.

Women know within 2 or 3 seconds if they’ll date and sleep with you. And so, in this case, she liked this guy over his “friend.” Chose him and all he had to do was make a date. But then he’s got his so-called friend trying to sandbag his success and making up lies, trying to ruin his chances with her, which seemed to work at first.

Then she later reached out and instead of just getting off (the phone,) because the phone is for setting dates, especially in the beginning, because in the beginning you’re new. She doesn’t know you. You’re kind of mysterious. All she knows is that she’s attracted to you. She thinks you’re kind of cute and you’re charming. You had a good conversation.

And so, when you’re away from her and you’ve made the date, you want to give her the time, the space away from you to wonder about you, to think about you, to miss you, to wonder what’s going on with you. And then when you actually show up for your date, she’s even more into you than when you set the date.

But if you’re talking and you’re texting constantly throughout the day, what often happens, especially guys start trying to crack jokes through text or WhatsApp or Snapchat or whatever. And it doesn’t go over very well because the girl doesn’t know them. She doesn’t know their sense of humor. It goes over like a lead balloon. The next thing you know, the girl’s canceling dates.

And so, the idea is less really is more, especially in the beginning. If you’ve got a date, that means you have a definite day, definite time, definite place to get together. There’s no reason to talk or to text. And especially if you’re trying to crack jokes and be funny and flirty, which is what this guy started doing, and obviously put his foot in his mouth, said some things that were less than attractive.

So when it came to the day of the date, instead of her interest being much higher than it was when they met, it was so low to the point where she didn’t even want to go out with him and canceled at the last minute. And so, now he’s in no contact again because she got sick. She canceled a date. He’s like, “Is there a chance that she’ll come back, or have I totally blown it?”

And so, the goal of me going through this email is to prevent guys from doing stupid things. Because again, once the date is set, if you’re going to meet in a couple of days, there’s no reason to talk or to text. Now, she may reach out or send you a meme or something like that, or say, “Hey, how are you?” And you can send a few texts back and forth and say, “Hey, I got to run. I’m stepping into a meeting, but looking forward to seeing you tomorrow night” or Friday night, whatever happens to be.

And then you get off the phone and that helps you remain mysterious, because then when she’s not talking to you, she’s thinking about you. She’s telling her girlfriends about the date she’s got with this new, exciting guy. There’s just something about him. She doesn’t know what it is, and she can’t wait to see him to figure out what it is. Why is this guy so different?

Why does this guy stimulate her emotions more to everybody else? But if you’re talking and texting constantly and sending memes and stuff back and forth and then telling her your whole life story, oftentimes you’re going to have happen what happened to this poor guy. Which is the date gets cancelled. Granted, he’s got an additional wrinkle of a “friend” trying to sandbag him.

But just most of what this guy did is totally unnecessary, totally counterproductive. He totally shot himself in the foot and basically talked her out of liking him. But I can feel for this guy, because when I was a teenager, late teenagers, early 20’s, I did this shit constantly, and I didn’t realize how bad it was. I’d have a date set a week, week and a half in advance, and we’d be talking every day for an hour, an hour and a half on the phone or whatever, and then the day of the date something would come up and then we would never go out.

I was like, “Ugh.” And I never understood what was going on, or what I was doing. I was literally talking the girl out of liking me. She already was predisposed to like him, just like in this case. But the more he talks, the more he texts, the more he tries to crack jokes over text when she doesn’t know him, doesn’t know her sense of humor. Nine times out of ten, the stuff is not going to land well.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Corey,

I think I messed up the attraction for a woman I really like, and I was wondering if it is recoverable. I met her through a male friend of mine. He liked her but she ended up liking me. She made it easy, and we set up a date. My friend found out and lost it.

I would say this guy is really an acquaintance. He no friend. If he was a true friend, he’d be like, “Hey, the girl likes you, man. Good on you, man. I’m rooting for you.” That’s what a good friend would do. A guy that’s an acquaintance and doesn’t give a shit about you is going to do exactly what this dude does. And so, you should definitely reexamine your reasoning for calling him or claiming he’s a friend. Because the guy that does what this dude does, is not a true friend.

He told her that I was a bad guy.

Remember, this is a friend. This is how you talk about your friend? “Oh, he’s a bad guy.”

And that I had said bad things about her.

Totally makes up a bunch of bullshit. What does that tell you about his character level? It’s in the toilet. He’s pond scum. This is a person you delete from your life and you manage the distance. You keep them away from you.

She cancelled the date, and I went no contact. She reached out a couple months later. I explained things to her and that my friend was just jealous and had made up lies.

