How To Tell If She’s Interested Or Just Being Nice To You

How to tell if a woman has true romantic interest or she’s just being nice.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who shares two recent stories of women he met in person and tried asking out. The first one he’s run into multiple times over the past year. The second one is a woman who also lives in his building and he ran into her at the restaurant she works at. He can’t tell if he has a chance or if he’s just spinning his wheels and asks my opinion.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How To Tell If She’s Interested Or Just Being Nice To You”.

So this particular email is from a viewer. I assume he’s new to my work and probably has not read the book yet. And if you’re new here, the book is free to read at Understandingrelationships.com. When you get to my Website, put your first name, your email address, create a password, hit enter, and the book will open up right in your web browser so you can try before you buy.

But you’ve got to learn the baseline fundamentals. So the reason why I do these Video Newsletters is basically, I mean, there’s no way I can put every single example you’re going to come across in the book. So the idea is these are specific real world cases where guys are trying to apply what’s in the book. And I assume he’s been through it at least one time and needs help fine tuning it.

And so this guy had a situation where there’s a woman that he sees, I guess, like the public pool in his neighborhood or wherever. A couple of times he’s seen her. He’s liked her, and it wasn’t until just recently they ended up in the sauna together and talking, shooting the shit. He got her number, asked her out for coffee, and then she said she was seeing somebody. Actually, I don’t know if he actually got her number.

I think he asked her out for coffee, but she said she was seeing someone. And so the second is a woman who lives in his building, and he ends up running into her at the restaurant she works at. She remembered his name, which was a good sign, but when he asked her for her number, she says, “Well, I’m not going to date anybody until I finish my novel or my book.” So at the end of the day, in both situations, he’s missing an attitude of “Hell yeah, I’d love to go out with you.”

So you’ve got to make sure you have women that are excited to go out with you. But he’s still in his mind. He’s like, “I’ve got a chance.” But in reality, it doesn’t look like they’re interested. And I don’t think he’s read the book because, it’s I mean, for those of you that have. I mean, it’s pretty obvious these girls are not interested, but I know we got a lot of new people. So it’s always good to go through these as a refresher.

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach,

I’m reaching out because I could use some guidance on a situation that’s hit me harder than I expected.

So this is part of the problem with interacting with a woman for a long time before getting around to asking her out, because you finally get around to asking her out if you built up all this emotional and mental energy and she’s just either has a boyfriend or she’s not interested. And so he takes it as like a crushing defeat. And again, like I say it all the time, if you hesitate, you will masturbate.

So the idea is you want to get to the point. You want to be direct, you want to be decisive, and you want to ask the girl out. You don’t want to keep hanging out and staring at her and drooling all over her. And then a year later, when you’re infatuated with her, ask her out and then get rejected like it’s a bad thing. This could have all been headed off at the pass if he’d asked her out a year ago when he first met her. Seems like he’s kind of a shy guy and stayed away, but he thought, “Oh hey, here we are in a sauna. Let me shoot my shot.”

I met a woman at my local pool about a year ago. We kept running into each other occasionally but never really connected until recently, when we ended up talking the entire time in the sauna. I gave her my business card. I run a drone videography business, told her I was hoping to see her that day, and she responded really well. She joked that if I wanted to stalk her, she’s there on Tuesdays and Thursdays and gave me her schedule. It felt like a genuine connection.

So a couple things. You’re given your business card, so you’re basically trying to fly under the radar and you’re like, “Oh hey, maybe this is about business.” So it’s clear you’re trying to avoid getting rejected to your face. But when you’re sitting there and you’re talking and it seems like the conversation is going well, you should say, “Hey, we should get together for a drink sometime. Hey, we should get together for dinner sometime. What’s your schedule like?” That’s what should have happened.

But when you give out your business card, it initially looks like it’s business related. But then when you tell her, “Oh, I’ve seen you for a while and I was hoping you would be there.” Then she’s like, “Okay, this guy’s liked me and he’s been checking me out. And it took him a year to basically work up the courage to talk to me.” Women love confidence. That’s the number one thing they love in men. And if it takes you a year to work up the courage to ask her out, unless she’s super into you, which this woman’s not, you’re going to get rejected.

We then ran into each other by chance at a grocery store. She’d been sick, which explained why she hadn’t texted, and she again said she’d reach out that week. She did text me, we had a good exchange, but then she went quiet after I sent a couple of enthusiastic texts about my work.

So again, if you’re talking about work, I mean, the girl knows you like her, but you’re dithering and hesitating. So if she texted you what you should have said was, “Hey, it’s awesome to hear from you. Let’s get together for a drink. What’s your schedule like? Hey, let’s get together for a glass of wine at this great wine bar down the street.” If you’re not a drinker, “Hey, let’s get together. There’s a really great coffee shop. We can get some great coffee and they’ve got some good food there, and then maybe go someplace afterwards to play some pool or something like that.”

I gave it several days without following up, then sent a simple direct text asking if she wanted to grab coffee. She replied saying she’s seeing someone and declined.

So in that case, you say, “Hey. Well, you’ve got my number, hit me up if it doesn’t work out. I really enjoyed chatting with you.”

I genuinely feel I handled things well throughout. I didn’t chase, I wasn’t desperate, I made my move clearly and respectfully.

Yeah, but you were trying to avoid rejection by giving out your business card so you weren’t really direct and decisive. And obviously your text exchange, you bored her and she just stopped replying. That’s not a good sign. If a girl has super high interest, she’s going to keep talking to you, hoping you eventually get around to asking her out.

But I’m taking the rejection pretty hard. I’d been hoping something would happen with this woman for about a year, and the mixed signals made it feel like there was something real there.

Well again, this is why you shoot your shot early. And if she’s taken, “Hey, well, if things don’t work out, you’ve got my number. Hit me up. I’d love to take you out.”

A couple of things I’d love your perspective on.

Number one, how do I move on from this in a healthy way when I was clearly more invested than I realized.

Well, there’s another bus every 15 minutes. The problem was you waited for a whole year to do something, so you’ve got to pull the trigger right away because if you hesitate, you’ll masturbate, and you’ve got to get through the noes in order to get to the yeses.

Again, if you’re hung up on a girl for a whole year before you start talking to her, it’s most of the time you’re going to get rejected. So what happened was your fantasy didn’t work out. She did not reciprocate the interest there may have been some interest, but some of the things you said, some of the things you did, maybe she’s really seeing somebody, maybe she’s not. But at the end of the day, she said no. Now you can cross her off your list.

Number two, I still want to go to the pool. It’s my local pool and I’m not going to let this take that away from me. How do I handle things if she’s there, keep it natural, and not make it weird for either of us?

Well, it shouldn’t be weird. She’s. She’s got a boyfriend. She’s seeing somebody. So if you see her and you make eye contact, smile and wave, and then go about your business, don’t go over and talk to her. Let her come over to you. If you see her and she comes by. Hey, you. How you been? What’s new? And if she’s coming over and hanging out and seems like she’s lingering a little long.

And she’s playing with her hair and she’s asking you questions, and it looks like. And you’re seeing signs that she’s attracted that are in the book say, well, let’s get together for a cup of coffee or, hey, let’s get together for a drink sometime. When are you free? And she says, oh, I’m still seeing somebody. I was like, oh, I thought maybe you guys weren’t seeing each other anymore. When you came over, you looked like you were really happy to see me.

Number three, is there anything you’d have done differently in how I approached this?

Yes. I wouldn’t have waited a whole year. Get it out of the way as quickly as possible.

I’m a 43 year old guy who in the beginning stages of running his own business and stays active, but I’ll be honest — meaningful connection has been hard to come by and this one stung. Any insight would be appreciated.

Well, you’ve got to open the big hole in your face, and you’ve got to get good at asking questions and obviously read the book. Get good at just being inquisitive about other people. Ask them the kinds of questions they would enjoy answering. So you need to practice making small talk with people. Plus, it can help you in business because even if you’re just chatting up with a bunch of dudes there, and they were like, “Well, what do you do?”

I was like, “Oh. I’ve got a drone photography business. We do this, we do that. And hey, here’s some of my cards. If you know anybody that you know could use my service, hit me up or give out my card, let them know.” So you’ve got to get good at socializing with people. Don’t stare at a girl for a whole year before you work up the courage to ask her out.

