What you should do if you don’t like what you do for a living, so you can do something that finally fulfills you.
In this video coaching newsletter, I discuss an email from a guy who says everything in his life is going great, except what he does professionally for a living. He wants to get up every day, have a passion for his life’s work and feel fulfilled. He’s tired of doing boring corporate jobs he no longer enjoys, but still can’t figure out what he really wants to do instead.
He’s looked around and doesn’t know if he should become an entrepreneur and start his own business or find a different career to pursue. This is a common problem everyone is faced with as they go through the seasons and decades of their lives. I discuss the process and some potential paths for him, and you, to answer these questions over and over when they inevitably come up over the course of our lives. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.
I heard a clip the other day from Chris Cuomo on a radio show, and he was basically saying, “I don’t like what I do for a living professionally.” He’s more of an opinion type newscaster on CNN, and we all know the relationship and the back-and-forth that CNN has had with President Trump. They’ve been constantly going at each other.
I think it’s pretty common knowledge for most people, that Zucker — the guy that’s running CNN — has just made it known that he wants his whole news organization to go after Trump. If you turn it on, everything is anti-this and anti-that. No matter what Trump says, they want the opposite. One of the biggest and loudest voices, Chris Cuomo, was all nice and ass-kissy during the election to get him on his show, and then once he got the nomination, he just turned into an asshole to him.
It’s obvious from the leaks and things that have come out that — this comes from the top at CNN — this is just the goal of their network, so that’s what they’ve all been instructed to do. What’s interesting about this clip is you can hear Cuomo saying, I don’t like what I do professionally for a living. It doesn’t bring me any joy, it’s not adding enough value to my life, all this hyper-partisanship, this arguing between left and right. He’s over it.
He’s obviously since issued a retraction, but it’s interesting because he was very honest, and if you listen to the clip you can tell he’s being real. And that’s how he really feels, but obviously now that it got out and he got a big reaction, he’s all like, oh I never really meant it like that — typical fake, BS apology.
But the point being, this guy doesn’t like what he’s doing for a living. What’s interesting is, he brought up the fact, now that I have all this time on my hands, because he actually ended up getting the coronavirus, stuck at home looking at his life and re-examining his life and going, I don’t like myself, who I’ve become and what I do every day. It’s not exciting. It’s not how I want to spend my life.
A lot of us are experiencing this. Especially this last week or so, I’m seeing my coaching sessions really take off, so it’s bringing a lot of things to the forefront with people in their personal lives and their professional lives. If you’re in a place where you’re going, “I don’t really like getting up and doing what I was doing for a living. I’d kind of like to do something else, but I’m not really sure,” it’s a process. It’s not like you fucking snap your fingers and tomorrow you get a new job and everything is better in your life.
Anything in life worth having, whether it’s creating a great relationship with a woman you really like, or creating a great business or a great career, or getting your body in shape, it is a process and it takes time. I do a lot of phone sessions, especially lately, with people that are kind of faced with this question, and the thing that people struggle with is that we all have things we love, we enjoy and we have a passion for, but what gets in the way is our personal story.
If something you want to do is over “that way,” in “that direction,” and you have to move towards that, and it’s exciting and compelling, and you want to do it, but you see some of the things you’re going to have to go through or deal with that might not be exciting or compelling, you’re looking at what you potentially have to go through, and you’re associating potential pain with it. Therefore, you don’t even look in that direction.
When I’m doing a phone session with somebody, I’m trying to figure out where these obstacles are by asking questions. I’ve done phone sessions over the years, and in many of them I would spend twenty or thirty minutes just trying to get past the bullshit, the stories, all the excuses and the reasons why this person can’t even look in the direction of the things that are exciting and compelling to them. It’s all these reasons and this story they’ve built up. And the story keeps them stuck where they are, because they don’t want to experience pain. People will do more to avoid pain than they will to gain pleasure, and so they won’t do anything. They won’t consider it.
People are like, “I sat down, and I tried to make a list of all the things I love and I enjoy.” I’ve done phone sessions with people who have lists and are like, “I’ve already done all of this Corey,” and I’m like, “Well, we’re going to do this anyway.” Then when we start going through the list, there are things that are on the list that shouldn’t be on there. They’re things they just like to do, but they don’t love to do. And there’s other things they really love to do that weren’t on the list. It’s always fascinating to me. They’re perplexed at how they couldn’t come up with that list on their own.
I point out their limiting beliefs and their story that gets in the way of them even examining and looking in the area that is exciting and compelling. You can’t move. It’s like wanting to cross a river, but the bridge is out, and the next open bridge is a hundred miles in either direction, and you don’t have a vehicle. You’ve just got your feet, so you’ve got to figure something out.
