How To Tactfully Seduce A Female Friend You’ve Known For A Long Time

How to tactfully seduce a female friend you’ve had for a long time with minimal risk of rejection.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has known a girl in his friend group since they were 14. He used to date her best friend when they were all younger, but she’s since gotten married and they don’t see her very much anymore. He has seen some signs of attraction in her towards him when they are together, but she often goes out of her way to refer to him as her friend and keeps things platonic. He’s going to a concert with her soon and wants to know what to do to potentially seduce and date her with minimal risk of rejection if the feeling isn’t mutual. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s Members Only Newsletter is, “How To Tactfully Seduce A Female Friend You’ve Known For A Long Time.”

Well, this one is interesting. This particular guy has known this girl she’s been in his friend group since they were 14 years old. And back in the day when he was younger, he used to date her best friend. And so, apparently at one point when he met the girl, the ex-girlfriend, and this girl he’s writing in about that the other girl liked him. But the one that he dated said, “oh, I called first dibs.” So their girl code held firm and she backed off. And he dated this other girl when they were younger and didn’t work out. But since then, she’s gotten married and, you know, rode off into the sunset and they don’t really hardly ever see her much anymore.

But this particular girl reaches out, she calls them, invites them to do things. They go to concerts together, but like nothing has happened. But a couple of times when he’s been hanging out with her, it seems like there’s some romantic interest, but he’s not sure. He’s kind of getting a little bit of mixed signals. And the thing to remember is, if you’re getting mixed signals and you’re confused about her interest in you, typically it’s probably not there. Because when women like you, they go out of their way. They hang out with you, they bump into you. They play with their hair, they expose their neck to you. They touch you.

When you’re walking down the street, they bump into you. They want to hang out all the time. They stay late. It’s like they kind of linger. Just like women will come and linger on a machine next to you at the gym when they’re interested, things of that nature. But that’s about as far as most women are willing to go. And so, what do you do in a case like this? And here they’re going to be going out to a concert together. I think it’s just the two of them.

And so, he’s like, “what do I do if the signs are there that she’s down to hook up? Or just finding out if she’s interested. How do you know when to make the move or not?” Because you don’t want to make a move and her reject you. But at the same token, I mean, he’s in his 20’s now I would assume. So, they’ve known each other a long time. So he has a lot of platonic interactions with her.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Corey, 

Wanted to see if you have any tips on how I should go this. There’s a girl in my group of friends that I’ve known since I was 14. Super attractive, quality girl but I dated her best friend in High School. Her best friend that I dated is now married and doesn’t really leave her house much, so I never see her, but the girl I’m talking about I see quite a lot.

We are the only people in our group of friends that enjoy country music, so that kind of bonds us together. She recently invited me to go to a country concert with her. This kind of thing has happened twice before. Last year she invited me to another concert and to be her date to a wedding.

Yeah. If a girl invites you to be a date at a wedding. Weddings are a great place to hook up and meet girls, and if a woman is inviting you to a wedding, it basically means that sex is potentially on the table as long as you don’t talk her out of it. Because if she’s just totally cool with single, she would have gone by herself. But the fact that she invited you tells me probably there was some interest there, but maybe he did and said things that made him look unattractive and her interest dropped.

These were within a few months of each other. The concert last year was *almost* just us two. She asked me if she should invite any of the other friends in our group over text, and I responded, “Your call.” She then decided not to invite anyone else. But, shortly before we went, I texted her the location of a place I wanted to pregame. She later responded saying she was bringing a (female) friend that I had never met and that she’d be meeting us at the pregame. I guess I spooked her.

Or she’s bringing a blocker. A cock blocker, or a, in this case, a clam slammer. So you don’t get the wrong idea. No hanky panky, no naughtiness.

We drove together just us two and her friend met us there. Her friend did end up leaving early but at that point it was really late, and we were both too tired to fluidly socialize like we did in the car ride over. It was fine but nothing happened. 

There’s just nothing really going on there. And plus you’re tired. If it’s an outdoor concert, you’re probably sweaty, breaths stinky, you’ve drinking beer, eating crappy food, venue food or whatever.

For the wedding I think she started suspecting that I liked her (I actually didn’t) and started being weird overemphasizing that I was her friend. She got weird when I tried paying for the Uber, introduced me to everyone by emphasizing “This is my *friend* Bob.”

It’s just photonic. There’s nothing going on. It’s just Bob. He’s just a friend.

Zelled me for uber with a message mentioning I’m her friend, etc. I think someone one of her friends said something to her beforehand because she wasn’t being weird until the day of this wedding. Again, not bothered by it.

Well, you’re writing an email. Obviously you’re a little, you’re slightly bothered.

I think she stayed sort of cautious around me like this for around 4-6 months. A few months after the wedding I made one sort of flirty comment to her, and her gay friend overheard it and started smiling and laughing and said “Oh my god. I could see it with y’all two.”

Helpful friend.

And that made her uncomfortable and she left to have a new conversation with someone else on the other side of the room. Again, not bothered. 

So if you said that I was like, “ah, maybe I could make time on my schedule for her.” But if you got nothing else going on in your personal life, you’re going to be totally focused on her.

Despite these interactions I’m describing, I’m fairly certain there’s attraction there.

There might have been, but it sure doesn’t sound like it.

Multiple friends (guys and girls) have said they’ve seen it. I’ve seen it in plenty of other interactions I’ve had with her, especially when she’s drinking.

Yeah, but what are the most recent interactions? You can’t look in the past and go, “oh, in the last eight years I’ve seen three episodes of her interest.” But when I look at how she’s behaving, she’s going out her way saying, “hey, there’s nothing going on in here.”

