I Dumped Her While Drunk. Apologized When Sober, But Now She Wants Space

What you could do if you drunk dumped your girl & apologized but now she wants space.

In this video coaching newsletter I discuss an email from a viewer who dumped his girlfriend while they were both drunk and arguing over the phone. When he sobered up he regretted it and tried to fix things. However, she said she needed time to rethink things. She reached out a few times over the next week, but he didn’t try to set a date. He hasn’t heard from her in a week now. My comments are in bold italics like this below in the body of his email.

Hi, I’m Coach Corey Wayne. This is my Video Coaching Newsletter. And the topic of today’s Newsletter is going to be, “I Dumped Her While Drunk. Apologized When Sober, But Now She Wants Space.”

Yet another email from a dude who drank too much and put his foot in his mouth got himself into trouble. So obviously he got drunk. He got into a fight with his girlfriend. I think they were talking over the phone, arguing. He dumps her, sobers up. Next day he’s like, oh shit, what did I do? Tries to fix things. Then she’s like, yeah, I need some time to rethink things. And so she’s reached out a few times over the preceding week, but he didn’t try to set a date, and now he hasn’t heard from her in a week.

So the important thing to understand is when a woman says she needs space or she needs to rethink things, you got to be okay with giving her the space because masculinity is calm. And he clearly was not calm. He was not being masculine. So obviously she’s going to lose some attraction and respect and wonder if she really wants to stay with this guy. So the thing to do is when a woman says, “I need space”, is like, “hey, no problem, hit me up when you miss me.”

And then as soon as she reaches out the next time, assume she had enough space. She’s ready to re-engage. And just create the next opportunity for sex to happen. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. But he didn’t do that. And then, you know, when you’ve dumped somebody and then you want them back, and then they say, “well, I want space.” Then you’ve got to let them be and you’ve got to wait for them to reach out.

Viewer Email:

Hey Coach,

About two weeks ago, I got into a fight with the girl I’m dating. We had both been drinking and it was late at night. Neither of us were in any state to be talking about anything serious.

Remember, the phones are setting dates, not getting drunk and arguing with one another. But he didn’t listen.

But of course we were too inebriated to stop ourselves.

That’s called a lack of self control. And you’re supposed to be the masculine one. You’re supposed to be the one that can maintain control no matter what. Because feminine energy is chaos. And when you get chaotic like this, you’re acting like a chick. So of course it’s going to ruin the sexual polarity.

I eventually lost my cool and told her I’m walking away. I wasn’t a complete dick about it, no name-calling or anything. I just kept reiterating that “I’m done” and “I’m walking away.” I really didn’t mean it, and I was just super frustrated, confused, and drunk.

Well, as the book says, men who understand women don’t argue with them. But if you get drunk and you argue, it just, it’s not going to end well.

She was actually fighting for me and trying to calm me down, telling me that we will sleep it off and discuss it later.

So she was the more calm one, the more rational one, and he kept acting like a fucking jack in the box. So again, you’re totally losing your shit. You cannot do this with a woman, ever. It doesn’t make her feel safe.

I should’ve just listened to her, but I was “raging” and couldn’t be calmed down.

It’s not that you couldn’t be calmed down. You didn’t want to calm down. You wanted to lose your shit. Maybe this is what was modeled for you at home growing up. So you were just acting with what was modeled for you at home.

This is truly someone who, as you say, “knocks my socks off.” I am 33 and she is 38, very independent, hasn’t had a boyfriend in eight years.

That’s a long time.

Later that day, she sent me a closure message to which I replied by calling her. I clarified to her that I am not looking to break up and I am sorry for my actions. She sounded pleasantly surprised and said, “why did I mentally prepare all day to not have you around then?”

So remember, this is like when you have a breakup. It’s like women get to experience what life is like without you. And that’s why you stay in No Contact until they break up or till they break it, I should say.

I didn’t realize she still thought I was going to walk away. Supposedly she had been processing that all day because it really got to her.

It was like, yeah, because the guy she thought you were and what you displayed for the night before was like, worlds apart. She’s like, who the fuck is this guy? And as you said, you couldn’t control yourself. Feminine energy is chaos. And so you were chaotic and you were acting like a chick that was just losing your mind.

I understand that it hurt a lot hearing me say I’m going to walk away repeatedly. She kept explaining to me that those words carry a lot of weight and she takes them very seriously. She mentioned something that you also said in your videos: consistency. I became inconsistent when I kept trying to walk away from her, hot and cold.

So more than likely there was probably some of this behavior even when he was sober. So this just tells me you’re kind of emotional, emotionally irrational, and you’re having a hard time exercising self control. That’s a male strength characteristic that women need in you in order to remain attracted to you. And if you continually lose your shit like this and act like a fucking crazy ass Jack-In-The-Box, you just, she’s not going to stick around. You’re supposed to be the one that makes her feel safe and protected. Not a guy that just can’t fucking handle his emotions. Or his alcohol for that matter.

