How to save your marriage or long term relationship to regain the spark, passion and intimacy.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email success story from a viewer who has been following my work for about a year, but never put what he was learning into practice until recently. He has been in a mostly loveless and sexless marriage for the past seven years. Once he actually started to apply what he was learning in my book, How To Be A 3% Man, his wife started responding immediately. She is more feminine, playful and flirty. They are also having sex three times per week.
The best part is because the relationship between his wife and him has improved so much, it’s affected their kids’ demeanor and they are much happier as well. It’s another great success story of how a man in his masculine affects everyone in his life in a positive way. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
Guys that have been in a relationship for a long time, these things happen slowly, and they don’t recognize how they’re no longer displaying attractive behaviors. Especially when you take into account what you see on TV and the movies, what society imposes on all of us and shows us the right way to show up in our lives or our relationships, which nine times out of ten is the exact opposite of what actually works and what creates attraction between men and women.
Like I say all the time, even if you think I’m full of crap, if you apply what’s in How To Be A 3% Man, you will see that it will work for you and you will get better results than you are currently getting. And so, this particular guy, his case in point is he was following me for a year and he was like, “I don’t need this guy. I can do this on my own. I’ll just cherry pick things here and there.”
I’ve been a student of yours for about a year, but I have never put your teaching into practice until recently.
Well, you can watch every single video and you can read my book a hundred times, but if you don’t apply what it teaches, it’s useless. If you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’re going to continue to get what you’ve always got. And quite frankly, most men and women that come to me aren’t here because things are going well in their life. They showed up on my YouTube, or my website, or my other social media or reading my books, because things have gone sideways and they’re looking for solutions.
And the reality is, I have those solutions and they’re free. You can read “How To Be A 3% Man” at UnderstandingRelationships.com. You can read “Mastering Yourself,” my second book, also for free, and even my third book, “Quotes, Ruminations & Contemplations.” So, you have no excuses for not getting better. You’ve got to participate in your own rescue.
I was stubborn and thought I could fix my marriage on my own, but you were always there in the back of my mind.
Yeah, it’s like, people don’t change their belief system until they recognize it’s not working. And obviously, in this guy’s case, he hit the wall and he recognized it’s not working.
I’ve saved my family with your help, and I want to thank you. I am 42, my wife is 36. Before I met my wife, I had a lot of lovers. I was carefree. I came and went as I pleased. Dates, fun and sex were always on tap, because I was always dating multiple women throughout my adult life. I answered to no one. I was very masculine and purpose driven. Over the last seven years I lost myself, in my marriage and in child rearing.
I’ve said this countless times over the years. When I see guys, especially like this, this is a big thing that they say a lot, “I feel like I lost who I was.” So, in essence, what happened was he stopped being the attractive man that his wife fell in love with. From her perspective, she was no longer married to the same guy. He wasn’t behaving the same way. Therefore, the attraction went away.
And this is where a guy like me can help, where your typical couples or marriage therapists don’t know these things. They don’t have the skill set. But thankfully, a lot of them do study my work. Some of the best marriage and couples therapists in the world I coach and I work with to teach them this stuff, because it gives them a whole set of tools for their toolbox that they just simply don’t have.
If you don’t understand how attraction works between men and women, and also between gay or lesbian couples, you’re not going to be very effective at helping people. But thankfully, every day more and more people learn this stuff and we can move out from the darkness and into the light, so to speak. The good times, we want to let the good times roll. Life is suppose to be fun anyway.
During the past seven years I have been living in a nearly sexless marriage unless you count utility sex or pity fucks. I became very insecure and needy about that.
Well, just like single women don’t want to sleep with a needy guy, single women want to sleep with guys that are popular with other women, that other women desire, because those men have social proof. If no other woman wants to date you, then why would they want to date you? There must be something wrong. So. when you act undesirable, women are going to treat you as such.
My wife also has had a lot of lovers. Her past never bothered me, (because I had a pretty fun past), but during the sex starvation periods I’d sometimes question my wife about why she wasn’t attracted to me like all the other men. I even went as far as to ask her things like, “Well, you used to do that with so and so. Why can’t you do those sexual things with me?” I was a needy bitch.
See, the reason he’s been able to turn this around is because he admitted his mistakes. He didn’t try to blame women and say, “All women are the same. It’s their fault. We’re married and we’ve got a 30-year mortgage. She should be giving me sex on a regular basis.” That’s what a lot of guys do, and it’s one of the reasons I’m not a big fan of the toxic part of the red pill community that just blame all women.
Those guys form this mindset of how women are. They keep saying things like, “Well, I keep attracting the same kind of women.” Like I said the other day, if you keep fishing in the sewer, you’re going to catch a bunch of really crappy fish. And then, yeah, from that perspective, “All women suck and all women are the same. And you should just pump and dump,” which is the crap you see a lot of them saying.
Because the reality is, they don’t want to take any personal responsibility for their own lives. They don’t want to take any responsibility for the fact that maybe they had a knowledge gap and they attracted those women into their life because of their knowledge gap, on top of the fact that they ignored the red flags and proceeded anyway.