Again, he’s referring to him as your friend. It’s like he’s not your friend, dude. He’s an acquaintance and not a good one. He’s a dickhead. He’s one of those guys that, you know, sounds like one of those dudes that runs for like, treasurer, or class president or whatever, smiles to your face. And you grew up with them and you think he’s your buddy and he’s on your side.

And then next thing you know, somebody who actually is a friend says, “Hey, he was talking all kinds of shit about you as soon as you walked away.” I was like, “Really?” I was like, “We’ve known each other since elementary school. Why would he say shit like that?” And it’s just character. Character is destiny. You realize who’s on your team and who’s not. I had a guy that was like this. I thought he was my friend.

But when I would walk away, he would talk shit about me. And this particular guy just shows what poor character he was. I remember during our ten year reunion, he ends up cheating on his wife, (who also was in our class,) with another girl in my class, and his wife forgave him and he stayed with her. But the other girl that he cheated with when her husband found out, he divorced her ass. It’s just, you know, that just shows character. Character is destiny.

The guy was like a dickhead, a backstabbing slimeball in high school. Phony, fake as hell, and look what happens. Cheating on his wife at the ten year reunion. It’s like, what a douche. He never came back to any subsequent reunions. He was too embarrassed. And obviously I don’t think his wife wanted him going back because she didn’t want that to happen again. And the other girl, the one that was cheating, she hadn’t been back either.

She believed me and told me that she was attracted to me and that I made her feel safe. She actually asked me out on a date to see a sunset together. Like an idiot I over texted her.

So if you have a date to watch the sunset, it should be like a picnic type of thing. And if you ever saw the Yogi Yogi Bear cartoon from, that was in the 50’s, 60’s. “Hey, boo boo, let’s get some Bud Lights and a picnic basket.” So you should have some refreshments, some food, some cheese. Okay if you’re not a drinker, maybe you have some tea that you can bring. Something like that.

Maybe some hot tea. That’s in a nice thermos. Like, “Oh, I got some chamomile. Or I got some nice jasmine tea here.” Or you can have some kind of punch and spike it with some vodka or Jack Daniels, if you guys are drinkers. Or some Bud Lights in a picnic basket, whatever floats your boat. Maybe some sandwiches. Sandwiches! Make some sandwiches!

So that’s a nice romantic thing. And then the sun goes down. You get a nice towel. Hopefully it’s a safe beach. You never know, “Bam Chicka Wa Wa.” You’re on the beach, it can happen. It’s totally possible. But after the sun goes down and you have a few refreshments, then you can move it to another venue close by. Maybe have some vittles, some dinner.

Remember, you want to go on like 2 or 3 different places, because each time you go to a different place during a date, because most guys pick a girl up, take her to dinner, and then they take her home. Here you go to 2 to 3 different places, and each time you get in and out of a car or in or out of a Uber, Uber, Uber, Lyft, whatever, taking a bus, taking a train, depending on where, where you live, it’s like going on a new date. It’s a new experience and it makes her feel safe.

It makes her feel comfortable. And she already is predisposed to like you, by the time you end up at the third venue and you’re all over each other, it feels like that’s your third date, and most women feel are going to sleep with a guy by a second or third date anyway, so it facilitates the seduction. It makes it easy. So, this guy over text her he’s already got the date set, but yet he keeps having verbal diarrhea over text.

It was really flirty and good at first.

Again, the phone is for setting dates. This is why you don’t do it. This is why you don’t make the date and get off the phone. Let her wonder about you. Because most guys that don’t know any better do exactly what this guy did.

Then I made another mistake.

This is classic. Because you guys, you know, hear me making jokes about Chad Thunder Cock, and the nice guy beta male coming over to unclog the toilet after Chad Thunder Cock blew it up the night before, with the beer, and the wings that he clogged it up with. But in this case.

Then I made another mistake and offered to help her unclog her sink two days before the date. I went over and helped and things seemed fine.

Well, I wouldn’t have gone over just unclog the sink. If you’re going to do that. I mean, if she’s inviting you over, then that can be the first date. You got to think on the fly. So he goes over on clogs saying like, “Okay, Your Highness, glad I could help you out.” And then he leaves and he’s thinking, what a nice boy. And she’s thinking, man, he’s really soft, kind of weak. Don’t really need another butler.

I already got 3 or 4 of those guys. And then after you leave, Chad Thunder Cock comes over, rearranges her insides. So she cancels the date on the morning it was supposed to take place. So talking and texting her out of liking you and then going over to be Mr. Nice Guy. “Hey, let me, uh, let me check the air in your tires.

