How To Re-Attract Her

Apr 24, 2012 by Coach Corey Wayne

Here’s how to re-attract women when they have become cold and distant so they start chasing and wanting you again! A lot of men get into trouble with women they are dating as their feelings start to grow. Whereas in the beginning of a courtship he may be interested but not overly enthusiastic, but, once his feelings start to grow, his irrational fears often cause him to contact her excessively and chase which turns her off. The downside to turning a woman off with needy and weak behavior, is usually it takes much longer to re-attract her to you again. So when you make mistakes, you’re actually putting the success you want off into the future even further. The more you push her away, the harder it’s going to be to get her to start chasing you again. When guys get themselves into these positions and turn women off that they really like, their natural tendency is to chase more which only makes things worse and often fatal for the relationship. Inexperienced pilots sometimes become disoriented as to where the horizon is in the cockpit. When a pilot loses the horizon and becomes disoriented, they can often pull back on the stick which can throw them into a death spiral as their plane heads straight for the ground. When a woman pulls back from a guy who starts acting needy, most men will go into a relationship death spiral as their fear drives them to force something to happen with her by chasing and contacting her excessively. The following is an e-mail from a reader who got dumped four months ago. He still talks to his ex-girlfriend in hopes that he can re-attract her again. He’s really struggling to maintain emotional self control. He’s backing off at times which starts to help his situation, but he simply is not backing off long enough for her to start chasing him again. On top of that, there is another guy in the picture who she seems to like. My comments are (in bold brackets like this) in the body of his e-mail:

Hey Corey,

I want some advice from you on this. Read your book once. Gonna go revisit it soon. There is a girl that broke things off with me about four months ago. My problem is that whenever I leave this girl alone for a week, she would love my attention whenever I reappear. (Why don’t you have the balls to wait for her to call you? You are chasing her too much.) However, the next day, it’s like I don’t even exist to her. WTF? I try to talk to her the next day, and she’ll give me one word responses, or won’t put any effort into her responses. She won’t try to keep a conversation with me. (That is because you are making it too easy for her. She knows you’ll always come back. Therefore, she does not have to worry about losing you. Women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. You’re not being a challenge by waiting on her. Men don’t wait on women, they purse their dreams and women try to get their attention. You’re acting like a woman acts. It’s feminine behavior. That is why she ignores you.)

There is another guy though. She’ll give him all of her attention. I don’t know about this guy, but we’re in the same circle of friends. I guess they started talking when I disappeared last week. (She started talking with him because you have turned her off with your needy weak behavior. She simply wants a man who acts like a dominant male acts.) I see them talking, and she’ll laugh at all his jokes. She’ll even try to keep a conversation with him, even though it’s not all that interesting to her. She’s like this every single day with him. With me however, she’ll only act this way when I return after a week. (She has more interest in him than you. You should be spending your time with other women. Stop putting your life on hold to see what she does. Your acting like a woman.)

Our circle of friends have a chat online that we go to often. I often talk to her privately. In the chatroom, I can see her talking to him and giving him all the attention he’ll ever want. (That is why you should make yourself scarce and go find other women to spend your time with who treat you the way she is treating him.) I see her ignoring our private chat until theirs’ die down a bit. (Because she knows you’ll wait around like a good little puppy until she’s ready to give you some attention.) Then, she’ll respond to me. She won’t try to hold a conversation with me unless he’s not there. I’ve called her out on this, and she say she never notices that I’ve said something to her. (Women are never going to give you a straight answer when you ask them things like that.) Before, when we were together, we could chat privately all the time. She wouldn’t even talk to others in the chatroom. (She had high romantic interest in you THEN, but not now.) She’ll only respond to theirs’ sparingly. She’ll focus all her attention on me. The conversation those two have reminds me of how we were, and I get extremely jealous and sad when I see that. (It is what it is. You did not act like a man around her, therefore she lost interest and has found someone else.)

