How To Tell If There’s A Chance You’ll Get Back Together, Or If She’s Gone Forever

How to tell if there is a chance you will get back together or if she is gone forever.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who says he came from a dysfunctional family. He always struggled in his relationships until he started reading 3% Man over and over. He and his girlfriend have been together for a year and a half. However, lately she has become cold and distant and said that she needed to find herself. He backed off, then she texted him a few days later and they got together and had fun. He asks if this means they will get back together. I tell him what he needs to focus on and do to ensure that she comes back and falls in love again. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, How To Tell If There’s A Chance You’ll Get Back Together, Or If She’s Gone Forever.

Well, this particular email is from a guy. He says that he came from a very dysfunctional family. And he says he always struggled in his relationships until he started reading 3% Man over and over and over. He says he and his girlfriend had been together for a year and a half, but recently he noticed that she’s been getting a little cold and distant. And she said that she needed to, “focus on herself” or “find herself” basically.

And so, he’s like, “Oh, that’s not good.” And so, he backed off. But you can tell in his mind, well, they’ve broken up. Maybe he left out some details, but it sounds like all she said was, “Well I need to find myself.” And he says, “Hey, call me later.” Well, a few days go by. She texts him, to see what he’s up to. He makes a date, and they hang out, and they have fun together. It doesn’t sound like they hooked up or anything, but he’s like, “Does this mean we’re going to get back together?”

Because that’s, you know, probably 80% of the guys that come to me, they got dumped, they got friend zoned, they got served divorce papers. And they’re trying to figure out, is this thing salvageable? Is this girl going to come back? Do I have a chance? And so, what we want to do is put ourselves in the best possible chance to make that a reality.

Viewer’s Email:

Hey Coach Corey,

Coming from a dysfunctional family, I always struggled in my relationships until I started reading your book over and over and this is where the magic happened.

I met a girl, she’s 27 years old, and we exchanged numbers. I made sure to set one date a week with her in the beginning, with no texting in between dates. During our dates, I used to listen to her and ask her questions. I realized that my behavior had a positive impact on her interest level.

Yeah, the process of listening, and asking questions, makes a woman feel heard and understood. And most importantly, it makes her feel like you care. Because when you’re asking the kind of questions (and this goes for humans in general) especially for those of you that are in sales, when you ask the kind of questions that people enjoy answering, they no longer feel like they’re talking to somebody that’s trying to sell them something.

It feels like they’re talking to somebody they already know, or that they’re close to already. And it’s very disarming. And people, (when it comes to sales,) people will not buy anything from you unless they like you, and they have to like you first before they can trust you. Because if they don’t like you, and they don’t trust you, it doesn’t matter if you’ve got the winning lottery number for one billion dollars, they’re not going to believe you, and they won’t buy what you’re selling. So, it’s super important.

And like this guy saw that when you take the time to get to know who she is and what she’s all about, what her hopes, what her dreams are, the things she loves the most, the kinds of things she really enjoys talking about that creates rapport. It makes her feel like, “Hey, he’s treating me like a human being, and he wants to know about me.” It makes her feel like he cares for her. And women like it when a guy makes her feel like he cares for her.

Two months later she asked me to be her boyfriend.

Like The Book says if you’re following what’s in The Book and you’re dealing with a normal, healthy woman and not some kind of fucking Froot Loop, she will be in love with you by week 6 or 7. And be hinting at a relationship or bringing up the topic, “Where is this going? Where do you see this? How do you feel about things? What are your intentions? What are your plans?” That kind of thing.

The first thing that came to my mind in that moment is that Coach Corey is always right!!!

Well, when you understand women, and you understand the process of attraction, and falling in love for a woman and how it works. And you follow the guidelines that are in The Book, I mean, it literally becomes as predictable as the sun coming up in the East and setting in the West. It’s pretty nice to be able to set your watch to a woman that’s already got high interest in you, and within a matter of weeks, get her to fall in love to the point where she wants you to be her boyfriend, and asked you to be her boyfriend. It’s pretty powerful.

And if a woman’s always doing all the chasing and doing most of the calling, texting and pursuing, trying to get your attention, and then you make dates, it just makes things so easy and effortless. You go at her pace, and you can see the guy did everything right in the beginning. But what do most guys do? They get that kind of success. They get into a relationship after two months and they’re like, “I got this. This is a piece of cake. I understand everything about relationships.” Right?

But then they don’t take the time to learn the relationship stuff that really comes into play months later. And on top of that, they get sloppy. They’re not reading The Book anymore. They take for granted that she’s there. They keep consuming TVs and movies that show you the wrong archetype, and that emotionally anchors you to that.