You know, let me, let me look and make sure you got plenty of oil in there and, uh, plenty of, uh, brake fluid and, uh, power steering fluid and, uh, transmission fluid and, uh, yeah, I’ll, I’ll look at your air filter and make sure it’s good. Yeah.” Guys do this because especially guys that have been more raised by their mothers, it’s like, they “Uh, I’ve got to do things for her. She’ll like me if I do things for her,” just like he used to do for mommy.

That’s fine when you’re in a relationship, but not like you haven’t even had your first date yet and you’re already going over there doing favors for her. That’s Mr. Nice guy, Mr. White Knight. Women lose respect for you, and you do this.

She cancelled the date on the morning it was supposed to take place.

I responded that I understood, and we would reschedule later. I texted once a few days later and she was receptive.

Well, the whole purpose of texting, using the phone, calling, FaceTime, whatever, is to set a date.

I realized that I had messed up read your book twice and watched your videos.

So I went no contact for 2 weeks then texted her to set up a date. She answered me right away and said she had been really sick. I said we should hang out when she felt better and she hasn’t answered. It’s been a week since that and I was wondering if there is a chance she will come back and if I should remain no contact until she reaches out?

Well, I assume you told her, “Hey. Well, when you feel better, let me know. We’ll reschedule our date.” So, you got to be congruent with that. Just let it be. And if you don’t hear from her, then put a fork in it. It’s done. Going over there and unclogging her sink, and texting her too much. I mean, the late, great Doc Love would have said, “You get each woman gets one chance per lifetime.”

So, if you make a date and she cancels the day of, despite the fact you went over there like a dumbass and unclogged her sink, and we’re doing favors for her, and probably did and said a lot of things that were really unattractive. When a woman cancels the date, it’s like, “That’s it, he’s out.” She’s disrespected you. She’s disrespected your time. Don’t give her a second chance to do that. That’s pretty harsh. But you know, and probably most cases I found that that’s a pretty accurate thing.

But how often does a girl come along like this that you like? And so, it sure be a lot nicer to be able to walk away from this in the future, having rearranged her insides. But if you told her to reach out to you when she feels better, then you got to be congruent with that. And if she doesn’t reach out to you, remember a couple of months went by and she reached out. But you didn’t. You didn’t follow what’s in The Book. You talked, talked and texted her out of liking you.

In the meantime I have been out meeting other prospects but I really like this girl. I read your book again and will continue to do so.

Bob

Well, the lesson here class, is the phone is for setting dates. Don’t be volunteering to go over there and check the oil pressure, or the oil in her car and the pressure and her tires, or unclog her sink or her toilet after Chad Thunder Cock blows it up with his beer and his wing explosion in the morning after he leaves. After beating up your potential girlfriend’s pelvis the night before, unlike you.

But like I said, if you told her to get in touch, she’s already shown that, you know, even a couple months later, she’ll get in touch. So, you got to give women the space and time to follow through on their commitments to you, or to flake out and disappear from your life forever. So, in this case, because you’ve told her to reach out when she feels better, you’ve got to be congruent with that.

If you reach out, you’re communicating that you’re needy, that you’re insecure and you’re impatient, and masculinity is calm. And if you’re a guy who’s used to getting what you want with women, instead of talking women out of liking you, then when a woman tells you she’s going to get in touch when she feels better, well, of course she’s going to. Why wouldn’t she?

But if you don’t think you’re worthy, then yeah, you’ll keep calling and you’ll keep texting, because you’re desperate. And that’s unattractive. It’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. And this is why you don’t talk and text constantly. And I’m sure it’ll be, you know, some young dunces in the comments going, oh, Coach, you don’t understand girls my age. I was like, bro, I’m still dating women that age.

It’s like, don’t fucking lecture me, please. Don’t talk and text a girl out of liking you. The phone is for setting dates. Doesn’t mean be a cold fish and ignore her, because a lot of women will send you memes and texts or things, but keep the conversations short. Don’t be trying to crack jokes through text, especially when you don’t know the girl, because nine times out of ten, you guys in your what you think is your sense of humor is not very funny at all.

And what oftentimes happens is the girl’s like, “What? What a fucking douche.” When you text something to her when you think it’s funny, but it goes over like a lead balloon, just don’t do it. Arrange a definite day, definite time, definite place. If she reaches out in the future, and then make a date and then stay the fuck off the phone, dude. Follow what The Book teaches because when you don’t, you end up like this guy with blue balls and getting the pleasure of unclogging her sink for her for nothing.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.