So what I’m going to attempt to do is point this guy in the right direction of the steps, because it’s a process. He’s not going to be able to watch this video, and all of his problems are going to be solved. He’s got to have a plan, a process to implement, to move him forward. It’s kind of like you have to peel the layers of an onion to get to the root of what’s really important to you.
And the more shit that you’ve got in the way, the more BS stories that you’ve acquired over the course of your life of your limitations, of your abilities and what you’re capable of, the harder it’s going to be for you to get down to the core issue of what you really love and you really enjoy, and then start searching for a career or a business that matches up to that.
This is the science of high achievement fundamentals. Really, what it boils down to is a mindset and how you approach the challenges and the problems of life, and how you get through them. Because most people just try to avoid their problems.
When you’ve spent most of your life emotionally trying to avoid things that are unpleasant, when you have to do something that causes you to stretch out beyond your comfort zone and do things that are uncomfortable — like picking up the phone and calling perspective employers to see if they have any positions open or who to send your resume to or who to follow up with a resume — if you’re not used to doing things like that, that could seem intimidating and scary.
If you’ve got your whole life built up, you’ve got a house, a mortgage, car payments, a wife, kids, family, bills, private school you’re sending them to, and you’re getting up every day having to force yourself to go to a job or a business that you are no longer excited about, you can’t just hit the reset button and say, hey I don’t want to do this anymore. You have to come up with a very methodical plan.
In some cases, it might require you to downsize and liquidate some of your assets and your expenses so you can get your expenses down to a level where your new income will enable you to have a decent lifestyle. So there’s a lot of things that people in these situations have to think through. It’s not just like you snap your fingers and all your problems are solved. It’s not like, hey I read Corey’s book “Mastering Yourself,” and all my problems are solved. You have to implement it.
As you know from my book “Mastering Yourself,” if you’ve read it, this is like my whole life history of all the careers and all of the businesses I’ve had and how I took that success mindset, the science of high achievement fundamentals, and I just applied it over, and over, and over, and over. Because what’s going to happen initially when you come up with a great idea, you’re going to have faith and you’re going to have passion that’s going to be worked out, and you’re going to be excited about it.
As the years roll on, your 5, 6, 7, 8, 10 years into it, and you don’t really feel like you have the success that you want, that faith that you had 10 years ago, that’s pretty much going to be gone. The passion and enthusiasm is still there, but at the end of the day you still don’t know if you’re really going to make it and achieve the things that you want. So what you’re left with is the grind.
In other words, faith isn’t enough to carry you through, and passion isn’t enough to carry you through. You have to fall back on the action steps of the science of high achievement — noticing what’s working, noticing what’s not what working, changing your approach, constantly taking action, learning from your mistakes, learning from your failures. It’s the same thing over and over, day in and day out.
Most people just don’t have the guts to stick with it. They just give up because, this is hard. I want something easy. I want to go back to checking out, so to speak. I want to go back to my television programs, and getting wasted on the weekends and not paying attention to these things. That’s why most people never really reach their full potential — because of the story that they tell themselves. It’s like they never really get off the starting line.
I hope all is well with you and this “end of the world ” happening. The reason I am reaching out to you is because this situation is affecting me mentally and my self-esteem.
If you don’t like what you’re doing and you’re spending 40, 60, 80 hours a week at a job you hate, that is going to suck the joy out of living. I know. I’ve been there many times. I know what it feels like. I spent many years in jobs I fucking hated, and I got up and I did it over, and over, and over again.
And if you’re struggling with that, I highly encourage you to go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, subscribe to the email newsletter and start reading my book, so you can see how I did it and you can start implementing these things. Because it’s a process, and you’ve got to think in terms of decades when you’re trying to accomplish big goals.
The problem seems to be that everybody, or most of the people, are happy with their job or have passion for it.
I don’t know if I agree with that. I think the average person tolerates what they do. They may like it, but they’re not crazy and in love with it. Because most people, they get into a job or a career and they don’t learn much more than the basics. They learn what they need to do to do the job, and that’s it. They want to put in their 40 hours and go home.
A lot of people are like that. We need people that are like that. That’s reality. But not everybody is satisfied with that level of consciousness, with that level of living. They want more. Like me, I want more. And if you’re watching this video, you’re somebody that’s hungry as well. You’re not satisfied, and you want more. They want things to be better than they are.
It drags me down, because all of the jobs I’ve had so far – I never liked them. It was basically for money.
Well, one of the important things that you’ll see in Mastering Yourself is that when my internal enthusiasm was gone for a job, I was looking for the next one. I didn’t stay there for years and years like you have done. When you knew the job sucked, you were over it, it wasn’t fun, it wasn’t challenging, and you didn’t feel like you were growing your reserve of knowledge, you weren’t growing your skills or your talent anymore, that’s when you need to start looking for the exits. That’s when you need to line up the next job.
