How To Succeed When You Feel Lost, Stuck & Unsure Of Your Purpose

How to change your life when you feel lost, stuck & unsure of your purpose.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a long-term viewer. He says he feels like a failure. He’s 30 and has no idea what to do or what his purpose in life is. He asks me to lay out a plan and action steps he should take to figure out his purpose and finally reach his full potential in life.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who says he’s a long-term viewer, but he says he feels like a failure. He’s 30 and he says he has no idea what to do or what his purpose in life is. So he asked me to lay out a plan and some action steps to take to figure out what his purpose is so he can reach his full potential in life.

First and foremost, I would say, dude, you got to participate in your own rescue. If you’ve been following me for a long time, and then you write me an email like this, like I know I’m telling everybody to read the books 10 to 15 times, Mastering Yourself especially, which is how to align your life with your true calling and reach your full potential.

So when I’ve read through this email, it doesn’t sound like he’s ever read Mastering Yourself at all. So what that tells me he’s probably just watching videos and going, “Well, I’m doing something. I’m watching videos,” but that’s very passive. You’re not really taking action. So the most important thing, it’s great that you watch videos, but if you don’t take action, it’s kind of fucking useless. As Buddha said, “Faith without action is meaningless.”

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

I hope this message finds you well.

I am writing to you with the sincere hope that you would consider making a dedicated video on how to truly change your life when you feel lost, stuck, and unsure of your purpose.

Well again, that’s the whole thesis of Mastering Yourself, my second book, and you should have read that multiple times by now. On top of that, there is a playlist on the home page of my YouTube channel, Discovering Your Purpose. I’ve got several videos where I took the guys and girls through the process that I do when I’m helping somebody figure out what their purpose is in life. So if after reading Mastering Yourself and doing those videos, you’re still gray and you’re not sure what you need to do or should do for your purpose, then I would suggest booking a phone session, invest in yourself and spend the time and the money so I can help you drill down and figure out what that is.

At the end of the day, you got to participate in your own rescue because it’s very easy to just go, “Oh, I don’t know what my purpose is.” Well, nobody’s going to come in to save you, dude. Nobody’s going to come and give you your purpose. If you’re not really sure what you want to do, again that’s why you should go through the process that’s outlined in the book and the video playlist, Discovering Your Purpose, because you’re going to work hardest at things you love and enjoy, things that are emotionally compelling to you and exciting.

You got to remember, people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure. So somebody that feels lost, stuck, and unsure with what they want to do with their lives, in order to move forward, you have to do some self-examination. Well, if deep down you’ve convinced yourself you’re not smart enough, you don’t have enough money, you don’t have enough education, you’re not connected enough, in other words, you built a story that you tell yourself that basically justifies doing nothing, and it always comes out in their self-talk, if you believe it’s not in the cards for you, then why try? Why even go look for a job? If you’ve already given up mentally, you’re not even in the race and you’ve already given up. Saying and convincing yourself basically you can’t run the race.

Like for me, when I was younger, I always kind of knew what I wanted to do. I loved working with my hands, I loved construction, I love building things, I love tinkering with things. I thought maybe go into engineering. I thought maybe construction because I like building, maybe architecture potentially, or even real estate, because my original dream when I was a teenager was like, “Man, it’d be great to buy an old house, fix it up, resell it for a profit.” One of my friend’s dad did that. The old lady that lived across the street from us when we were kids growing up and passed away, he bought our house and he spent probably the next eight to 12 months in his spare time fixing it up, making it nice, and he put it on the market and sold it and made a nice little tidy profit. I thought that was the coolest fucking thing in the world at the time. So that got the wheels turning.

Then when I was 18 and about to graduate or after I graduated, I think it was like the summer after I graduated trying to figure out, “What am I going to major in? What am I going to go to college for?” So I was sitting with my mom, and we’re looking at the different programs, like what University of Florida had and some of the other colleges. She’s like, “Oh, construction management!” Then Florida State had real estate. I could go and I could major in real estate if I went to Florida State. Then I thought, “Well, what am I most into? I like building, I like working with my hands.” So I thought, if I’m going to buy, fix and sell houses, it would be the smart thing to do, would be to learn how to build. So that was the path I took to decide to go into construction management.

