How and why women use blockers to hinder and avoid romance and seduction.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a forty-eight year old divorced/separated viewer. He says he is an avid follower and has read How To Be A 3% Man and Mastering Yourself, but is still doing the opposite of what the books teach.
He recently met another divorced mother, and their kids have had several play dates together. Recently, they started making out, but instead of making a romantic date with just the two of them, he agreed to play dates with their kids. Now he fears he has gotten stuck in friend zone and asks what he can do to turn it around. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
This is a really important thing for guys to get, and I mentioned this in How To Be A 3% Man, about when you go out on dates, you want to go on a date with just you and the woman for two reasons. Number one, you want to make sure she’s definitely romantically interested in you, because a woman who has a romantic interest will go out on a date with just you and her. A woman who has low to no romantic interest is going to try to get you to agree to group dates with friends and other people there. “Hey, can I bring my girlfriend?” Or their kids, for that matter.
So, the reason why women do this, typically they use the kids, or the friends, or the family, or the girlfriends, in essence, as cockblockers to prevent any kind of seduction or romance from happening. And so, as a man, you don’t want to waste your time going out on a “date” when there’s other people there, because the woman’s not going to be herself. She’s not going to be totally comfortable being who she is if she’s got other people around, especially if she’s got her kids. Because if you continue to agree to that, then you just become part of her “friend” group, and then no romance happens and you get stuck in friend zone — which it looks like, potentially, this is where this guy has gotten himself.
Remember, it’s the man’s job to hang out, have fun and hook up. And when there’s other people involved, it gets in the way of hooking up. So, as a man, you have to think, and you’re responsible for the logistics of sex. In order for sex and intimacy to happen, you’ve got to be alone together.
When you have other people around you, or you don’t have a place to go, or maybe you’re younger and you live with your parents, I see these emails, the guys are like, “Oh, I’m twenty years old and I live with my parents and so does she. What do we do?” It’s like, seriously? How about go get a part time job and get yourself a little five hundred square foot efficiency apartment or bachelor apartment somewhere and furnish it, a place that you can go and be alone. Or you’re going to have to get together and do a dinner date when nobody’s around, when your roommates are out of town.
You have to figure that stuff out. It’s common sense. I think it’s kind of ridiculous for people to send those in. It’s like, what do you want me to tell you? Figure it out. Pack your car, go on a picnic by the lake, some place out in the woods where nobody’s around. Obviously, have your gun with you, like I always do, because you never know when some bears want to show up and ruin the party.
Hey Coach Corey,
I’ve been following your work for about one year. I’m 48, above average looking and in great shape, two kids (11 and 14) and have been divorced/separated for 18 months. I’m an avid follower of yours. I have read and listened to 3% Man, listened to Mastering Yourself, watch your videos repeatedly and even memorized many of your quotes.
Well, as the book says, 10 to 15 times. You want to learn the book backwards and forwards. And I could tell you’re not following instructions. I did a phone session with a guy yesterday. He’s been following me for four or five years. He read the book six times, and his relationship went sideways because he read the book five, six times several years ago when he got with his girlfriend. And then he just basically reverted back to his old behavior.
I say it all the time, and guys don’t listen. And on top of that, he got involved in the red pill community, became very negative and started doing and saying things that were unattractive and basically made him come off as a dick. He blew up his relationship because of it, because he got involved in listening to some of the people in the toxic red pill community.
I’m not saying the red pill community, I’m talking about the ‘toxic’ part of the red pill community. And all you have to do is look at the video I did last week that talks about the toxic part, “Why You Should Reject The Toxic Red Pill.” A lot of dudes got triggered and they got butt hurt, because some of them are in the cultish part of the red pill community. They’re nasty, and they’re bitter, and they’re pissed off, and you’re not going to be successful with women with that kind of attitude. You’re going to give off a very negative vibe, and women are not going to feel safe around you.
Just over a month ago, I took my 14-year old daughter to the gym. While I was waiting in the lobby, I ran into a woman I knew from the past. Our sons went to school together and we did a few play dates about 2-3 years ago. We had a quick chat, I mentioned I was divorced and that was about it. That night, she sent me a text saying it was nice seeing me, (she still had my number), and she asked me to hang out with her and her friends a few days later.
