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How To Spot & Avoid Women With Unfixable Character Flaws

May 8, 2024 by Coach Corey Wayne
Photo by iStock.com/lekcej

How to spot & avoid women with unfixable character flaws.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who was in a 3 year relationship with a woman where they both discussed and believed that they were soulmates. Last September he got in a fight with his now ex-girlfriend and they broke up. 4 days later he started begging and pleading with her to get back together and fix things. She was cold and distant but they started spending time together, but not hooking up anymore until he found out she had been secretly seeing another guy when he thought they were working things out. He went no contact and she reached out 2 months later. They started hooking up for a few months and he thought things were going well. Then he found out she was hanging out with her rebound guy again. It spiraled out of control and he lost his cool. He asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is, “How To Spot & Avoid Women With Unfixable Character Flaws.”

So this particular email, this guy was with a woman for three years and he, well actually, they both apparently at one point thought they were soul mates. And apparently last September, which would have been September 2023. After a fight, he says he broke up with her. Four days later he regretted it, started begging her to fix things, she said, “no way.” Then he goes into No Contact.

She reaches back out. They start hanging out, having fun, and hooking up again. So he’s like, “Hey, we’re making progress. We’re gonna get back together. This is awesome.” And at some point he finds out she’s still talking to the rebound guy. The guy she started dating and hooking up with right after they broke up. So he was like, “What the hell?” So some messy things happen at the end. I don’t want to spoil the surprise.

But this is just a good email because you can see his emotions are totally overriding his logic in this situation. Because it’s pretty obvious she’s got character flaws. If you’re trying to win your ex boyfriend back, and you’re dating another guy behind his back, but giving your ex-boyfriend the impression it’s just you and him. And then he finds out it’s not, and then you lie about it, and you get caught in a lie.

You’re not going to fix that. You’re not going to fix somebody with a character flaw or a character issue. People don’t change who they are and they become a better version of who they are, but they typically don’t change. A dishonest person is a dishonest person. A liar and a cheater, is a liar and a cheater. They just simply don’t have those, come to Jesus moments, if you will.

Where they turn their lives around and decide to become good people. It almost never happens. And you can pretty much set your watch to it. And you, as a self-loving human being, need to be able to recognize when you have someone that you can work with and someone like in this case, that this is just a girl that’s for fun, a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate, wear a raincoat with these girls. Wear your protection but wear your love glove. Wear the condominium. You’re not going to fix her. You’re not going to turn her into a good, loyal, faithful, happy homemaker wife. It’s not going to happen.

Photo by iStock.com/NeonShot

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach,

I’m watching your work lately and I think I got a great story for you. I was 3 years in relationship with that girl that we believed we were soulmates. This September after a fight, I broke up with her.

Four days later I regretted it, and I started to beg her to fix things but she went too cold. Later I found out that the days I was going to her place to talk things and slept together (without sex) she was already dating a guy and she never told me about it.

Well, you broke up with her. She wasn’t your girlfriend anymore. And so, then he finds out about it. It’s like, he thinks he’s working things out. She’s giving him a chance to do that. Meanwhile, it’s interesting, she wouldn’t have sex with him because she was probably having sex with the other guy at that point. And that’s a pretty shitty thing to do. But, that’s what happens. Again, these are character issues.

I went No Contact for two months and she came to my bar for the holidays for some drinks. Then she starts to reach out and begged me to get back together and tells me it was her biggest mistake in her life and I’m her soulmate etc.

Well, we always look at what people do, not what they say. And that really sounds nice. “Oh, you’re my soul mate, I fucked up.” It’s like, that’s what you want to hear. But.

I took her back and was going pretty well.

Well, remember what Maya Angelou said? “When somebody shows you who they are or tells you who they are, believe them the first time.”

After two months she was kind of hot and cold and five days ago I found out she was for a walk with the rebound guy.

Photo by iStock.com/monkeybusinessimages

Yeah, more than likely probably because this guy is over pursuing and doing a lot of unattractive things. In other words, he didn’t really clean up his behavior, didn’t do anything to change his behavior. And because he’s involved with a woman who’s got character issues. She’s doing him dirty. He’s dicking them down bad.