Today would be the third day in a row we’ve talked. The first day, it was excellent. Conversation was upbeat and fun. We couldn’t stop talking to each other. I went to sleep and noticed she sent me an e-mail at 4am with pictures of us. She told me, “We don’t have any pictures anymore ;/.” I responded at around 8am telling her, “okay, lets take some together!” No response, but I come onto the chatroom and see that she’s talking to guess who, that guy of course. We hung out on the second day, but she didn’t even take any pictures together with me. Today though, I caught her alone on the chatroom. She didn’t have any of her friends on, so I did another private chat. The start was rough. (See, you are chasing after her. You never give her any chance to miss you or chase you because you keep running to her like a little girl runs to her father when she needs love and reassurance. Women prefer to chase men. That is why she loses interest so fast.) Then, she started to open up. We had fun, then I left. I know that tonight, when he goes on, I’m not even gonna get any of her attention. Frustrating as hell. When she broke things off four months ago, I couldn’t eat nor sleep well. I’ve healed, but it’s starting to hurt again. Dreams of her rejecting me are coming back. (You need to start meeting and dating as many new women as possible! You need to perfect your skills of seduction, its obvious they need work and that you need to practice.)

I really fucking hate this. I can’t even talk to her after the fun filled date we have without wanting to just smack her (Real men do not hit women. This is your issue needy boy. This is your emotional garbage you are talking about projecting onto her.) or just say fuck it, I’m done. Every single time though, I want her. I want to come back to her and get all the attention she’ll give me. (That is why she ignores you. You want to “run to her” like a little girl runs to her father. This is not manly behavior!) It really sucks that the only way I can get this girl’s attention is by leaving for a week, or letting her know I’m just walking away from her life. (You don’t tell her you are leaving, you just leave when she ignores you so you can spend your time with women who do not ignore you.) It really is difficult to re-attract this girl when her attraction is with another guy. (You’re driving her into his arms by chasing her.) I know they’re not together. Not yet at least. (Who cares. It’s none of your business.) Any tips on how to re-attract her? (Read my book again. You can download the Amazon Kindle version of my book to your Smartphone, PC, Mac or iPad in under 60 seconds for only $9.99 by CLICKING HERE to learn how to meet and date the type of women you’ve always wanted and have effortless relationships.) I attracted her by mistake because I didn’t want her at first. I just kept denying and she kept chasing. (That worked, so why do you continue to do things now that you know won’t attract her? Your fear of loss is causing you to not act like a man. Acting like a man CONSISTENTLY is the only thing that will attract her to you again.) Seriously crashed and burned when I was finally hers. Got too attached and all that beta male stuff. (At least you admit its your fault for driving her away. Doing more of what drove her away in the first place is only going to drive her further away.)

What’s a guy to do, man? I’m honestly so fed up with this. I want to just walk away, but when I seem to finally get the strength to, she pulls me back in. (No, you made it pretty clear that you run after her again after a few days of not speaking. You simply do not hold out long enough because you fear she will let you go for good. That is why you should walk and never talk to her again, unless she contacts you when she has not heard from you. If she lets you go, its over. If she contacts you, then you might still have a chance.) She gives me all the attention in the world. Just for one day though. Annoying. (That is because you give her no space to miss and to start to chase you again. It’s your fault she responds this way due to your bad behavior and mistakes.) I’ve never actually not talked to her for more than a week. Maybe I’ll try that. (Now you’re talking. Just wait until you hear from her. If you don’t for several weeks, then you know its over.) I just know this girl has too much pride to even think about initiating contact with me. (Bullshit. You said she used to chase you all the time. You say this as justification for your continued bad behavior of chasing her.) Besides, she has that damn guy. It’s like every single week I’m back, there’s a new guy drawing her attention away from me. (You make her choice very easy when you act like a little girl instead of a man.) Vultures. I know that she won’t miss me because she has all these guys who are willing to talk to her. I can’t do anything about it because she shuts down all my attempts to spark up a conversation. (That is why you must let women come to you at their own pace. When you try to rush or force things before she is ready, she’ll always reject you!!! All normal and healthy women respond this way.)