“Her and her friends.” So, you’ve been following me for what, a year? Ten to 15 times. So, there’s your first mistake. You didn’t read the book enough. You’re cherry picking, because you’re fucking lazy, plain and simple. I know it’s harsh, but I’m not here to blow sunshine up your ass. And I use harsh language because it’s a pattern interrupt. People are like, “I can’t believe he said that.” Well, I want you to learn. I want you to get things right and not make stupid, unnecessary mistakes like this.
So, if she said, “Oh, let’s get together with friends,” you’re like, “Hey, why don’t you and I get together for dinner? What’s your schedule like? When are you available?” That’s what I personally would have done. But guys that only read the book once and thumb through it, skim through it and figure, “Oh, I can just watch the videos. I’m a smart guy. I don’t need to listen to what that shaved headed fucker tells me to do. I ain’t reading no damn book 10 to 15 times.” It’s like, okay. You can ignore reality, but you can’t avoid the consequences of ignoring reality.
I did and I had fun with her friends that I had just met.
It’s bad way to go, man. But it seemed to work out somewhat okay. Because the idea is you want to, again, hang out, have fun, hook up. You’ve got to think about the logistics of sex. Because, quite frankly, moms that have kids, that are divorced as well recently, they want to get their freak on, so it’s your job to facilitate that. And when you do group dates, you’re cockblocking yourself.
We kissed in the parking lot at the end of the night.
Well, that was good. But again, if you had gone to dinner, maybe you would have gone to happy hour, listened to some music — not where it’s too loud, but where you can still kind of hear the music, but you can talk and have good conversation. Then you can roll on over, maybe have some dinner. And then after dinner, you can go somewhere else, shoot some pool, throw some darts, whatever it happens to be. Then you’re making out and you go, “Hey, why don’t we get out of here and go back to my place and open a bottle of wine?”
Three dates. Because when you go to three different places, it’s like each place is a date. You get in the car, you drive together, because he already knew her, so he had social proof. So he could have easily gotten her address, and gone and picked her up, and gone out on a date, and done something that was close to where he lived, so he could take her back to his place.
But anyway, he didn’t do that. He didn’t follow instructions, but he still got a little kissy-poo, so it’s not the end of the world. But as you keep doing things like this and agreeing to things on her terms, she’s setting the pace, she’s setting the tone. And so, she’s using her friends to prevent any kind of hanky-panky. So, instead of you and her bonding the whole night, you bonded a lot with her friends and a little bit with her. That’s a missed opportunity, dude. That’s why I say read the book 10 to 15 times. It’s like tying your shoelaces together and then trying to run a marathon. It doesn’t work too well.
She then asked to get together with our boys. We did, nice time and the kids had fun playing. She was leaving to take her kids on vacation for a week and then I was leaving for my own vacation with the kids, so we wouldn’t be able to see each other for about 10 days.
You could have probably gone out on two dates and hooked up both times, but you didn’t follow instructions.
Before she left, I asked if she wanted to grab coffee.
Come on, man. A coffee date? That’s a friendship kind of thing, bro.
We hung out for about 2 hours and kissed again.
We communicated via text while we were both away.
The phone is for setting dates. The man is not following anything I teach.
Many times, she initiated texts with pictures, etc.
So, it was probably 50/50 is what really happened. Because he didn’t say she did all of the initiating. So, he got on his phone and tried to establish a relationship over text.
Once we both returned, over a two-week period we planned two dates, but she cancelled both due to client appointments, (she works at a salon).
Yeah, she cancelled because of hair appointments, sure. She’d probably made up her mind at that point.
But she asked if my son and I could hang out with her and her boys.
She’s totally in control of this guy, and he has no idea. She’s leading him around like a little puppy.
I happily obliged…
“I happily obliged.”
…and used the time to naturally show her I’m good with the boys and slowly get to know her better.
Does that sound like a man who is used to getting what he wants with women, or does that sound like a man who’s looking for an attaboy and it’s approval seeking behavior? “Oh, I’m good with kids.” She already knows that, dude. You don’t have to prove anything to her.
All you’re proving is that you’re a beta male, you’ve got no game and you don’t know what you’re doing, because men that know what they’re doing will be hanging out, and having fun and hooking up. They would be beating up her pelvis, popping the princess.
After our most recent get-together, I sent her a text the next day thanking her for treating us for dinner, (I paid all of the other times), and that it was nice seeing her.
“Thank you, your highness, for the swell meal.”
Her response was, “Morning! You’re welcome.” That’s it. Her other texts say something like, “Nice seeing you too, let’s get together soon,” etc.
So, class, is her interest going up, or is it going down?
Did I somehow end up in the friend zone?
Well, what is the magic formula? If you’d been a good student, hang out, have fun and hook up. It’s looking like her interest is going the wrong way.
Should I ask her out one more time? FYI, It’s been two days now.
Oh no, two days!
She is a very attractive middle eastern woman; I think in her late 30’s. She’s a catch.
Dude, you don’t know. You don’t know her well enough. You’re just “She’s hot, and I want her.”
I went into this with no expectations, but also don’t want to be complacent.
Well, dude, you did the exact opposite of pretty much of everything that I teach in my book. And that’s what happens when you follow me for a year, but you just skim over the book one time, and you try to cherry pick in the videos, you get burned, and quite frankly, you fucking deserve it because you didn’t listen. Sorry, not sorry, because somebody will be watching this and going, “You know what? I’m not going to be like that guy who totally blew a good chance.” And that guy is going to be rearranging a girl’s insides because you fucked up, so at least you helped somebody.
So, here’s what I would do in this. I know I’m fucking harsh like, “Jesus Corey, so savage!” I’m not going to blow sunshine up your ass, I’m just going to be real. So, what I would do if I were you, I would wait two weeks. Don’t call her, make sure you’re not anywhere where you can run into her and her kids, and just go total radio silence.
Wait two weeks, because there’s two reasons why you want to do that. You want to see if she reaches out to you. If she does, you’re going to make a date for you and her. You’re going to go pick her up, drive her to go do a happy hour somewhere. Then, go have dinner, and then have something fun you guys can do together afterwards. And make sure it’s close to where you live and that your ex-wife has got the kids, so you can have some alone time.
You’ve got to be a big boy, put your big boy pants on, and think about the logistics of sex, because, quite frankly, it’s a fucking train wreck. There’s no other way to put it. It was a train wreck. It was a good opportunity. This woman had good interest in you. But it’s also possible if you wait two weeks, she might reach out to you before then.
Because think about it from this perspective, if you had other women that were clearing their schedules and, “Hey, let’s get a babysitter. Let’s you and I go do this,” and you’re hanging out, and having fun, and hooking up with them, you’re going to spend more time with those women and be less interested in this chick. Because, like I said, I already kind of showed you where you went wrong. But if you just disappear and you go radio silent and a couple days go by, maybe a week goes by, she might reach out, and that means her interest has gone up.
But if you wait two weeks and you still haven’t heard from her and you text her, just say, “Hey, I’d love to get together and see you. Let’s you and I go grab dinner. When when are you available for the two of us to go have a nice dinner somewhere?” See what she says.
She might say, “Well, let’s do something with the kids.” It’s like, “No, I’d rather do something with just you and I, so we can spend some time and really get to know each other.” And if she doesn’t want to do that, then you just say, “No problem. Well, when your schedule frees up, get in touch. I’d love to see you. Have a great night,” and then just leave it at that.
I would not go out with her again unless it’s just the two of you. And if she won’t do anything with just the two of you, then just keep declining it. And, like I said, if she declines after, say you wait two weeks and she tries to do a play date with the kids and you decline, say, “Get in touch when your schedule frees up.” I would never call or text her again for any reason. It’s got to be just the two of you, or no deal.
I’d say it’s not looking good right now, but it may change because women are prone to change their mind. They just do. Especially, absence makes the heart grow fonder, so if she became so sure of herself and then you just disappear, it might have an effect on her. It might not. You may have done too much damage where she’s just decided you’re a buddy, you’re a pal, you’re a playdate and Mr. Nice Guy, because you didn’t read “How To Be A 3% Man” 10 to 15 times, like the Coach instructs.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help personally, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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“Women often will use their kids, friends and girlfriends as blockers to prevent and avoid situations with men who have romantic interest in them to prevent seduction and awkward moments. That’s why, until they are exclusive and the women are in love with them, men should avoid group dates and dates with theirs or the woman’s kids together until they have bonded and established a romantic relationship. Otherwise, men run the risk of getting involved with and attached to women who have low to no romantic interest in them and being stuck in friend zone. Women with true romantic interest will be happy to get babysitters, go on dates with just the two of them and be excited to have some adult romantic time alone with men they are romantically interested in.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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