How To Turn Her On By Avoiding Mistakes Most Guys Make

How to attract women by avoiding the mistakes most guys make.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer in Greece who met a girl he really liked. However, he says he was a terrible student and only just bought a copy of 3% Man, after cherry picking videos for a year. He became so needy, neurotic and emotional that he lost his composure multiple times, and talked her out of liking him. He asks my opinion.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “How To Turn Her On By Avoiding Mistakes Most Guys Make”.

Well, this particular emailer, he’s in Greece. So he meets a girl he really likes, and he says he was a really terrible student. Looks like he’s been following me for about a year, but he was only cherry picking videos, and he just finally got around to ordering a copy of 3%. Don’t wait until things become a real problem because this guy, like, really screwed the pooch because he did not do anything even remotely close to what I teach. But it is a good email to learn from because he’s just losing it. He’s losing his composure. He’s losing his cool. He’s acting needy. He’s acting neurotic, he’s getting emotional. He’s getting upset at things that the girl does, which are just ridiculous because really, it’s his own insecurities, fears, and doubts that are causing him problems because he needs an atta’boy. He needs to see that she likes him. He’s constantly checking to see how she is, or she still feels the same way. And when he notices it’s different, he’s trying to fix it. So what ended up happening was she backed off. I mean, you’ll see it’s kind of a train wreck, but this is the kind of stuff that guys do when they just don’t exercise emotional self-control. But again, it’s a good email because there’s dudes that are watching this and they’re going to go, man, at least I’m not that bad. No matter how bad you think you’ve got or you’re doing, there’s always somebody doing worse. And quite frankly, I mean, like the ultimate some of the worst ones I’ve seen is clueless creepy stalker. That one’s like ten, 15 years old. I think that one was a pretty bizarre story. That guy just had no self-awareness. And so the interesting thing about this is that this particular girl is also in their friend group, so they’re probably going to see each other. Plus, he’s going to move to her city in about a year anyways for school.

So he says,

Viewer Email:

Hi Coach Corey,

I’m a 23-year-old guy from Greece, and I’ve been watching your videos for about a year now. I’m also a premium subscriber on your YouTube channel.

Well, we appreciate your support, helps us keep the lights on around here.

After a recent heartbreak, I finally decided to buy your book, and I’ll be starting it as soon as it arrives. I’ll admit that I’ve been a shitty student.

Well, I’ve gotta be honest, you can’t solve problems unless you can talk openly and honestly. And if you’ve been a lousy student, well, at least you can admit it. Instead of bullshitting yourself.

I’ve cherry-picked your advice, ignored the things I didn’t want to hear, and ultimately found myself in the situation I’m in today.

Well, as Ayn Rand said, “you can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.” If you ignore what creates and maintains attraction in women and do the opposite, you’re going to experience pain. And if you’re new and you haven’t read the book, I mean, you can read it for free in the Members Area. Don’t wait for the book to arrive. Just put your first name, your email address, create a password, and the book will open up right in your web browser. There’s no reason not to start learning this stuff.

This summer, I got out of a one-year relationship, which I was the one to end. It was one of the hardest decisions I’ve ever made, and it took an emotional toll on me.

Well, breakups always suck. I haven’t had a breakup in my life that I enjoyed. They’re always emotionally painful, never pleasant, especially with the waterworks and everything else that goes along with that, especially if you’re the dumper.

Less than two weeks later, I met a cute 19-year-old girl. We started hanging out, and I felt we had a strong connection, although I can only speak for my own experience. Looking back, I’ll admit that I got a little too excited, too soon, which she initially seemed to enjoy.

Women do like it when you’re into them, but when you’re dopey and you become a people pleaser. Too nice, too accommodating, especially when you start acting like an emotional Jack-In-The-Box and get upset. You never want to get because masculinity is calm and relaxed and women will naturally troll you. They’ll say, “I’ll call you later” and then they call you a day later. They just do things like that, especially in the beginning. It helps them weed out the psychos from the guys that have their act together. That’s why it’s important to maintain your composure and always be calm. Be delighted to hear from her, even when she doesn’t do exactly what she says she’s going to do, because that’s just the way women are. And the more you get bothered by it, the more you’re going to experience pain and rejection. As Thích Nhất Hạnh used to say, “You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.” And when you behave the way this guy does, she’s not going to feel free. She’s going to feel smothered, and she’s going to flee from you like the plague.

Since she was only going to be in town for two weeks, I bought her flowers.

Why? We buy flowers for girlfriends and wives, not a girl you haven’t even gone out on a date or kissed. Comes off as a bribe for sex and a relationship. It’s just too dopey. It’s too over the top. You just met her.