One time, I’ve left her alone for a week. After that, I talked to her again and set up a date. We had fun, and I left it off at that. Disappeared for another week. I came back and she was very receptive to me. I want her back, but if the only way I’ll ever get positive attention from her is disappear for a week, then it doesn’t seem worth it anymore. It’s really, really annoying. (Translation: “Its really really hard and I don’t want to do it because I want everything now.”) Every single time she does this, I just want to snap at her. (Stop acting like a weak bitch and she will stop being hot and cold on you.) I want to tell her all the ways she’s mistreating me and make her realize it. (That will only piss her off and turn her off more. Besides, she’s not doing anything to you. You’re doing it to yourself. Stop blaming her for your own weakness.) I want her to stop doing it. (Stop acting weak.) I’ve actually told her how I’m tired of her treating me badly about two months ago. She said sorry and proceeded to greet me every single day. She would show that she still wanted me. I took that for granted and just did everything wrong to get her back. I just don’t know how to do anymore to get her back. Any tips man? (Walk away and wait to hear from her. If she does contact you, set up a definite date 4 or 5 days out in the future. If she won’t set a definite date, tell her to give you a call if she changes her mind and walk away again.) I’m chatting up a new girl, but I just can’t get this one off my damn mind. (You must focus on getting some other great women into your life. The only way that will happen is if you practice, practice, practice!)

Tom

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Published on April 24, 2012

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. hello i would like some input on a situation i had/have. its been over 3 months which a month and two weeks i was dating this girl. we were really good had good connection gave her really great sex. but then we started to have arguements about stupid things. to sum it up it would be about her comparing me to here ex or whenever wed talk shell have this arrogant i know it all attitiude. i had a feeli.ng that she wasnt completely over her ex and after a little bit she decides to separate. her excuse was thst she wanted me to get my shjt together and try again in the near future. but i became persistsnt and did some of the stulid misttakes that people make after a post breakup. the night of my bday she wanted to celebrate it with me as friends. we had a good time and i got drunk. we went to her house and we started talking. because i was still drunk i let my emotions get the best of me and confronted her about her still comparing me and not giving me a shot. it broke out into a fight and she kicked me out. after the first week of not talki.ng i noticed she unfriended me on fb and stopped following me o.n instagram. as much as i wanted to call her about it i didnt. another week passes by and i get a call from her outta the blue. i did.t pick up right away but she left me a long text apologizing and to see how i was doing.i called her up and we had a nice conversation but she did most of the talking. i had a feeling that there would be awkward silence so i ended the call with hey igotta do somethings so lets talk later. her response was well i only. called to see how you were doing. i replied with ok bye. we havent talked since then. i did notice that she had deleted all of her exs pics from her profile but still kept ours. after that i heard from a friend that she started talking to someone whohad just gotten out of a long relationship. ive been self improving on my self and going out on dates but i still cant get this girl off my mind and im starting to miss her like crazy.

  2. One question. I want to be able to attract my ex girlfriend without taking the risk of losing her. I want a sure fire way to be able to re-attract her so that the next time we are together in a relationship that I can act properly and not loose her again. I’ve always had that problem of not acting like a man and it has always made things worse. This time it was one of the worst mistakes of my life and I want to fix it. I want her back so bad and I want us to be happy like we were before. I’m not interested in starting a new relationship with other women in a serious manner. In the end I want to re-attract her without possibly losing her. How can I do that?

  3. I have a similar situation to this guy going on. I was multi dating and everything was fine, this girl kept asking me how things were going with the other girl I was seeing. She drifted away a bit, and later admitted that she was jealous of the other girl after I broke it off. I was more interested in her anyway. She professed that she loved me, conversations started getting quite heavy, talking marriage logistics, when she’d like to have kids, etc. I figured that I had landed a girlfriend.

    Then seeing as I was exclusive with her and she has moved to another nearby city (only a few hours away) I was hoping to get to talk to her each day on the phone. Within a week her response time to my texts has gotten longer and longer and she hasn’t been quick to return my calls if at all. We used to text back and forth sometimes all day, now I feel like I’m shooting arrows into the darkness with my texts, sometimes she wont bounce me back for over 12 hours.

    I can see how proper “game” is to cool my jets and disappear for a while, but I’m in my late 30s and she is in her early 30s. If she loves me as profusely as she carried on about a week ago, you’d think she wouldn’t mind if I got a little mushy and wanted to talk to her. It seems childish to have to vanish for several days just to get some attention from her like whats the point.

    I do really like her though she is pretty well most of what I want in a woman. This isn’t intro game either I’ve been dating her for 2 and a half months and I’ve slept with her tons of times. While I’m tempted to just start dating other women again last time she backed off and encouraged me to see the other girl because she didn’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to scare her off.

