How to tell if a woman you are dating is capable of being loyal if you become exclusive.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss 2 different emails from 2 different viewers. The 1st email is from a viewer who has been dating his girlfriend for 5 months. She gets hit on a lot on Instagram, and it’s obvious she likes and invites attention from other men, even though she’s supposedly taken.
The 2nd email is from a guy who has been dating a woman off and on for the past year. After they first started dating and sleeping with each other for about a month, she went out on date with another man while he was on vacation with his daughter. They weren’t exclusive at the time but were sleeping together. She’s very passive aggressive and gives him the silent treatment when she gets mad. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the bodies of their emails.
As I go through these emails, I want you to think about, does this sound like easy and effortless? Does this sound like a woman who feels like she won the lottery that she’s with you? Does this sound like a woman who wants her man to know that she’s loyal, she’s chosen him and only him, and she’s not interested in talking to anybody else? Or does it sound like a woman who’s just keeping her options open, using the guy as a placeholder, and if somebody better comes along, she’ll just monkey branch to that dude?
This is a big, big issue here. Especially if you’re going to get into a long term relationship with somebody, you want to know if she’s going to be loyal, because there’s a lot of women out there that just are not capable of it. They may say they want it, but when you look at their actions, especially when you look at the actions of this first girl here, you just can’t fix that. It’s not your job. Your job is to just see reality as it is and how she handles herself when you’re dating her.
First Viewer’s Email:
I think I have a big problem.
I have a girlfriend for nearly 5 months, (after 2 months, we became exclusive). I followed your work and all of it played really well. She was really in love with me, but in the last 2 months it’s not the same.
It sounds like her interest has gone the opposite way. It’s one thing to get a woman to fall in love with you, because you can hide who they are for about the first 90 days of a relationship. And then when you’re with somebody for that period of time, the real them starts to slip out. And so, that’s what he’s starting to see here.
And he’s probably made some mistakes. I think he only read the book once or twice anyway. He didn’t really learn the information. But as her interest has dropped, instead of her showing that she’s loyal and faithful and wants to be with him, it’s pretty obvious that she’s keeping her options open as we get further into it.
She is very beautiful, guys hit on her all the time, and she often tells me about them. I set some boundaries, made it clear that I expect loyalty and that I don’t want her to flirt with other guys and go out with them.
Yeah, that goes without saying. And if you have to tell a girl that, I mean, going out, “Oh, it’s just drinks. We’re just friends,” yeah. A woman who values loyalty and is in a relationship isn’t going to do that, period. She’s just not going to do those things. Women that belong to the streets will do it and think nothing of it.
She told me that she doesn’t have male friends because they all hit on her, and that she keeps them at a distance.
So, she’s aware of this. She’s aware that for the most part, men and women are not going to be pals or buddies or friends. There’s always somebody that wants to get to it and bump uglies.
She reacted very well to that and said she liked my stance on that.
You’re thinking, “Hey, sounds good,” but what do her actions show us?
Here is the problem, however; she is bombarded on Instagram by guys, and to some of them, she replies and sends them mixed signal messages.
So, that right there tells me that she still views herself as potentially single. And for the right guy that comes along, she’s going to go explore things. So, right there, that’s just a tremendous red flag. You just can’t go past that. And whatever she’s posting on Instagram, she’s obviously posting things that cause guys to be thirsty for her, and she likes the attention.
If you’re in a relationship with a girl and she’s not a swimsuit model, she doesn’t model professionally for a living, and she’s constantly posting thirst trap pictures and dudes are always sliding into her DMs, she obviously likes it. She’s posting those because she wants the attention. And a woman who cares about attention from other men, instead of how her man views it as being disloyal, is not somebody that obviously values loyalty. She’s out just to see whatever she can get. And she ain’t gonna be loyal to anybody.
And this is part of the issue with the red pill guys, especially when you look at Rollo’s work, “hypergamy doesn’t care.” If a woman who has no integrity, yeah, that would apply. But it doesn’t apply to all women. Women who have integrity are just simply not going to behave that way. If they were raised right, if they value loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity, and they are a high character person, they’re just not going to do these things.
A chick that belongs to the streets and hasn’t been faithful to anybody, a woman who has an Instagram like this, even though she’s in a relationship, she’s constantly creating thirst trap videos and pictures for guys, she probably doesn’t have a father in her life or didn’t have a strong father figure. So, that’s how she makes up for her daddy issues.
You’ve just got to see reality as it is, instead of, “Hey, I’m going to be Captain Save-a-Hoe. I’m going to fix this girl.” And then you become one of the butt-hurt babies that made a bad choice in the red pill community. And then you try to project your wounds onto society as a whole and try to convince everybody that all modern women are this way, when you’re just an idiot, and you have no ability to vet your people properly.