She loved them.

I’ve never seen a woman get a bouquet of flowers and go, “These really suck. I hate flowers.” I’ve never seen that happen, so they all like them. However, what we care about is what makes them feel more attracted and interested in you. Because Chad Thunder Cock certainly ain’t doing that.

She loved them and we continued spending time together, having fun and kissing. We hadn’t had sex, as she was a virgin, and I wanted her to feel comfortable enough with me before taking that step.

Well, if you would have read the book, you would have understood two steps forward, one step back. And if you’re a 3% Man and she was ready, willing, able and open to it, you could have seduced her and given her a really nice first time experience, which she probably would have really appreciated. Because she will take that memory for the rest of her life. A woman always remembers the first guy she sleeps with, so you could have made it memorable, but instead you thought, “I’m gonna be Mr. Nice Guy. Keep my hands to myself.” Remember, women like sex as much as we do.

I also noticed that she seemed to have a good relationship with her father, which I saw as a green flag.

Well, that’s nice girls that hate their fathers. It’s very hard to have an easy and effortless relationship with them.

However, as we spent more time together, I started noticing some hot-and-cold behavior.

Well, women are like cats. Again, that’s also in the book, which you haven’t read after following me for a year. So this is normal. They’ll be hot at first and you spend a lot of time together. You’re buying flowers, you act kind of dopey. You start treating them like a girlfriend, even though you’re not sleeping together, or you had one date. You talk and text all the time. They’re going to get very familiar, their interest is being like, “uh”, and then they’re going to back off and not call or text as much. The replies will get shorter. They’ll take longer to reply. That’s just normal. So when you see that, you match and mirror that behavior, which is also detailed in the book, which you haven’t read because as you said, you’ve been a shitty student.

Initially, I didn’t think much of it, but as her departure approached and my feelings grew stronger.

Women like you more if they think they’re more into you than you are into them. And when you focus on how much you like a girl and you don’t pay attention to the fact it’s not getting reciprocated, you’re gonna experience pain.

I started taking it personally. I know that was a mistake.

A 3% Man understands. You know what? Maybe I’ve got a little dopey. Maybe those flowers were a little over the top. Maybe I said some things after a couple of cocktails I probably shouldn’t have said came on too strong. I know she’s a little distant, so I’ll be a little distant. Just let her have. Because you want her to get to that point where she’s not completely sure of where she stands with you. Now, I know she’s only in town for two weeks, but when you overdo it, the chances you see are twice in those two weeks, it’s probably not going to happen.

Whenever I sensed something was wrong.

In other words, she wasn’t as excited about him as he was about her. He’s like, “I’ve gotta fix this. I’ve gotta talk to her. I’ve gotta talk her into feeling attraction”, which doesn’t work. You’ve got to act attractive.

Whenever I sensed something was wrong and asked her about it, she would tell me, “It’s nothing.” Instead of giving her space, I became more emotionally invested and felt increasingly frustrated that she wasn’t opening up to me.

Yeah, you’re just like smothering and overbearing, coming on too strong. It’s like you’ve already decided she’s going to be your girlfriend, and she’s like, “I don’t even know this guy yet.” It’s the kind of thing that makes him feel unsafe and like they’re losing their freedom and they’re going to dip. So that’s why you pay attention to their actions. And again, it’s every guy messes up a little bit. I mean, so if you came on a little too strong and she’s a little distant, be the same way. Match and mirror that back to her. As a matter of fact, the idea is you’re trying to go slightly slower than she is. And when she senses that and feels it, guess what? She speeds things up. But if you try to speed things up, she’s going to pump the brakes and slow things down and bounce.

Shortly before she left, we had a conversation about these issues. We kissed, talked things through, and agreed that things would be different moving forward. On her last day, I bought her another flower before she left.

Bro. Come on man.

As she was leaving, she was crying and telling me what a good guy I was.

You’re such a nice guy. You’re such a good friend. She didn’t say that, but she might as well have.

And how special I had made her feel.

Well, that’s all nice, but we always want to look at our actions. Because women don’t want to hurt your feelings. Especially when they can tell you’re a little dopey. And especially in this case, where it looks like he’s going to get pissed off if he’s not gonna take it too well if he thinks or feels that she’s not as into him. So she’ll maintain the ruse so she can dip without him freaking out about it.

Naturally, I took that as a sign that what we had was meaningful to her, too.

Well, when she says it, she means it. But 24 hours later, it’s a different day, different time, different moment. You don’t get credit for how she felt the day before. The only thing that matters is today. Think of a woman’s feelings and what she tells about you as being like the weather report. It expires in 24 hours, because the day is past.