  4. All i read is “i want to re-attract her” “i want her back” and so and so, but we as a man dont see or even imagine what they want, or desire, if they are second guessing or decided to walk away and leave us, is because they are not happy at all, i rather let her go and find her reall happiness tham always wondering if im making her happy, is not fair for her nor to me. Walk away and mean it. Love hurts, but what hurts more and on the long run its regrets, everything is aligned to give you a lesson in life and learn from it, don’t let this opportunity to grow and be a better person slipped away, we come alone to this world, enjoy this moment to reconnect with who you really are and picture yourself at the best that you can be. Take control of your life.

  5. really nice…
    Do you think one of my techniques of being an alpha male is better in reattracting her?
    Like:
    * Dont show her that you care about your broken relationship.
    * Flirt with other girls, other than your ex, in front of her.
    * Make her jealous n if she approaches, fly away with a reason of time costraint.
    * Then slowly if she is heating up show her signs you still like her.

    Is it good enough?

  6. So I met this gorgeous lady the first time over dinner and drinks after chatting her from tinder. Everything pulls out well, with good conversation flow, and lots of laughers, we shared about our past experiences with our ex how we felt, and they are times we came into agreement on certain statement and had a good laugh about it. She even shared me her family photos, her travel pics and baby pics, on a first date! Towards the end when we call for the bill, she offer to share her portion which I thought its a good gesture so I just accepted it and we split the bill.
    I got no idea what’s wrong but after that I texted her quite casually, “Nice meeting you! I had a great time tonight”. She didnt reply. I texted her again the next day, “Hello..” only to find out my contacts were removed from her, as she had blocked me on whats apps that I can’t see her profile pic anymore. So I was wondering what went wrong? It seems to me that we had establish a chemistry, especially after sharing so much about us.

  7. I went to a party on New Years Eve with a male friend and stayed with him, I didn’t realise this girl was coming and staying with us until he picked me up a few hours before. Id never talked to her before New Years because she is a year younger than I am and we don’t have any classes together. Moving on, I’m quite shy at first and struggle to hold a conversation with her but as the night goes on I get excessively drunk and fall off of a chair and throw up in the bath tub before midnight. Now when I’m drunk I’m extremely confident and the funniest person in the room. The next morning I hear about the things I did as I can’t remember them myself. She says about how I’m hilarious and a good vibe to be around. At this point I don’t have feelings for her but I can tell she likes me. A few days after the party she asks a mutual friend of ours for my snapchat name so that we can talk (this is must second inclination that she likes me) we talk for a week or so online and she says “you don’t want me do you” and I say “i can’t want you”. The reason I can’t want her is because she had a relationship that didn’t eventuate with my best friend, and he really liked her so I can’t do that to my best friend. I thought she would realise that so I didn’t bother explaining why because she didn’t ask why. We continue to talk… when we arrive back at school after Christmas break i see my best friend lets call him David. who she used to talk to. let’s call her Astrid. David asks me what I’m doing with Astrid and I say that I can’t do anything with her because I can’t be with her because you liked her. He says go for it bro you have my blessing.
    The next time I see her is in a group activity and about 10 of us are seated around a picnic table discussing something. Anyway she’s sitting opposite me and we are playing footsie with each other under the table and it’s really nice. But I don’t talk to her and it’s been 2 weeks now and I haven’t talked to her in person because I’m too dn shy and I never see her at school because she’s in none of my classes and she lives out of town so she boards at school. I’ve tried to get her to talk to me e.g lets talk after school or I’ll drop food off to you tonight, I’ve tried calling her she doesn’t respond. But we still talk online. I’ve called her cute via text and she picked up on it but nothing has come of it. What do I do, I don’t want her to slip through my fingers because I was too good a friend to David even though he didn’t care. Can I get her back?

  8. Hi Ive been seeing this girl for about two months and its being go well except the fact that I have never made a move such as kiss her etc as I am a very shy and nervous person and its my first time doing it and now it seems that while she did see me as more than a friend, now she does not know and says that we see each other as friends even though I really like her and am attracted to her in a more than friend way. Is there any way I can make her feel attracted to me in that way again as I want to be with her but she does not know. And if I make a move will that create the spark that makes her think differently. I want to chase after and not give up as I really like her and it seems that she likes me, but I know its better to leave it for a few days to think. Is there any chance that will get into a relationship with this girl or is that the end of it.