So I worked in that industry for about five years. I worked for a small company, a medium sized company, and then the largest at the time, largest builder construction group in the world, Syntax Construction Group actually. That was in the 90s. So after I had five years of experience and I worked on small projects, you know, up to the $160 million, $170 million Coronado Springs Resort at Disney World, 2,000 rooms, 300,000 square foot convention center, nicest material, building materials from all over the world. Just a really great project because everything Disney does, they do first class. They do nice stuff because they want their stuff to last.

I mean, even down like every paint coat, you had a certain number of coats of paint that had gone. Each one was different. The primer was one color. The next coat that went over that was a different color. The reason why they do that is so that the owners, Disney sees that they get their three coats or five coats of paint, whatever happens to be, because all the coats of paint are the same color. How are you going to know if they got put three coats on or five coats or two coats? That’s why each coat has a different color. That way the owner, when they’re checking, they see one week the buildings are white. The next week they might be gray, the next one might be peach. Then you get the last color, which is the final color. Cover that color that goes over it. So it was cool to see those kinds of things and how they really put their heart and soul into it.

So at the time, this is my passion. This is what I’m really excited about. After five years of experience, I started looking for properties. I bought two of them and I quit my job, borrowed $50,000 on my credit cards, and I went for it. About six months after I had left Rooney, I ended up getting or talking my way into a job for the company I was buying the properties from because I wanted to learn, where do I get these properties? How would I find them? Because I wanted better deals with better profit margins. They said, “Well, the only way we can do that is make an acquisition agent.” I was like, “Great, why don’t I start working? I’m ready!”

This is exciting because I loved it. I was in there all the time looking for new deals, and they saw the houses that I had renovated and they’re like, “Man, you did a better job renovating any of the houses than any of our other real estate dealers have ever done in the seven years we’ve been in business.” That’s why I got a contract on my first house within like two weeks, and then it closed 30 days later. I made $10,000. I think I paid $28,000 for it. I sold it for $60,000, $65,000. It needed like $10,000, $12,000 in work. Yet the closing cost to buy it, closing cost to sell it, interest payments, electric water, all the stuff that I paid while I owned it. It was a great experience. Then I went to work for the company I was buying my properties from. Then I got my real estate license. I eventually got my broker’s license. I learned the mortgage side of the business. I learned the hard equity side of the business where we would do like short-term interest only type loans and all the regulations and stuff that went with that.

So after about a year-and-a-half, I knew the business inside and out, and those guys that I went to work for had been in business like seven years. So working for them, I was able to gain the seven years of experience basically with all the mistakes that they made and the wisdom that came along, that within a year-and-a-half and then myself, my two partners, we left and we started doing our own thing and we went from making a 33% to 100%, and we did really well. I remember we made $60,000 our first month in profit, but it’s not because we were super geniuses. We were working for somebody else. We learned the business and then we were working for ourselves. So that’s a way to speed up the success.

So in that process, again I went to college. I had five years in the construction industry. Then I had, at this point, almost two years buying, fixing and selling houses. So I got into the industry and the deal that I made with my partners, I wrote about this in Mastering Yourself, turned out to not be a great deal because of how I was acquiring my properties. Then it got to the point where I was kind of like stuck. I had no additional sources of finding properties, and the realtor contacts that I was buying my foreclosures from, I didn’t know at the time because I hadn’t been in the business long enough, but the banks, every couple of years, they change realtors. So I had like 25 realtors that specialize in foreclosure properties.

So the way my partner Paul and I split it up was he had access to all the MLS properties and I had all my foreclosure contacts. I just figured I had all these guys locked up. I didn’t realize every two or three years they’re going to basically lose the account and the bank will give it to somebody else. Then when that happens, it goes on MLS. So over time, the amount of bank contacts I had just kept shrinking and the deals I could find kept shrinking. Then unfortunately, with my two business partners, their attitude was like, especially James, he was just like, “Oh well, we just need to find additional sources.” It’s like, “Where, dude? I don’t have access to this money.” He didn’t care because he was just looking at the money. He was like, “Well, Paul buys more houses than you.” Anyways. I was like, “Yeah, well he’s got an unfair advantage,” and Paul’s attitude was like, “Hey, a deal’s a deal. Even though it’s a bad deal for you, it’s a good deal for me. This is what we agreed to. We went in business, so I’m not changing it.”