Most of the time she will just go, “Oh, that guy’s always staring at me and likes me.” Because again, when she said, “I’m here on Tuesdays and Thursdays if you want to stalk me.” So just the way you phrased it was like, “Oh, I’ve been carrying the torch for you for a while. And I finally worked up the courage to talk to you.” So you’re just revealing things that make you look less than confident.

On a separate note, there’s another woman I’ve recently connected with. I met her briefly in an elevator at my building and later discovered she works at a restaurant nearby. When I went in to eat, I recognized her, she remembered my name and called me out which felt like a good sign. I asked for her number, but she said not until she finishes the book she’s writing. She’s working on a dragon novel — but she seemed intrigued.

With a comment like that, you’ve always got to have a better, more playful comeback. So she’s like, in other words, she’s like, “Yeah, instead of going out with you and get my brains out, I’d rather work on a Dragon novel.” So when she says something like that, you say, “Well, you’re not going to always be working on your Dragon novel. And besides, you need to enjoy your life.”

“Because all work and no play makes Jessica a dull girl. So let’s get together for a drink. Let’s go out and have some fun when you’re not writing and you can tell me more about your novel.” But that’s just her way of saying, “Oh, I’m not interested.” But they don’t want to reject you to your face and hurt your feelings.

So she basically gives you a logical sounding excuse, and you go, “Oh, so I got a shot. I’ll just wait until her novel is over and then we can go out.” And what she’s really doing is she’s stalling because her interest is low. That’s the reality. Hang out with women who are excited to see you and would jump fences to be with you. Not a girl who’s on the fence or tells you that she’d rather write a book than hang out with you. It’s like, come on.

I left my number with a colleague since she disappeared before I could say goodbye, and also left a note saying I’d love to hang out and that I wanted to read her book.

So at the end of the day, that probably went right in the trash. And the reason why she disappeared was because she’s like, “Oh, this guy’s hitting on me. I don’t like him.” That’s what happened. I know it’s not what you want to hear, but at the end of the day, you shoot your shot. That’s all you can do. So in this case, you did it much quicker than the first girl.

So that’s an improvement. So pat yourself on the back for that. I mean, the best way to ask her was like, “Hey, we should get together for a drink sometime.” And if she says, “Oh, I’m not going to go out with anybody or see anybody until I finish my book.” I was like, “Well, all the more reason why we should get together for a drink and you can tell me about it. What’s your number?”

And just hand her your phone, have the screen open and just hand it to her and say, “Put your number in there.” “Oh, I told you I’ve got to wait till…” I was like, “Come on, give me a break. You’re not going to spend the next year. Tell me you’re not going to date anybody for a year until you finish your book. Just put your number in there. You can tell me about it on the date.”

And sometimes she might like the confidence. And say, “You know what? I’ll see what this guy’s all about.” And then she might go out with you when you text her. But when you do that and you leave a note and the girl just disappeared, she didn’t come by and say goodbye because she’s not interested.

I’m planning to casually stop in next week when I’m in the area. I feel like there’s something there, but I don’t want to blow it the way I’m second guessing myself with her. Any advice on how to move this forward confidently would be appreciated.”

Thanks for your time.

Bob

Well, I wouldn’t do anything if you happen to be there and she comes over, that’s nice. You can say, “Well, did you finish your novel yet?” And if she’s like, “No.” I was like, “Well, how many pages have you got written since the last time I saw you?” “Two?” I was like, “It’s going to take you. You’re going to be like 90 when you finish this thing. That’s disappointing. I thought you were gonna be like, yeah, I got 50 pages done.”

It’s like, it’s not going to work. But at the end of the day, she’s not interested. So I would not go in there just to see her. But the good news is you took a chance. She did remember your name, but at the end of the day, she disappeared like that. Women help you when they like you.

And she just disappears after you express interest it looks like she’s trying to avoid you. So I would not go in there unless you just happen to want to go in and eat there, or there’s somebody else you know, or you’re meeting somebody because it’s pretty clear she’s not interested.

But at the end of the day, she’s not interested. So I would not go in there just to see her. But the good news is you took a chance. She did remember your name, but at the end of the day, she disappeared like that. Women help you when they like you, and she just disappears after you express interest.

It looks like she’s trying to avoid you. So I would not go in there unless you just happen to want to go in and eat there, or there’s somebody else, you know, or you’re meeting somebody because it’s pretty clear she’s not interested.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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