You don’t stay there for five years complaining about how bad it sucks, because five years of your life went by, and you did nothing to move your life forward other than get up an go clock in and collect your steady paycheck.
This current job I have, (medical lab technician), I reached my goal after 5 years just to realize that I don’t like it anymore. I want to do something else that fulfills me – tired of following money.
Well, if you’re always following money, you’re not going to be happy. If you’re following a career to add value through some kind of product or service you love, you value, you have a passion for, you’re going to do a lot better. Because when you love it, you’ll work harder at it. You’ll immerse yourself in it. You’ll be obsessed over it. You’ll spend much more time studying and learning about it than the average person that’s just doing it for money. That’s why it’s so important.
To reach your full potential, you’ve got to be doing things that are fun. And if you’re not enjoying what you’re doing, find something that’s fun and go do it. You can’t just sit there and stare at the walls month after month, year after year and complain, but yet do nothing to change the trajectory of your life. Your life is still zipping by, and you’re running out of time to live it and create the things you want.
I try to look for something I could be enjoying doing, but it seems that I can’t find that spark, that thing that tells you “omg, this it, what I want to do,” like you when you realized that construction would be your calling.
When I was 18-19 years old and I was trying to figure out what to major in, my dream had always been to buy, fix and sell single family homes to make a profit. That’s what I had always dreamed about. So it was easy to look through. I either need to learn to build or I need to learn the real estate and finance side of things. Since I loved to build things with my hands and I was very mechanically inclined, I chose construction management.
I worked three major jobs in the construction industry before I left to start my own business. But each one of those companies, when I got to the point where I was getting up every day to go to work and I wasn’t digging it, that’s when I started looking for the new job and new opportunity.
In my case it was typically between a year to two years before I got bored and didn’t feel like I was challenged anymore and looked for the next career path. That’s the really important thing. That’s why I moved through so many jobs, careers and businesses in this short period of time. And especially in my 20s and 30s, I did a lot.
In this case, five years? At what point did you realize that the job sucked and it wasn’t exciting? That’s where you’re fucking up. You’re staying because of the money, instead of looking for the next thing that’s fun to do. That’s a big part of your problem. When it’s no longer fun, you’ve got to look for the next challenge, the next stair in the staircase to success.
I am feeling down. All aspects all my life are fulfilled at the moment, but not professionally, never was. I am just obliged to work, because the system obligates me to do so.
That’s part of your story. “I’m forced to wake up and go to this shitty job every day, because the system makes me do it. It’s the system. It’s not me.” No buddy, it’s you.
I think every day on what I could be doing for living, but no success.
Well, it’s really important, I’ve done many videos over the years, and I go in detail in my book on how to put a list together of all the things you love and enjoy. You’ve got to find out what your core, driving force needs are. Those are the things that you love to do day in and day out. Not the things you like, but things that you love and you’re fucking passionate about. The kind of things that are so fun and so compelling, they’re kind of effortless. It feels like playing when you’re actually busy doing them.
Once you have the list, then you try to find a career or a job where more of the things that are on your list can be done as part of your day in and day out activities. Some of the things on your list might be things that you’re strictly going to do in your personal life, in your free time. The important thing is, if you have twenty things that you love and enjoy more than anything, and twelve of them you can do in your job, your career or your life’s work, and the other eight are things you can do in your personal time, if you get to do all twenty of those things, you’re going to feel like you’re doing what you were born to do.
However, you’re always evolving, you’re always growing, and you’re going to get tired of doing the same thing over, and over, and over again. One of our six human needs is variety. But we also have the need for certainty, which means we want stability, a roof over our heads, food on our plates, and cash in the bank to pay our bills. So if you need variety and you need to shake things up, but yet you still want things to be stable, that’s where the difficulty comes in for a lot of people.
Those two primary needs can be in conflict with one another. That’s why it’s important to put together a methodical, step-by-step plan you can take. For this guy, the plan is to get everything down on paper that he loves and enjoys. Then try to find a job that he can start at, even if it’s entry level, in a career or a business that involves those things.
If you’re going to become an entrepreneur, you should only do it if you only want to work for yourself, you’re self-motivated, and you can get up every day and take action on things you have a passion for. You have to find some kind of product or service that you love, value, enjoy and believe in. Because it’s very hard to sell a product that you don’t believe in, but you think you’re going to make a big commission on.
So unless you come across some kind of product or service that you love, you believe in and that you want to do, you should be looking for some kind of a career. Because it’s not easy being an entrepreneur. If you want to learn what it’s like being an entrepreneur, like Elon Musk says, “It’s like eating glass and staring into the abyss of death.” It’s a fucking pain in the ass, and you’ve got to have a lot of inner strength and “testicular fortitude,” (to borrow a term from Richard “Dick” Marcinko, the founder of SEAL Team Six.)