I became depressed, I became someone who I’ve never been.
Well, your wife is definitely not going to be attracted to that guy, because that’s not the dude she married. In other words, you changed. And a lot of guys notice women will say, “You changed.” He literally did change. He’s no longer the same guy. He stopped demonstrating the old attractive version of himself and started demonstrating the one who didn’t think he was worthy.
And because he didn’t think he was worthy, his wife wasn’t interested in fucking him, because she basically had to become the man in the relationship, which she’s going to resent because that’s not what she signed up for.
After reading your book, 3% Man, (I think I’m on read number 5), I recently started putting your teaching into action. I needed time to grasp your words properly.
Over the past month and one week, I’ve stopped texting my wife until she texts me. I’ve used my phone for planning life events, rather than idle chit chat. I’ve focused more on my career and mission/purpose. I’m back at the gym. (Women outside our marriage have noticed, and my wife loves my muscle growth. My wife has been flirty with me because of my new growing physique.) I’ve quit smoking. I have planned and put into action family trips and date nights.
You see the difference? He’s being a leader. He’s making things happen, so his wife just has to show up, look hot and be swept off her feet, and then he can have his way with her and beat up her pelvis when it pleases him. And she’s happy to do it, because he’s a man and he’s a leader.
Begging and pleading with your woman when you’re acting like a bitch to give it up, it’s just not going to work. And unfortunately, a lot of marriage and couples therapists will look at the wife and just say, “Please have sex with your husband.” It’s like, she’s not attracted to him. If he starts displaying attractive behaviors, she’ll be jumping his bones.
I’ve begun to dress differently. I’ve changed up my cologne and shaving cream fragrances. I groom daily instead of every other day.
Dude? People get married and they just let themselves go.
I’ve noticed very sexy women, in public settings, staring at me and flirting with me in front of my wife, and strangely enough it kind of turns her on.
Well, duh. Women like men who are attractive to other women.
After one month of following your guidance, I can honestly say, (unless I fuck it up)…
Again, he’s taking personal responsibility for his marriage, which he should. He’s the one with the penis, after all. It’s up to him to lead.
…my marriage is on solid ground. My wife and I have had sex three times a week in the past two weeks.
I get shower head, and she’s even picking out tiny matching panties and bras and asking me if I like them?
Well, that’s very submissive. I wonder why that is. She wants to please her man, because he’s being a man.
My wife is glowing, and I can feel her becoming more free in her spirit.
She’s bringing the joy back into your life, because you’re bringing it into hers.
It’s not just sex that has improved though. The biggest win is that I see my children glowing more.
That’s fucking awesome.
They are happy, they are more fun, they are more playful. They are seeing and feeling their father and mother have a healthy marriage. That’s a huge win in my book!
That’s the greatest gift that you can give your babies, to give them a great example of what it’s supposed to look like. Because kids are going to follow whatever example you display for them. That’s a fact of life. If you’ve got a loveless, sexless marriage, well, guess what? They’ll go get into loveless, sexless marriages themselves.
What you coach has inspired me to be masculine again. My wife is feminine again. She is mirroring me, her king, her leader, her rock. She and the children are following my lead and they too are exercising, and we as a family are eating clean and enjoying the fruits of life.
That’s awesome, dude. I’m so happy for you guys.
So, thank you for what you give. You are my wife’s favorite person, and she has no idea who you even are, (because I’ve not told her about the man that has taught me these life altering truisms).
Well, I do have a lot of couples that at some point both read “How To Be A 3% Man” together. Especially the Ten Disciplines of Love. Introduce it down the road when things are going really well. Say, “Hey, I’ve got this really great book that helped me out a lot. And I think we should both learn it backwards and forwards for our babies, so we can teach them to know what to look for. So when they grow up, they can have as awesome of a relationship as we have.”
I’ve made it my goal to see this through the ninety-day period and keep taking this new me and new us into the future for the rest of my life.
You are so brilliant. I honestly think you should be up for the Nobel Peace Prize, brother!
Well, I appreciate that, but when you saw that they gave Barack Obama a Nobel Peace Prize literally days after he got sworn into office, that’s when you realize the Nobel Peace Prize is just a totally useless thing that elites give to each other to virtue signal in the media. It has absolutely zero meaning. It’s worthless. But I appreciate the kind words and the kind thought.
And so, if you’ve got a question or a challenge you’d like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“It’s a man’s job in relationship to be the leader and king of his kingdom. To embrace his masculinity by being dangerous, but kind, to focus on his mission and purpose in life, but to also be playful and fun and not take himself too seriously. Women want to be in a love story, and it’s the men’s job in the courtship to sweep their women off their feet by romancing them properly. Women want to be led by a man who knows who he is, what he wants and who goes after it without fear or shrinking from challenges. These are the kinds of men who make their women feel safe and comfortable enough to submit and become their greatest cheerleaders, fans and teammates.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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