I thought she did it for fun, but one night she told me that she wants to stay in touch with some of them via text only, that she doesn’t plan to go out with them.
Unless she’s mad at you or has decided that you’re not good enough for her or that she’s just wants to move on.
And she sends them once in a while text to see how they are doing just to keep in touch.
So, these are her mail orbiters. These are the potential replacements for you if she decides she’s not happy. Again, a good woman who values loyalty, monogamy, exclusivity is just not going to do this. She’s going to be with one guy, and that’s it. And she wants that one guy to know that she is his and he has her all to herself.
A chick like this, this is somebody that’s a friends with benefits, a sex playmate. You’re not going to wife up a girl like this. And a lot of the dunces in the red pill community have done just that. And so, they say all women are like this. “Hypergamy doesn’t care. All women are this way.” It’s like, you listen to an autistic moron pushing out all these ridiculous theories, and people adopt it like it’s a cultish religion.
And the other thing is, this is why those guys are so pissed off in the red pill community, they’re mad at women. I’ve read countless emails and had countless phone sessions, especially over the last 3 to 5 years, where guys are doing well with my work, and then they get into the red pill stuff, and then they turn angry and bitter, just like the rest of the dunces in the red pill community. Not all of them, but a large majority of them, they have no clue what they’re doing.
And then all they do is go around being butt-hurt and pissed off at women, and they go from having success with women and women liking them, to they’re just universally repulsive to everybody. And then they come back to my work and they get out of the red pill nonsense, and then all their success returns. But you’ve got to vet your people, not just the women you date, but the friends that you have in your life, people that you choose to go into business with.
There are a lot of dirtbags in the world, men and women, that will screw you over and smile to your face when they’re doing it, and you’ve got to be able to recognize those people. You can’t just, with a broad brush, say, “Oh, well, that’s all of society.” If you have nothing but a bunch of sex workers and strippers and hookers on your podcast, and then you try to present that to the world like, “Oh, this is modern women,” you’re a moron, plain and simple. There are plenty of guys in the red pill community that do that, and they’re like, “See, all modern women are like this.” It’s just not reflective of society, as a whole.
To my question why, she told me that she doesn’t want to cut all her contacts because they may need her in the future.
Yeah, they may need her for a hot beef injection.
And all of these guys want her. It affected me, and I became unsure about the whole thing. Yesterday, we were in bed and she opened Messenger, (which she doesn’t use), to show me for fun all the funny messages she gets from guys.
Yeah, that’s just what you want to see. “Oh, look, my girlfriend’s talking to all these strange dudes, and they all seem to think like they have a chance with her.” A woman who’s loyal and faithful is just never even going to respond to any of those guys. She may even just block them altogether. She’s not going to interact with them in any way. A woman who’s disloyal is going to obviously text some of them.Your “girl friend” acts like she’s still single.
Then I asked her to show me her Instagram inbox, and I acted as, “why not, as you show me gladly your Facebook chats.” She rejected me, and I asked why.
That’s not good. Where’s the full disclosure? “Hey, if you’ve got nothing to hide, let’s look at the Instagram. Let’s laugh at those messages too. Oh, I can only see the Facebook messages? Ahhh.” That’s because there’s something that she doesn’t want you to see. And the number one dating app at this present time is Instagram anyway.
Her response was that I would get it wrong.
Oh, you’ll totally get the wrong idea.
And that we see each other every day, and that she doesn’t feel the need to justify herself.
Oh, okay. So, she’s got something to hide. She doesn’t act innocent, that’s for damn sure.
I know that she likes to be desired.
Yeah, because she’s got daddy issues. She didn’t get enough strokes as a kid.
Once she told me that in high school everyone was after her and she liked the feeling they can’t have her.
That’s daddy issues. She probably didn’t have a dad, wasn’t close to him, had a bad relationship with him, or there was no dad around.
She didn’t have a boyfriend until she was 20 years old (in first year of college), and she had first sex at 24, just a year ago.
Sure. I surely believe that. She was totally innocent until a year ago. Uh-huh.
She is very picky, has high self-esteem, and doesn’t fall for guys who try to buy her gifts and trips.
Yet, she sure likes the attention from them.
I don’t know how to act.
I’d say, “Well, the way you’re behaving, all of these messages, the fact that you’re hiding Instagram, you still act like you’re single. You are not presenting an image to the world that you’re loyal and faithful to your boyfriend, (obviously, me), and you act like you’re single. And the fact that you’re moving some of these guys from Instagram to text, and you catch up with them every once in a while.”
So, what happens is, if you break up, all of those guys that she just “catches up with every once in a while,” she’s going to message every single one of them. And then, they’ll all find out that she’s single, and then she’ll be right back out there, a day after you break up with her, getting her insides rearranged from the Chad Thundercocks of the world.