So, what happens is it slowly starts undoing the correct programming that you got from The Book that is natural and innate to women, and causes them to feel attraction for a guy. And want to sleep with them, be with them, and be in a relationship with them and including having his babies. That’s the beauty of truth. It’s self-evident. It works despite the fact that I got short hair, or I don’t look like the type of guy that would know or understand this stuff.

During our relationship, I kept centered, always aware of her interest level. Sometimes she would pull back, but she would come back fast as I remained calm and unbothered. It was hard for me in the first few months to behave that way but slowly it started to become a habit for me as I saw the positive results.

Yeah, as long as you’re doing everything right, you’re going to notice it when they’re like cats. Sometimes, especially when you spend a lot of time together, they almost seem like they’re a little bored or not as excited. You don’t take it personally. Just be glad that they want to go do other things that don’t involve you, so you can go see your mom, see your friends, your family, go to the gym, focus on your hobbies. Focus on your side business.

Focus on reading important books that teach you things about business or life or philosophy. Things that will help you become a better, more successful, valuable man. So you can increase your income earning potential. And if you’re happy, healthy, whole, complete, you love yourself, you love spending time alone. If you have a blast by yourself when your girl’s not there, then when she wants to go spend time with her friends or her family or whatever, you’re excited for it.

You look forward to it. You’re like, “Thankfully I got some peace in my life now.” Because feminine energy tends to be chaos. As much as we love women, it is nice to be able to have time away from women so we can do our own thing. You’re two happy whole complete people that come together to share your completeness. Not to complete one another.

We’ve been together for almost one year and a half but lately I noticed that she became cold, and I felt overwhelmed myself too as I was not willing to chase but at the same time, I wanted to keep her because I truly loved her.

Well, the two mistakes that guys like you make after, especially in your case, a year and a half together, she doesn’t feel heard and understood, and the guy stopped dating and courting her properly. So the love story ends. If you’ve ever read the book “Why Men Love Bitches” there’s a really good chapter in there that asks the question. Because if you get a room full of women together and ask them this and bring it up, you’re like, “Oh yeah.”

And their contention and their argument or their disappointment with men is, “Why are they romantic at first, and then they change?” In other words, “They dated and courted me properly when we were dating. But as soon as we got married, and we got into a relationship where we moved in together, he just stopped all that. He didn’t even do it anymore.” And then when the girl would bring it up, he’d have some excuse. He’s trying to save money, blah blah blah.

But at the end of the day, she’s in essence saying, “I want to go on a date and be romanced.” And he’s going, “Well, I don’t want to spend the money, basically.” That makes her feel like he doesn’t care. And then as the weeks and months go by, it’s no longer a love story. Now you’re just roommates, and you got a roommate that basically doesn’t show you that he cares, doesn’t date you, doesn’t take you out, and just wants sex whenever he wants it.

And you can see how women are going to shut down after a while. Then they just feel like they’re a roommate and they’re there for your sexual release. And other than that, you couldn’t give a shit less. Women want to be in a love story. They want to be romanced. That’s why they like the silly little Disney movies where they’re a princess that gets romance. But then again, I hear there was a new Snow White that came out or was going to come out, and it’s all woke.

And they don’t like the idea of Prince Charming kissing Snow White without her permission and waking her up from her deep sleep. So, he should have just let her sleep forever and ever. It’s like, what? That’s so silly. It’s so ridiculous. Marxists and Communists fucking ruin everything. Anyways. Back to our regularly scheduled email. And so, I would say this girl is not feeling heard and understood. So the legs close. And he’s probably not dating and courting her because he got lazy, and he got complacent.

The last time we were hanging out she mentioned things like “I need to find myself”, “I feel something is missing.”

So when she says, “I feel something is missing,” what she’s really saying is, “I don’t feel a real strong attraction for you. As a matter of fact, my pussy starting to get drier than the Sahara Desert.” So, what does that tell me? He’s probably not dating and courting her properly. He’s not making her feel heard and understood.

And probably more than likely a third thing is, is that he’s starting to display those squishy properties that he thought that he banished, when he first met her. But what happened was he got lazy. He got complacent. He hasn’t read The Book in a long time, and he’s making mistakes that quite frankly, he just completely forgot about.

Because he didn’t take the time to read The Book 10 to 15 times. He got into a relationship, that’s what happened. Guys like, “Shit, this is easy. Three months later, this girl thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. I don’t need to read Corey’s book 10 to 15 times. I don’t know what the hell he’s talking about. It’s ridiculous. Who reads a book 15 times? It’s absurd. What kind of a moron writes a book? And you need a rate of 15 times?”

