How To Vet & Weed Out The Crazy Women Before Getting Too Emotionally Involved

How to vet and weed out crazy women before you get too emotionally involved.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who dated a woman he met on Bumble who was needy, neurotic, insecure and a little crazy.

They dated for about five months before things ended and he asks my opinion if he did the right thing and could have done anything differently or better. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

This particular email is from a guy who dated this girl for about five months. Right off the bat, there’s a lot of fruit loopy type of behavior that you’re seeing here, but he proceeded anyways. There’s red flags popping up and he’s like, “I can work with this.” It’s clear this woman’s kind of neurotic, needy, insecure and probably a little crazy. It was interesting. I shared this in a video I did last week, and it was one of my doctor friends was telling me this a couple of years ago. He said one out of every three women that’s over like, the age of 30, 33, is on some kind of psychotropic medication. That’s a lot. That’s pretty high.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach!

Been following and loving your work. Read the book six times so far. Confused by a woman I dated for five months. We met on Bumble, went on three dates, one a week (Before things got rocky). On the dates we kissed, held hands and had great chemistry. Everything felt effortless. She deleted her dating profile leading to the 2nd date.

That’s a little too much too soon.

From the start, she would text me every day between dates. I was slow to respond with work and would reply with some light conversation then tell her I was looking forward to the date and had to run. A few days after the 3rd date. She text me, having a, “Rough morning.” So I offered to bring her lunch at work.

“Oh, can I do you a favor?”

When I arrived she said, “You smell like Infidelity.” Which threw me off.

What? You brought her lunch, and she’s like, “You smell like infidelity.” Like, really? You’re taking her lunch at work? Number one, I wouldn’t be doing this. That’s really like, “Easy. Slow your roll, dude!” Too much too soon. She ain’t your girlfriend. You’re just trying to vet this girl, and for your troubles, you jump through your butt and you go bring her lunch and she’s like, “You smell like infidelity.” He’s like, “Which threw me off.” Yeah, because that’s crazy talk. That’s why. You’re not in a relationship with her. That’s not your girlfriend. It’s way too much too soon to be thinking that. Again that’s why I was saying this girl is definitely incredibly insecure. It’s not a good sign. So that tells me what happened was she didn’t get enough hugs and “I love you’s” from mom and dad when she was a kid.

That weekend I called to setup the 4th date.

So when was the the lunch? It didn’t say what day it was, but you hear something like that, I might have waited four or five days and then reached out again because that’s not a good sign. So he calls on the weekend to set up the fourth date, again you should be setting dates up during the week, not calling her on the weekend.

I was on a lake trip with friends, so we didn’t talk for a few days. She said she missed me. Then the next day, her new Bumble profile came up (I never deleted mine). She stopped texting leading to the date. Then the day of the 4th date she “Forgot” and was at the spa with a friend.

You take her lunch and she forgets you had a date… He’s like, “I dropped the hammer, Coach. I was full breach ahead!”

I told her, “No worries, have fun,” and get in touch when she had her schedule figured out. Then pulled back, getting no response. Four days later, she sent me a long text saying how hard her week was and was thinking of me.

“Oh, my life is so hard!”

You want easy going, easy get along with, happy, whole, complete, ready, willing, able and open to dating. Not an insecure lunatic.

I called her, we chatted for a bit then I tried setting a date for that weekend which she declined saying she, “Needed personal time.” I said, “No worries, another time then. Just let me know.”

She continued to keep texting me for a few days until one night she sent a text around 6 p.m., my phone was on “focus” (On a date with another girl I was seeing), so I didn’t respond. Then around 9:30 p.m., got a 2nd long “Break-up” text but we can still “Be friends.” I responded the next morning, calm and indifferent. Told her, “I respect it, but friends isn’t an option.” She continued to get upset saying, “No man has ever gone days without talking to me,” and, “I don’t feel emotionally safe, because I developed a coping mechanism that I would never hear from you again,” and saying I was “Ghosting” her (We never went more than 2-3 days, four at most, without talking between dates).

Yeah, she’s a fruit loop. Right off the bat, she’s a fruit loop. She’s breaking up with you because she’s big mad and she’s insecure. Not a good sign, not a good girlfriend material.

