How Your Intuition Can Help Get Over A Breakup To Attract A Better Woman

The importance of listening to your intuition & gut to attract a better woman.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who has known about my work for many years, but never took it seriously. He went against his gut and intuition which led to an unexpected pregnancy and staying in a relationship that should have ended years ago. Now he’s finally single and looking to reinvent himself, rebuild his life and attract a better woman who’s more aligned with his values and goals.

My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Well, I’ve talked about this many, many, many times over the last several decades that I’ve been doing this. What I found was that over the course of my life, whether it was personal relationships, business relationships, business deals, when I didn’t listen to my intuition, things typically did not turn out well. When I did, things turned out to be pretty great. I read many years ago, I don’t remember where who said it, but it basically said that your feelings are your truth. In other words, the language of the soul is our feelings and our intuition. It’s our higher self basically going, “I don’t know about that,” but obviously in the west, that kind of thing, relying on your intuition is something that’s kind of frowned upon, “You shouldn’t listen to it. That’s nonsense,” but at the end of the day, as you go through life and you have experiences, it’s like you don’t know what you don’t know until you actually apply it.

Like I wrote about in 3% Man, my intuition when it came to getting engaged and getting married was telling me, “No, this isn’t the right thing,” but I didn’t listen. I let everybody else around me talk me into it. I didn’t trust my inner voice or my intuition, and I ended up getting myself into a marriage that my heart wasn’t really into. I talked myself into it. I let other people talk me into it. Bottom line is, it didn’t feel right and it took running into somebody else who stirred my soul on a level that hadn’t been stirred in years to cause me to reflect and realize, “You know, this is not what I really want,” and I need to listen to that little inner voice that’s been screaming all along telling me I shouldn’t be doing this. As hard as it was, I ended that marriage. All these years later, here I am teaching this stuff.

So this particular email is from a viewer. This guy has known about my work for many years. He was familiar with it when he was in high school. He’s 26 now. Like a lot of guys, he cherry-picked it didn’t really take it seriously until he got himself into a jam. So he was dating this girl, wasn’t super into her. Then he met somebody else, I guess during, I think they were broken up at that time, and it was just easy, it was effortless, it really clicked, but because he didn’t really pay attention to learning the book, he admits, he basically chased that girl out of his life. So he went back to his ex because that was easy and ended up having a kid with her. Meanwhile, his intuition all along has been screaming at him to get out. Now he finally has. He’s finally starting to listen to it. He’s excited about his future. He knows the relationship is over and he’s like, “What do I do now? How do I create the ideal life and lifestyle where I meet somebody else like that, where we just jive together, it feels easy, it feels effortless and like you’re just kind of always in the zone or the flow, if you will?”

A lot of professional athletes talk about that. When a game’s going really well, you just get in the flow. That’s what happens when your heart, your body, your mind and your soul are all aligned. Things just seem to magically work out for you. Steve Jobs said this. He’s like, “You can’t connect the dots going forward. It’s only as you go through life.” When you look back then you can kind of connect the dots and you’re like, “Wow, that relationship, meeting that dude there, this person, this business association or taking that calligraphy class,” you really see how as these things happen that seems like life has been magically designed for us individually.

The universe has always just given us exactly what we know or what we need in order to reach our full potential. It’s just the question is, are we actually listening? Do we trust that little inner voice? Because really, pain and pleasure is what motivates us to do things. We do more to avoid pain than we do to gain pleasure. You have to go through life. You have to get burned. You got to get your heart broken. You got to get people that steal from you or lie to you, and you’re not so trusting. You tend to “trust, but verify.” As you get a little older, you’re going to be a little bit more skeptical, a little bit more selective, but when you’re young, you just you don’t know.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach Corey,

I’ve known about your work since high school, but I didn’t really start applying it until my life hit a wall.