So it’s clear she is seeing that you’re into her, even though you think you’re being sly and keeping it on the down low. It’s slipping out that you like her. And you’ve probably been holding back on this for a long time. And she sees it.

I even remember the ex girlfriend I mentioned, when I was dating her, saying she had a crush on me at the same time as her when we were all 14, but she “called dibs.” She’s very sweet and bubbly but doesn’t just flirt with everybody.

Well, she just doesn’t flirt with you.

And I’m basically positive she doesn’t have any men in her life right now. She’s sort of shy and she doesn’t really hook up with people unless she’s in a serious relationship, and she hasn’t been in one in a long time. I’m wondering if there’s anything I should keep in mind when I go to this concert with her. As I think I’ve made clear at this point, I’m not madly in love her.

Well, you obviously like her a lot because, again, you wrote this long email.

 If nothing ever happens I don’t really care.

You care, you care a little bit, a little bit.

I’m a good looking guy and I have options.

Really? You don’t sound like a guy that has options. That’s like one of those, “Coach. I’ve always been successful with the ladies, but this one really threw me for a loop.” You don’t have to puff yourself up, dude. It’s okay to be a novice here. It’s okay to be a beginner. It’s okay to fuck up. You read my Book, hopefully. You’ve seen a lot of my fuck ups when I was younger. So everything you’ve screwed up, I’ve done, and many times worse when I didn’t know any better. The key is to get better.

In fact, logically it would probably be better if nothing did happen just because if anything happened it would complicate the dynamic of the whole group of friends we have.

I don’t see how it didn’t complicate it when used to date a friend in high school, and now she’s married and not really part of your group anymore, so it doesn’t matter.

But I’m still attracted to her. If she foisted herself upon me I would indulge without hesitation.

Yeah, there it is. He’s like, “Oh, Coach, I don’t care at all. But as she made a move, I’d totally be down.”

I kind of want to see if I have it in me, right or wrong.

Bob

He likes her. Come on. You’re not hiding this from anybody. You’re trying to bullshit me and the rest of the audience. “Oh, I’m not really into her. It’s not a big deal, Coach.” But here’s this long email. You’ve been clearly thinking about it for a long time, so all you really need to do; definitely read The Book. You don’t sound like you’ve read The Book, and you’re obviously missing signs that are there. And you’re doing and saying things when you’re with this girl that are making you look unattractive. So you need to clean that behavior up as quickly as possible. But let’s talk about your date.

You’re going to a concert. I would just go pick her up and go to the concert. No pregame because you got to think about you’re going to be spending time at this concert. And you want to be looking for signs that she’s ready to be touched, ready to be seduced, ready to be kissed. So when you’re hanging out, you’re going to let her do most of the talking. You’re going to occasionally tease her, treat her like a bratty little sister every once in a while, say something funny, tease her, make fun of her, whatever happens to be. And have a good time with her. Does she touch you? Does she bump into you?

Is she playing with her hair? Is she twirling her hair around her fingers? Is she coming up with reasons to touch you and put her hands on you? You can always use The Kiss Test when you’re there. If she’s extra close and she’s bumping into you or maybe you’re talking, you got drinks and you’re both talking and you’re real close. And she’s bumped you and touched you a couple of times, just slowly look down at her lips and then up into her eyes, and then slowly down at her lips and then back at her eyes.

Just like I just did when she’s talking to you. And if she looks at your lips any time you’re doing that, or she does something like this, [bites bottom lip.] And girls do that when they’re around you. They’re like, I like what I see, then go for the kiss and make out. Making out leads to heavy petting. And you say, “why don’t we get out of here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine? Let’s leave. Let’s dip.” And then she says, “no, let’s stay for a while and have another drink.”

Just say, “okay, we’ll stay and hang out and have another drink.” Obviously don’t drink and drive. Make sure you Uber. And then hang out, resume kissing, making out every now and then. Again, the seduction process is laid out in The Book, and just listening to you talk, it sounds like you don’t have any game and you don’t know what to look for. So it would behoove you to get through The Book as many times as you can before your concert date. So if you put The Book the AudioBook on two speed and follow along in a digital or physical copy, you can get through it in like four hours.

I highly recommend that you do that, because that would behoove you. But if you see the signs are there, but if you go and you hang out with her, she never touches you. She’s stays away. She’s very robotic. Tease her, be playful and maybe if you see a cute girl standing by, go talk to her. Go talk to the other girls. And maybe that makes her a little jealous. Because at the end of the day, if you’re such a ladies man like you want to claim, if you’re not getting any signs from your date that she’s physically into you or attracted, go talk to and flirt with other girls that are around you guys at the concert.

Maybe get some numbers or whatever. And maybe she says something about it. Maybe she does something about it. Or maybe you’re talking to a girl, and she comes over and grabs your hand and pulls you away and says, “I need to talk to you.” I was like, “what? What’s up? What you got?” And maybe she’ll tell you something. But if she’s a cold fish to you and you see no signs of attraction, I would definitely talk to other girls at the concert. Especially cute girls or girls that are pretty and see what happens.

If she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care. Doesn’t matter. But at least this way you don’t have to risk anything unless the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched and ready to be kissed. Again, she’ll bump into you. She’ll touch you. These things are all detailed in The Book. Hang out, have fun, and when the signs are there that she’s ready to be touched and ready to be kissed, hook up. Make your move. Seduce her. Take her through the process that’s in The Book.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page on my website, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.