Should I just keep it cool and focus on her having a good time with me, or should I tell her that those type of texts need to stop?
Thank you very much for everything.
Yeah, you can tell her that those texts need to stop, but quite frankly, all she’ll do is probably go underground and hide it from you. This woman doesn’t have the character that’s required to be loyal and faithful. She doesn’t act like a woman who really values you and what you bring to the table. She doesn’t act like, “Oh, I won the lottery with this guy.” It’s like, her her whole demeanor, her attitude is she’s got something to hide. And if you slip up and she’s not totally happy with you, she’ll just go and sleep with somebody else.
I wouldn’t trust this girl as far as I could throw her. And so, from a vetting standpoint, she’s disqualified from being long-term girlfriend material, because she doesn’t behave like somebody who’s trying to prove to you that she’s loyal. She’s actually doing the opposite. She’s proving to you, through her actions, that she’s totally disloyal and doesn’t care, and she will happily monkey branch from you to somebody else, maybe one of your best friends that she finds more handsome than you.
This type of girl ain’t going to be loyal to anybody, and I would not be exclusive with her. It’s your life, you can do what you want. You can tell her that she needs to stop this, but like I said, she’ll probably just go underground with it and keep doing it. Because you just look at her actions. You’ve been with her five months. It’s like, that girl ain’t going to change. She’s an adult now. You’ve just got to see reality as it is, my man.
Second Viewer’s Email:
How’s it going? I’m a 52-year-old divorced man. I have read your book once now and been taking it slowly. I was a bit of a player back in the day and kinda already knew some topics you talk about, but you explain things better than I imagined.
I started seeing this woman in May of last year, and of course met her online. It got hot pretty fast, and I actually wasn’t the one to take it to that level. Our first meetup after a couple weeks of chatting, we had sex within minutes of our initial meeting when I picked her up at her place. We went out a few times after that, and of course sex was involved more than a couple times each date.
I went on vacation last June with my teenage daughter to San Francisco, and we barely had contact while on vacation.
Well, it’s obvious you weren’t much of a priority to her. And that’s just the reality of where the relationship was at that time.
When I got back, we were still chatting and found out, of course from Facebook where we met, that she went out in a date the day before I came back.
That was nice of her.
We weren’t a couple, but I was really getting into to her.
She was obviously keeping her options open at that time.
She was a single mother at 17 and raised her daughter on her own, who is now 29. My girlfriend was brutally abused by her mom and was married to a narcissist, so I was told.
So, we’ve got that red flag. Typically, that screws people up.
I asked her about this date, and she freaked out that I asked. I told her we weren’t a couple, and she was free to do as she wanted.
Most guys at that point are probably not dating and sleeping with anybody else. But it’s obvious that even after the amount of time they’ve been together, and the fact they were having sex, she was still seeing what else was out there.
We chatted every day, except when this guy was around. Around July, I was done and moved on. I was polite and told her she’s a cool chick and I didn’t hate her but wasn’t playing her games anymore.
So, right then and there, he doesn’t elaborate, but this behavior continued. Based on what he’s sharing here, that leads me to believe the guy that she went out with, she continued to see and spend time with him. So, that doesn’t sound like a woman who’s trying to win this guy over.
Remember, we talked about Jimmy Stewart in “It’s a Wonderful Life,” and how Donna Reed’s character is trying to win Jimmy Stewart’s character over, “George Bailey,” because she wants her babies to look like him. I mean, there was even a line in the movie. It was beautiful. He’s in bed. I think he was sick or something. She’s kind of taking care of him, and she says, “I want my babies to look like you, George Bailey.”
Does this woman you’re seeing have that same kind of affection for you? It doesn’t sound like it. You just sound like one of the dudes in her cock carousel, if you will. And so, after a while he got sick of it and dipped, because she wasn’t trying to show that he was the guy for her.
After no contact for only 5 days, something happened with the other guy and she contacted me.
It went slow for a month, no physical intimacy and only kissing.
Probably because she was sleeping with someone else.
We got serious around August. She has always said I don’t contact her when I have my daughter, and when I do, she says I’m sneaking off to do so.
Remember, no one will ever do or say anything to you that isn’t a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves in a moment. So if she’s accusing him of always sneaking off with his daughter, it’s probably because she’s always sneaking off to do something she probably shouldn’t be doing, like dating this other guy in the background. So, right there, friends with benefits, sex playmate, hook up buddy, that’s it.
I’m calling and texting around the same times as I always do during the week. This has been a big issue with us. She wanted to meet my daughter and she’s 15.
Well, I mean, based on her behavior and the fact that she’s been seeing other guys while she was seeing you, it’s like, “you’ve got to earn that privilege to hang out with my kids.” And what has she done to prove that she’s a loyal person? Why would you want to introduce your daughter to a chick that you’re just hooking up with? You wouldn’t.
