How Will Smith Became An Approval Seeking Beta Male

How Will Smith became an approval seeking beta male, so you can avoid making the same mistakes with women.

In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss TV interview footage of Will Smith and several other actors that reveals the moment that he adopted a belief about himself that made him one of the most successful actors in the world. However, it also created the flaw in his thinking and how he viewed himself, which turned him into an approval seeking beta male and caused his wife Jada to treat him like a doormat.

This is now my third video newsletter I’ve done on Will Smith, and I did a podcast with Este and Chunky talking about some of the interesting things that have come out. Obviously, Will Smith is one of the most famous actors in the world and one of the most successful. I think his net worth is somewhere around a billion dollars – he and his wife, I should say.

So, this guy has a huge impact on culture. He’s kind of like the gift that keeps on giving, because a lot of people were really surprised at what happened when he slapped Chris Rock at the 2022 Oscars and what led to this particular outburst, his crying and his emotions afterwards. People were obviously shocked, and we want to understand, why did this happen?

It just goes to show, and I mention this a lot, we’re going to behave and act consistently with who we view ourselves to be, whether the view is accurate or not. And so, all of us, everybody that’s watching this, has had moments in our lives where things happen to us, and so we make choices and we decide what things mean to us.

There was a clip that started going around in the past few days from an interview that Will Smith did. It was kind of like a forum. Michael Caine and some other famous actors were on this panel. So, there was this clip and it was something that happened to Will at 15 years old. His first girlfriend cheated on him when he was 15. It’s always amazing how traumatic things happen in life and what we decide to label it as. Like, in this particular case, how a decision and a belief that Will Smith adopted of himself led to him becoming one of the most successful actors, but also created a weakness and a blind spot that would cause him to basically turn into, at least when it came to women, an approval seeking beta male and tolerate all kinds of disrespect from the woman in his life, obviously his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith.

You may have heard me say, and I also mentioned this in my book 3% Man, that no one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. And so, I’m going to go through this particular clip and read what he said in this particular interview. This was from The Hollywood Reporter, with Michael Caine, and this was the quote. There’s like five or six actors around the table, and I have this on my Twitter, so if you want to go to Coach Corey Wayne in on my Twitter feed, you can actually watch this particular clip. And so, here’s what he says:

“When I was 15 years old, my first girlfriend cheated on me. And I remember making a decision that nobody would ever cheat on me again, and the way I was going to do that is by being the biggest actor on earth. Right, so there’s been this weird psychology that I’ve always felt, like if my movies are number 1, my life is gonna work out great.”

For those of you that are familiar with 3% Man – and if you haven’t read it yet, you can go to UnderstandingRelationships.com and subscribe to the email newsletter, and you can read it for free on my website – what happens is there’s basically two components to what really makes a man attractive to women. Obviously, having a purpose and a mission and being successful, but most importantly, being competent at it. It’s not necessarily about wealth and money, as it is about being competent and having the confidence to go for the things you want in life and being successful at it. Because, as I say often, confidence really comes from doing what you know how to do and doing it really well.

And so, that’s one part of it, being a competent male, but the other part of it, the masculine part of it, is setting and enforcing healthy boundaries, displaying attractive masculine behavior. If somebody violates your self and your dignity, you set and enforce healthy boundaries. And I remember an interview with Will Smith, probably in the last decade. He was being interviewed, and I believe his wife was on it, and they were talking about when they were dating early on and they had a disagreement and she started yelling at him. He basically, at least at that particular time, set and enforced a healthy boundary because of what he saw growing up.

Growing up, he saw his parents arguing and yelling and screaming at one another, and he had made a decision that he was not going to have that kind of a relationship with his significant other. And so, in this particular instance, he got into an argument with Jada and she started yelling at him, and he basically told her that if she was not going to talk to him in a calm manner and talk things out, that he wasn’t interested in that kind of a relationship with her, and then he would end the relationship. And I remember her reaction as she was explaining it. She became feminine when she explained it, and she would was surprised that he would blow up their relationship and end it if she was not going to talk to him in a calm manner and work things out.