After she left, we continued talking long-distance.

More than likely, he was probably doing most of the reaching out.

I told her that I planned to visit Athens, where she lives, during the holidays, and she seemed excited about the idea. However, the hot-and-cold behavior continued.

In reality, his over pursuing and needy and neurotic behavior continued. As he felt she was distant he tried to make up for it by pursuing. Which probably just made her back away even more and feel more uncomfortable.

I started feeling insecure, particularly when she was spending time with other people.

It’s like she’s not your girlfriend, dude. You haven’t had sex with her or nothing. It seems like you saw each other a couple of times and then she left. It’s always better if a woman thinks she’s more into you than you are into her, and you’re perpetually communicating the opposite, which is going to dry her up and push her away and stick you in friend zone. Because you’ll see what happens here when he actually goes to visit, she brings some blockers along. That’s how uncomfortable he’s made her feel. It’s almost like she went out with him to see him that last time and brought other dudes because she felt guilty, but wanted other people there so he wouldn’t try any kissy poo or hanky panky or anything.

On the day she left, she had also given her Instagram to another guy who was on the bus with her. I found that disrespectful, although I understood that we weren’t officially together and that I didn’t have the right to tell her what she could or couldn’t do.

Well again, you look at something like that and go, wow, I’ve kind of talked her out of liking me. Remember, she was like, all over him on the first date, right? Weren’t they kissing? Yeah. Kissed. Holding hands. Heavy petting.

There were also other instances where she seemed comfortable around other guys. She would tell me about these interactions and explain that she was simply an extrovert. Instead of being secure in myself, I let these things get to me.

Again, your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. Her job is to bond and connect and develop strong feelings for you, and then ask you where things are going. Hint that she wants exclusivity. It’s her job to lock you down, not the other way around. Your job is to create the opportunity for sex to happen. I mean, think about what us guys want anyways, when we meet a hot girl, we want to sleep with her. You might want all the other stuff, but you focus on what your impulses are. And woman want to be in a love story, if you keep dating and courting her properly, guess what? If you follow what’s in the book, she’ll fall in love with you by week 6 or 7 and want to be your girlfriend. And she’ll be upset if you don’t feel the same way.

Eventually, I had enough of the uncertainty and stopped texting her for two days. She got upset and reached out, asking me what was wrong.

So now he’s communicating he’s butthurt. This is you. You can’t be all over the fucking place, flip flopping all over the place emotionally and getting butthurt over perceived infractions. “Oh, she didn’t call me when I expected. She didn’t say, I love you enough. She didn’t touch me enough. She didn’t want to spend as much time with me. She took too long to reply to my message. Her texts are shorter than my replies. Why is that?” And then you’re asking her about it getting upset. It’s not very masculine behavior. So remember, he says “eventually I had enough of the uncertainty and stopped texting her for two days. She got upset and reached out asking me what was wrong.” Does that mean that you ignored her for two days or you just didn’t reach out first and then she reached out to you? I suspect he got mad and butthurt and just ignored her for a couple of days. Which again, that just shows you’re losing your composure. Masculinity is calm. Feminine energy is chaos. And what you’re doing is you’re displaying a lot of chaotic feminine behavior, which turns women off. They’re supposed to be the ones doing that, not us guys.

I explained that I was wondering the same thing about her behavior and that I was confused by the mixed signals.

In other words, why don’t you like me more?

She blamed me for not communicating my feelings properly, and although we discussed it, she never reached out again afterward.

Yeah, she’s just like, this guy is fucked up.

I decided to send her flowers through a mutual friend.

It’s like, bro, I used to do stupid shit like that everyday in my teenage years, early 20s. Every time there was a problem, here’s a bouquet of flowers. If things didn’t go well, here’s a bouquet of flowers. If a girl goes to me, here’s a bouquet of flowers. I spent a lot of money on FTD in my early 20s. Got me fucking nowhere. Half the time you get ignored. The other time, “Oh, these are great. They’re wonderful. Thank you. You’re so beautiful. I love so much.” But you never get them out on a date after that.

He delivered them, and she seemed genuinely impressed.

Yeah. Flowers just fix everything. On TV they do, but they don’t in the real world, she’s like, “oh, this guy’s like stage five clinger.”

He even sent me a video of her saying how much she loved them and that she would call me later. She never called.

Like, duh. So your buddy’s filming a video. “Oh, I love him so much. It’s so great. I’m gonna call you later.” Not.

She never called. Instead, she texted me saying she would call the following day. I replied, “Okay.” The next day, she told me we would talk once I arrived in Athens, as I was due to visit the following day.

When I arrived, we couldn’t meet because I got there later than expected. I suggested meeting the following day, but she canceled because she wanted to go out with her girlfriends.

In other words, she wants to see you because you’re coming on way too strong. That’s the third time in like two weeks, three weeks, you bought her flowers. It’s like, that’s cuckoo behavior, dude. It’s not even remotely, this is like the literally the opposite of what I teach. It just comes off as needy, desperate. A bribe for sex dating in a relationship. This is not what turns women on. It turns them off and drives them away and makes them start to think that you’re kind of nutty.

At that point, I felt she was showing very little interest in seeing me. I tried to arrange a proper date, but she didn’t seem willing to make time for me and appeared to prefer hanging out only if our mutual friends were involved.

Yeah, because now she doesn’t feel safe with you. We need to talk. We need to talk about our feelings.

Eventually, I agreed to meet up with the group.

He couldn’t help it.

When we saw each other, we talked about everything. I told her that I had reflected on my behavior, recognized my mistakes, and wanted to take responsibility for them. She told me that she was turned off,

Duh. I can see that coming a mile away.

That there was nothing she could do about it, and that the distance was also an issue for her.

So that’s what she basically says. You know, you could have been my first, but instead you dried my pussy up. And that’s why I wanted other friends to be there. Just so you know, nothing’s happening between us.

I then told her that I was planning to move to Athens next year to study, which I realize may have put additional pressure on her.

Again. He’s an approval seeking mode. “I’m gonna be. I’m gonna move here. Distance won’t be a problem because I’m going to move. Yeah, will you like me then? Huh?” Come on, bro. But I once upon a time, many, many decades ago, I used to do the same shit, thinking it would work. I get same behavior, same issues. This is the actions of a man that’s not successful with women at all. Because if you were successful with other ladies, you would be acting the opposite of this. She’d be the one going. When are you coming to visit? Where are you?

However, moving there was already part of my plans, independently of her.

Are you sure?

The thing I’m struggling with is that, from my perspective, we had something genuinely beautiful.

That’s the problem. You’re focusing only on how much you like her, and you’re completely delusional and ignoring reality that her interest is low. She brought cock blockers to your date because she didn’t feel safe with you. She wouldn’t make dates with you. You’ve gotta pay attention. So she was into you at first, but you just dried her up like a haunted house, drier than a haunted house in the Sahara desert.

And I feel that I damaged it by becoming too emotionally invested and insecure over things that, in retrospect, I should have handled differently.

Yeah, you should have read the book.

I also feel that the situation escalated over mistakes I made relatively early on.

Well, you were doing them continuously, bro.

Before we had even established a relationship.

You were never in a relationship. It sounds like you had a couple of dates and she realized you were a stage five clinger. Didn’t make her feel safe and she dipped, which is predictable. It’s as predictable as the sun coming up in the east and setting in the west.

I keep thinking about how differently things might have turned out if I had simply remained relaxed, confident, and focused on enjoying the time we spent together.

And most importantly, letting her come to you at her pace. But you didn’t do that.

When we were saying goodbye, I called her an Uber and paid for it. She wanted to hug me, but I was hurt, so I simply shook her hand and wished her the best.

Ah. No hugs. How about a handshake? Oh bro. Dude.

It has now been two days, and I’m back in my hometown. I haven’t heard from her, and I can’t seem to get her out of my head.

Um, I would have to say you’ll probably never hear from her again.

I understand that attraction can change and that she may genuinely have lost interest.

Uh, bro. Like she came right out and said she’s turned off. The switch is off. You lost your VIP access. The velvet rope is back in effect, and you’re outside trying to get in. And she’s like, no, she’s got her door guys keeping you outside and not allowing you back in the VIP lounge.

What I’m struggling with is the feeling that all the effort I made to see her, the flowers

Again, this is not what I teach you don’t send flowers. You don’t send flowers three fucking times in three weeks dude. What are you thinking? But then again, you never read the book because, as you said, you were a shitty student. I know I’m breaking your balls, but you deserve it. Because if you’d taken what I said seriously a year ago when you found me, this could have all been avoided and you would have probably been her first.

And the sacrifices I made to spend time with her went completely unacknowledged.

Pay attention to me. Mommy, why don’t you love me? This is disgusting and repulsive and unattractive behavior, dude. Women like guys with confidence. Not dudes that act like chaotic. Women that can’t control their emotions or feelings.

She never even thanked me for the flowers.

It’s like she just wanted to get away from you.

And I’m left feeling like a complete idiot for having invested so much in someone who ultimately seemed so indifferent.