I was like, “Your girl lost interest, you stopped focusing on the fundamentals.” And you know, during my time being in sales and training salespeople, that was the one thing I noticed is that salespeople come in, they struggle at first, and then the good ones would get really good and start closing people left and right. And then usually 2 or 3 months after they’ve just had some of the best months ever. Then they’re like, nothing’s happening.

Their deals aren’t closing, clients aren’t saying “Yes.” They’re not selling any properties. And then you’re like giving them leads and like, nothing’s happening with them. Whereas before it’s like every other lead you gave to them was turning into a contract that closed. And then you sit down with them, and you start talking to them because there was a process.

There was a process to creating rapport with our buyers. We call it a buyer consultation. You had to spend an hour, an hour and a half with each new family or couple, or buyer to create rapport, to get to know them, to establish a friendship. And so, what would happen when these guys would become really successful, they would say, “Look at my track record” just like this guy.

“Look at my track record. In the beginning, she was in love with me in two months.” And so, they focused on that and they’re like, “Hey, it’s it, I won. It’s over.” Right? And so, what would happen with the salespeople is they’d be like, “Hey, I’m busy. You know, I don’t really need to sit here for an hour, an hour and a half and talk to these people.”

And so, they would come, they would meet the couple, and then they would sit down, and within five minutes, they’re in their sales pitch. They never took time to get to know them, never asked any questions, nothing. And they don’t like and trust the guy because he never really bothered asking them any questions. He didn’t take time to create rapport. In other words, he didn’t make them feel like he cared for them as customers.

He just seemed like another prick that was trying to sell something. Or in this case, like when it comes to women, just a dude who just wanted to get a release. And other than that, he couldn’t give a flying fuck about her. And so, it’s super important that you take the time to listen to people, to talk to them, to get them to open up. And so, this is essential in creating rapport.

And what you do to get women is what you do to keep women. “The Courtship Never Ends.” There’s a chapter in My Book called that. And unfortunately, that’s what most guys do. They get lazy, they get complacent. They don’t think they need to really spend any more time learning the information, and they get lazy. And it’s like a year and a half later, who knows when the last time he went through The Book.

But I promise you, when he goes through The Book, he’ll be like, “Damn.” Because I have this experience with a lot of coaching clients, they’re like, “I’ve been following you for years. And I went through The Book last week for the first time in four years.” And I was like, “Man, I’ve reverted back tremendously, back to the way I used to be.” And I was like, well, “Because again, you’re watching TV, you’re consuming movies that are presenting a false archetype, and those movies are designed to emotionally anchor you to that behavior.

So you’re literally rewiring your brain to behave in a dysfunctional way and you don’t even know it’s happening.” And that’s the beauty of My Book and my videos. It helps you see that, helps you see the code in the matrix, if you will, and see what you need to do differently. So obviously this guy is hanging out with his girlfriend. She’s like, “I need to find myself.” In other words, everything she’s saying is, “I’ve lost attraction for you.”

And it’s the point where her attraction is probably a five, maybe a six. To the point where she’s even questioning if she wants to stay with him because her feelings have changed. That’s the important thing. Her feelings have changed. I’d say probably it’s a combination. He doesn’t make her feel heard and understood. He’s not dating and courting her properly.

And on top of that, he’s probably doing a lot of things and reverted back to squishy behavior. She can push him around, jerk him around, and he puts up with it. He doesn’t stand up for himself, that kind of thing. Or he’s just, “Hey, where do you want to go tonight, honey? What do you want to do? I don’t know where you want to go. What do you want to do? I don’t know. Make a decision.”

Be a man, figure it out. It’s just little things like that. Guys just go sideways over time; they don’t realize they’re doing that. Because again, when you turn on the TV, you’re seeing that you’re supposed to act like a bitch. Everybody on TV acts like a bitch as a man, and all the women act like men. So of course that’s going to affect you whatever you observe, you participate in.

I immediately decided to give her the space she wanted as I knew that something is off, and she was preparing herself to break up with me. I told her that I love her but there’ s nothing I could do.

And so, all you got to recognize, “Oh, I need to find myself. There’s something missing.” She’s lacking attraction. Plus, on top of that, scarcity creates value. And it’s a scientific fact that women are more attracted to men whose feelings are unclear. Maybe your feelings are too clear. Maybe she knows that you like her way more than she likes you, and that’s not a good thing.

So when a woman says, “I need space, I need to find myself.” What it typically means is, you’re smothering her. That means you’re calling too much, you’re texting too much. And another thing guys do in these situations is, they start pursuing more as the girl backs off, and they don’t really realize that it goes from her doing 95% of the pursuing, to him, in a matter of weeks.