  9. HI Ive been seeing this girl for about 2 months and its been going good, we have gone on a good number of dates and done stuff together however I have been unable to make a move despite the fact that she knows how I feel about her.While she says that she did see me as more than a friend, she feels that we are different stages and that maybe we see each other more as friends as she thinks that we get on really well and that I am a nice and funny guy. I really like this girl and want to be in a relationship with her as I am deeply attracted to her in that way and cant stop thinking about her. I intend to leave it for a few days but I want to re-spark those feelings that she had by finally just making a move like kissing her and all that so that she feels sexually attracted to me and sees me in that way again. I dont want to give up on her. That by maybe just kissing her will make her re think the whole thing and see me in that light again. Is this possible or is it over between us and will never go back to the way it was.

  10. Hi,

    I work for a construction company and I usually meet and interact with a lot of new people on a daily basis. I met an arab lady who visited me in our head office six months before. I interacted with her as a good sales person. However, she refused to give me her personal email id when I asked for it to provide her with our brochures and other sales & marketing collateral. To my surprise, within 5-7 minutes she felt amazed and told me that she likes an Indian (I am from India) like me who is so much interesting, approachable and knowledgeable. She was running short of time but stayed with me in our office for almost 2 hours (She answered a phone in the mean time and talked to some one stating that she will meet him within 15 minutes).

    When she left, she left our office on a positive note and gave me the whatsapp number. I contacted her after a couple of days with quotation and other details and called her after 2 days to check if she was doing well.

    She was so much happy and thrilled me with her enthusiastic approach and likeable behaviour. She even told me our first meeting was great and we will meet second time to make it greater. She didn’t stop there. She said, ”You are really an awesome man.”
    I sent her a formal message on whatsapp about what we are doing about her project. She answered me warmly and termed me Darling with a SINGLE RED ROSE, HEART & KISSING emojis to which I didn’t respond as if I don’t know what these emojis stand for.

    However, I kept whatspping her even when she told me that she was very busy and was not able to answer her messages. She enthusiastically chatted with for the first week. But later, she became cold and aloof and sounded harsh on me the second and third times when I called to check out things. To my disaster, she was shocked when I addressed her as a SWEETIE.

    To clear the things, I called her again and discussed so many things. She listened to me but didn’t respond as warmly and actively as in the first telephone conversation. I even offered her my assistance to do her assignment which she asked for on the first day after reading my articles on international business magazines. She became distant and aloof (she is online on whasapp later in the night now.)
    I also stopped contacting her for a week, fortnight and a month. What I found that she contacted me after a month and wanted to meet me for the project and assignment. I was ready to meet her but could not because of hectic schedule. She asked me to meet again in a small shopping mall and I readily agreed. However, I could not meet her because she was late and wanted me to meet her late in the evening around 7:45 PM. After that, I left for India and stayed there for 40 days.
    She came to know that I am back from India because of my changing whatsapp pictures and status. She whatsapped me on Thursday last and called me (I didn’t answer the call) because she was waiting to meet me outside the office. We could not meet because the office was closed as it is a half a day on thursday. She asked another guy to call me but I didn’t respond to him as well.

    Then at last, she visited our office yesterday and was looking for me. My secretary called me that a lady by this name has come to meet you about a project. Knowing this, I knowingly got late and she interacted with my reporting boss about the project.

    I came back to the office at the time when she was speaking to my colleague. She looked at me that I was sitting in front of computer and didn’t approach because of her past behaviour.

    Now, please help me with my doubts and questions.

    1. Was she just playing on the first day?
    2. Why did she send me SINGLE RED ROSE/ HEART & KISSES emojist if she was not sexually interested in me?
    3. Should I help her with her assignment as I am sure she will come back to me for the project?
    4. Should I block her end it abruptly?

    Thank you.

  11. Honestly, it all comes down to respecting yourself above all. Be nice but understand that if worst comes to worst, your mental well-being is worth her slitting her wrists.

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