You’d say, “Well, I’ll introduce you to my daughter when you start treating me better. When I see that you act loyal, and you show me that you can be easygoing, easy to get along with, and you exhibit the qualities that a loyal woman who is worthy of meeting my daughter would exhibit.” She’s not on her best behavior. She doesn’t give a shit about winning you over.
Dinner was good until we left, and my daughter demanded to go to her mother’s. This was my weekend. My girlfriend got mad that I didn’t scold her in front for being like that. I didn’t think it was appropriate to do so.
So, your teenage daughter is talking back to you,misbehaving. “I want to go to mom’s.” Probably because mom will let her do whatever she wants.
I did have a talk with my daughter when I dropped off my girlfriend and told my daughter how disrespectful that was. She gets cold and silent always for a couple days after I have my daughter.
So, remember what she accused him of, “he sneaks off.” And so, he was with his daughter, and she just kind of disappears when he’s with his daughter. Why would she disappear? Hmmm… probably because he’s not a priority to her.
The last 10 days, she has gotten silent when talking on the phone, and she has every excuse not to see me.
So, it sounds like you’re calling and texting her and trying to get her out on dates, and she’s “Oh, I’m busy, I’m this and that.” And it’s like, this is not somebody that behaves like they’re really super into you.
I would highly recommend you read “3% Man.” And, quite frankly, what happened last summer when you broke up with her, you don’t try to turn a hoe into a housewife. You don’t turn your friends with benefits, typically, especially when they behave like this, into a girlfriend and introduce them to your kids. It’s just a bad way to go. And for your troubles, this is what you get. You get passive aggressive, and you get ignored, “Oh, I’m busy.”
We had a blowup 5 days ago, and it’s never been this intense because I confronted her about the silent treatment and how it makes me feel. I’m on the verge of ending it, but I do deeply care about this woman.
She doesn’t really care about you, dude. Her actions tell us that.
I thought about telling her, if she doesn’t want this to work to call me when she has some time to reflect and wants to work this out.
Thanks for your time,
Yeah, well, it takes two people. It takes two to tango, as they say. It takes two people that want to make it work, and she’s not making the effort. And you know, what happened when you guys first started dating, that was that should have been a deal breaker right then and there. Because you continued seeing her, and she continued seeing this other guy. You dipped, and then things didn’t work out with the other guy, and then she came running back. And now, you’ve kind of been with her ever since.
But you want easygoing, easy to get along with. Does she sound easygoing, easy to get along with? No, she sounds like a total pain in the ass. Why would you want to put up with that? It’s like, you’re wasting your time. Is that the kind of example that you want to set for your daughter? “Oh, here’s my girlfriend. She’s going to ignore me for the next week. But, hey, maybe next week we can catch up with her.” That sounds like loads of fun.
I’ve dated women that behave this way. You can have conversations, and they promise that it won’t happen again, or it’ll get better, or “that’s just the way I am.” And then, the next time they get mad, they do it all over again. And this is an older woman, you’re not going to change her. This is the way she is. You either accept this and you put up with this behavior, which I certainly would not, but the juice ain’t worth the squeeze. If it was me, I’d be dating other women.
I’d say, “Hey, it’s been great, but I don’t like how you treat me. I don’t like all the passive aggressive behavior. It’s mentally abusive, it’s emotionally abusive, it’s verbally abusive. You can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly about them. And giving me the silent treatment for a week, and punishing me until you decide I’ve suffered enough, and then you want to talk? No, thank you. I wouldn’t put up with it.
Like I said, both of these women just do not seem like they’re very loyal. And she doesn’t seem like she values what she has with this guy anyway. I mean, obviously, he’s got to clean up his game. He needs to read “3% Man” 10 to 15 times. But you can’t make good wine from bad grapes. And you’ve got two bad grapes here with these two different women in these scenarios. These are not girlfriend or wife material, not based upon their behavior.
They don’t really care about loyalty. They don’t really care about how you perceive their behavior. And the first one is unapologetic about it. She just expects to BS you about it, and you’re just going to accept it. “Oh, I don’t want you to look at my Instagram, because you might get the wrong idea.” Well, the reason you’ll get the wrong idea is because there’s stuff in there that’s inappropriate.
If some of those guys that are hitting her up on Instagram, she’s giving her number to, she’s using you or keeping you as the beta male while she continues to see if she can find somebody better. Because that particular woman is just not loyal. It has nothing to do with hypergamy. It just has to do with the fact she’s got no integrity. She’s not trustworthy. She’s a hoe. She belongs to the streets! And that’s the bottom line. Don’t try to turn a hoe into a housewife.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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