I Dumped Her Because I Felt I Couldn’t Trust Her Anymore!

Why it’s good to trust your intuition when she exhibits disloyal behavior.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer whose previous email I answered in my video newsletter titled, “Hookup Girls Vs. Relationship & Family Oriented Women”. He’s now read 3% Man, 28 times total. He says he and the girl from his last email had a good few months until he found out she was talking to another guy behind his back and acting like a free agent. He felt like he couldn’t trust her anymore and broke up with her. Then he found out she had cheated on him. He wants to keep her as a friends with benefits only and asks my opinion. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne and this is my video coaching newsletter. And the topic of today’s newsletter is going to be, I Dumped Her Because I Felt I Couldn’t Trust Her Anymore.

Well, this particular email is an update from the guy whose previous email I answered in the video newsletter, “Hookup Girls Vs. Relationship & Family Oriented Women.” So this particular guy is now read 3% Man 28 times in total. So he gives us an update from the girl in the previous email.

Viewer’s Email:

Hi Coach,

After reading your book 4 more times.

And what’s good about this email, when something feels off with a woman, you’re like, “Ah, I just don’t trust her. There’s just something’s off. Something doesn’t feel right.” You got to learn to listen to that. And you’ll see why in a minute.

Hi Coach,

After reading your book 4 more times (28 in total) me and the girl from my last email started dating.

Remember, people can hide who they are for about 90 days. And then.

And then she started talking behind my back with a guy, but she stopped when I told her if she texted him again, I would break up with her.

So in this particular case, this is part of setting and enforcing healthy boundaries. Character is destiny. So he’s in the vetting phase. He’s finally getting to date this girl that he really wanted to date, and see what she’s like.

Because you got to look at her actions and not so much what she says. Or how good she looks on the inside, or how good she feels. How good she looks on the outside, but how good she feels on the inside.

After that I felt like I couldn’t trust her anymore.

It’s like, yeah, you can set the healthy boundary, but it’s like, you’re dating, and she’s talking to another guy behind your back. It’s like, that’s just not somebody that’s really all in. That’s somebody that just doesn’t give a shit. Those are not good signs. When a woman does that. Because what is the number one most important thing to us guys in a relationship? We want loyalty. And here you are dating this girl for several months and she’s acting like she’s a free agent still.

So in the NFL they have the “tampering period.” So this would be the tampering period, right? You’re kind of dating. You’re kind of seeing if, “Hey do I want to sign her to my roster. Do I want to put her on the practice squad.” “What’s she like? Can we come to terms? You’re kind of doing your research. Hey, are there any character issues?”

When she was upset, I wouldn’t open her up all the way anymore because I was perturbed and felt like she didn’t care about me.

Well, if things were good, when things were good before and you’re treating her properly and you’re opening her up, and then she still goes and talks to another guy behind your back. It’s like, that tells you everything you need to know. I was like, and after that happens, after you were betrayed like that, you’re not going to trust her again.

“Why would you? Why should you?” If a woman doesn’t respect you enough to be loyal and to behave in a in a way that shows that she’s devoting her time and attention to you? In this case, more than likely, she led him to believe that, you know, she’s totally into him. And then he finds out she’s talking to some other guy.

My feeling was “Why am I spending all this time listening to this girl that doesn’t care?”

Exactly.

I also stopped taking her on dates. Like you said, “If you don’t date your girl some other guy will.”

Well, even though you were dating her, she was still going, “Heyyy” to other men.

She started going out with a female friend a lot, last week but she would text me when she was gone saying how much she loved me, how much she missed me, etc. 

Sounds good. These are the things you want to hear right out of The Book, right? But we still have the issue that she was talking to another guy and remember, he set the boundary. He says, “You do that again, we’re done.”

But I would always be a bit cold because I didn’t want to do too much texting and phone calls instead of in person. Two days ago, when I was being particularly cold, she cheated on me with a guy she’d been hanging out with when she was with the girlfriend. 

She was already doing that, but now her interest drops a little bit. She’s telling, “Oh, I love you, I miss you.” Meanwhile, she goes and fuck some other guy. Yeah, she’s a fucking whore. That’s what she is. She’s a friends with benefits, sex playmate. This is not a girl you wife up. This is a girl you definitely wear a condom with.

And makes sure you flush the condom. Don’t throw it in the garbage can. Especially if you’re one of those high income, high net worth dudes in a blue state. Always pisses off people that live in blue states that are like, “Argh you saying blue state? Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah.”

I broke up with her before knowing she cheated because I felt I couldn’t trust her anymore. 

You were right. Very, very perceptive of you. And you should trust your intuition.

I know this started because I got perturbed and made her feel like a didn’t care anymore.

No, no, no, no. She was already doing this dude, when you were doing everything right. Don’t be fucking blaming yourself for that. You were treating her properly. And then once you found out she was being disloyal, you left. You checked out then. And that’s totally understandable. In essence, you started treating her like a fuck buddy, even though you were still kind of exclusive to her. But it’s clear in her mind she’s a free agent. The commitment didn’t mean shit to her.

But knowing how I messed up really stings.

Well, it doesn’t matter, dude. She was doing this to you when you were treating her properly. So either way, it’s not going to work out. It’s impossible to work out because her character.