He’s doing 95% of the pursuing, and she can’t seem to find time in her schedule to meet up with him. So I’d say he’s probably starting to pursue too much and give his power away, and all that’s going to do is chase her away even more. But he did the smart thing and just backed off and let her be. And one thing he should not be doing is focusing on a breakup, because relationships and commitments are not the man’s department.

Your job is just to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun while you’re hanging out, and hook up when the signs are there that she’s ready to be kissed or ready to be touched, that I described in My Book. So he goes, No Contact.

He just basically she says, “I need space.” So, the worst thing you can do is keep calling and texting a woman who’s like, “I need space. I need to find myself.” Give her the space until she starts missing you again. It’s like putting a cake in the oven and just let it bake. And so, what happens?

A few days later, she texted me, I assumed she wanted to see me, so we saw each other, and we had fun together.

Well, I assume you hooked up. Hopefully you hooked up. He just said we had fun together.

Do you think I have good chances of getting back together? All in all, it was a great experience for me thanks to your book! 

Bob

Well, number one, you shouldn’t be thinking in terms of am I going to get her back? Am I going to get a second chance? I mean, all it really sounds like was she just needed a little space. She got some space. She reached out. You made a date. It’s the same thing in the beginning of The Book. Rinse. Recycle. Repeat. Wait to hear from her. Then when you do, assume she wants to see you and make the date.

And I suspect what happened was this guy started doing all the pursuing and then realized he was doing all the pursuing, when she started telling him this crap that she needed to find herself, or she needed some space. And so, you have to get back to the point where she’s doing 100% of the pursuing, especially if she’s pushed you away. When a woman says, “I need space,” that means you stop all forward movement.

You don’t call, you don’t text for any reason. You just let her be. And when she does reach out, assume she wants to see you and make the next date. And if she talks about a breakup or, you know, just say, “I’m not interested in taking a break. I don’t need time away from you. We don’t need to be broken up. I don’t need to find myself. If you just need some space, take a few days or a week or whatever.

And call me when you miss me terribly and you want to tear my clothes off. Other than that, I have a great day. Call me if you need anything. Call me if you miss me.” And just let her be. Just doing that, and a few days go by, you’re not doing anything. You’re not calling. You’re not texting. You’re just letting her be. Masculinity is calm. You’re not needy and neurotically calling her and blowing up her phone. You’re calm. If you’re calm, what does that mean? You have peace. If you have peace, then she’ll stay, she’ll go. Whatever.

You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free. She says she needs space. Take all the space you need. She’s going to have to do all the calling, texting and pursuing. Because it got to the point where you are pushing her away and now you’ve stopped all forward momentum and only a few days went by, she reached out and you made a date. Hopefully you were giving her the flesh rocket. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t really matter.

You should look at it from the perspective of her attraction dropped, she wanted space, it doesn’t seem like she said breakup, but he was assuming breakup, but he’s assuming the worst. Because he’s fearful. And that’s why you got to let her come to you at her pace. You got to let her do all of the calling, the texting and pursuing, and you just make dates. If you do that, what you’ll notice is the weeks go by.

The time in between her calling and reaching out gets shorter. And then you start seeing her more and a few more weeks after that, things will get back to normal. The one thing this guy didn’t do is he didn’t catch himself. He didn’t catch himself screwing up. And it’s because he hadn’t gone back to The Book in a long time, and he’s been consuming a lot of media and content that is teaching him a dysfunctional way of showing up as a man.

And of course, you’re going to get very predictable results in that her attraction drops. And so again, the mindset is not, “Hey, how do I get another chance? How do I get her back? Will she come back?” It’s, “Let her earn another chance with you.” If you’ve gotten to the point where you’ve pushed this girl away because you call and you text too much, then you just stop all forward movement and then you wait to hear from her.

And when you do hear from her, if it’s a text or a meme or “Heyyy” a girl’s favorite pickup line. Which is lame but you know, let’s face it, girls can get away with that shit. If they’re reaching out, assume they want to see you, make the next date. That’s it. You don’t go, “Are we getting back together? Does this mean we’re in a relationship? Does this mean we’re in a commitment?” It just means no.

You just set the next date and you plow her fields properly. That’s it. That’s all. And if she suggests a break, just say “No. I don’t want that. You need some time and space. Great. Go take some time and space and call me when you miss me. But I’m not breaking up with you. I’m not interested in that. That’s ridiculous. Figure it out. Call me later. You’re amazing, I love you. Call me when you miss me terribly.” Just let her be. She’ll be back.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.