Why relationships that start out based upon money and horse-trading typically don’t last.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been dating a super hot girl for the past five years. She is twenty-five and he is sixty-one. He met her on a sugar dating website and supported her financially. Then, during the lockdowns when they weren’t able to travel and do expensive things, she got bored, met someone else and lied about what she was doing while they were taking a break.
Now she is back home and contacting him, but he has been angry and a cold fish towards her. He feels used and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
You could tell going through the email, he’s leaving some details out and he’s kind of sugarcoating some things, but I can kind of read between the lines and see where he’s kind of screwed up here. But this is an interesting case, because he met this woman on this site. They started dating, spent a lot of time together. She eventually fell in love, but she also eventually fell out of love. And when she fell out of love and lost respect for him, things went sideways fast, in kind of a nasty way.
Thank you very much for all your helpful videos and books. Whenever I am having relationship issues, you’re the guy I turn to. Your advice is always spot on. Anyway, I have an interesting situation that I would love to hear your opinion about. I have been dating a super hot girl for the last 5 years. She is 25 and I am 61. Yes I know it’s a big age difference, but as they say you are only as old as the woman you feel.
Well, if you stay fit and healthy like yours truly, you’re going to get noticed by younger women. It’s going to happen, nothing wrong with that. That means that she was 20 when they met, so he was 56, she was 20.
We originally met on a popular dating site. She was single and originally looking for someone to help her out both financially and emotionally as she had very little family support or guidance.
So, she came from a broken home. He sent pictures and she’s a fucking smoke show. Absolute smoke show, so nice job, bro. But the relationship is based on horse-trading. So, he says, “a popular dating site.” It could have been something like Hinge, because I saw on Hinge the last time I was on there, there’s a lot of hookers on there. There’s a lot of women that pretend to match, and then because there’s so many gullible desperate dudes out there, they’ll drop a couple of grand a week to hang out for a day and hang out, have fun and hook up, no strings attached.
I was divorced and looking for a cute, sweet and reliable girlfriend with no drama. Anyway, after about a year of dating, she eventually fell in love with me and was super affectionate, appreciative and faithful.
As far as he knows.
We did a lot of traveling and fun things together and created many wonderful memories.
She liked the good life, obviously.
Then COVID hit. We were stuck at home for over a year and a half, like most people. During this time she began to get restless, especially when she would see other people on Instagram traveling and doing things.
So, she cares a lot about what other people are saying, but then again, she’s really young and women that age, they worry about what other people think too much.
I tried to do fun dates and mix things up, but she preferred to just have dinners at home together on Saturday night, followed by a movie and sex.
So, it became dull, boring and routine. There was no excitement, and she wants to live the good life.
Once the COVID restrictions lifted, she mentioned to me that she wanted to go visit her friends in the US, (we live in Canada), as well as get a job in Seattle for the summer.
So, if she’s leaving to go travel and live somewhere else, how does she feel towards him? She might have fallen in love, but now she’s out of love. And so, now that she’s out of love, we get to see what her true character is like.
I didn’t want to hold her back, as she was young and I wanted her to grow as a person and experience new things.
Well, I don’t think he was reading “How To Be A 3% Man” at the time.
I could feel she was starting to grow more distant, but I always heard if you love somebody set them free. So, I said that we should take a break for the summer, so that she wouldn’t have any regrets.
Yeah, bro, I wouldn’t have done that. Granted, I wouldn’t be dating a woman in this situation, but you are where you are, and obviously you care for this girl. But you’ve got to understand you’re dealing with a hooker, in essence.
I drove her to the airport in early July, she said she loved me and we parted ways.
She loved all the things you did for her and the lifestyle you gave her. And she probably cared for you at one point, but when things became a dull, boring and routine, she fell out of love and she needed new excitement. Remember, she comes from a broken family. She doesn’t have the skills to fix things or communicate what she needs. Money talks. She wanted you to make it rain, baby.
Three days after she landed in Seattle for her job interview, I could see on my phone that she was now in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico at the Four Seasons, obviously with another guy as she could not afford to go on a trip like that by herself.
I guess she got back on those sugar dating websites. She wanted to live the good life. She probably was lying before she left.
I had a super sick feeling in my gut and did not contact her. A few days later she blocked her location on my phone.
Oh, not a good sign.
I did see after that on Instagram that she also went to San Francisco right after Mexico…
Oh, she’s quite the world traveler, just traveling with somebody else.
…with photos of her dining at expensive restaurants, again obviously with another guy.