I made my intentions for dating clear towards her but also expressed that I like to go slow and see each other in person. Then she suddenly dropped it, changing the subject to something completely unrelated (No resolution or follow through on the “Break up”). So I just asked her out on a 4th date. She happily agreed. The date was amazing, having incredible sex at the end.  

Well, incredible sex, typically crazy girls, the sex is really good. So there’s that. There’s that bonus.

This is where things got really confusing.

No really, it got worse.

She started mentioning wedding rings and indirectly saying she loved me…

Yeah bro, whoa, that’s not normal.

…But also became extremely flakey, unreliable and would never commit to more than once weekly to meet. Making plans then cancelling last second…

Yeah, you shouldn’t be calling and making dates for somebody that’s canceling plans on you.

…Saying she’ll do things for me but not following through…

You look at what somebody does, not what they say.

…All while actively using Bumble. This went on for another two months until I went to Mexico with friends where she pulled back, getting hot and cold. One night, she had some shots with a friend, called me tipsy and very emotional, crying and asking, “Why do you like me and want to date me?” And, “I’m a mess, the relationship is one-sided, you do everything and it’s not fair.”

And he’s going, “Yeah, I can work with this, Coach. This is awesome. She’s great. This is great. Great girl. Sex is great.”

Things got worse until we finally had a conversation when I got back, ending things. She stated she still felt “Emotionally unsafe,” because we “Never talked on the phone,” And she, “Needs that” to want to spend more time in person.

Yes, she needs an emotional support human. It’s like, “Call your therapist!” I’m just kidding…

We were talking almost daily at this point, her doing 80% of the initiating.

See what’s going on here, she’s not normal, she’s not healthy, she’s not stable. She’s incredibly insecure and neurotic, and she demands that you jump through your butt, on command, to appease her bruised ego, because mommy and daddy didn’t do a good job.

She had a toxic 3-4 year relationship/fiance prior, went through post therapy where her therapist said she was “Avoidant,” her partner was anxious. Giving her the book Attached (That she never fully read).

So now you’re trying to fix her? “Here, read this book, Attached.” It’s not your job to fix her, to save somebody. This girl told you on multiple occasions she’s nuts, and you kept trying to date her like she was normal.

Again, this is what the book is for. It brings this shit out right away. The first fruit loopy experience, the first neurotic behavior, breaking it off, you don’t want to date a girl like that because it never stops. You’re able to get past it. Then what happens? A few weeks later, she freaks out again and ends it or pushes you away. No, that’s not normal behavior.

But over time, she supposedly became more “Secure” through therapy.

Oh yeah. It really sounds like the therapy worked.

I tried working with her but she was unwilling to go through the so-called, “Emotional Loop” again. So we ended it there, mostly her decision. Few days later, she sent me a random Instagram reel, which I just ignored. I was pretty much done trying and we haven’t talked since.

Anywhere I went wrong or did I just not vet her well enough early on? 

Bob

Good analysis dude, that last sentence. “Anywhere I went wrong or did I just not vet her well enough early on?” Yeah, you didn’t vet her well, dude. That was clearly obvious that she was cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Yeah, that was pretty obvious, but hey, you learned and I appreciate you sharing that with the class because other guys will watch that and they’ll be out on a date with a girl like that and go, “Oh yeah, I remember that one Corey did.”

When you see obvious wacky behavior like that, it’s like you want a girl who’s father did a good job. A girl like this, fuck buddy, friends with benefits, sex playmate. That’s it. You don’t stick around and try to date girls like that. Quite frankly, as soon as you spot the loopy behavior, I would have dipped. She was probably hot, and I know the sex was good, so you kept coming back for second and third helpings, but that’s on you. Yeah, you didn’t vet her. Now you know. When you get burned like that and you realize, “Yeah, I’m not going to take that trip through crazy town.” That guy, we did a video on him. He had two of them. I think the last one was “Yet Another Toxic Drama Trip Through Crazy Town.” So that guy had two experiences with two different women. They were both just absolutely bat shit crazy. He didn’t learn his lesson. He saw the red flags, but he ignored it because again, we make our decisions based upon emotions, and then we use logic and reason to justify sticking around for the crazy girl. It’s a bad way to go.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.