How to quickly turn around a failing relationship and recover your love and passion for each other.
In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who found my work only 5 days ago. He’s already read 3% Man, 3 times so far and has seen a dramatic turn around in just a few days. He admits he lost his center and started acting like an insecure little boy. He stopped dating and courting his girlfriend and making her feel heard and understood. He’s excited about the quick turnaround in her attraction so far, but he has a hard time dealing with her changing emotions and is worried about their future together. He asks my opinion on fine tuning his approach. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be How To Turn Around A Failing Relationship.
Well, I got an email. This is from a guy that’s brand new to my work. He’s only been following me for about five days, but he’s already been through 3% Man, three times already. So I’m assuming maybe, probably what he’s done is he’s listened to the audio book on two speed while he’s following along in a digital and physical copy.
So guys, it this is probably like 80 – 85% of the dudes that come to me are in this kind of a situation where their relationship is going sideways or they’re something’s going sideways with a girl that they were dating or trying to date and they’re trying to turn it around. So what the book teaches them to do is what is attractive behavior and what’s unattractive behavior and what he needs to focus on to, in this case, recreate the conditions where she was as and becomes as attracted to him as she was in the beginning.
Because what’s going on now is he’s displaying a lot of unattractive behavior. And I’ve gone through his email already, and it’s pretty much just like most every guy that has problems in long term relationships, he stopped dating and courting his girl properly. He didn’t make her feel heard and understood. And on top of that, as he said, he started acting like a little bitch.
So, she lost respect for him and attraction. And the reality is, if a woman doesn’t respect you, she cannot love you. So what I like about this email is because he’s brand new and he’s really taking control of his destiny. I mean, to read the book three times and five days, that’s pretty impressive because a lot of the guys that I talk to, you know, they might have been following me for 3 or 4 years and they barely read the book twice.
And so here, this guy, and then they wonder why they’re still struggling, whereas this guy is like three times in five days. So that’s good. But the quicker you get through the 10 to 15, which would get you to the point where you know the information backwards and forwards. And then after that, most successful students will go through the book once or twice a year.
I found your work five days ago, so I’m really new. I’ve read the book three times so far (lots of work still to do there but not bad for five days.)
Yeah, that’s impressive, dude. So that’s a good start. So we want to build on that.
And I’ve read many of your articles and watched many of your videos.
The reason I found your work and am writing now is because my long-term relationship is on the rocks. It’s been that way off and on for a little over a year.
So, what that tells me is her attraction is going like this. It’s up and down, up and down. And most guys don’t understand what’s going on. They just know it’s a pretty bumpy ride and they don’t like it. So, let’s see what we can do to work the kinks. Out of your bumpy ride in a fun way.
The short backstory is that we met at work (we both work in sales), and when we first met, I was winding down an incredibly toxic 9 year relationship. About 6 months later, I had fully ended that relationship and moved into my own place. The girl I work with was 23 at the time, and I was 33. She’s gorgeous, ambitious, caring, and super loyal, so of course I was really into her. We had tons of amazing sex that she was going on and on about. Within 6 months we moved in together. We probably moved in together too fast (it was her idea though), and I definitely wasn’t ready to be in another serious relationship so soon.
Yeah, I mean, it’s nine years. He was single for about six months and then he started dating her. So, within a year of the end of his nine month relationship, now he’s living with a new woman. So, you got to take time to heal and get back to a happy place.
And what happens a lot of times is people get into a relationship really quickly after and they never take time to heal. And they often just replace one form of intimacy with another. But at the end of the day, they never got to a place where they were happy themselves first. Because the best thing to do is get to a happy place yourself, and then you can find somebody or attract somebody who’s also happy.
And then you can share your happiness and your completeness together instead of, I’ll be happy once I meet the right person. Because then what happens is eventually 6 to 12 months later, after the infatuation has worn off, and the honeymoon period has worn off, you’re faced with the fact that you’re still unhappy and then you sabotage the relationship because you realize it’s not making you happy anyways. So you stop dating and courting her properly and then it just spirals out of control.
I’ve never been with someone who’s this into me though, and she said the same about me. She’s incredibly communicative, caring and loyal also which is awesome. About a year or so ago I started being a little bitch.
So, he stopped being the leader and the relationship started being a follower. He probably started communicating that he was way more into her than she was into him. She probably backed off at times.