But again, the first thing is the list. Then once you’ve got the list, you’re going to look for a business or some kind of career. Ideally, if you don’t have the cash flow to start a business on your own and not work, and you still want to be an entrepreneur, it’s something you’re going to have to build in your spare bedroom while you work for “the man” and earn enough money so you can pay your bills.
I’d also highly recommend you downsize and start to live like a broke college student if you want to start a business. That way you minimize your expenses, and you leave enough of the capital that you’re earning from your current job to give you money to invest in your business to experiment. Websites are expensive. Hosting fees and web developers can be expensive. Pay per click and advertising campaigns can be expensive. So you’re going to need capital to experiment.
If you don’t like the idea of blowing the $500 you just made this past week in a couple of hours testing a pay per click campaign to advertise your product or service, you probably shouldn’t be an entrepreneur. You should probably be an employee who works for a company who has a job that you love and that’s stable and fun. Because being an entrepreneur is not for everybody. Not everybody is cut out to do it. That is reality.
Those corporate jobs are like bleh, and also, I thought about being an entrepreneur, but no idea in what.
Again, you’ve got to have a product or service you believe in if you’re thinking about being an entrepreneur. And if you don’t have a product or service you believe in, don’t be an entrepreneur until you find one.
I am starting to realize that I might be doomed and accept that I can’t do what I like. (Even that I don’t know, because I don’t fucking know what I want to do.)
See, this is part of the story that you give to soothe your ego. That justifies doing nothing to help yourself. And this is what all people who never reach their full potential do. They slowly sabotage themselves until they’ve got a story that’s ironclad, and no matter how much enthusiasm, positivity and uplifting encouragement you can give somebody, no. They’ve got it all figured out. It’s not in the cards for them. And we all know people like that.
I need your help Corey – like a different angle to look at this. A perspective from a guy who made it and went through the grind.
I have sent you an email previously, but no success of response. It’s okay. You’re just be super busy. Hope you are getting what you’re working on.
Sending good vibes.
Once the faith is gone, and the enthusiasm and passion is not enough to carry you through it, you’ve got the grind. In other words you get up every day, day in and day out, and you take action. Because someday when you learn enough and you become experienced enough, eventually you’ll figure out the right way to put it together. That’s the way you’ve got to think.
So in your case, those are the basics. Make a list of everything you enjoy, and then try to find some kind of a job where you can do more of those things that are on your list. And also look at what you currently do for a living. In this case a medical technician. If you’ve got a list of twenty things and two or three of them you get to do day in and day out in the medical technician job, you’re barely doing ten percent of the things you love and enjoy. Anybody is going to feel like they’re not fulfilled in their professional career.
If you’re going to be an entrepreneur, build it in your spare bedroom while you work in a job you’re probably not too excited about, just like I did. I mean, nobody wants to be 39 years old and go from making a half a million dollars a year to waiting fucking tables and making $80 a night. That fucking sucks. That’s humbling. But I was willing to do that and sleep on my dad’s couch, because I knew that eventually I would figure out a way to bring my business to the world in a way they go, man, this guy can really fucking help me.
I’ve been through it over and over over the course of my life many times, in many careers, and many businesses that I’ve had, so I know the process. I’ve mastered it in my own life. If you’ve got some pressure points and you feel you’re struggling and hitting the wall, and you’d like my help personally, got to UnderstandingRelationships.com and book a coaching session, and I will be happy to help you with it.
And in the meantime, I encourage you to read my book “Mastering Yourself.” Also, if you’re struggling in your personal life, read “How To Be A 3% Man.” You can read both books for free by subscribing to the newsletter on my website.
If you have a question you would like me to consider answering in a future Video Coaching Newsletter, you can send it (3-4 paragraphs/500 words max) to this email address: Questions@UnderstandingRelationships.com
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From my heart to yours,
Author, Speaker, Peak Performance Coach, Entrepreneur
“One of our six human needs is the need for variety. This sometimes conflicts with our other human need for certainty and stability in our lives. What you love doing for a living today might someday feel like a soul crushing joyless chore after you’ve done it for too many years. With everyone having extra time on their hands due to social distancing and shutting down the economy unexpectedly, we’re all faced with contemplating what we like, and don’t like about our lives. The key to making major life changes successfully is to do it slowly, methodically, and in a balanced, measured and healthy way. Perpetual success in your professional life is the result of learning to trust your gut instinct, being infinitely patient as your plans unfold, being slow to change your mind, but quick to adapt and change your approach as you encounter setbacks and failure, while implementing the science of high achievement fundamentals in the process of achieving your grandest goals and dreams.” ~ Coach Corey Wayne
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