Well, anybody that’s done well and given a copy of my book to their friends, they see that, “Oh yeah, I got to get around to that.” You give 10 of them out, you’re lucky if one of those guys actually reads it, but when the guy’s in pain, he’s getting rejected, he gets served with divorce papers, then he’s more open to listen and learn these things.

Since my ex and I split, I’ve read the book three times and listened four times, and I’m now working through Mastering Yourself. I’m 26 and just got out of a four-year relationship with my daughter’s mom that, looking back, I stayed in out of weakness. My gut always told me she wasn’t the one, but I ignored it.

Well, what did Ayn Rand say? “You can ignore reality, but you can’t ignore the consequences of ignoring reality.”

There was a lot of drama, poor communication, and I later found out about lies early on that I rationalized because I didn’t think I could do better.

So in other words, he had a personal story that just basically convinced him that, “Hey dude, this is your lot in life. This is the way it is. You can’t have what you really want. You got to be realistic,” and you talk yourself into it because the pain of the unknown is more intense, more real than the potential pleasure of taking off and going in a direction that you want to go and hoping that things are going to work out. It’s the potential pain of rejection or, “Well, what if the next girl is worse? Then I’d really be screwed. Then I’d be regretting that I left what I had.” “Sometimes better is the enemy of good,” as great Bill Parcells said.

During a brief breakup, I met another woman who completely changed my perspective.

This is the way the universe tends to work. You have a space in your life, you’re not happy with what you had, somebody else comes along and it just seems magical. Like the kind of relationships I wrote about in the book. They’re just easy. They’re effortless. They flow together.

The chemistry was effortless, fun, and natural. Everything my relationship wasn’t.

Like I said, I was talking about earlier, that chance, I don’t really look at it as chance, it was on purpose, but running into that girl I went to high school with, that stirred my soul. I was like, “I got to know what it’s like. I got to know what it’s like to be in a relationship with somebody that makes me feel that way.” There’s a difference in the connection there compared to anything I had experienced so far. It didn’t mean her and I were going to be together like a Disney movie, but it did cause me to get off my ass and really re-examine my life and how things were going. Deep down, I wasn’t really happy. I had committed to a life that I didn’t really want to commit to. I got talked into it by everybody else, and as hard as it was after the fact, man, I felt so free. I felt so much better. I felt like a giant weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

But because I hadn’t done the work yet, I over-pursued and turned her off.

So he basically chased her out of his life. Instead of allowing her to love him, he chased her out of his life because deep down, his personal story that he created said he didn’t deserve that. So he behaved in ways that showed that he didn’t deserve that and eventually the girl agreed and rode off into the sunset. Those are the kinds of events that are supposed to change your life, but again, the potential, “Well, that it didn’t work out well. Might as well go back to what I already got.”

I went back to my ex, which led to the pregnancy. I love my daughter, but throughout that time I knew deep down I was settling, and that disconnect made things worse. About a month after my daughter was born, my ex moved back in with her parents. I’ll own that I contributed to the breakdown with negative and frustrated behavior.

Yeah, he just wasn’t happy and he probably took it out on her, but the reality was he was the one driving that fun bus.

Now things are ice cold between us. Communication is minimal and often turns into conflict, but I’m focused on being in my daughter’s life as much as possible, especially while she’s still breastfeeding. That makes it hard to create space or apply the “gift of missing me,” without sacrificing time with my child. I’ve accepted the relationship is over and am working on rebuilding myself.

Well, at the end of the day, you don’t need to worry about giving your ex-girlfriend the gift of missing you because you’re not going to get back together with her anyway. Also, just the fact that he wrote that tells me, in the back of his mind, he’s still potentially thinking about that. If you remember how it was with that other woman, it was easy, it was effortless, and you basically talked her out of and chased her out of liking you. So just imagine reading the book, applying it, and mastering the book. Next time a girl like that comes along, you actually allow her to love you instead of basically convincing her why she shouldn’t love you, which is basically what happened.

So in other words, you got to cut out your unattractive behavior. You got to fill in your knowledge gap. This kind of experience that you had, that’s what led to me ultimately getting married, because every time I met somebody that I clicked with like that, it just faded away and they disappeared, and I could never get a straight answer as to why they lost interest and no longer wanted to see me or date me. I always got explanations that sounded logical, but quite frankly, it didn’t really make any sense and wasn’t helpful. Women don’t want to hurt your feelings. So they tell you something that they think you can handle.

My question is about moving forward. How soon is too soon to start dating again given I’m still navigating this co-parenting dynamic?

Well, I mean, I did a success story in the last couple days of a guy who had a breakup about six months ago. He was licking his wounds and he started working out. I think he said he lost 20 pounds in the last six months. He’s working out four or five days a week. Taking care of himself. He’s optimistic. He’s excited about the future. Again, the quickest way to get over a woman is to get under another one or on top of another one. That’s basically what he did. He met somebody who really clicked with her. They had a great first date. They almost hooked up. Then the next day, she called him to tell him what a great time she had on her first date. Basically later that night they were hooking up and that completely changed his attitude. So, I mean, one look, one glance from a hot female stranger just like that, and you’ll completely forget about the ex. You’ll go from feeling bummed out to elated and alive inside, just like I talk about in my book. There’s nothing like it. It’s just everything, you completely forget about everything else when you meet somebody new.

So you want to create the conditions where that can happen as quickly as possible. So that’s why you focus on taking care of you, getting fit, get in shape. If you gained a bunch of weight, which a lot of people tend to do when they get into a long-term relationship, lose the weight, get in the gym, you look fitter, you look hotter. Remember, 74% of all Americans are overweight or obese. So if you could just be relatively fit and in shape, you don’t have to be Mr. Olympia. You’re already beating out 75% of the competition. Plus, you’ll feel better about yourself. It’ll put lead in your pencil, and life will give you lots of other choices and lots of other options. The important thing is, another one of the videos that I did yesterday was a Members Only video, was the importance of getting to a happy place, because when you’re in a happy place, you’ll attract somebody else who is also in a happy place, and then you’ll make magic together.

Part of me feels like I need to be more established first, but I also don’t want to hesitate unnecessarily.

Well, my advice to you would be to do everything concurrently, because we know you have a knowledge gap and you need to fill in your knowledge gap, and you don’t know when the next time or how soon you’re going to meet somebody that knocks your socks off, like this other girl did when you were temporarily broken up with your ex baby mama. So you need to get prepared.

What did Confucius say? “Success depends upon prior preparation, and without said preparation, there is sure to be failure.” So you can’t put off success and happiness in a new relationship, “Oh, when all this stuff happens, then I can go do that stuff.” It’s like you need to be learning and practicing what’s in the book because again, if you don’t, then the same thing will happen all over again. It’ll come along when you least expect it, and since you didn’t take the time to really learn the book and master it, you’ll screw it up again and you’ll get burned and brokenhearted one more time. Pain is life’s change agent. It’s life’s way of saying, “Hey, what you’re doing is sub-optimal. There’s a better, more efficient way to go about this.”

Also, since I’m now rooted in this area long-term because of my daughter, where would you recommend moving to have better success as a 3% Man? The big city, the town, or the suburbs?

Best,

Bob

Wherever makes you happy. That’s the most important thing. Whatever is going to put the biggest smile on your face. To give you an example from my own life recently. You guys know that I just moved the office in my home to a much bigger place, literally twice the size of what I had. I was in a really nice building, but there were so many fucked up things with that building that just living there got under my skin. It pissed me off, stressed me out, and took away from my overall quality of life. Now things are much quieter in the neighborhood that I’m in, it’s much more peaceful. I got a lot more room and I just feel better. I feel better, I feel happier being here, and obviously all the girls, Chunky, everybody, loves the new place. Obviously the dogs love it. They go crazy, especially all five of them are running around up and down, all four stories in the stairs and we haven’t heard them barking. They’ve been pretty cool. It is a Saturday, so things are a little slower now, which is good.

Anything that can improve your quality of life. So another thing that’s important, like if you’re looking for a new place, go drive to the area, because like this particular place that I’m in, I looked at it, I was like, “Wow, it’s pretty nice,” but there was a house further north, probably about 30 minutes north, where I ended up going that was like really badass, but when I drove the neighborhood, I didn’t get a good vibe. This particular property. When I looked at it, there were two of them that I looked at. The first one I walked in, it had like dark carpet and like the kitchen was cool, but the rest of the house was just like, ehh, I just didn’t get a good vibe at all. Didn’t like it. I was like, “Well, I don’t see myself moving there.” So I went and looked at this house, which was a disappointment, and the house was killer, but the neighborhood was like, ehh. It just didn’t feel good, even though it was in a good area.

So this place, after I looked at the house, I came back and looked at it. As soon as I walked in the door, just a completely different vibe. As I walked through, I was like, “Man, this is perfect!” So I fell in love with it. That’s what you gotta do. You got to get out there and see it with your eyes, smell the smells, hear what you can hear with your ears, and just see how the vibe feels, and that’ll help you make a decision because again, wherever you’re going to be happier, you’ll be more attractive the happier you are. You’ll just smile more. The more you smile, the more you look approachable, the more you look kind, the more you look safe. Women notice this. They’ll come over to you. You’ll just have better interactions.

The other thing you got to consider is I wouldn’t suggest, if you’re trying to meet girls, to go move someplace in the mountains where your closest neighbor is like 10 miles away. That will be a little bit hard for a social life. Again, I would live somewhere where you really like the area. It facilitates you doing things you really love and enjoy. Personally, like I can drive my car because in the past it’s like, my parking was on the sixth floor and I had to go around six floors to get to the bottom six floors to go up. Now I got my bike, I got my scooter, which a lot of times I wouldn’t even use those things just because the elevator wouldn’t open, because there weren’t enough of them in the building. Then it’s packed and you’re like, “Fuck,” and you got to wait for the elevator to go all the way down and then come all the way up. Sometimes when it comes back up, it’s full again. You’re like, “Shit.”

It happens so many times. Just ride my bike or my scooters or whatever, or just going out and doing things was just always the friction of getting in and out of the building. So now I can just pull out of my garage and go wherever the fuck I want. It’s so nice because it’s just so quick. It makes it so convenient. Plus, it’s still close and located to everything, restaurants, bars, places to shop, places to hang out, places to hang out with, friends and family, take my girl. Just do whatever and have a good time. So you gotta do and go wherever is going to put a smile on your face and make you happy. That’s the most important thing. What makes you happy? What makes you smile? Again, you got to think about where the fish like.

Another thing I’ve noticed like, because the neighborhood is a little higher end than it was, the women that are walking around here are more attractive. The dudes that are walking around here are fitter, more in shape. They’re friendlier, they’re nicer, they tend to be more well off, and they’re just better neighbors compared to where I was. So you got to think about that as well. If you can get into a neighborhood, whether it’s a rental property or something like that, where a lot of affluent people tend to live, the women are going to be more attractive, they’re going to be smarter, higher IQ. Same thing with the guys. The guys will tend to be fit and in shape. They’ll be smarter, they’ll be business owners, they’ll be successful. Again, wherever you are, you got to think about the other fish. Where are you fishing at?

So again, the most important thing is it lights you up on the inside and makes you happy. Drive around, check it out, feel the vibe, see where the things are to do, to eat, to hang out and socialize, because if you just love where you’re hanging out and where you live, it’s just going outside, your house will feel awesome and that’s what you need to do. Most importantly, you need that for your daughter too, because she needs to see daddy happy.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen on any page, and book a coaching session with yours truly.

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