He chased, he acted weak, he got upset, lost his center, became perturbed at her actions. And so, her just being a woman was upsetting him all the time, which is incredibly unattractive. Because the idea is 95% of the time you want to be a charming James Bond and or 90% of the time charming James Bond and maybe 10% of the time, kind of a naughty, bad boy.
I had put her on a pedestal, and was complaining about the sex getting less frequent.
Yeah, If you’re complaining about getting not enough sex, then what that tells me is as a coach is you don’t understand how attraction works. And you’re trying to have sex and seduce a woman when she’s not open to it. When a woman feels heard and understood, the legs open and when she doesn’t, the legs close.
She would try and help me, and tell me she needs to hang out more, talk more, and have more fun together to get in the mood.
And she’s basically saying, “Hey, babe, hang out and have fun and hook up with me”, which is right out of the book. So she sounds like a good woman because she’s actually communicating it in a pretty good way of what she needs. I’m going to read that again.
She would try and help me, and tell me she needs to hang out more, talk more, and have more fun together to get in the mood.
Because you have fun and then you get in the mood. Remember, the hookup comes at the end.
And I would let it go in one ear and out the other, or improve and then get complacent again.
So, remember, he said it had been kind of up and down or the off and on type thing, but they weren’t off and on. But it was like up and down. So in other words, he would improve. He would start displaying attractive behavior, start being a leader again, start hanging out, having fun and then hooking up. So things got better. He would do it for a few weeks and then he would go back to being lazy and complacent again. She would lose attraction back away, and then the cycle would start all over again.
Things would improve and then we’d be right back there again eventually. Then I had some setbacks at work, got depressed and started being insecure and getting jealous. Little bitch. Then I found your book. I had stopped courting her and opening her up.
It’s just like the video newsletter from yesterday, which is interesting because that guy had been five years ago. He read my book 15 times, practiced it, got really good. Met his girlfriend a year after he read my book 15 times. And for the last four years he hasn’t touched it. And he completely got away from the principles and the fundamentals and the book. And so she lost attraction. He’s in the same boat as this guy.
I had stopped courting her and opening her up, and I had been letting her unbalance me. I was being a total little bitch. We still had great sex at least once a week even when I’m sure I had turned her off in all the ways.
Well, it sounds like she’s pretty easy going. Easy to get along with because the woman is a little more cranky, is just going to be shooting you down. So, she’s definitely trying to make it work, even though internally she’s not feeling it. And good women will do that. And same thing if you’re a guy and you don’t really feel like having sex, but you haven’t given your girl a happy finish in a few days. It’s a few orgasms can go a long way to making things better in your relationship.
The only thing I can think of for why she still tries to help me, and hasn’t dumped my ass yet is because she still loves me.
Well, she sounds loyal. That’s good. That’s very rare. Character is destiny.
I’m working the process now, and I see results already, but I know it will take months of consistency to make a real difference. I’m focused on my personal goals, and just giving her time to miss me. Letting her come to me. She still says she loves me first, and the vibe has improved in just five days.
Yeah. What’s improved is you’re starting to display your most attractive side, which you’ve done in the past. But what’s caused the problems is you’ve been displaying a lot of unattractive behavior, especially when, as you say, you act like a bitch because you’re supposed to be more masculine than she is.
And when you act like a bitch or you act like a girl or a feminist and she’s a feminine woman, she’s going to have feelings of you like platonic friendship. Instead of sex and romance and wanting to tear your clothes off. And so, that’s why when you act masculine, she feels safe to be feminine and let you take the lead. But if you try to make her the leader in the relationship, she’s going to resent the hell out of it because you’re basically causing her to act like a man.
The hardest thing is not letting her get to me when she’s a 7 or 8 one day and a 5 the next. But I’m committed to doing better.
Yeah, the idea is that you’re noticing our attraction, and it fluctuates. Women are like cats. You can’t take it personally sometimes, especially when it’s that time of the month. It’s she loves you to death. And then, you know, she might tell you the first couple of days are a period that she hates your guts when you do something.
It doesn’t mean she really hates your guts, but she’s just feeling that in that moment. And so, you can’t take it personally no matter what she does or what she gets upset about. Or like one of the things that women tend to do is they tend to use hyperbole. “It’s like you always do X, you always do this.” I was talking with a close friend of mine this week and we were hanging out and he did something, and his wife was like, “You always do this.”