And so, she respected him for that. But that was one instance, and he had a belief around that as well. And the belief was, “I’m going to have the kind of intimate relationship where we talk things out and we don’t yell and scream at one another. And if that’s how you’re going to be, I’m out.” Because remember, the strongest negotiating position is being able to walk away and mean it. And so, in this particular instance, he set and enforced a healthy boundary, and she respected him for that. She respected his manhood, and his masculinity, and his leadership role as the head of the family, the head of the household.

And as she talked about this, she became very feminine, and her demeanor softened. But that was just one instance. There were obviously so many other things going on in their life, in their relationship, where he basically allowed her to treat him like a doormat. And so, this belief, this instance when he was 15 years old and his girlfriend cheated on him, he basically said, “I’m going to become the most successful actor in the world, and I’ll be such an awesome man, that no girl would be crazy enough to cheat on me or to do me wrong,” basically.

And that’s great for helping you achieve things, but it creates a blind spot and it creates a weakness. Because, on some level, he’s saying, “If I become this, then I’ll be loved and accepted.” In other words, “If I seek her approval and I behave a certain way, she won’t cheat on me.” But, at the end of the day, women are always going to test you in subtle, and sometimes not so subtle, ways. The more weakness you display, the more bold and often disrespectful the testing is. But if you’re always confident, and you’re always strong, and you’re always calm, and you’re always playful, and you’re always amused, the tests are very soft and usually just kind of playful bantering. And so, you can easily see those tests come in, dissolve them and be amused by them, and not get butt-hurt over it.

But, obviously, enough things happened and their lives and their relationship, to where Jada, Will’s wife, realized that he was soft, that she could walk all over him, that she could bully him and get her way. And this is what happens to a lot of men, probably the majority of men, that are in marriages and long-term relationships over the decades that they’re together. I have a close friend of mine, and 10, 15 years ago, he was the man. He would put his wife in her place and stand up to her. Now, he goes around walking on eggshells, because he doesn’t want to piss her off. He’s afraid of upsetting her and he’s completely changed. But this has happened over many decades.

These things happen slowly, because women are relentless. They’re going to constantly probe and look for weaknesses, because they want to feel safe. They want to know, are you up to the challenge? Are you man enough to protect me to where I can respect you and trust your leadership? And the more a man falls down on that, the more a man is soft, the more a man allows disrespect to happen, obviously, we talked about it in the other videos, how Jada basically developed this relationship with the singer, August Alsina. And then, if you watch the interview that was on her podcast where she says, “I got into an entanglement,” he calls her out and he says it wasn’t an entanglement, it was a relationship.

But at the end of the day, she started a relationship with another man while she is married to Will Smith. And so, the one thing that drove Will Smith, the pain from that relationship where he got cheated on 15 years old, he develops this belief, but yet, here he is all these decades later enabling his wife to cheat on him. And when you look at the body language, and I’m not going to rehash all the other videos that we did, but you can see he treats her and looks to her like she’s his mommy, and he’s constantly seeking her approval.

One of the other things that happened was that he always felt like a coward when he was a child, because he never stood up to his dad when his dad was being abusive towards his mother. And so, part of him feels like he’s got to be the protector of women, but he does that to his detriment, where he basically puts himself in a position where he’s a doormat. And then what happens is, very publicly, his very famous wife has a relationship in their marriage with another guy.

Now, I saw a lot of the comments, and people were like, “But they have an open relationship.” Well, if you watch the interview, it’s obvious that Jada developed this relationship with the singer August Alsina while they were married. And then she came to Will and said that she wanted a time out, she wanted the hall pass in their relationship, and he begrudgingly granted it. And then he dated and hooked up with other younger, attractive women, which I mentioned. Obviously that’s going to actually help, because if he starts drifting towards these other women and away from her, that helps. It’s obvious when you listen to or read the words of the singer that she was having the affair with, that he got dumped.

And some of the other comments I’ve seen people saying, “Well, Jada is a narcissist, and poor Will is the victim.” I mean, at the end of the day, as the great Don Shula said, “Strong men blame themselves, but weak men blame others.” And so, that’s why I see a lot of the guys trying to point the finger and say it’s all Jada’s fault. It’s like, no. What a man does is, a man says, “This is my fault.” Because Will Smith is the one that invited Jada into his life. He’s the one that proposed marriage to her. He’s the one that went through with it and married her. He’s the one that stayed with her. He’s the one that agreed to the open relationship and allowed it to continue.

No one will ever do or say anything to you that you don’t invite them to do. So, to point the finger and say, “Oh, well, Jada is abusing,” well, you could say that, but at the end of the day, Will Smith enabled that behavior. He’s the man. He’s the stronger one, he’s the masculine one. As man, what I teach is everything that happens in your life is a result of your best thinking about it. And so, when someone says, “Oh, it’s the narcissist wife, it’s all her fault,” it’s like, no. That’s not how men think. That’s how beta males think. That’s how soy males think. Alpha males don’t think like that. Alpha males go, “Obviously, I must have done something. Maybe I didn’t pre-qualify her properly. Maybe I was weak. On some level. I did something to invite that person into my life, and I allowed them to stay in my life.”

He didn’t hold her accountable consistently. That’s the big problem in all of this. Because there were times in their relationship, especially early on, where he held her accountable, where, literally, he was going to end the relationship over the communication issue, and she respected him for that. But that was just one instance. If you stand up to her on one instance and then there’s 50 other instances that you’re just acting like a total pussy, then she’s not going to respect you. And so, you have to be consistent, overwhelmingly consistent. Because if you’re consistent 50 times, but the 51st time you act like a bitch, well, at that moment in time, because women respond to how you’re showing up in that moment, you’re a bitch, and everything you did prior to that really doesn’t matter.

With women, it’s all about being in the present moment, how you’re showing up today. And the guys that were crying in the comments about, “Oh, Corey, Will’s a victim of his narcissist wife.” it’s like, no, Will enabled this behavior. He invited her into his life. That was his best thinking when he married her. And so, if he’s allowed his woman to dominate him and he’s put her in a position to be his mommy, instead of his teammate, instead of his queen, well, that’s on Will Smith. That’s not on Jada. He allowed it to happen. He’s the man, he’s supposed to be the leader, and it’s all on him.

Just like Don Shula said, “Strong men blame themselves, weak men blame others.” And so, when I see people trying to blame women for being the way they are, I mean, character is destiny. At the end of the day, if you have somebody that’s displaying a lack of character and you don’t hold them accountable, then you’re saying, “It’s okay to continue treating this me this way.” But if you hold people accountable and you say, “This is the red line, and if you cross it, we’re done. I’m not going to continue to engage with you on any level or this particular level that we’ve agreed to.”

You have to set and enforce healthy boundaries, because if you don’t, people won’t respect you. And that’s what you see in the body language, the physiology, the tone of voice between Jada and Will, is that she doesn’t respect him as a man. She’s the mommy, he’s the little eight-year-old boy in the relationship, and he did that to himself. But the root of it comes from this belief. I mean, there’s several things, but this was obviously a big turning point in his life, because he got cheated on. And yet, here he is, as an adult, in front of the whole entire world, one of the most famous men in the world, and his wife publicly cheated on him.

At the end of the day, she developed this relationship with this singer while she was married to Will, while Will thought they were in an exclusive, monogamous relationship. Because when you watch the interview, the one that was on her podcast, you can see he did not like it. He did not want to agree to it, but he went along with it, because he was afraid of losing his wife. And that is the bottom line. He made that decision.

And so, that’s one of the things that I roast people for in the red pill community. I’ve seen the people in the comments wanting to blame women for everything, but it’s like, no, that’s not how a man thinks. That’s how a bitch thinks. A bitch blames women for their problems. A man says, “I brought her into my life. Maybe my I didn’t pre-qualify her properly.” But, at the end of the day, everything that’s going on in your life and everybody that’s in your life is the result of your best thinking.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you would like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.