So I mean, my supposed business partner was not really a partnership, and then Paul is basically trying to push me out the door. So it would just be him and James, but James and I were good friends, so I was dealing with that kind of fucking stupidity as well. It’s not fun to go into business with guys when you got one of them trying to push you out the door and the other one’s shrugging his shoulders at a deal that’s unfair, which ultimately is what led to the end of our business partnership, because I was sick of that shit, but I didn’t have a choice. I was like, “Well, now I gotta adapt.”

So I was looking for other ways to make money. I thought, “You know what? I’m doing this advertising to sell our foreclosure properties,” and sometimes, the people calling signs for our property, they don’t really like that house, but they’re buyers and they’re pre-qualified. We could do the loan form because we had a mortgage company. I could find them another house because I am a realtor and sell them the house and make a loan and a real estate commission. So that went real well. Now I built a whole other business. Then a few years later, my partner Paul was buddying up to me and going, “Hey, we need to get James out here and you and I can run this. We don’t need him.” So now it was the exact opposite problem.

So point being is that I initially started pursuing something that was really exciting, really compelling, construction management, because I wanted to flip foreclosure properties, and after all that experience, now I’m doing general real estate mortgages, which was not what I intended to do, but I was excited about it because it was part of the business. I was still flipping foreclosure properties occasionally. In other words, I got into the business and then I saw another opportunity. So I made a change.

I made a change to get out of foreclosure business and do general real estate and mortgages. Then eventually, again, I’m not going to go through the whole book, but eventually I got out of the business because what I felt internally had changed. I no longer had the same internal enthusiasm that I did for real estate, and I wanted to do what I’m doing now. So I made that change because that’s what felt right. It was exciting and compelling to me, and I was good at it, and I had been teaching and helping people with stuff, friends and family, for several years, employees of mine, when I was in real estate, it was just as a side hobby because I really enjoyed it. It helped me tremendously. Like I saw the success that I had, and I thought, “You know what? I’m gonna make this a full time career and I won’t have any business partners.”

So the point being is that even if you don’t know what you want to do, you got to do something. You got to try something. That’s why making a list of all the things you really love and you really enjoy, it’s like you got to find a way to monetize your passions. I had a passion for working with my hands and fixing things up. I could look at an old piece of shit house and fix it up. Like when I was a kid growing up, we were always playing around with our bikes, changing our rims out on our bike frames or Gucci them out with alloy and nice shiny stuff, make them a little lighter, that kind of thing. So I was always good at looking at something and seeing its potential and then fixing it up. So I just followed, where that went. I followed where my intuition led me.

It’s not really helpful to just say, “Hey, follow your passion.” Well, it’s like you got to try to find a way to monetize your passions. So when you know what all your passions and the things you love the most are, then you want to find somebody that’s already succeeding at the highest level, doing what you want to do, and either go talk to them, pick their brain, or go work for them. Then you can get paid to learn while you earn. Then maybe eventually you go out and you start your own firm or your own company.

So sometimes you’ll start doing something and it’s not necessarily you’re super into it, but you’re good at it. When you’re really good at something, you get noticed. So when you get noticed for being really awesome at something, opportunities open up, headhunters call you, offering you job opportunities. People want to go into business with you, people want to give you money to invest in your business, that kind of thing. So whatever you do, you got to do something that lights you up on the inside, that’s exciting, that’s compelling, because when you get really good at it, everybody takes notice and everybody wants to hire you or come work for you.

First and foremost, you need to start reading Mastering Yourself, because that was why I wrote the book, was for people like you that are trying to figure that out, because I really lay out my whole life story because that’s what I’ve been doing since I was a kid. I go after the things I want, and then at some point, my internal enthusiasm is gone and I need to make a change, and that’s the hard part. People get stuck doing the same thing, and they only do that one thing forever and ever.

I have been a long-time subscriber, and I have watched your growth over the years. I remember you mentioning that you were changed jobs and stayed on your dad’s couch, and that really stayed with me because I am currently 30 and I have no sense of purpose.