He’s like, “I’ve never once done; this is like the only time in the all the decades that we’ve been together.” And he was telling me how he was laughing at her and ripping on her. And it was because he, you know, he was hanging out and having a good time with his friends, obviously, his daughter. And she was back home working and being a mom to their other kid. And so really, she was just jealous that he’s having a good time without her.
Instead of him getting butthurt or mad or being on the phone trying to justify anything, he laughs at her. He’s like, “This has never happened. He’s like, You’re being ridiculous. You’re just jealous that I’m dying or having a good time and you’re back home with the kids being a mom,” which is understandable.
But he had the right attitude about it. It’s like he doesn’t take it personally. He just like, Oh, she’s having a bad day. She’s pissed off that me and my daughter are down here having a having a good time and she’s having to work and be the mom. So, it’s important to understand that. And when you’re centered as a man and your masculinity,
it’s like you don’t let that shit bother you. Instead of being upset, you get amused and you use humor. And eventually what happens is, is like my friend’s case, is that she eventually starts laughing along with him at the ridiculousness of it. Or later on she’ll apologize like, I’m sorry for being a bitch. And that’s what’s cool.
But it’s important to act like a man consistently, because you’re allowing her to show up and be a bitch at times, which is women are going to be that way at times. And you don’t get perturbed or upset either way. You make fun of her. But if she’s really nasty and abusive, you just go and do something fun without her. And because the fun bus goes on with or without her, you either want to have a good time or not.
Because I’ve personally decided ahead of time that I’m going to have fun. That’s the best way to be. So like, in this case, like there’s a chapter in the book says women are like cats, men are like dogs.
And so, they’re just like that one day they’re, Cats are fickle. Sometimes they’re really happy to sit in your lap and purr and other times they’re like, Get the fuck away, pal. Don’t look at me. I don’t want anything to do with you. Just don’t take it personally. Focus on making yourself happy and smiling. Your mission, your purpose. Hang out with people that love and care about you.
Don’t let your other relationships and hobbies and interests go by the wayside. Take care of yourself. Make sure you go to the gym, be fit, be healthy. You don’t have to be Mr. Olympia. But I mean, 74% of all Americans are either obese or they’re overweight. And just being watching what you put in your mouth and doing some cardio and some basic weight training exercises, you look fit and good, especially as you get older.
And that pays dividends, especially if you’ve liked dating younger women. Younger women appreciate older men that are fit and in shape and take care of themselves. Because quite frankly, most people treat their bodies like a garbage dump. So, you got to control the controllables, which are the things that you have control over.
But I’m committed to doing better.
And so, this guy’s got he’s off to a great start. He’s read the book three times in five days. He’s already noticed her attitude has changed. And it’s a big part of that is because now he’s displaying his most attractive side of his personality because, again, he went through the book three times in five days. So, all those light bulbs go off in his head and he realizes all the things that he’s done that have been turning her off.
Like in this case, he was not dating and courting her anymore, and he stopped making her feel heard and understood. And even despite the fact that he wasn’t making her feel heard and understood, she was still having sex and he could tell having sex at times when she wasn’t that into it. But she was doing it because she loves him. And so that’s sweet. That’s a good woman will do that.
Even though maybe you’ve been an ass. Good women know that making sure your balls are drained dry will go a long way to getting what they want or need from you. A lot of women make the mistake of being a bitch and cutting the guy off from sex. And then what’s his motivation?
If she’s being a bitch all the time and she doesn’t want to have sex with him or she’s being super difficult about it, and most guys don’t know these things. It’s, you know, they’re causing problems. And as much as this guy’s brand new to my work, you know what I like about the things he’s mentioned about his girlfriend is women help you when they like you.
And she put up with a lot. She stuck around because she’s loyal, because women that aren’t loyal; if he was dating a woman with low character, and I’ve done plenty of emails over the years. Where you have that kind of a situation what those women do is they go and they start hanging out with the guys from work or the single guys from work that like them, or the guy who’s just a friend and lining up a replacement so they can monkey branch.
And so, this girl, even though things are not ideal in their relationship, she’s doing everything she can to try to help him do what he should be doing or suggesting what he should be doing to give her what she needs, to help her needs be met. And like I said, that’s a you know, I like this girl from what I’ve read it’s like, she seems like a good woman. So, good on you for making a good choice because character is destiny.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.
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