She liked the good life.
Finally, at the beginning of August she contacted me to say hi. I didn’t reply for a few days and then I just said I was doing good and asked her what’s up. She said she just wanted to see how I was doing. I never replied back, because I was so pissed at what she did.
Well, dude, you broke up with her and you told her to go have fun, get it out of your system, or whatever you told her. You can’t be mad.
Then a few weeks later she contacted me asking me if I could help her out with her university residence fees.
This is what happens when you horse-trade. You give her money, you pay her bills, she gives you access to the box.
I told her no, and that she should ask the guy she went on vacation with to help her out. She replied that I was putting her in an uncomfortable situation and that I had originally promised to have her back if she needed help.
Well, you guys technically weren’t together anymore. She made her choice.
I responded that she was just using me and that she should find another sucker to pay for all her shit.
Damn. Well, the truth is a nasty pill to swallow.
I never heard back from her until she came back to Canada a few weeks ago to start university and pick up her things. Since then, I have been using the no contact rule and have only replied to her once when she couldn’t find some of her things. I kept it brief and polite.
I would have just invited her over to make dinner together. Have a bottle of wine, hang out, have fun, hook up. Because the idea of going no contact is you’re walking away from the negotiating table. And then if the other party contacts you, you’d fly her to see you. But instead, you were butt hurt, and you were punishing her.
So my question for you is what do you think I did wrong and do you think she will ever try to come back to me?
Well, she has reached out and you didn’t make dates. If you’d read “How To Be A 3% Man,” which it doesn’t sound like you have, you’d know your job is just simply to create an opportunity for sex to happen, to hang out, to have fun and to hook up. That’s it.
Now, as far as a relationship thing, that’s her wheelhouse. She brings that up. Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? It sounds like you were getting the milk for free for a long time, but again, you were locked down, you couldn’t do anything. And it sounds like when the restrictions were lifted, you should have had things planned out where you could go and have some fun. But instead, it was obvious that her attraction had dropped, because you probably didn’t know what you were doing to keep it up there.
But at the end of the day, this is the integrity level of the woman you got involved with. There was nobody there to teach her how to have a good, healthy relationship. She learned to be a survivor. I mean, quite frankly, can you fault her?
Can you blame her for being the way she is? If she’s beautiful, and she’s got nobody to teach her values, and she’s got no family to lean on it, it’s like, what is she’s going to resort to? What would you do if you were in her shoes? I’m just asking the question. I’m not saying it’s right or wrong, I’m just saying, hey, I can understand why women choose this path.
We had a lot of great memories and I really do love her, but I also want what is best for her.
Probably a hot beef injection and a good, fun date, or a series of fun dates.
I know she is mad at me for not helping her out with her university and has probably moved on emotionally.
She’s still reaching out, bro.
Any advice will be appreciated, as right now it hurts like a mother fucker.
Well, the idea is if she starts reaching out, you don’t continue ignoring her. Just invite her over. It’s like, “Get your cute little ass over here, and we’ll make dinner together.” And if she’s like, “What about this, what about that,” you’re like, “We’ll talk about it over a bottle of wine and dinner. I’d love to see you.” That’s it. That’s all you’ve got to say. Hang out, have fun and hook up.
The next time you hear from her, invite her over and just do that. Hang out, have fun and hook up. You don’t need to worry about the future. That’s part of your problem. You’re living in the future. You’re worried about what may or may not happen, instead of living in the present and creating an opportunity for sex to happen.
Now again, me personally, now you’ve seen what happens when things go sideways. She just goes and monkey branches to another dude. And you have to decide whether you want to continue with that, you’re cool with that, or not. Me personally, I’m not into that. But if that works for you, if that floats your boat, hey, whatever. More power to you.
So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help with, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly.
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Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Men provide safety, comfort and are expected to work to support their family so the woman can stay home and raise and nurture their children properly. Unfortunately, not all couples can afford to do this, so both end up working to pay for their lifestyle and choices. When a man stops providing his umbrella of love, safety, protection, fun and funding their lifestyle, the woman will no longer feel safe and comfortable with his leadership or being in her feminine and remaining submissive. When this happens, the true integrity level of a woman will come out. Ruthless women with no integrity will be brutal and harsh and usually leave, often through cheating or a nasty divorce. Good women who have integrity will stay and try to fix things, as long as the man does what’s necessary to turn things around. Either way, a man must be consistent or he will lose respect, love and often his family in an unpleasant way.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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