So just the fact the way you worded that, I can tell you never read Mastering Yourself. You heard something that I talked about in a video, so you don’t understand the process. So I ended up on my dad’s couch because I basically ran out of capital out after I got out of real estate, because it took me almost five years to figure out my business model. I thought it was going to take a year or two, so I ran out of runway. So I was sleeping on my dad’s couch because it was a way to save money while I continued to build my business on the side to get it to the point where it was really profitable, and eventually it got there, but again, you’ve been following me for a long time. Like I said when I read this, it doesn’t sound like you’ve read Mastering Yourself.

I mean, the whole purpose of the book is how to align your life with your true calling and reach your full potential. You haven’t even read the book, even though you’ve been hearing me for a long time telling you that you need to read the book. So that tells me you’re kind of lazy. High achievers have the attitude, like my attitude when I was younger, like when I came across Tony Robbins work it’s like, “I will do whatever it takes to succeed. I just need to know what to do. What is my fucking plan?” His work really helped me. Again, the things I learned from his work that helped me get to where I am today, I wrote about it in the book. So you got to put the time in with it. It’s like you’re coming to a PhD level class on life that I’m giving you the cheat codes, and you’re basically sitting in the class picking your butt, daydreaming, and not really paying attention. You’re not even reading the textbook for the class and you’re going, “Gee, I don’t know what to do.” Yeah, because you’re not really doing anything to help yourself. It’s like learned helplessness.

So that’s probably part of your story as well. “I don’t know what to do.” So this is what you tell everybody. If you convince yourself that you don’t know what to do and you don’t have a plan and it’s out of your control, well there’s nothing to fix. There’s no action to take because you don’t know what to do. So when you convince yourself of that, if you don’t know what to do, then you don’t do anything. Then your life doesn’t change. So your story about your life matches the way your life is, the difference between me and you is I was taking massive action. You’ve been following me for years, yet you still ain’t read Mastering Yourself. You probably still haven’t gone through Discovering Your Purpose, the video playlist on the home page of my YouTube channel. It’s like you’re not even trying. You’re not even in the game. You’re not even outside the stadium looking in. You’re not even participating, bro.

To be honest, I feel like I have no real sense of direction at this stage in my life and I feel like I am a disappointment to my family.

I do not know exactly what I want to do.

Well, it’s a process to discover that. Again, I lay that out in the book, but unless you’re willing to read the book, there’s nothing I can do to help you. The fact you’ve been following me for a long time and you didn’t even crack the book yet, it’s like you’re lazy. You’re not even trying. You’re just making excuses because it’s easier. It’s comfortable making excuses.

Remember, people do more to avoid pain than they do to gain pleasure. So in your mind, you’ve convinced yourself that it’s more painful to try to do something, to go from where you are to where you want to be. So your story prevents you from even taking the first step, which is basically cracking the book.

I do not know what my purpose is or how to identify it.

Well again, that’s what Mastering Yourself is for. You’re sitting in my class, but if you don’t want to read the textbook, you know I can’t help you because you’re not willing to help yourself.

I do not know where I want to be in the future, and sometimes it feels like I am just existing rather than actually living with intention.

Well yeah, you’re not taking any action. You’re doing zero to help yourself, so of course you’re going to feel that way.

I know that may sound bad, but I am being completely honest.

The truth is, I want more for myself.

Well, wanting it is useless. “Faith without action is meaningless,” like the Buddha said.

I want to become financially free. I want to “make it” in life.

Well, wanting is not enough. Dude, you have to take action.

I want to become a man who is disciplined, focused, successful, and proud of the life he is building.

Well, in order to become disciplined, you have to, on a daily basis, make yourself do things that you don’t feel like you want to do or want to do. That’s where learning to think differently, again, Mastering Yourself will really help you with that. It will help you change your thought processes and the way you look at problems and challenges, because right now you’ve created a story that basically says it’s out of your control. You don’t know what to do. You don’t have a plan. You don’t know where to start. Which is really kind of bullshit, because again, you’ve been following me for years and you’ve been hearing me say these things, yet you still won’t read the book. So that tells me your story is so powerful, you’ve convinced yourself that it’s so true, that you don’t know what you want, that you don’t do anything to help yourself. So life doesn’t change at all. You’re just existing, as you said.

But right now, I do not know where to begin. I do not know what steps to take, what mindset to develop, what habits to build, or how to move from confusion to clarity.

I am reaching out because I believe there are many men who are silently going through the same thing.

Well yeah, but when I read success stories, what do those guys all have in common? They take me seriously when I tell them to read the books. Again, you’re sitting in my class, which is giving you a PhD level of information on women and life, and you’re just refusing to even learn the textbook. It’s like you’re basically the guy sitting in class and you’re kind of doodling. You’re drawing pictures, you’re on your cell phone. You’re not even paying attention. You’re not even trying. Just showing up and watching videos is not going to change your life. You have to take action. That’s the thing that guys that succeed do. They take action, they take me seriously, and they follow instructions. You’re not. You’re doing the opposite. You’re avoiding it.

Men who feel behind in life. Men who are comparing themselves to others. Men who feel like they should have achieved more by now but do not know how to start over. Many of them may never speak about it because of pride, shame, fear, or embarrassment. I am even sending this from an anonymous email, but I still believe this is an issue that needs to be addressed.

Well again, I’ve been addressing it for years. You’re just refusing to take any action. Again, you have a story that just basically created the condition of learned helplessness. So you’ve convinced yourself that you’re helpless and you don’t know what to do. After you watch this video, what is the likelihood that you’re going to actually take action and start reading the book? It’s a 50/50 shot.

I know you already have many videos about success, discipline, money, and self-improvement, but I would really appreciate it if you could make one dedicated video for men who are around 30 or older and feel lost in life. Maybe something around 40 minutes long that speaks directly to this situation.

Well, videos are however long they need to be. I don’t sit there and go, “OK, it’s been 20 minutes. It’s been 40 minutes. Let’s stop now.” It doesn’t work that way.

A video that explains how to find direction, how to identify your purpose, how to rebuild your life from nothing, how to develop discipline, how to become financially stable, and how to stop feeling like it is too late. Something practical, honest, and detailed that someone can watch and say, “This is exactly what I needed.”

Here is the book. I spent a lot of time and a lot of money putting this book together. It’s almost 700 pages. That’s your textbook. This is a PhD level class in life. At the end of the day, you got to participate in your own rescue, and all you’re doing is making excuses and doing a mental circle jerk on yourself.

I do not want to be a failure. I do not want to waste the rest of my life feeling confused, behind, or unfulfilled. I want to change, but right now I need guidance.

Well, you got to take action is what you need.

I am writing to you because I believe you can relate to the struggle of being 30 and feeling like you have not yet become the person you were meant to be.

Well, I didn’t feel that way at 30. I knew what I wanted and I was taking action. That’s the complete difference between you and me. I was taking action, and you’re making excuses, and you even have a misconception of how I got to where I am today. So when I was 30, 31, my life was just was continuing to take off. I was like that close to really understanding women. Things were going phenomenal for me at that age. I wasn’t struggling going, “Gee, what do I want to do with my life?” I knew what I wanted to do when I was a teenager.

Please consider doing this major favor, not only for me, but for all the men who are quietly fighting this same battle and do not know who to ask for help.

Thank you for everything you do, and may God continue to bless you, your family, and your work.

Respectfully,

A long-time subscriber

Well, I appreciate the fact that you’re being a long-term subscriber, but you’re fucking lazy, dude. You’re not taking any action. You’re not participating in your own rescue. You’re watching the videos here and there and going, “Gee, I don’t know what to do.” Then you make yourself feel good because you watched a video, but the information is useless if you don’t take action upon it. So you’ve been watching me for years, I’ve given you lots of action steps in previous videos, but you haven’t even done the first thing.

So again, you got to participate in your own rescue because nobody’s coming to save you or to change your life or to fix you. You have to do that yourself. Everything is laid out in Mastering Yourself. If you do what you’re told to do in Mastering Yourself, you can start that process and start moving forward, but it’s only going to happen with you and you taking action. I can’t do it for you. Your parents can’t do it for you. Your neighbors can’t do it for you. Your friends can’t do it for you. You have to do it for you. So you got to participate in your own rescue. Read the book and then you got to take massive fucking action, and if after that you’re still struggling, then invest in yourself and book a phone session with yours truly.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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