That phone call was great, she expressed how feelings haven’t changed and she hasn’t felt like this in a long time. She did, keep mentioning that now she is confused.

Well, obviously you should expect a pullback when you behave this way.

There were no shutdown statements such as “this isn’t going to work” or “we just simply aren’t compatible.” She did say the next morning, “I do need time to rethink things over. I’m not saying I want or need us to stop messaging. Just need time before we discuss “‘this’” again.”

So when she says that I was like, “no problem babe, I understand. Hit me up when you miss me. Hit me up when you’re ready to hang out. I want to see you.” And you just, that’s it. The invitation is sent out. Now you’ve got to wait for her to accept it. And as soon as she reaches out, you assume she had enough space. And then you need to arrange the next get together. That’s it. It’s very simple. It’s a very easy thing to get past. Even though it was a crazy scene because he didn’t blow it up completely. But it’s like he kind of turned into a statue afterwards. Or a robot. “Oh, what do I do? What do I do? What do I do? What do I do?”

The following Monday and Tuesday evenings we talked like normal for hours over text until we fell asleep.

Dude, the phone is for setting dates. You just had a big blow up. You should be getting together, and fucking, and having good make up sex. But instead, you’re chit chatting like a fucking girl on the phone.

Wednesday morning I got a “hope you have a good day” and didn’t hear from her until Friday.

Again, she’s reaching out multiple times. She had the space she needed. It’s like, what the fuck are you waiting for, dude? You’re the leader. You’re supposed to be making the get togethers happen. Hang out. Have fun. Hook up. That’s it. This should have been a really simple thing to get past, because, again, she wanted a little space. Like, no problem. She waited a day or two. Then as soon as she started texting you, you should have been like, “hey, let’s get together and make dinner at my place.” And then invite her over, hang out, have fun, hook up.

It’s so simple. You don’t even need to bring up the argument or anything. Just focus on hanging out, having fun, and hooking up, and if she wants to bring it up and talk about it more, then you can talk about it more at that time. But in reality, she just needs to come over and be like, “oh, it was just a little bump. We got too drunk and we acted like jackasses.” And then move on. But he’s like, “err, doesn’t compute. Coach, what do I do? What do I do? What. What. What. What. What. What. What do I do?”

When she reached out, it was a pic from my favorite soup restaurant which she had eaten at earlier in the day. She sent it with the caption “your fave.” It is now Friday next week, and I haven’t heard from her. I am not pursuing or begging/pleading. I am just letting her come to me at her pace and going to try and set the date on the next contact.

Well, if you don’t hear from her in two weeks, then you should reach out and make a date. Because you’re completely ignoring the fact she reached out several times and you just didn’t do anything. You didn’t arrange the next get together. So instead of this just being a one evening it got out of hand because you guys are both drunk now. You haven’t seen each other in two weeks, and you haven’t fucked in two weeks. It’s like that’s, you’re just not following what I teach, Dude. This is such a, you know, it would have been different if she’d been like, “fuck you. It’s over. I don’t want to see you anymore.”

Then that would mean, more than likely, she was looking for a reason to break up with you. But in this case, she was taken aback. She was like, “what happened here?” And so she got over it with like in 24 to 48 hours and was ready to see you. But again, you didn’t arrange the next get together. Maybe he was waiting for her to ask him out. But again, women don’t do that. They just reach out. They get in contact with you. They put themselves in the orbit, which is exactly what she did. You know, anybody that’s in sales understands this.

You’ve got to get face to face with your prospect, but instead they re-engage and then they just text for like hours and hours until they fall asleep, which is just stupid. It’s again, you just you made things a lot worse than they needed to be by turning into a statue. Now, I’m assuming they live in the same city. Didn’t they say anything about being a couple hours away from each other or long distance or anything? But that would be a different case. But in here, we’re assuming they’re in the same city.

And again, next time she reaches out, invite her over. You don’t hear from her for two full weeks. Reach out to her and make a date. Invite her over to make dinner at your place and you will need to let her do a lot of talking and get her to open up, and that’s the beauty. Women tend to say about 8000 words a day, and us guys say about 2000. So women are just natural talkers. So when you get together, make sure she’s doing 80% of the talking.

And if she wants to talk about what happened, you can do that. If she’s like, “well, you’ve been cold, I haven’t heard from you in a week or two”, say, “yeah, I know you said you wanted some space. So I was just trying to, you know, give you as much as possible. Maybe it was a little too much. Sorry if I seemed a little cold, and like I didn’t care. I just I wanted you to have time to contemplate and think about what you wanted to think about. And then we could talk about things when we are talking about them now.”

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