Like you said “What you fear you attract” I feared she would cheat on me which got me off center.

Well, you didn’t feel safe and comfortable with her because she was a liar. She wasn’t loyal. And when you were doing everything right, she was still talking to other guys. So she wasn’t being loyal to you. She was pretending to be loyal. She was lying to you. She was giving you a false sense of loyalty. And again, this is why you date for 90 days.

I mean, people can hide who they are for 90 days. And it’s like, once you get past that, you can’t be in la la land for those first 3 or 4 months. You got to keep your eyes open. Got to look at what she does, not what she says. And as soon as she displayed disloyalty, deep down you already knew it was over at that point.

But you like the girl, you liked having sex with her, and you didn’t want to not stop having sex with her at that time. In other words, you were really excited about the fantasy of who you thought she was. And then the reality was, she was a fucking ratchet whore, and belongs to the streets. It’s a bullseye. Throw her ass back.

She messed up big time, but I feel like I did too.

I remained completely calm during this and I don’t think she noticed that I was upset at all. I am already active in the dating world again, but I feel bad about what happened, and I still see her on a daily basis. She tried to friend zone me yesterday which I said no to, and we have a date for this Friday that was made before we split which is still on. 

Yeah. If you’re going to convert this girl to a sex playmate, you don’t take her out. You don’t spend money on her. If she wants to come over and hang out and hook up at your place, great. Other than that, you don’t take her out. You don’t do anything that a boyfriend would do. And if she calls you out and you’re like, “Hey, look, you cheated on me. We’re just fuck buddies.”

It’s like, “I assume you’re fucking and dating other guys. That’s why I wear a condom. And as soon as I find a girl I really like, I’m going to move on. It’s like it’s nothing personal. It’s just you are who you are. But we still have a lot of fun, fuck each other’s brains out and have some good, happy endings until you find somebody else. Or I find somebody else. But there’s no way I’m ever going to be exclusive with you. You’re a disloyal woman. You don’t mean the things you say. I’m just down to hook up and that’s it.”

I’ll never be exclusive to her again but she’s very genuine.

No she’s not. She’s a fucking liar, dude. Don’t ever refer to this woman as being genuine.

Feminine, funny, and attractive so I still want to have a non-exclusive relationship with her.

Right now, she is doing 100% of the pursuing but she’s basically dating the new guy at this point which is making her hesitant about having sex or anything intimate. (She does anyway.) 

Like, yeah. It’s like she said, you know, I don’t ever want to hear, you know, when she says, “Hey, let’s just be friends.” Like, “We can be friends with benefits, but if we’re not going to have sex anymore, then I don’t want to hear from you.” It’s like you need to go on down the road and good luck with the new guy. I wish all the best.

I know I need to move on and meet new girls and that this girl is now strictly friends with benefits, but I would still appreciate your thoughts.

Thanks Coach,

Bob

Yeah. This is not a good woman. She’s not genuine. She’s not a nice person. She’s a fucking hoe bag. You got to see women for who they are. And these are great girls, especially when you’re young to hook up and have fun with. But you don’t wife them up. You don’t marry them. You don’t get into a relationship, you don’t have a exclusive sexual relationship with a woman like this because she’s not going to honor it.

She’s going to say whatever she needs and tell you whatever you need to hear so she can manipulate you, and keep you in the dark. She’s is not a good person. If it was me, I’d be like, “Hey, good luck, have a nice life.” I wouldn’t keep hooking up with her, but this is what you want. It’s your life. But just keep in mind, it’s delusional to think that she’s ever going to change or she’s fixable. She’s just a fuck buddy. That’s it. And, you know, fuck buddies, you know, sex playmates.

You don’t take them out on dates, you don’t spend money on them, buying clothes, buy them presents or any of that shit. They can come over, you can eat and drink at your place, but you know. Once sexy time is over, she can go. Simple as that. She’s an occasional booty call to you. And the other thing I would do is I would never ever call her, or text her again for any reason. Even she complains, “Oh, you never call.” I was like,

“Hey, we’re not going to date. We’re not going to be boyfriend girlfriend. You already cheated on me. You’ve shown me that you’re disloyal. We’re fuck buddies. That’s it. When you’re down to fuck, call me. I’d love to see you. It’d be great. It’d be great fun. I have a good time with you. Sex is good, I like it. But, you know, I want you to know that I’m looking for somebody to have a real relationship with. And I know that’s not you. It’s never going to happen. But I just want to be brutally honest with you because it’s like you lied to me.”

“You cheated on me. You made me think that you were being loyal and faithful and you weren’t. So that’s okay. I know who you are now. I know what I’m dealing with. So let’s not bullshit each other. Let’s just be real. We can continue to hook up another night. It’s like when I find somebody to get serious with. I’m. I’m going to end it. I won’t be able to see you anymore. That could happen at any time. I just want you to understand.” You got to be brutally honest with her because, you know, she’s behaved like a total ratchet to you.

So, if you’ve got a question or a challenge and you’d like to get my help, go to UnderstandingRelationships.com, click the Products tab at the top of your screen and book a coaching session with yours truly. Until next time, I will talk to you soon.