I did it, too. Dude, I had girls that I knew for a couple years and I’m in friend zone patiently waiting. And then I get my chance. I send them flowers with a love letter. I just think he was a friend. And then poof, that’s the end of the supposed close friendship. I was like, this is ridiculous. But after that happened one too many times and I ran the bill up too much in my FTD account, I was like, I’m not going to do this shit anymore. And I did much better when I stopped doing the things that you’re doing. But again, this is a rite of passage. This is every guy kind of tries this nonsense because you see it in movies all the time. And then in the real world, you get this.

More importantly, how do I apply your advice in the future so that I can remain confident?

You don’t even know what my advice is. You’ve got to read the fucking book, dude, seriously.

Avoid becoming emotionally invested too quickly.

Well, if you knew the book, you would know how to take measured steps because it’s laid out step by step in the book and you don’t know it. Again, you’re just cherry picking things from videos and basically doing the opposite.

And allow a woman to develop feelings for me naturally, without feeling the need to chase, seek reassurance, or overcompensate when I sense her pulling away?

Well, you’re not going to be able to turn those feelings off, you will be able to look more objectively at her behavior and match and mirror it. Instead of allowing yourself to just get carried away on your emotions like you’re in some ridiculous, delusional Disney love story that is just nowhere, anywhere close to being the way things work in the real world.

Thank you, Corey, for taking the time to read this long email. I really appreciate everything you share, and I’m looking forward to finally reading your book.

Well, you know what? I’m looking forward to reading it too, because you need it.

Best regards,

A 23-year-old guy from Greece

So in this case, I’d be looking at it going, I screwed the pooch, never call, never text her again for any reason. Your pursuit of this woman is over forever and ever and ever. You’re never going to initiate contact first. The only way you’d ever buy her any flowers is if you were boyfriend and girlfriend, and were already bumping uglies and you took took her virginity. Or maybe she’s lost it by the time you finally move there. But I wouldn’t call about or I wouldn’t reach out. If people ask about her, be like, oh, I haven’t talked to her in a few weeks. I hope she’s doing great. And then change the subject. “Oh, what happened with so and so? Oh, we went out a couple of times. It’s just it’s long distance. I, you know, I don’t really want to date somebody long distance. Who knows when I move there. Maybe we’ll see what happens. She’s single and I’m single at the time. Maybe we can go out again. Who knows? She’s a nice girl.” That’s all you need to say. And so I if say you do move there in a year. I wouldn’t be trying to chase her, reach out or doing nothing. I’m sure eventually she’ll probably show up in your mutual friend group. If you see her smile and wave and then go about your business, treat her like any other girl. If you were tired of fucking her, say you’d fucked crazy like rabbits for two weeks and her voice was annoying, or you just really didn’t like her that much and she goes back to Greece. You’re gonna be nice, you’re gonna be polite, but you’re not going to go out of your way to talk to her, because you’re not going to give her the impression that you want to hook up again. How would you treat her if you were tired of fucking her? You’d be nice. You would smile. You would wave. You’d be happy to listen. If she wants to come over and talk to you. You’re not gonna be rude. You’re not going to be refusing hugs. She wants to hug you. Give her a hug. If she mentions something about going out or doing something, say, hit me up, shoot me a text, let me know what your schedule is like and we can plan something. I’d love to see you. That’d be great. And let her do the reaching out. This way she reaches out to you, you make a date, you hang out. You have fun. Hopefully hook up. Follow what’s in the book. Take her to the three places that I talk about. But you may have been following for a year, but I see zero evidence of anything in your story that shows that you are applying what I teach. You did back off in the end, but it’s like you only backed off after you got stuck in the sand. In other words, you’re at the beach, you get the wheels start spinning, and then you just keep giving it gas and the car just sinks more and more and gets completely stuck. And that’s where you’re at. So if you’re in a hole, stop digging. As they say. Let her be the one to reach out. If you go, if you move there and are like, hey, what about her? You know the girl, you talk to her? No, I haven’t heard from her. Oh, you should give her a call. I was like, well, tell her to reach out to me when she’s freed up. I don’t remember her number is. I don’t think I have it anymore. Whatever. Let her do the reaching out. Let her pursue you. Go pursue other women. Because I would be shocked if this girl would want to see you again. Because she’s just the vibe at the end was she’s just trying to get away from you. And you know what? I did it once too, when I was younger and I didn’t know any better. So don’t beat yourself up too bad. Even though I chewed your ass pretty good because you deserved it. I mean, you didn’t follow instructions at all. So all I can do is gently lead, provide the book for free in the Members Area so you can read it and start applying it. But if you’re just not going to do that. It’s like, well, that’s a you problem and it’s up to you to fix it. As Jim Rohn said, “I’ll take care of me for you and you take care of you for me.”

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