And that’s what you get, you know, a good, family oriented woman who loves her mom and dad and her parents are together and have a good relationship. Mom respects the father. The daughters respect the father. The sons respect the father. This shit’s not going to happen. But you know, a ratchet ass girl who’s in survival mode and watched people in her family cheat on each other.

Their attitude is, “Hey, all is fair in love and war. It doesn’t matter. You snooze, you lose. Yeah, it’s a dog-eat-dog world out there.” It’s the law of the jungle with people like this. It’s like they don’t care. This Hoe ain’t loyal.

I called her to tell me what the fuck is going on, and for about an hour she was trying to manipulate me with lies to convince me that it was not her.

I don’t know, maybe he saw her or somebody saw her. It’s like, “That. That wasn’t me out there.” It’s like, what is the song? Um. Shaggy? [Shaggy, “It Wasn’t Me.”] What do I do, man?

He’s like, Oh, I got caught with the girl next door. He’s like, Oh, man, I got caught. And he’s like, With who? The girl next door. What do I do? He says, “Say it wasn’t you.” It wasn’t you. It Wasn’t Me. That’s a great song, by the way.

But that’s what happened. That’s what you’re dealing with. Somebody like this. Just, “Oh, it wasn’t me. It wasn’t me. That was the girl that looks like me. I wasn’t out, you know, walking around with that other guy. Your eyes deceived you. You’re hallucinating.” Wasn’t me. Na na na.

Finally after a big talk tells me the truth and said was nothing romantic she met him just to say sorry.

He’s like, “Bullshit.”

Bullshit.

I said goodnight I blocked her, and I took my stuff.

Photo by iStock.com/MStudioImages

And so, that’s what you should have done. You should’ve been like, “Hey, we’ve been trying to work things out, and now you’re going out on dates in the afternoon with this guy you were fucking when we were broken up.”

It’s like, “You’re obviously not committed to me. You’re a free agent. So if that’s what you want. You want to be a free agent. So God bless you. Good luck. Good luck.” But he doesn’t do that.

The next day I try to follow her, but she doesn’t accept it. I know I’m crazy, but I still want her.

I was like, why? She’s just going to cheat on you again, Dude. This chick’s not going to be loyal to anybody. You’re not going to fix her. Captain Save-A-Hoe is not going to work.

I think my mistake is that I was always there when she wanted to see me and I was too kind.

Yeah, you were soft, and she walked all over you. She had no respect for you.

She was a great woman.

No, she’s not.

I can’t explain how she treats me like shit. What can I do?

She treats you like shit because she’s a ratchet. It’s not your fault. Her family did this.

She loves him now? A week ago she wanted to have kids with me. What the fuck!

I was like, “Say it wasn’t you. It wasn’t me.” Nothing you can do. You’re not going to fix this, man. You got to see the reality as it is. I’m sorry this happened to you, but you giving her another chance, all it does is reinforce it. She can dick you down and do you dirty in the worst way and you’re like, “Yeah, I’ll think I’ll have another helping of that. Yeah, I like to do that again. Sure. Let’s have another run around the block.”

Photo by iStock.com/nattrass

When you notice this kind of behavior, you just tap out. I mean, you packed your shit, you unfollowed her on social media, and you left. You should have been congruent with that. This girl is not ever going to be loyal to you. And the only thing that could possibly change this woman from her behavior is continually, guys like you that get cheated on, leave her ass and never take her back.

Because eventually she’ll learn that good men aren’t going to stick around. But that’s on her. It’s not your problem anymore. Read The Book and go find a woman who actually has good integrity. Because this girl is so obviously not a good person. She lies to your face, she cheats on you behind your back. And when you think you’re working things out or in a relationship, she’s texting other dudes.

So it’s like, you’re not going to fix that. She’s a fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. That’s the only kind of thing you do with a girl like this. You don’t wife her up. You don’t have a family with her. It’s like she ain’t loyal to anybody. Unless, of course, you, you know, want to find out 20 years from now that half your kids are not even yours. Have at it, Dude.

But I would keep this one blocked and never, ever give her another chance, and let her know that, you know, she’s dead to you basically. You know, if somebody ghosts you, let her be invisible the rest of your life, never give her another chance. Because it’s the only way she’ll potentially learn. Because if you if you keep giving women like this a chance and they think, “Hey, it’s okay to keep living the way they’re living.”

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.

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Published on May 8, 2024

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