In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a viewer who has been doing some research on the Internet in order to figure out where a previous relationship went wrong and why she behaved the way she did. He has been watching my videos for a year and has read my book three times so far. He shares how well it has worked for him and his friends. He asked me to discuss the topic of narcissism and what signs to look out for in case you realize that you are dating someone who displays these toxic signs. He says that since he had the advantage and knowledge of my work and what I teach, he was able to spot these character flaws and end the relationship before he became too emotionally involved. He says it still hurt like hell when they broke up, but he’s a lot better off than he would have been otherwise if he was not familiar with what I teach.
First off, I just wanted to say thanks for your great advice. I have been watching your videos for about a year, and I am working on my third read-through of your book. I have shared your wisdom with many of my friends, and all of us are amazed at how well it works and how utterly wrong the approach of 97% of men is. (I appreciate your referrals. If you have a friend or family member you think would appreciate the value of the information I offer, please send them to my website and encourage them to download the e-book so they can start changing their lives.)
I have a suggestion for a video that stems from my last relationship. I, like most men, was unaware of how many women, especially women who know they are attractive, are dangerously narcissistic. (It’s tough to walk away when you see these tendencies. I want to share these with you so you can get out before you get too heavily involved with somebody like this.) You may be aware, there are three stages to a relationship with a narcissist:
1) Elevation – Where they put you on a pedestal, treat you like a king, and you think you have finally found “the one”. (People with low self esteem are susceptible to this kind of treatment, and buy in to it.)
2) De-elevation – They slowly begin to find fault with you and make you think you are crazy. (They’ll never admit there is anything wrong with them. Their ego couldn’t handle it. They feel like a steaming pile of shit, and they project that onto other people.)
3) Discard – They shut you out completely with no explanation or closure, and you are left wondering what happened. You want so badly to be with the person who you knew at Stage 1, that you would do anything to get back to that point. (People with self-esteem issues keep chasing, trying to get back to Stage 1.)
In my case, when she was at Stage 1, she would bring me home-cooked food, always be available to hang out, and she even planned a surprise birthday party for me when I had only known her for a couple of weeks. Needless to say, I was quickly falling for her, but it didn’t last. Fortunately for me, I had the boon of your wisdom and was able to break off contact with this person before Stage 3, but it still hurt. (You shouldn’t tolerate somebody constantly being critical and trying to make you think there is something wrong with you.) She began to make lame excuses of being “too busy” to spend time, not responding to texts, and her attitude completely changed. All of this happened within about three months. In any case, I thought this might be a good topic to discuss in case there are other men in a similar situation.
Reading this article also helped me to see that I was clearly dealing with someone who was dangerously narcissistic: 5 Sneaky Things Narcissists Do To Take Advantage Of You
Thanks again, and keep up the great work!
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“Every man and woman should be aware of, and be able to spot, the toxic traits of lovers who display narcissistic qualities. In stage one of a relationship with a narcissist, called Elevation, the narcissist heaps praise on you, treats you like a king or a queen, puts you on a pedestal and makes you feel like you have finally found “the one.” In stage two of a relationship with a narcissist, called De-Elevation, the narcissist starts to find fault with you, criticize and make you feel like you are crazy or that there is something wrong with you. In stage three of a relationship with a narcissist, called Discard, they shut you out, stonewall your attempts to communicate and resolve things and leave you wondering what the hell went wrong. People who have a low self-esteem or low sense of self worth are most susceptible to the manipulation and abuse tactics of a narcissist. Therefore, you should become hyper aware, alert and observant when a new lover pursues you too hard, blows too much sunshine up your ass and often makes you feel like things are too good to be true as soon as you meet. Always look at what people do, not what they say. When you spot narcissistic behavior, run like hell and never look back. Narcissists are only interested in themselves, stroking their ego, using others to feel better about themselves and getting what they want.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne